My writing!!!!!

The best thing I have ever done was to take up the art of writing, since 1984 I have been writing religiously about everything that happens to me and has happened to me. Be it good or bad ,happy or sad if it happened to me it was written about. up til Late June 2010 I did not believe in Therapy or therapist, i always thought it was for the weak and i could always heal myself. My writing  was my therapist and i was the patient! Well we saw how that turned out yet I've been able to write about everything , My fathers death, my first marriage crumbling and the birth of my only child, so much good and bad stuff but the constant of writing about it all has made me a different person that i could ever be without it all. I've written about my total disdain for my mother and how we were raised in  a dysfunctional manner all the way to my infidelities here this past year, all of which were tempered by my writing and feeling that everything has its purpose and its reasoning for occurring. I point no fingers or access no blame for anything I've ever done, the blame is always on my, i can control or not control what overrides my day,I can and have, just not always as good as I wished i would have. so i write about it ,either a poem, a stanza or two or an analogy which can run long at times, yet it is my constant friend and my best ally in the world world of mental warfare, or as i put it self sabotaging symphonic stupidity. whatever the case may be i love my Blog sites, they are my own and feel connected to both of my sites ,Gregasurus and Saurus are who i really am ,or maybe more so who i wish i was and am always striving to become. I know that it is being read by my wife and a few other friends that I get an occational phone call or text about it's content, people i would have never thought that they would read my spew, but it is true. So i started writing again on my parent board the Gregasaurus side of the house, this was my original forum, the Saurus side was my atheist site prior to being reformed back into Christianity and I converted it back to a more positive site where my emotions were allowed to come out in a more constructive way, my early writings on the gregasaurus side were more ranting and raving about whats wrong with this world, I'm not doing that too much anymore the positives are more important to focus on and the bad will always be there and will sink or swim without my my assistance. so i defer back to trying to write about my feelings and emotions which are really heavy and strong, i care therefore i have them and fell that it is important to express and share my views more so for myself but for those that care enough to check in on me and give a shit. I'm good but this allows me to keep it real and keep it where I need to be, strong and positive. I was reading Frank Schaeffer's blog yesterday and he brings about so many emotions for me  , as he is the reason i am a christian today, he puts it so clearly for me. After all of my deep thoughts and trying to be a better everything , he simply states, "the Golden Rule" and he also states that you don't have to believe every word in the bible, just believe the existence of the creator, these things have always been the way i have dealt with and handled my spirituality, its not about church and bible waving and spiritual messages and quoting the passages form the bible. the paper Christians and grandstanding ilk are not the people i want to be around, it's fine to be spiritual on Sunday  and praise the lord alleujah this and that , then come Monday critisize people who aren't like you! Fuck them and sadly i know alot of people like that and it is really discouraging to use the lord as a tool to try to fool people. i don't chant ,rant or wave bibles, but i know people have feelings and need to be loved and how would i want them to treat me, i always try to put myself in the other persons shoes and i do, it grounds me and allows me to be able to be a better person and not so mean and arrogant and demeaning, but as we all do i fail at times and I understand that part of it all, we will all fail and the mistakes must be recognized before we can fix them, otherwise we are doomed to repeat our mistakes; hence my need for Therapy and my need to strive and thrive and believe me i have hurt and grieved many times in my life, all which were written about over the past 26 years! i have written thousand of entries that still sit in a carboard box in my garage . i am at time afraid to go back and re visit them, terria did take a book of mine that i had written around the time we were dating 13 years ago, and that made me feel good that she wanted it even though at the time she was moving out, pretty surreal at times for me to go back and revisit my life, my conquests and my failures, relationships and friends, family and all the drama that comes with life and the everyday, thank God i have the ability to communicate , through the spoke word and my abilities to pencil and pen my thoughts and never mince a word or forget where I've been and to where i want to travel! God Blessed with the means to be happy, we in fact are the ones who fuck it up , so don't waste the gifts that are given, take the opportunities and utilize the talents for the betterment of your own lives I will always say! Damn i am long winded!!!!!