Forever My Crutch

 There's very little holding me up these days

So much going on so quickly

Too much to comprehend in one sitting

So I have to find a resting place

I've written seriously since I was about 20 years old

In this 40 years I have been all over the place

From relationship to friends and family

So many things I have written about

In going through some old writings of mine from the mid 80's

I saw so much anger and so much disappointment all around

I became a father 38 years ago

Became a husband for the first time shortly after that

I wasn't ready for the responsibilities of being a father and a husband

I learned on the move and made horrible mistakes

Mistakes that still bother me today

I did the best with what I personally had to offer

But I wrote about it all

My pen, my journal and all of my bad thoughts

Sharing myself with at the time my best friend

Writing has saved me I think

Now IT's my crutch and weeping wall

My place to cry out loud and wonder

Is all of this really possible

Can one person be this fucked up

Nonetheless I'm happy to have my abundance of written words

I never drank, smoked  or did drugs to escape

But I sure wrote my ass off

Moreso when things weren't going so well

When I met Terria 

we had a long distance relationship

We would write letters, call and just communicate

I would go on and include her in my journals, later on the blogs

I've watched the growth of a young man

Who has fallen short many times

I shared so many feelings 

Feelings of life, love and living the life of me

It's been a interesting journey from good to bad

I have always turned to my expressive way

To get me through bad days

And prepare me for what's ahead