November 22,2009- November 22 ,2010

On this day one year ago I almost lost my life to a motorcycle accident riding my incredibly fast, Suzuki GSXR1000, 165 HP and 400 lb motorcycles are fast and nimble and do whatever you want them to do in the hands of a skilled rider, i was that guy, and I for some reason used poor judgement for on of the few times in my riding life and it nearly cost me my life and my family some serious grief and pain!! The Day began as normal for me on that Sunday, Hit golf Balls, Watched a little football , my Rams were getting their ass kicked and It was about 3 pm on a decent clear sun baked day in Southern California and i decided one last ride on the Gixxer before i changed the tires on it as they had no tread left and i just put off getting the new rubber on it. Well that last ride was the third last ride on those tires and the previous 2 rides i told myself  do not ride on those ever again, i remember the tires sliding a little on the second to last ride and don't know why i though i was invincible to go out on one more ride on beyond substandard tires.  I geared up and went to start the bike and did so, My wife as always accompanied me to the garage and kissed me goodbye and waved as i screeched out of the driveway on my way for what i thought would be a relaxed 75% effort ride on Lake Casitas roads! I do Recall Terria being uneasy about me riding on those tires and even said so, i told her that I was going easy and that i was bored and  needed to get out and ride. I was cruising along nicely, not like i normally do at full lean and throttle in the high position but a little less ambition knowing full well i had no real rubber under me. I progressed to the uphill turn that I have mastered 1000 times before if not more and hit the turn doing 65, generally take it at 80 was leaned over,as i straightened the bike up I felt something was not normal ,and behold i was in the gravel still upright and remember saying to myself, this Isn't good dude, those exact words, so not really believing that the gregasaurus was on an offroad excursion I tried to slow it down  and save the bike, I avoided a concrete storm drain that would have killed me if I would have went into it but i was able to avoid it, with no traction and brakes being useless in the dirt i tried to scrub off speed . In avoiding the drain barrier It steered me right in to a 3 foot burm, the Burm was not noticeable to the eye but deep enough to stop me immediately in my tracks, I went from about 30 mph to a dead stop a my full body crunched against the gas tank, I fell off to the left out of breath, hit my head on the rocky dirt and broke my Helmet slide a few feet and the next thing i know I got up like a punch drunk fighter  and noticed a familiar face. A rider coming in the other direction stopped and saw the whole thing, he was an old housing resident, Steve Pazzetti, he and a group of riders were riding in the opposite direction and stopped to give me aid, the called 911 and all i wanted to do was to call my wife and tell her that i was ok, i couldn't remember my # at first and then it cam eto me, i had asked her to bring  the truck and the Ramp and tie downs because the bike was toast. Steve and his friends gave me some Gatorade  and waited for the ambulance and the EMT, the worked on me and asked me questions, i was concussed so i was out there in the questionning faze and refused to go to the hospital via ambulance. 30 minutes past and a frantic Terria showed up with Ty  and they assessed me and that look on Terrias Face. The crew of Steve and his friends left, I thanked them for their kindness and convinced the EMT and ambulance driver that i was fine and that i would have my wife take me to the hospital. My intention wsas never to go to the Hospital but as we loaded the bike and Terria headed towards home Terria said we are taking you to the hospital and i did not disagree, I felt something inside of me that Knew there was something wrong, I remember Lady Diana after her crash was walking around and internally bled to death so i was thinking that I was in trouble as well because my body told me so. We get to Community Memorial Hospital in Ventura and i can barely get out of the truck , cannot stand straight up  and Ty and terria helped me to the waiting room, what seemed like 2 minutes I'm in triage and they let me go to the bathroom where i pissed straight blood and then knew i was not going home today, the fear was creeping up on me and i realized that there was something definitely amiss with my health, i defecated  and pissed myself at the scene of the accident and I was smelling like a dead person and i could smell it myself, it grossed me out, the smell of my urine and the blood flowing really scared me. They examined me and the rest i don't remember, The look o Terrias face was scary, they took me to ICU immediately and there the drama began, as the days past my BP was so low, my oxygen levels were low and they were waiting for the blood to get better. on day 3 they moved me to a room where they had me on IV's and then the kidneys were failing, the spleen was torn, and the liver was lacerated, a broken rib and a concussion later i was sitting there not knowing what the fuck was going on??? I just gauged the severity of it all by the look on my Terria's face, the look of utter and sheer terror in her eyes made me scared. Day 5 they release me for what they thought was safe enough hemoglobin levels after 2 blood transfusions, one off platelets and one of blood. I went home on 27 November and spent a day and half home, not really feeling better. on the 29th i was awakened by a sharp pain in my stomach that could only tell me that i was going back to the hospital , although i fought it for a few hours i gave in and was driven to the Hospital and taken in to emergency, they ran the test and the bleeding internally continued, they took scans and xrays and the things were not working , hemoglobin levels were down to 8, were they are normally 14, so i guess that's bad and the looks on my Brother Richards face told me ..Fuck, I'm in trouble here, Right then i do recall thinking of my Spirituality guru Frank Schaeffer and here the words that he spoke and had written to me, at that moment i was at peace, the term the golden rule flowed in my mind, the "Golden Rule" why I don't know, i was almost at peace with it all. The term always plays heavy in my mind as it is a simple mantra to live by yet we don't always live by that standard. Then I'm moved upstairs to 4th floor, seemed to be getting better and 2 more transfusions, my Wonderful terria would stay allday and each night by my side, sleeping in a chair or wherever she could get comfortable, she was an amazing rock throughout this process but i know she didn't like seeing her strong husband so weak and vulnerable , but she was strong enough for the both of us and through her strength i din not want to leave her or for her to leave my side. I recounted the trips to the restroom and the horrible smells of a sick mans urine were eye popping and disgusting not to mention the fact that Terria had to wipe my butt when i pooped, damn that woman must Love me to death, and i love her so much for her strengths and internal goodness! Finally Dr. Bryant comes to the rescue, after the Failed Kidneys and dialysis talk the Dr. was a Superstar and headed the recovery with a calm and professional manner, he took the bull by the horns so to speak and was and is to this day the best Dr. i have ever come across. The Hospital stay besides that was miserable, the smells of the room were atrocious and the food was even worse. I really feel bad about being in the hospital during thanksgiving and for Terria Birthday but she is so amazing and i can and never will forget what she did for me then and does for me now. The day came when they were able to discharge me, it took them forever, i was till feeling like shit but the Hemoglobin levels were high enough to let me heal at home. I was then sent home, weak and in pain and could barely get around the house,, Terria went to the Lazy boy Store on Valencia to buy me a recliner to sleep in since i was sleeping sitting up , she figured a nice recliner was the way for me to get a good nights sleep. without that chair i would not have healed as quickly. to this day i have not slept in that chair as it remind me off the healing process, it is the most comfortable chair i have ever sat in but that though of the smells and the pain and the fighting to get up and run to the bathroom when the duty called were just frightening to me. It was an ugly 6 weeks at home, the look on my tired Terria's face of looking after me 24-7 is something i will never , ever forget. I run it in my mind on occasion  and feel like the accident actually save d my life, it gave me a sense of reality and now I am a real human being who makes mistakes and is vulnerable to the things every human being is, bad judgements and bad actions can bad results, but never to Greg Duran, Never! Well i was humbled and was at somebody else mercy for 2 months. The healing process never truly ended when I went back to work on December 28,2009, i went back a weak man who tried to make a point and tried to pull away from the constant hand of my incredible Terria. As the story goes i went  back to the gym , hit it hard and made baby steps to progress back to the strong physical specimen and somehow forgot the spiritual side of my healing. i let my guard down when i healed, i thought I was entitled to a new world of new beginnings and tried to pull myself away from that vulnerable man who couldn't wipe his own ass and couldn't shower without assistance , to a man who felt great and powerful and forgot the journey of where i had been and how many people i had dragged through my accident and the worries I put upon my loved ones. In March 2010 i strayed away from my marriage and sought out something else with somebody elses wife and began a stretch of destruction to so many people on so many sides of the fence. My Ventured with Valarie were is an sense a necessary thing for me to do. having gone through a near deat experience and being the type of person who allows nobody close and will allow nobody to do anything for him i tried to runa way from the goodness of my wife to a relationship created over the internet with a few chance meetings and had some real fun, but the destruction we left behind was more than i could ever imagine. My biggest regret besides putting my wife and family at such heart ache is that a real friendship with Valarie could have been in the offing and I screwed that up by taking it too far with her, and I'm sure she feels the same way, more importantly, forgetting where i had been with my wife Terria and all that we are to each other. Therapy tells me that this all had to happen as was going to happen, it really did and it did, it has allowed me the chance to relive some really horrible moments in my life and to grow from those moments as a better person who understands the fact that he is not the perfect human being that he thought he was, i am in fact a mortal soul who bleeds and hurts and obviously creates pains in others. For this I can rebuild the person that I am and replace the person that i thought i was , I don't know everything , the fact that i am a vulnerable human being is the best medicine in the world for a person like me who has had a charmed life, everything always comes easy for me and i can truly appreciate the work and efforts put forth in my marriage and my relationships with my family and friends. my mistakes and departures from the truth are a part of me that needed fixing, this all brought it to light sand in the process i can fix the things that i didn't realize were broken.  It is so good to be alive to day, 1 year ago i almost lost my life to a motorcycle accident and some bad judgement, there is a time that i dreaded this anniversary date because i knew it would bring about a renewal of old senses and thoughts and memories of pains and hurt and disbelief in allot of people who never truly knew how bad i was and how through the goodness of god i am able to write about the new life i share with others, my spirituality and belief and love of God and my love of Family and Friend's have made me a blessed man and a person who needs to give back from here on1 I thank God for my healing both internal and spiritually! And I always need t thank on a daily basis my Honey, my life and my support system forevermore, i could not live everyday like i do without my Terria, i could go on forever about how amazing she is and i generally do in my other writings, but there is a reason  for things happening the way they do, in my therapeutic sessions with Morales, i am finding that sometimes going forward requires taking a few steps backwards and remember this that if it were easy, everybody would  have it. so i work my ass of in the hopes that i bring the peace , Love and tranquility to my loved ones as they have given so readily to me. Today is a start of a new chapter for me and that i can and will take full advantage of my blessings. To my big sister April, I am so lucky to have you in my life, you and Tim are amazing and have always been amazing to my terria in ways that i could never be, to my Brother Richard and Susan, my Angels of living properly are ever-present and always in my mind when i make decisions, be it good or bad, My sister Linda for her prayers and support during the ordeal, i know we have drifted apart but she was there when we needed her and the prayers always help. My boys  Brandon ,Braz and Ty always bringing me the perspective that I was there age at one time and need to be a better role model and giver of advise and attention's directing them in a positive direction. and lastly to my mother, with all of her lack of sophistication and ability to communicate her true feeling s of love and care, i thank her for giving me everything she had, all she knew and every ounce of love she was capable of giving, I'm not to judge whether or not  They were enough , I'm in counseling now because of them but I take responsibility for my part of the equations and love her like a son should love a mother, just only 10 minutes at a time is all, sad but honest. well today is starting off Grandly and i cannot be more appreciative than i am today of where I am in every aspect of my life, my family, my friends, and my incredible Terria always there to hold and love on everyday! for this i am eternally Thankful and cannot express how wonderful this life is, the world is a shithole, but my tiny little world that i live in is an incredible place to be... good Days, and great times ahead ! With so much love, thanks and appreciation , Gregory Anthony Duran