Triggers!

 I have found over the past 2 1/2 months

There's this hidden agenda in plain view

There is an on off switch waiting to be turned on

Too many times it stops me where I stand

Renders me paralyzed and unable to function

What can I do to fight this scourge

This painful process like a cancer eats away at you

Doesn't allow you to emotionally recoup any thought process 

Its more than memories that make you sad

It's a trigger which makes you react poorly

Being angry and self destructive

You can stop caring and give up on life

I've been there and it's serious and very dangerous to let it all go

I deal with triggers everyday, for the past 30 years I fight it off

This hidden disaster waiting to happen

IT can be anything, a song, a commercial, movies any given location

My favorite restaurants on earth are now off limits to me

A walk through those doors would put me in the fetal position with fear, anger, gtief

That is not how I want to live

Here recently these issues have broken through the clouds

Yes since my Marital disillusionment became a reality

I've had my issues over the years

Some days ridiculously wishing I was was never born, or could I just go away

These poignant horrific thoughts are immediately made to go away

I live a great life with some complications, I'm good

I can honestly share this terrible mindset  and say

That so many triggers have invaded my world

Maybe it's the guilt, the fear of failing again

To never be trusted by the person I trust and love the most

This life is very ,very complex, each day presents a new set of challenges

I will fight this fight of triggers, guilt and ongoing sorrow

My Patience and my will to live will get me through tomorrow