Lackluster Fucking shit

I'm really trying to catch myself right now, falling into a bit of a funk with so little to do, my mind needs interaction and just not being stimulated today by anything or anyone.  At times writing comes so very easy to me , it flows fro deep within my self and I can generally pick a topic and write for days about something passionate and dear to me. But now i am writing about how i am trying to muster up something, some spark and something to really get me interested back in this day, as of right now the day is winning but i feel a comeback coming on as i write this very word. How damn lucky am i to be here doing nothing and being paid so well to do nothing??? well it;s almost a feeling of guilt to be here doing this and taxpayers are paying for it. So instead i write, or in this case try to write and be passionate about being dispassionate. I do have my music docking system and can and will throw my phone on that and try to be inspired through my tunes! I was even texting my coworkers nonstop for over a hour trying to get the day to be over with, had one of the girls come over and say , are you really that bored, no , not until i saw you enter my workspace i said, yeah i am a dick like that but I gotta be me and that's all I know how to well anyway! I have texted over 200  texts in that hour which really is what I used to do all of the time, even did 12000 earlier this year but would average 5000 per month , thank Goodness for unlimited texts I'd say! I'm trying real hard to be the little engine that will , but the fact that I'd be little anything makes me laugh, funny how i was told by my therapist that I intimidate people and am treated differently as a result, Terria had always told me that but never bought into it, It seemed like I was never being treated rudely at stores and seemed to always get better treatment than say Terria of other I know, i am not a vicious person or a mean unfriendly person, have incredible people skills and can speak the English language with the best of them and do so when conversing, but man for somebody to say, your size really makes people see you differently and take caution for the unknown factor is the size and fear thing that apparently i give off with my girth??? I don't know, i don't see myself anyway physically, just a dude, a really nice guy who tries to always be cordial and pleasant to all. and yes i am the supreme asshole if provoked and will rip somebodies heart out with a verbal judo swipe across somebodies soul but don't go looking for it, but yeah I am a good person who always makes the other person strike first, and you know what it never happens so there must be some truth to the story of my size and demeanor. OK , so with that being said i also get accused of not being the same person after dealing with people on the phone and then finally meet them in person...WOW! said i sounded like a white nerd on the phone but look lie a gorilla in person, that's funny for sure! I love everybody and will stop loving them when they do something to warrant it. But back to the day, the funk of boredom is still here and it is probably reflected in this writing at least and can only hope that it lifts quickly and drops me off in a good place. So i have one more hour to go and can do this and even standing on my head, so as the people, line up to see  that debacle of a broken neck and a crumbled man on the ground, i will bid you a goodbye for now and will have more inspirations later