Closure

 Today I'm going to try to shake it up a bit, try something different

Over the past 2 months I've focused on things lost

Emptiness, sorrow and grief all around

Today might be different

I could sit here and run off a dozen things that are good in my life

But I won't, I will try to keep it real

I don't want to sound like another tired cliche'

So I will share the true feelings

Hurting and feeling loss are all part of lifes' deal

Seems like the people who deal with it best survive, thrive

I'm not sure where I am in this process

But I hope to find out soon

I'm at a stage where I'm not focusing on anything in particular

Casting out a wide stroke and trying to cover it all

I'm missing so many important pieces of my puzzle

And I'm failing in my efforts to move on

When a person makes a mistake, we hope to learn from it

When the mistake repeats itself there's an issue

Trying to find the origin of these issues has been fruitless

So I do the only thing I know how to do, Own it all

Yes, its all mine and my bullshit tree is full of dead fruit

Ready to be picked, sorted and dealt with

Here I am with my ladder and boxes

I don't know from which side to begin

I've reflected and deflected so many thoughts

Bad behavior and worse results

I thought about not caring at all

But I didn't really think that through

The wounds are fresh and not yet healed

Papers are drawn signed and sealed

Waiting for the stamp of disapproval I think

Who are you and how did you get to this point

Regardless of the outcomes or appearances

I was a very happy man

Had everything I wanted and all that was needed

Yet somehow the dream was apparently too good for me

How many times can I say I'm sorry

How many sleepless tear-filled nights will be enough

Will I ever stop being concerned about the one I love

Will I Just say it's another one of my mistakes that can't be fixed

I'm definitely at a crossroad here

Where should my concerns be focused

Making amends to one I love

Trying to love myself for the first time?

I've come too far to get nowhere

I've lost so much with no explanations

Apologies and lamenting conversations are useless right now

I need some closure and I need your help