Introspection

Just got a really nice text from Terria stating the fact that with Tracy in town knowing full well that my past with her and her ability to be that fly in the ointment in my life, well in Brandon's life which then makes it mine by default. I reassured Terria that i am good with everything and she can no longer do anything to anybody that doesn't allow it, even Brandon, he's old enough to plan out and forge his own way these days and if he is sucked up by his mother's bullshit than shame on him and what the hell am I supposed to do anyway. As i always tell Brandon, that is his mom and he is of the age to do what he wants to do in regards to his mother, I just at times do worry about the old adage of trying to win the acceptance of somebody who didn't want you, not very healthy and I hope he understands all of that. So thanks Terria for the nice reassuring text of support, as always ,you are awesome! Getting the day started her eat work with again, very little going on and yet to have my first cup of coffee, gotta do that after I post this nonsensical drivel! Business as usual with me here at work, work is waiting and waiting is becoming more work than actually working but that's not a complaint, just an observation of the way it truly is around here. My computer here at work is ready to blow up and is still making the loud humming noise in the hard drive so I'm waiting for this piece of shit to explode on my and get a newer fast one, I've done everything I know to speed up the process but to no avail ...yet. Than I would get a clean , new  faster computer to continue and carry on with my nothingness and my writings and in my day. Yeah, as always doing a lot of reflection on many aspects of my life, was thinking about my father yesterday as i wrote and wondered what it would be like for him to see what we have become as a country, probably be pissed off but still proud to be an American, I mean he did give up alot serving his country as have many before and after him so I see the Pride in that. I think we have been given the sense of entitlement where we have so much we don't know what it's like to not have or to want or need something that is not a frivilous desire of ours. I sometimes cringe and the fact that we have so much stuff and crap that our lives could do without and still we always seem to want more. In my reflections I seek out a happy medium of things and substance to balance out the life and the world That I share with my wife, and apparently the world theoretically with this site careening throughout the Blogosphere. i don't have anything to hid, my life is nowhere as interesting as many others but i can say that there are few people as interesting as myself, my writing i can remember was more bleak ,but yet more colorful and had a real mean streak to it,more punch you in the jaw the laugh in your face, this i viewed as negativity and won't start the fight but can and will finish it very easily and quickly . i had so many grips and bitch sessions as I re-call on my "Gregasaurus" Blog site, there were many things that bothered me and i voiced them , they still do bother me from a perspective of right and wrong and smart versus stupid but I have many other fires burning and a lot of more positive things to view and play with on a daily basis. I can only hope that my past can be the learning tree that it has been and the future can be my graduation onto to better things awaiting us all. I have in fact taken an interest in reading my bible again  and trying to find that missing piece of whatever it is , I feel that my spirituality was the key to my healing from my accident and the process that I am going through now, just seems I am devoid of the spirituality that i want and need on a daily basis, now mind you I've read the bible several times front to back and don't buy into every word I read, it is flawed because it was the word of God translated through man and therein makes it very flawed and fallible to mistakes and mis interpretations , fallacies that even my ass can understand. But I'm not a bible thumping hit you over the head kind of guy and truly believe religion should be as personal as ones sex life and passions,If somebody asks great ,tell them what you know but for somebody to butt in to my conversations and say something about a scripture would be like me busting into your bedroom while your fucking you r wife doggie style and I come in and say, "you're doing it wrong , lower the back legs 22 degrees and flip her ass over" It's whatever works for that individual, like mixing a drink , we all have our degrees of satisfaction, and religion and spiritual goodness is all cerebral and emotional, we give from our hearts and we act how we want to be treated " the golden Rule" thanks to Schaeffer, I understand the bible a little bit more now, and the Golden rule is more of a standard on how i treat people and react to their needs  regardless of how they react to mine. So always trying to be the bigger person and not be petty and get into the the tit for tat thing, that truly bugs me. Well I'm off tot he front desk and covering the phones til lunchtime...more to come!