As I look at my phone's screen saver
I see a beautiful picture my puppy Drew dog
So handsome and loving, loyal to the end
Something I could not learn from him
I miss him and his momma T
They were full of life and have purpose
I used to display my wife and I
I can't deal with that being a distant memory
Today I actually felt like death
No will no strength no ability to cope
I felt my body trying to leave me
I was ok with that
It's not just the fact that I lost my family
That hurts ,it really does
It's the hurt I've inflicted on the ones I love
The very same that were dying with me
Every step of the way I was supported
Loved unconditionally until the conditions were beyond repair
How far I've fallen, forever sullen
Nobody will ever forgive or forget
That emptiness I carry today
Hollow shell of a man once deemed a supportive wall
Rock and pillar to the woman I love
Now just dust in a corner where I used to sit
I've never been one to look back
Now all I can do is hold onto a memory
Vivid, clear and so very true
Her Goodness was my forever gift
Goodness gone because I made it so
I can't beat myself up anymore
No strength and not enough space to write about it
But I continue to try, continue to cry
I wouldn't call it a pity party
More a realization of the truth
The truths ironically call my name
Yes it's me again, hello and goodbye
It's that time of the night to call it
Here comes the darkness waiting for me
The longest days are the nights
When sleep is a long lost friend
I will pray myself to sleep again
Mumble my favorite songs
Ask my Lord and my Terria for forgiveness
May the morning prove me wrong
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