It's a good morning, the sun is out going to be 70 today
Can't ask for a better way to head in the weekend
Looking forward to PCH and Mugu rock to shoot pictures
Cannot wait to get outside and get more sun
Last night was very stressful
Being honest and opening up can wear you down
I was battered and beaten
But like a good workout, it felt pretty good
I wish my honesty would have come earlier in my life
Years before I met Terria, I had a first wife
At the time we talked about growing old together
We never quite made it , I was only 30
So here I was a single parent trying to raise a 7 year old baby boy
No idea what I was doing so I errored on the side of tough love
MY first wife left us for another man
This destroyed my son and broke my soul
3 years of therapy for my boy
No therapy for me and the kettle began to simmer
Until I met my first wife I never felt worthy
She was a magic trick and I was fooled, poof there she went
It also turned out she was my best friends sister
I asked for permission, he said hell yes
I never wanted kids we talked about it
She became pregnant, she was 20, I was 23.
I was a shock to us all, I didn't want kids she warmed me up to the idea
Many rough times and 7 years later
She left us for a better life
As it turns out she was diagnosed with mental issues, maybe that explains it all
I fought those years for my son, failed so much
He was not doing well and I needed to get him help now
We went to See Jan Baker, a special woman and even better Psychologist
She helped Brandon so much, she moved out of state the work wasn't finished
Brandon was so blessed to have an amazing grandmother, his Aunt was a definite plus in our lives
They helped me take care of my baby boy, so I could work and pay the bills
31 years have passed since then
He is a father of my 2 grandsons Fox and Wilder. Love
So there is a sense of incompletion
MY thoughts and memories of that time
I never processed my issues properly.
IS that why I'm incomplete now
It took me years to trust others, I feared I could be hurt again
So I dated 100's of women
Unfortunately most just for one night
This is something that still bothers me
That I hurt others long before this
The seed was planted early
The weeds were never picked
I still have the flashbacks of this era
Could have been the beginning of my end
I remember telling Terria "I'm an asshole" even back then
I know I wasn't wired for this this but she made it work so well
Gave me reasons to improve my life
And I did with all of her goodness
Then became what Is Modern Day Greg
That same asshole who will self destruct
Taking everything that is good in my life and discarding like it never mattered
Yes I've carried someone else's garbage bag for years
I won't blame this for my current situation on this
Will I ever know who I am?
After my boatload of apologies
Broken promises broken hearts
I seek out salvation and forgiveness
And Yet I wonder how that works
Is a person supposed to get this many chances
To right all of the wrongs he's committed
I don't know how or why but I'm still supported, cared about and loved
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