The tourniquet has stopped the bleeding
The pains are gone and I'm feeling needy
Worthiness is a better place
To feel and sense a true embrace
Forgiven long long ago
I forgive and forget my errant throws
Closure is a one way door
I hurt myself and return no more
I feel no shame and feel no remorse
the hurt has healed and run it's course
Can't apologize for water down the creek
I've made amends so to speak
puzzle pieces click into position
life's cruel roadblocks and a premonition
The road not taken is the road unpaved
my spiritual flagman guided and saved
That every action has an opposing force
I opposed myself and my greatest source
The walls had weakened and I crumbled down
The restorations and materials I've found
That things have fallen where they must
bridges built to enable trust
Come tomorrow when all is won
The roads we built are almost done
This is not meant ot rehash the same old I"I'm sorry " Rhetoric, but to show the roads travelled and the distanc ecovered are very great!I' am at total peace and ease with my mistakes of 6 months ago and to fully understand this is to walk in my shoes, to feel and to see what i was seeing and feeling at the destructiion that I created by my own actions. This phase in my life happened, i can't make it not happen, the fact is that we have continually paid the piper for the mistakes we made and re-building the foundation is always harder after the the hurrican than to build it strong enough to with hold the damages. I can no longer say i am sorry for what i've done, the fact that my healing process will never occutr for me until i finally get to the point where i have to trwat it like a speeding ticket, pay the fine and move forward, but rest assured i will never speed again and now that i know why I broke all of the laws of matrimoiny and human kind that i cannot venture down that road again. I wrote this because i feel good where I'm at and where i come back to, love the fact that Terria is so accepting of my past and realizes the future is even better than our finest moments to date. I know that Valarie reads my writings and I can only say this, that I hold no ill feelings towards her,She didn't hurt me by leaving, she opened a door for all of us, i took full repsonsibility for my affair and did it willingly, the right or wrong aspect of the entire affair was never in question, the fact that I can look back today and say that i am glad we are both where we are supposed to be and if by being with me the bond in her marraige is better as a result than I am happy for that, and i am also happy at the fact that sometimes in life it take a near catastrophic event like this to shake and rattle a person to stop and take stock on ones' life and really do the needed soul searching to get back in a good place. i tell you that without counseling ,i would be a dead man m no question about it my life would be void of anything meaningful as i always thought i was so fucking smart and so damn omniscient, knew it all, could fix my own shit..well let me tellyou I could not and would not have been able to fix myself and for this i owe Terria and Michael Morales a true thank you for making the most intelligent person i know, which is me, understand that there is more to life than thinkig you know everything, it is about realizing that You don't know everything and extend your hand to get help. no more aplogies form my affair, just thank you's and appreciation for the distance covered in the recovery of a more vibrant and willing Greg Duran.With this I say thanks to all and a closing a chapter of guilt and remorse!
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