A Conversation To Remember

After My shower and late night spruce up went to bed for what i thought was going to be a reasonable early night around 10:30 . as i crawled in started having a conversation with my Wife and it lead to many issues of our lives, dating back 25 years when we first met and how we have evolved as people both individually and together the past 13 years. I don't know that I have ever had that in depth of a bedtime conversation with my wife in all our years. Now that says a lot to me, we are constantly talking, communicating feelings and emotions all of the time. As the night progressed into our first hour of talk we brought up many issues of my writing, my emotions and my way of being that somewhat peculiar person who just thinks way too much at time. with that being said we also touched on the Motorcycle accident and truly not realizing how close to dying i was, i never thought I was in trouble but as i always do, made light of the situation as part of my defense mechanism to defend my fears with laughter. I also brought up the fact that as we spoke of my Hospital stay and my 6 weeks of home care with my wife by my side every day and every step of the way! it brought up some vivid memories , of smells , senses and touches, the struggle for me to even stand up and walk down the hall to piss was so clear to me . i recalled with tears in my eyes remembering looking into my wife's eyes and seeing my brother with that look on his face that I have never seen before. the words of kidney failure and liver perforations and ripped spleen, then to hear blood transfusions and re-living that entire Hospital stay during our conversation made me instantly sick and made me realize that I was so very fortunate to be alive. The motorcycle pending on deck didn't mean so much to me anymore and not for the fear of riding and crashing again, just the thoughts of ever putting my wife and brother in that position to fear for me even when i make it home safe seems too much to bare at this point in my life. We touched on my recovery and how i bounced back quickly once the healing and the blood levels got to where i could go back to the gym and re-gain my strength and place back in a routine. I still recount the the  trips to the doctor where walking to the car was leaving me breathless, my broken rib would ache as i tried to take the deep breaths I could nt get enough air and felt at times like i was suffocating. So the conversation took many turns, all of which came back to today and the recovery status of our relationship and the trust issues and the work of putting all things at the forefront and keeping all issue that we have on the table at all times. My departures were going to happen in my opinion one way or another, it's just how I am apparently wired to self destruct, the fact that a perfectly wonderful woman and marriage was already in place,far be it for me to try to sabotage it by bringing somebody else into my life who i really didn't know and through the septic Facebook was able to formulate this imaginary idea  that the grass was greener on the other side. As i have mentioned before i would still be there if Valarie would have stayed and fought the fight with me. My stubborn mentality of not walking away from this Internet relationship with a few meetings and a lot of drama from her side really made an impact on my decisions to stand pat. I had put all my eggs in a basket which had so many holes in it, Thankfully Valarie went back and did her thing and allowed a stubborn Greg to be forced to do the right thing, I cannot believe that this actually happened to me, but my reality light switch turned on and i moved along and moved on. All the while feeling like i had it all figured out, i would be a single man who just did what he does, thankfully and miraculously I was given another chance to fix what was never truly broken. I assume Valarie is doing ok and working through her issues and i only know this as a result of an "accidental" text she sent me stating as much. i harbor no ill feeling towards her or her decision, have thanked her in my writings for doing what I was not man enough to do, the right thing! I truly hope she is well and I do wonder at times if she is doing what she is supposed to be doing! So our conversation progressed to the point of me asking her, "are u proud to call yourself Terria Lynn Duran these days, she says She wouldn't be around if not, and the fact that this strong woman does not need me to survive or need anybody to have a good life is so refreshing to me. she is my strength when i am weak and she is the Rock and Pillar for me that i always thought I had to be for both of us, i never allowed my wife to show me that she was capable of showing her strengths and did not allow her to give to me the way she is truly capable! There had been so much to talk about in our evening chat at 1:05 am . I thanked her for allowing me to be myself even through the thick and thin of my complexities and my over driven mind of garble and spattered views, she loves me for the person that i am, the young ,bright and sharp mind that I have is always brewing a new pot of hot coffee, sometimes too hot and burns me! I did tell her that my therapy has truly benefited me, and that i don't buy into everything that Morales says but have enough of whats broken in Greg to fix and mend the broken part, and improve upon the good part of Me. I have always stated that life is simple until we over complicate it with un-needed drama, well that is still true, however I did complicate my life and did bring drama and for that i have paid the piper and have rebuilt what was already a masterpiece in my life, my wife, my savior and my friends are all so prominent in my life today. the conversation we had last night was a further proclamation that i am going to where i want to be, but stronger and better today than i was after Nov-22 2009 when i nearly lost my life, part of me was saying appreciate the little things and the other part of me was go for the grand slam, the happy medium is where I am today. I told my Terria last night, my only selfish need these days is that i want my knees fixed, want to play Tennis again Basketball, Go to the park and take infield and fly balls again and throw and catch the football again. Even spoke to Nevarez about joining his Elks club to help and give back something to the community once a month. I've been given a world of greatness and born with the innate ability to make a difference in people's lives, be it by positivity or the real life Faith that I have and trying to be a good person to all. so i start with where i left off at 1:08 last night and early this morning. Thank you Terria Lynn, you are an amazing human being and i am blessed to call you mine, my wife and best of everything! Thank you sweetheart!