April's Looming !

A Really long night, a Mexican dinner that made me pay the piper for all to feel and enjoy, not pretty by any means! Came in a little late to work feeling lazy this morning but am here and ready for the day and whatever it has to offer, or for whatever i have to bring to it, either way I am here and feeling really good today. Everyday that passes us seems that Terria gets a little more on edge as we near the April time frame of when Braz and Nikki noodles-rice-asian go to Afghanistan and go to war. i have tried to be supportive of my wife in this area and know this weighs heavily on her mind, Braz's state of mind is fuck the Army and fuck everything and don't know whether or not this is a defense mechanism of nervousness for him or he truly hates the Army? But I do know that Terria at times is in her own little world and feels the strain of the impending deployment and i feel whatever she feels of course. Thew only thing i can ever tell her is that they are currently being trained for this type of warfare and that the Lord will take care of us all, we hate to think and feel we could lose our boy to war , but i worry that this war can do more damage psychologically to him and change him forever, this is a boy who was abused by his natural father and has so much anger to begin with directed towards his father, terria has always been the punching bag for that. So as the time closes nearer i will hold my wife and tell her we must put this into Gods hands and allow Braz to grow and understand that this is what he signed up for and that this is the price and toll that we all pay. i pray for them all over there as i write, there are many families who have gone though the same thing numerous time, my friend Ruth, who I visited in October in Virginia on my trip  has 4 kids in the military and has gone through about 8 iraqi and afghanistanian deployments for her kid and states that only the Spiritual faith gets her through it all. I understand that Terria is feeling the pains and loss of power over her boy and has no real way to control the issues as she once sis when he was a boy or under our roof. So i hold her hand and tell her to think positive thoughts and let God take over and protect all of our men and woman over there. Our boy braz has grown up so much over the past 8 moths, he has a sense of reality that not only h army has brought him but his new wife is as young as he is and they are growing and learning on the job so to speak and struggle for the understanding that older people do, they are doing so much for the first time and learning on the run and will either sink or swim with the dedication that is required to make things work. I feel at  times Braz resented me because his father could not be more like me and not fail his kids so much, i did provide him a male role model of a stand up Guy who never deceived or promised them anything ,just told them the way it is and would love them as my own because they are my own I feel bad that their relationship with their father is so strained but that's on their father and I had nothing to do with it but the numerous Court visits at our expense and his fault, took us back over 8 times and never won a thing, yet we are 30k down to prove that we were in the right and he's a fuck up, we knew that all along and had to go to court to prove it, whatever, i have terria and the boys and i know Braz realizes that everything i taught him was for his own good and the term NO was used frequently and as kids they don't ewant to hear that. But we supported their sports and schooling and will do so continually and hopefully one day we will get the pat on the back that parents so love to get  that acknowledges the work all paid off for their kids and as parents we did our job. Being a parent for me was never about being their friend, I am and will always be their dad and not that friend that they're looking for, i can teach more a s a parent than a s a friend and the respect level required by Terria and i 9is almost ridiculous but that's how we have and will always do it. So i Love my boys to death and will always be here for them and knowing that parenthood never stops at 18 ,it's a lifelong commitment. so the days are getting closer for Braz and Nikki  and we stand by them emotinally and spiritually and know that we are in a good place and will be protected from the evils within. Til later God Bless and continued successes and happiness comes to those who keep their eyes open,mouths closed and spirituality at an all time high! Good days , til later on