No need for retribution
No desire for condemnation
just thankful to be away today
From the life that ran away
Everyday i think what if
which corner would the next surprise come from?
how do i believe the next word
how can i trust and build a future?
So many questions were never answered
Too may times I trusted and accepted her words
When I planned the rest of my life with her
I was building a house of cards in the wind
Today she comes into town
nothings changed but the days on a calendar
she takes my boys heart and play a song
poor ,poor pitiful me!
Missing out and missing the point
where she has gone and what she has left
not about me, but her precious boy
still fucking with his emotions at the age of 25
I go back in years and think aloud
how could that have been me in that crowd
a circus tent and sack full of bullshit
her bags were always packed so full
smiling and hugging me while she was stabbing my back
never an honest word but a constant look back
on who was gaining on her exposure
and where the next smoke and mirror show would appear
Mind numbing to me
to throw away a child so easily
the best gifts she ever gave me
were my son and her going away
I hurt for a very long time
for my boy who was 7 at the time
try to convey that it would be alright
his mommy wasn't come home again tonight
I do believe that it was supposed to happen that way
she always though I would give him away
But she was wrong as she always IS
Choosing somebody over her own kid
I have mended my angers and my fury
to put a bullet in her head and never again worry
about her next regression and foiled plot
she was never in one place long enough to take that shot
My little boy all grown and strong
looking forward to seeing his mom
he has forgiven her, and i can never forget
those days lived with regret
I remember the day i thanked her aloud
a single dad who was very proud
she missed out on so much in his life
for going away and allowing us to thrive
no regrets and pains linger today
growth and wisdom long replaced
a new loving soul and lease on life
the one that got away I call my wife
tomorrow a venture into the unknown
look back and all that we have grown
So fortunate to be in this place
no more running and feeling disgrace
Blessing are sometimes not easily seen
we must at times learn from the obsene
I learned so much and feel relief
that life is learning and mine to keep
I feel no ill will toward my past
The good times don't always last
my realities and my inner peace
have put my mind and world at ease
Tracy is truly responsible for me becoming more realistic in my views of life and people in general, she is the person responsible for giving me that light switch that turns on and off and suppresses emotions with that flick of a switch that has become so famous in my life on many occasions. she was my first real love and I was never given anything but smoke and mirrors from her, even to the point where my Boy Brandon was created out of the lie that she was on birth control...shame on me I know and as I have said on many occasion, "i never wanted kids" and to this day don't really like kids or to be around them too long. i don't care enough about here or her life anymore to even give her a second thought to be resentful or by saying she has truly missed out on an incredible young man, we all make choices in our lives and do in fact take responsibility for those actions, I have of mine, and only hope to improve as a father and human being. so there is no time for me to be angry and to waste energy on something that no longer affects me, my son is soon to be 25 years old and can make his own decisions, he has to protect himself from here on out unless he asks for my help which I doubt will ever happen. But life and things are where they are supposed to be and i am so glad I a sitting in my seat and not hers!
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