Weekend Wraps Up

What a Dud of a Baseball game tonight, the Rangers are proving that they do not belong in the big show with anybody let alone a half ass team the than 2010 Giant, for crissakes already. Did have a good meeting with Robert who came by and hung out for a few, Had  2 Rockstars and for some reason have some real bad stomach cramps and hopefully will allow me to sleep a little. Other than that a very quiet evening, just sitting here typing and looking across the couch to my wonderful Terria who is doing the same ! I don't really know what the new week has in store for us, but I am sure that we will do whatever it takes to get through it al. The night brought very few trick or treaters and we had 3 bags of Candy and only went through 2 of the 3 bags of Candy so I might need to take the extra bag to work tomorrow and share it with the crew instead of leaving it here and eating it. Loved the weekend as it brought some key victories, the Ducks beat the USC cheaters,the Rams won, Cards lost, but the cowboys lost and Pete Carroll lost so all in all it was a good weekend sports wise, the Lakers are looking incredible and we shall see what comes of te miami heat at the end of the season. BTW, this new computer is so fucking ridiculous and seems to be the best keyboard I've ever touched, uploaded my Blackberry Desktop manager and the Apple version of Microsoft word called iwork and it is a stupid cool program that can write books do stationary and anything that word can do but truly do it better. Not being really adept at this type of stuff i will stick to writing and blogging and leave the publishing to the professionals and call that a day, hoping to get my published Blog Book will come in soon enough, Its one of the gifts that I am giving Terria for her Birthday and know she is waiting anxiously for it and I am so glad to give it to her. So I have a load of laundry in the wash that needs to be thrown in the dryer so it's a goodnight and a wish of a great work week.

Nice Tranquil Sunday

very tranquil Sunday afternoon, went to the gym and the golf course already, Terria is making dinner in the crock pot and we are seeing Robert around 630 tonight! The day is going damn smooth not much to really add other than it is a beautiful day in Southern California, especially when I heard that the Ducks kicked the shit out of USC yesterday I am actually watching the replay right now on ESPN2 and it does me good to know that USC loses and Oregon wins...good day I tell you.It looks like Ty is moving back into the house with us, look forward to getting him back to normal and back up to speed on the rules of the Duran Household. Look forward to watching the world series game tonight, glad to see the Rangers pull their heads out of their asses finally. So I'm off to the showers now and will add more shit later on this evening ,look forward to seeing Robert later on, we made and decorated a cake for him and know he will be appreciative of the gifts we got him. The weekend has really flown by and another workweek awaits. On a side note, the Oregon ducks score before I could even finish this post damn they look impressive

First Macbook Air Post

A Very busy Saturday for us  for sure. Got a later start than normal and got out of the house around 10 ti meet Tim and Ape at Breakfast in Ventura ,then we headed to the Gym and went shortly after that to the store for Groceries. Shopped and then dropped off food at the house  and headed to the Thousand Oaks Mall to look for a new computer , I wanted a Macbook Air from Apple and we went into the Apple store in the Mall and were in Techie Heaven as there were ipods and computer strewn about, Iphones and all kinds of ridiculous stuff around us,But i knew what i wanted and we went straight to it and had the dude help us get exactly what we wanted, a 13" Macbook air with all the shit we needed and headed out of the mall in record time, on the way to the Mac store Terria saw some really cool shoes for me and we stopped in there and I tried on a pair of shoes and we bought them , perfect fit and looked really cool so i made out today ok, Xmas and birthday are covered, I wonder what I'm buying myself for Xmas now that Terria has taken care of my ass!!!!!. The rest of the day flew by and we came home made a quick dinner of Chili dogs and then we set out on the Birthday cake fro Bob Nevarez, we made him a chocolate, chocolate ganache center filing with an inscription of Happy Birthday on the top and some cool swivel design on the sides, it was a fun thing to do together and we really like Bob so it was even more pleasurable. Got ahold of him and he said he would be by around 6:30 tomorrow night so we will be looking forward to seeing our friend and sharing in his birthday celebration.We got Halloween candy to pass out to the kids and that will be ok as well in giving to these little fartknockers  .So its almost time for a good nights sleep and this is my first run on a real post on my new hardware, the videos and youtube were the first but this is my first real post on my new Apple Macbook Air. tomorrow brings football games and relaxation day for me, tomorrow could be my first gym day off in a month but that always changes. til tomorrow, good night and be well

When You Were Mine - Mitch Ryder

Mitch Ryder is an old school singer who did a great job in 83 with this old Prince song"When you were mine"

New Apple Macbook Air

My new weapon of Mass Destruction, my new Apple Macbook Air, Amazing incredible technology,apparently this is my Christmas gift but I'm still negotiating...not really Sweetie this is an amazing machine,So thin and sleek and weighs 2 lbs.Thanks again T!

Fuel hemorrhage live LENO

This is a great live version of a song that I truly love and enjoy

the Fog at the 2010 Rio Homecoming game!

the most incredibly weird thing ive ever seen in el riotth

Just Sharing a little Goodness

Thanks again Terria for conversation part 2 last night and it went really well as usual, just able to unload some of my personal frustrations is so key to me. Man I am so  tired of feeling like I have to relive shit over and over again, but with My motorcycle accident coming up on it's one year anniversary it makes me think a bit and makes me truly appreciate alot of things that much more. The conversation was really nice, we had a great evening of hanging out and talking about the writings that i do and how much it means to me to express myself via my site . Yesterday brought me many good things, met my brother to drop off the mask for Halloween i bought on ebay for him, he is an amazing brother and human being, always so positive and calm and never see anything bad in anybody , unless you are a dirt bag than he is very much like me and will unload his disgust! We had some really good conversation pieces and he talked about the World series and Baseball in general, he is very old school when it comes to Baseball and respect's the game so very much and voices his displeasure when he see professionals play with less than full enthusiasm and effort. Very funny as he gets older, always been the proper and PC guy and really not so much anymore just loosening up and flowing free these days, very nice to see. He even wants to go back to Spring training this next as we had such a good time and should make it a yearly ritual, Nevarez wanted to go as well so maybe we can all go, Tim, Brandon ,Rich , Robert and myself would be a great trip of enjoying MLB Baseball at it's finest. so at work this morning and really have little to do, have a Homecoming Football game at thew High school to attend and a Halloween Party afterwards, should be a great evening with Terria ,Tim and April together getting into mischief some way or another. Getting colder here at nights and 50 degrees is a cold front for us wimpy Southern Californians . no clod, no snow and the occasional rain shower and we get all butt hurt about that crap. But anyway, the day will fly by , not really planning on a gym trip today, we will see about that I'm sure as the day progresses! The weekend will bring me nothing til Sunday , when Robert comes into town , I'm baking him a cake and Terria will decorate it in her style and flair that she always does and  she bought hime a really nice Yankee cup set for hot or cold drinks that he will love. I progress on this day and in this life with many things on my mind, the past and present will always mesh themselves together, the mistakes and sidesteps I have made will forever make me stronger and the uncertainty that stands in front of me will keep me grounded in knowing that i am not as smart as I think, i do not know everything that I thought i did and the person I am, needs much tweaking and realization that the world i live in is my to prosper in or to crumble underneath. My words and diatribe here on my sites have been a Godsend to a man who has everything he ever needed and everything he ever wanted, being blessed with so many, and so much stuff, things ,possessions and other crap that never matters in the grand scheme of things. i like my shit, i love my hobbies and I want what i want, keeping those wants into perspective is my main goal, for now being happy and blessed is the most important thing I own and it doesn't cost anything but the time and efforts put forth to make it all happen! I wish the world of blogosphere good health, good luck and Good times ahead!

Pat Benatar- Tell it to Her

Of all of Benatars song, This is my favorite song ,and I have about 20 favorite Pat Benatar songs

Bittersweet Live Acoustic

This song screamed out to me over the past months and has become my own personal theme song for the twist and turns over this past year, so much joy and yet so many pains. Good to look back and see progression at it's finest!

Actually eating Lunch

Eating my Subway sandwich in the lunchroom and watching Some bullshit on ESPN are making a mockery of the lunchtime entertainmentthanks to Jeannette for going to Subway and getting my sandwich and for feeding my growling hunger . The rest of the day is somewhat quiet and yes,even quieter than the already morbid activity level in this office today. the boss is off today and we are essentiaLly left to run the office in a looser form than normal which by definitipn is a country club of office work. The 2 plus hour lunch is abused beyond belief and that is when the boss is in the office, seen half of my crew today  as they are taking advantage of that fact. So as the world turns ventured to septic Book and got the normal response to the fact that i do not vote,not registered to vote, the fact that ii choose not to vote is a much a ruight than to vote. the tired argument of "then u cannot complain is such fucking bullshit. by rights its the opposite in my eyes and i will leave it at that. tonight i venture to the ggym after work hoping to get a rejuvenated feeling after the gym  right now its dullsville and i cannot wait to get there and use this energy shortage for something. i can only hope that typing from my backberry doesnt leave too many typos and i really hate the spell check on this blog site but use it only on a pc . this damn keyboard is so small and i cant help it my my damn hands are so frickin big  but i utilize my lunchtimes when i eat to try to multi task  .my goodness i love to ramble and this morning first post really drained me emotionally and made me relive alot of mixed emotions. good days ahead and i can only say ,thanks for all that have forgiven me! i have finally forgiven myself

A Conversation To Remember

After My shower and late night spruce up went to bed for what i thought was going to be a reasonable early night around 10:30 . as i crawled in started having a conversation with my Wife and it lead to many issues of our lives, dating back 25 years when we first met and how we have evolved as people both individually and together the past 13 years. I don't know that I have ever had that in depth of a bedtime conversation with my wife in all our years. Now that says a lot to me, we are constantly talking, communicating feelings and emotions all of the time. As the night progressed into our first hour of talk we brought up many issues of my writing, my emotions and my way of being that somewhat peculiar person who just thinks way too much at time. with that being said we also touched on the Motorcycle accident and truly not realizing how close to dying i was, i never thought I was in trouble but as i always do, made light of the situation as part of my defense mechanism to defend my fears with laughter. I also brought up the fact that as we spoke of my Hospital stay and my 6 weeks of home care with my wife by my side every day and every step of the way! it brought up some vivid memories , of smells , senses and touches, the struggle for me to even stand up and walk down the hall to piss was so clear to me . i recalled with tears in my eyes remembering looking into my wife's eyes and seeing my brother with that look on his face that I have never seen before. the words of kidney failure and liver perforations and ripped spleen, then to hear blood transfusions and re-living that entire Hospital stay during our conversation made me instantly sick and made me realize that I was so very fortunate to be alive. The motorcycle pending on deck didn't mean so much to me anymore and not for the fear of riding and crashing again, just the thoughts of ever putting my wife and brother in that position to fear for me even when i make it home safe seems too much to bare at this point in my life. We touched on my recovery and how i bounced back quickly once the healing and the blood levels got to where i could go back to the gym and re-gain my strength and place back in a routine. I still recount the the  trips to the doctor where walking to the car was leaving me breathless, my broken rib would ache as i tried to take the deep breaths I could nt get enough air and felt at times like i was suffocating. So the conversation took many turns, all of which came back to today and the recovery status of our relationship and the trust issues and the work of putting all things at the forefront and keeping all issue that we have on the table at all times. My departures were going to happen in my opinion one way or another, it's just how I am apparently wired to self destruct, the fact that a perfectly wonderful woman and marriage was already in place,far be it for me to try to sabotage it by bringing somebody else into my life who i really didn't know and through the septic Facebook was able to formulate this imaginary idea  that the grass was greener on the other side. As i have mentioned before i would still be there if Valarie would have stayed and fought the fight with me. My stubborn mentality of not walking away from this Internet relationship with a few meetings and a lot of drama from her side really made an impact on my decisions to stand pat. I had put all my eggs in a basket which had so many holes in it, Thankfully Valarie went back and did her thing and allowed a stubborn Greg to be forced to do the right thing, I cannot believe that this actually happened to me, but my reality light switch turned on and i moved along and moved on. All the while feeling like i had it all figured out, i would be a single man who just did what he does, thankfully and miraculously I was given another chance to fix what was never truly broken. I assume Valarie is doing ok and working through her issues and i only know this as a result of an "accidental" text she sent me stating as much. i harbor no ill feeling towards her or her decision, have thanked her in my writings for doing what I was not man enough to do, the right thing! I truly hope she is well and I do wonder at times if she is doing what she is supposed to be doing! So our conversation progressed to the point of me asking her, "are u proud to call yourself Terria Lynn Duran these days, she says She wouldn't be around if not, and the fact that this strong woman does not need me to survive or need anybody to have a good life is so refreshing to me. she is my strength when i am weak and she is the Rock and Pillar for me that i always thought I had to be for both of us, i never allowed my wife to show me that she was capable of showing her strengths and did not allow her to give to me the way she is truly capable! There had been so much to talk about in our evening chat at 1:05 am . I thanked her for allowing me to be myself even through the thick and thin of my complexities and my over driven mind of garble and spattered views, she loves me for the person that i am, the young ,bright and sharp mind that I have is always brewing a new pot of hot coffee, sometimes too hot and burns me! I did tell her that my therapy has truly benefited me, and that i don't buy into everything that Morales says but have enough of whats broken in Greg to fix and mend the broken part, and improve upon the good part of Me. I have always stated that life is simple until we over complicate it with un-needed drama, well that is still true, however I did complicate my life and did bring drama and for that i have paid the piper and have rebuilt what was already a masterpiece in my life, my wife, my savior and my friends are all so prominent in my life today. the conversation we had last night was a further proclamation that i am going to where i want to be, but stronger and better today than i was after Nov-22 2009 when i nearly lost my life, part of me was saying appreciate the little things and the other part of me was go for the grand slam, the happy medium is where I am today. I told my Terria last night, my only selfish need these days is that i want my knees fixed, want to play Tennis again Basketball, Go to the park and take infield and fly balls again and throw and catch the football again. Even spoke to Nevarez about joining his Elks club to help and give back something to the community once a month. I've been given a world of greatness and born with the innate ability to make a difference in people's lives, be it by positivity or the real life Faith that I have and trying to be a good person to all. so i start with where i left off at 1:08 last night and early this morning. Thank you Terria Lynn, you are an amazing human being and i am blessed to call you mine, my wife and best of everything! Thank you sweetheart! 

Another day Closes Nicely

Another great Evening and kinda forgot about the Baseball game tonight, got caught up in dinner and talking to wifey about this and about that, Damn Giants are for real I guess, kind of a dud series I was hoping for phillies /Yankees but the two teams here earned it, a yawner nonetheless. Meeting My Brother Rich at the Coffee bean in the morning to have acofee and drop off hs Alfred E. Neuman mask i bought him on Ebay, should be good to see him ,will see him at the Rio Homecoming game on Friday which will be cool to attend, some of the girls say they might show up so we shall see if it becomes a happy hour at the game lol! feeling a little tired tonight, the egs are sore today after the leg workout and hitting Golf balls but hopefully will be a better workout day tomorrow. Watched a little Maddow and Olbermann and am so discusted at the new emergence of the Republican narrowminded racist party, we are in serious trouble as a coun try when hatred over rides rationale and the betterment of our country . But Fuck that and fuck politics, that shit wil go on without my registered voting ass one way or another. So enough of that dogshit and back to smething a little more positive, like saythe bite of that Snickers bar I just took  and that iced cold Diet pepesi I am drinking all the while watching the hapless Clipers getting their asses handed to them by a bunch f-in foreigners from Portland, ridiculous. Tomorrow i lan on geting to work a little late since meeting Rich for coffee at the Bean at 645 am and then head to work and get that al done in grace and style...yeah work gracefully and stylish, like thats my forte right lol! Ready fro the evening shower and then set the music up for the trip to beddy bye. he week is nearing its end and I so look forward to this weekend . Good Night!!!

How real Do I feel

Am I the problem or the cause
Do i Add to your troubles
Or confuse your coping skills
with the depths of my indifference

When the walls come down
I feel naked and bare
when the hallway are narrow
why do I stop to stare

In this disbelief I see the shadows
The star crossed past
and my daily suppression
Where cars go fast and meds for depression

I have thought aloud about
Where I have come from and how
The pettiness we call issues
are the things that break us down

my visions of grandeur
are sights within my reach
my fingertips on the prize
and my learning curve I teach

I seek out my tranquility
and It well within sight
the hand i hold every day
and the body i love every night

Today brings much solace
a peacefulness that I'm thankful for
I grab my daily dose of reality
and walk on through my open doors

Funny But Stupid

So I get this text from Nevarez, he said you wanna hear something funny, I say sure do, he calls himself Sly Stallone and I laugh and wonder What the fuck is he talking about. I then head over to Facebook, of Septic book as I like to call it these days and read some funny shit about his daring attempt to be a superhero at his store the other day. so after i read the fact that he has a guy run into his store, steal 15 Kobe Jerseys and run and jump in his car, Rob then runs out and jumps on his car and starts to try to confront the dude and is on the guys car as the guy starts drivng away, Robert is ok ,calls the police and they eventually arrested the guy a couple hours later. I get back with nevarez and say "mother fucker what is wrong with you man"? You gave me shit and told me that you would kick my fuckin ass next time I ever pulled some stupid shit (referring to my infidelity) so I then said, you ever do that again I will kick your fucking ass ,now there , we are even on the ass kickings now. The day is going well, outside of Roberts stupidity and heroics, I'm calling  Him Frank Stallone ,Sylvesters bad singer brother instead, so we both got a laugh out of it. I went to the gym at lunchtime, then went and hit some Golf Balls in the wind , it was actually good practice to hit into the wind and try to shape the shot low and into the wind. Other than that feel pretty good, the gym was a short 30 minute leg and stomach workout with medium to low intensity, keeping in mind that day off I am supposed to take. Came back to the office and warmed me up some leftover pasta that Terria made and packed for me ,Delcious the 3rd day sweetie! thanks again !!! Tonight we really will try to find something cool to do tiogether, turkey burgers and and sweet potato friend for dinner sound pretty good, I' looking to maybe get some frozen yogurt tonight or something similar, not Ice cream ,I am so lactose intolerant these day and can barely wolf down a bowl of cereal anymore...fucking old age, not really old, but things that i could devour I can no longer, it is the body's way of saying I'm not 22 anymore, which is ok by me because i was a no woman havin broke mother fuck at 22 and had no clue what life was all about. So i will deal will the age and reading the paper 18"away from my  face at arms length, I enjoy the freedoms to come and go with T and i and to whatever we truly want to do, like having money in my pocket and my girl there with me to spendit, well trying to be more pennywise to save for the good things and will try to stay away from a Motorcycle shop ..try i dsaid ,everybody has their kryptonite, Motorcycles and white woman are my weakness,did i really say white woman? dumbass. oh yeah, chocolate too. So its after 3 and i have another hour to go before i head home , i am sure i will have more to say later on this evening , heres to all! have a great Fucking day would ya already  

Ready to ??

Happy Humpday mother fuckers!!!! I got a late start this morning , thanks sweetie for getting me up and out and shooting through the morning dew, i really was not motivated to get to work today. Feeling really good, here at work and the mood is high and the energy levels are good so far. Feeling a  little hungry right now and don't know what I will do for a quick energy pick me up, something in the office kitchen perhaps ? I look at today as an opportunity to glolat a little, pretty proud of the fact that we have traveled far and high together and really have worked at being closer than ever before, which by definition would have been hard to match as we are always on top of each other emotionally and spiritually! No quick fix remedies, just good old fashion hard work and determination to see the end results by putting in the time and understanding that Rome was not built in 20 minutes. So we come to today and talk about the plans we have and the goals we set  and the little things we do throughout our day that truly matter for one another. We don't call too often as i hate the telephone  but we are in constant contact all day long and never truly seem that far away from each other, but even as she sits 25 miles away and a 35 minute drive time away from me i feel really connected for all of the right reasons. WE do pamper ourselves with things and gifts daily, we never truly see it as a treat or abnormal to do things for each other , just an everyday occurance, I'd feel weird if we didn't act as we do but the constant attention to details is so very much expressed and enjoyed. Terria is so damn anal about being a planner and making sure everything is done perfectly and it always is and never puts herself before anybody else ,which i suppose is a good thing, i just wish she was more selfish and demanded more but she is not and I love her deeply for those things, as she loves me for all of my idiosyncrocies and oddities and my selfish ways as well. But being more cognizant of being more aware and trying to be less about me I can see a clearer picture and have noticably become a better husband and person towards her and her needs. so we do enjoy the everyday and we will always work towards enjoying the little things about each other  as well as the obvious things , we walk together and we never walk alone. The time and efforts we have put towards each other has truly paid off and we are both enjoying the goodness and are always aware that we can never become complacent and think that the work can ever stop. It sounds like overkill but she is more than worth it and I can honestly say that all of my departures, be it physical or emotional I am at a crossroads of the understanding of some of my issues, the beauty of it all is that I would have never known what to fix if I wouldn't have had the proper diagnosis and been given the tools to fix my flaws and best of all realize where I am and where I was and all the ground we have covered together. I am in a great place today and it has not been an easy road but a road that needed traveling ! I know i'm not easy to understand, I know I'm not an easy person to to totally get comfortable with, but my uneasiness is also my best attribute and I am in a constant state of flux. I have changed alot about me, but i am still the same core person who loves, and hurts and admires and commands and demands respect as much as he can give it all back. Those who have crossed the line have felt the wrath, those stupid few who have chosen the path of most resistance have dealt with my dark side and wished that they hadn't. But I am well adored and respected and enjoy that portion of my world, the rest can go fuck themselves and I say that with the most love and admiration that i can muster, Stupid kills, People , Stupid Kills! World Series tonight ...Go Rangers,Fuck San Fran!

Rest and Relax, Til morning comes!

Very Nice evening which consisted of eating a simple dinner of leftover Zitti Pasta and then baked some Vanilla Bean cupcakes and made the butter cream frosting for Terria's school tomorrow, very tasty  indeed. Watched a little of the Laker game and tried to be enthusiastic about 1 of 82 games which i the end mean nothing in the big picture. But the games must be played, Kobe is the best player in the game very clearly but not much of a human being I'm told, very ,very arrogant as is his wife and her family, go figure, Mexicans...lol Feeling really good and had a good ,not great workout after work meeting Terria and putting in nearly an hour of cardio and upper body tonight. Came home and had a simpe dinner and then decided against a new computer for now, don't need it and will save the money for something else, the motorcycle topic popped up again and I will wait for that as well as it is not the time to do anything fiscally yet. Understanding that our pay raises are in effect but still  wait for a better time. was on youtube tonight watching motorcycle racing and getting the terrible itch to put a leg over a new 1000cc Japanese rocket real soon! Tomorrow should be a good day at work with a few fires burning but nothing too serious. Really looking forward to seeing Nevarez on Sunday, celebrating his birthday a week late, baking him a cake and got him a gift that we know he will like. The Saint ,As he calls Terria truly likes Robert Nevarez as he is a god man with very high values and a true friend that I should have never gone 25 years without staying in contact. Sad but true but we will always be tight from here on out! Other than Sunday the weekend is a free day to really go with the flow of the day and hopefully the weather cooperates with us and brings us a little warmth. Well time for a quick shower then to bed for another great night of sleep, yeah 5 hours is what I generally get but am god with that and truly never feel kike shit in the morning. The knee is still sore but will try to be patient with it and let the shorts do their thing, if not then I will schedule a scope of each knee and get the knees leaned out and get me back on the courts , be it tennis, basketball or whatever else I feel like doing. I'm out for the night and be back in the morning with many more words and ideas for the world to shake their heads at.  

Contemplation and Determination

Nearing the last hour of the workday and I am at the stage where excitement checks in and then the anxiety of the day off from the Gym rears its head. As of right this second I am going to the gym for a good workout, otherwise I'd end up going later on in the evening and would rather just knock it out and be done with it. Tyhen we can head to the Apple store and look at the new Mac air laptop and see what thats all about. But damn me if i can't take a day off rom the frickin gym without feeling guilty about it all. I know we haven't even discussed pour dinner plans and really not in the mood to eat out tonight, even though ther eis a cheesecake factory in the Oaks Mall I'would really like to make something at home instead, tired of eating out ! We have the Rio Mesa Homecoming game to go to this Friday and that should be cool enough, not a real big fan of High School football, the game is so slow and generally played at a shitty level but might run into a few people i know, not all that interested in that either just going to support my School and to see my brother, the only real chance we get to see him is at the football games. Meeting Tim and April there so that should be cool enough. Other than that the week will progress without much fanfare and quietrly get us to the weekend which is a good thing. the peace and tranquility of being able to do or go wherever we want at any time is so damn appealing to me, and the fact that raising children is done and we can enjoy the adult years as we are still young and don't really see slowing down any time soon. So i will actually go to Bally's for a good workout and i will assure myself a needed day off one day this week for sure. Just feeling better as the day goes on and the energy level will build up into the the point of hitting my first machine at the gym. We will figure out a gameplan for dinner and we will enjoy the night with conversations and discussions of the day, night and the days that will soon follow us on the way to wherever we want or need to be. i can only hope that the health satys in tact and that we can grow older and appreciate the good things that cannot be bought at a store or ordered online, just the knowledge of each day and the thoughts of giving and receiving love unconditionally! I seek out not the answers to my problems, i seek out the wisdom to avoid the unecessary pitfalls that can be avoided! Til later on this evening whe I check in tonight with more or less something insignificant! lol

New Adventures

Today is the first day of a new adventure for me. From here on out i begin a new era Of Blogospheric intensity and start new and fresh with a fresh cut and new outlook on the writing aspect of it all. I came up with this Grand idea of publishing my blog in a hardback book form and had a company do it for me. i will make this a gift for Terria and i know she will really appreciate it all, over 125 pages of my rants and raves from Jan through this morning, all sent and ready to be turned into a book and includes every post I have written to include, poems, comments and pictures, even has the listings of all the songs  and comments that accompany them as well. Very cool gift idea I think and relatively cheap i thought and in full color ! Even had a nice dedication page and includes a picture on the covers front and back, i chose the Whitehouse pictures i took when i was in DC recently and really like how it looks and am proud of my writings and my ability to share my thoughts and views! Looking back and reflecting on the year and all of it's trial and tribulations i feel a sense of accomplishment to be able to make some mistakes, have the intelligence and foresight to fix them and the desire to want to be better for the most truly incredible woman alive! I always thought that a therapist was a waste of time, damn how dumb was i , the most incredible things have happened since then, the ability to fix old broken ways of self perception, that would have never fixed themselves because i never knew what i was doing. Yet here I sat self destructing and sabotaging my own successes with the lack of worthiness that i never even knew i possessed. Amazing what somebody smarter than i could pick me apart and show me the way! I do enjoy reflecting on my troubles and my ways out of the depths of troubles, it shows the ability for me to grow and expand upon what i thought was already perfect and yet knew very little about the real Greg, now that i do and have the tools ,this life of joy is more than a trip or a gift, it is a spiritual awareness to truly comprehend how to become better and happier than ever before, if i were to stand pat and do nothing,i would be fighting this battle again down the road sometime and do not ever want to do that to terria again, not just to terria but my kids and my family and my to disappoint so many on so many levels was very discouraging to me. Move to today and the growth is incredible and i am very proud of myself and truly grateful that i am who i am and what i am and was smart enough to be able to say" I need help and fix the broken parts a of Greg that he never knew were broken. Never too late to learn something about yourself and to think we are complex enough to fix ourselves is a severe case of double ignorance" not knowing that you don't know" So feeling blessed and very thankful for the gifts I have and continue to receive with all of the love of Family and friends that I have ,and the health and well being of a mental awareness that i never could have had without the love and help that i have received. Good Days indeed ! 

Sun is shining and the Birds are Poopin'

It's a great tuesday morning that started off incredibly well...The sun is shining and the birds are doing whatever it is birds do...poop i guess???? the girls were kind enough to make a McDonalds run for me and bring back some food for breakfast for the office(YUCK!), of course they will do anything to get out of the office and I don't mind asking them, good ol Peanut butter and Jelly kill me i swear! Well tonight we are headed to the mall to check out the new Macbook air and see if we want to invest in a safer more user friendly computer, might be a better tool to use for video when Braz goes to Afghanistan in April and Skype is always easy to use so we will see. Ok, here we go again, today is the day i plan on taking a day off from the gym, really I'm going to try to adhere to this statement but we always hear that and i am so tired of telling myself to take a day og just STFU already about it Greg. Ok, so the gauntlet has been thrown down and we will see if I can follow through with a simple act  of going with the grain for once???? I'm feeling better today, the minor stomach bug i had is gone and I'm a little stiff from my workout yesterday but truly need a day off to regenerate and recuperate. had an interesting dinner of a bowl of cereal, and a bowl of soup last night, then made popcorn so i assume that my gut is well again! Seems like i just got here and it's already 830 am , where the past hour and a half went i don t know but the rest of the day can do so as well and you will not hear any complaints from this side of the office. Glad to here that my mini co-worker sabrina is in escrow for a new home and she is really happy about that and like to see good stories for great people like her who work so hard and do what they are told show up to work everyday and do more than she is asked. my little sisters of the office angie and Sabrina, as well as the rest of the girls here who apparently think i'm the bomb too so it all works out well in the wash. I'm doing great and feeling really good today. the time cannot go fast enough so i can get to the real part of  my day that matter, Family Time! Good morning and Good Day

John Waite - Missing You

This song was a favorite of mine in the 80's, can't truly say that this song ever applied to anyone but i loved it and alot of John Waites other stuff when he was with the "Baby's. good era of music for me!

Communication never Let's me Down

 great evening, never made it to thousand oaks to the Apple store afterall. Just kicking back and doing very little my wife and I just finished watching 2 1/2 men on Monday night , watched a little of the Football game and thoroughly enjoyed the time together, made popcorn and enjoyed it together ! I thin tomorrow could actually give me a day off from the gym, I did make it to the gym at lunchtime for the lack of anything better to do I decided to go and make it another day and possibly take tomorrow of, may end up going tomorrow as well but its not that big  of a deal either way. THe legs are cramping a Little tonight did my leg workout and then shot some hops at lunchtime. Amazingly enough I have not lost my shot at all, really feel good about my jumpshot and my 80 plus percent free throw percentage makes me feel god. Weird how although older and beaten up a bit my athleticism has not gone away, hoping to get the knees in shape and start playing Tennis and shooting more hoop, baseball and all of the other things that I used to enjoy on a daily basis. The motorcycle thing has take a back burner for now as I hope to get some things squared away with Erwin and a few other things that should be materializing here soon! I really enjoy the writing aspect of my sites and really look forward to the questions that Terria gives me afterwards, knowing that she reads my shit regularly and gives me insight as to what I eel and how i can deal with the things I so very often over analyze. As she said, I could never truly dumb myself down and never be that simple person, but there is a happy medium I know and dumbing down is not even an option, but keeping it  simpler is not a bad thing I know this and seek this out. But where do i stop, how do I achieve that and stop the suppression of the emotional aspect of dealing and accepting . Maybe I could lighten up on the writing here and soften it up a little but I try and it always jumps in to the depths of my cranium and the braniac that I am oooozzes out and voila', out comes the egghead and the shit starts all over again. I do use the Twitter for just plain shit talking , kind of how i used to use Facebook, more of a Joke to me and FB is truly what I've always called a septic tank for alot of bad things to happen, te preoccupation with the nonsensical makes it all like some bad TMZ program of useless nonsense and banter that means nothing, gets nothing done and accomplishes nothing. I can post pictures and tell about the family here and on Text messages and those who know about this site can access it and know where the Gregasaurus is at in his life. Bet by reading my verbosity probably think that the Saurus is outta his mind, albeit not too far from the truth I am a little out there and understand I beat to my own Bongo drums and actually enjoy being that guy, the guy with no filter and the guy who makes people shake their heads in disbelief with some of the crap that comes out of my mouth. It's 1015 need another shower not feeling as fresh as  should be  before bed but am weird about m showers and cleanliness anyway, the guy who took six showers while camping one summer and got laughed at, i said fuck off all you stinky mother fuckers then and I do so now LMAO! Man I know that writing and my blogs have given me an incredible avenue to thoroughly examine the complex world of the Greg dude and I am really proud of the ability to  express myself through this avenue. I love to on occation open  the box of journals i have in my garage and thumbing through a page or two and re visiting eras that were shapers of the good and bad of  writing down in  a journal are lost to me, but I still look back and can remember a poem to Tracy, an angry rebuttal to Gina or the lost idea that people were supposed to appreciate my goodness, i wrote it all down and for me this is some scared shit, maybe my opinion of myself is too high, or maybe the bar I set was raised to damn high, or at times too damn low. Life has a way of allowing me to grow up and mediate and regulate where I have ventured and where i plan on going. I do enjoy the fact that Terria s enthralled with my writing and my opinions on shit, As am I for what she thinks ,feels and breathes. I can only hope that my open view of things does not frighten or dissuade her to know that I am always trying to analyze and over do shit, she says so and i understand when Its time for me to shut it down a bit and come back down and be a regular dude every now and then. so as I ready for that shower and the night comes to a close. I am so happy to be in a place where expression is encouraged and at times glorified as the communicating tool that iit is intended to be! It was a good night and I d la n having an incredible eve and morning to follow. Keep writing and keep thinking ,not so deep and not so much but never stop beig the pain in the ass you have always been . So I bid your ass a damn good night!now time to spell check! Phuck

1.nelly furtado-say it right

This is a great song, from a genre that is not my style, but Dammit look at her!!! Phuckin amazing!!!!!

Blah,Blah Fucking Blah

Here I go again , never have nothing to say I fricking swear to God. Got a text from Wifey and she is a s disinterested in the day as i am today. sitting at the front desk answering phones while everybody gets their lunch break, i take mine after 1230 usually and am generally gym bound, today may be a day off for me, the stomach is a little queasy still and need a day off , been about 3 weeks since i had one anyway. Going to Thousand Oaks Mall and the Apple store to look at the new Macbook Air laptops, don't really know how badly I want one or if it is something I need, I really don't but mac's are better for paying bills online and really are more less susceptible to virus and spyware so that would be the reason but no real need , but they are a great looking computer and i did love my old MAC that I had and sold a few years back to Brad. I am waiting til 1230 to get outta here for lunch, then i will decide when and if I am working out and or going to lunch??Either way this is the toughest decision I will make all day how cool is that. Well that and whether or not to drop a G down on a computer that I don't really need ? Oh well the day is more than halfway over and thats a good thing ! I'm trying to be positive about it all and really look at the big picture in my world and i have so much incredible goodness in my life. The biggest things are deciding whats for dinner or what to do for lunch, geezus H christobal thats a joke, so many people out of work or not having enough to eat and here I am all blessed and at peace with alot of my life. The parts that I have fucked up I have fixed, I am now looking for something else positive to grasp onto and make a difference somewhere ,somehow. But for today, Greg Duran ceases to try to save the world and just get me home at the end of the day. i hope all of my Friends, colleagues and associates are on top of the world .The view is nice from here..all ya'll mother fuckers should really check it all out ..LMFFAO

My Motor

A storm brews from within my city lights
thoughts blowing hard in my mind tonight
even a hurricane has it's eye
If only my mind would give that a try

Nothing painful attacks my borders
everyday that passes restores more order
I see the sun upon the horizon
the morning comes and i see it rising

I wish upon and a fear driven fight
I see the peace and love it day and night
tranquility is a daybreak away
the boat will rock about, and gently sway

Slowing down the machines top gear
oils burning hot and i sometimes fear
the motors finely tune pistons will blow its seal
It's never as simple as i want to feel

a new day and new opportunity
to change the wrongs and make new history
a happy book with a happy end
the wars inside and the grounds i defend

a metaphor and an analogy
my battle grounds of being ME
descriptive and a rich new flavor
so much yet to truly Savor

slow it down and pay it back
give myself another chance
I realize that i have limitations
complexities and abominations

Positive Restless Thoughts

It is a great Monday morning and not much happening at work so far! Had a great dinner with Terria and Brandon last night, richer than rich and i paid for it but so well worth it, thanks Terria for an incredible dinner and closeness we share! Today brings about a little different feel for me, not sure where it's coming from but i feel better about alot of things today. Not saying I was feeling horrible about anything in particular but as the mind moved violently into the night i can sometimes wander about and sleepwalk during a day with nothing but hard concrete things going on in my head. Being the eternal thought making machine I always ponder the things that go on and ways to make stuff different if not better. and always wonder what is it that I can do to make this happen, man what a burden to self implore upon ones self. i think it not fair to try so damn hard for anything , i try to understand people differences and the whole outside of my hands theory I totally get , but there is some inherently wrong with me and my mind numbing protocol about life. I am so very aware of the issues that I have and have had for a long time now. Morales calls it suppressing feeling by over thought, OK, that's fine in theory but am I supposed to walk around sprinkling pixie dust and and whistling Dixie because I'm supposed to go around trying to become a simpler person, I hope not, God gave me these gifts and i want to use this brain for it's intended purpose, whatever the fuck that may be is the zillion dollar question. I've already proven to myself that my life is a good as anybody can ask for, even better than that , too much incredible goodness happens to me on an hourly basis to ever complain about a damn thing so I feel like a Dick when i do. Like listening to a pro athlete complain about how he's going to feed his family with out that 12  million dollar pay raise he thinks he deserves... shut the fuck up already, this is where I'm at and realize that i am in a great place and really need to make so many adjustments in my life to appreciate the world where i live and the incredible people in my life that make it so damn stupidly amazing!!! Yeah i have it like that and have tried to sabotage myself for the last time, no  more trying to buy something to make a temporary fix, a moment of instant gratification. I am the the man in the watch shop with a broken watch and the parts are all there, i can either cut corners and try to fix it with the broken parts and hope it works out fine, or can seek out the new box laying right next to the broken  watch and install new parts with the new tools that i have in front of me! the million dollar question which is part of my analogy which I often use when friends say this or that about their spouses ,gf's ,Bf's or whatever , or whomever. It's like trying to fix a broken watch with broken parts, the watch is still broken , so dig deep and spend the time ,effort and money on the right stuff and install the new parts to make the old broken watch a better piece of machinery that will last a lifetime with proper maintenance. That is where i am and I understand the concept of instant gratifications and self sabotage and strive to become a better everything with continuing to listen to myself and learn from myself that I am who i am, but there is so much more of me left untapped and ready for a Renaissance. I will always be a good person trying to become better, I'm not a easy person to understand and for that i do apologize , but will not apologize for being complex and smarter than fuck, that's just the part we all  have to deal with, sometimes in a positive way and other times not so good! So today is a great day believe it or not, no sunshine yet on our southern California day but the rest of the day ,week, month, year and life will be always striving towards something better in life, starting from within and moving outward i am in fact a blessed man who is thankful for where i am and where i will be! Happy Mondays!

Busy October for Me"Verbose"

Been a busy month of October foe me around the Blogosphere, 114 posts tgis month alone and no end in sight. Love to write and speak my mind,tryig to watch this shit fest of a football game tonight not a fan of either team and essentially aiting for Terrias baked Zitti pasta dish to be ready to consume any minute,I can smell it in the air Yummy!!! I'm starting to like Twitter, they have changed the format a bit and its a little easier to post photos and video on the site these days. Besides its like here, its whatever I want it to be and  wont offend anybody ,no family or friends commenting on my words of wisdom, or lack thereof I do enjoy Twitter moreso than Facebook and it really is good to be back to whree it all started for me online...Twitter, very stupid and meaningless, but for somebody like myself who loves to write and listen to myself speak all day long, this is what I do . So whatever I say only maters to me anyway. time to eat , I'm outta here love it!

Busy Busy Sunday

Sunday morning started out with a blast and then go going into the day where it always starts, the gym then we headed downtown for a good breakfast at BG's cafe in the Nard, had a real tasty breakfast and then headed homeward bound to the task o a 12" Yard that needed cutting drastically. The mower struggled through the tough high green grass but managed to get it all cut, Terria was so nice to head out and help me with the edger , did some weeding and got the yard all pretty again.  Came inside and showered and got all smelly good and shit and then hung around a bit and then decided to get the needed haircut at Supercuts! We then went for some groceries and bought he necessities for the night and the next few days so knocked that all out and now am home in my chair in the Tv room waiting to watch something good on the tube tonight, a Little burned out on Favre and the Cowboys, what a dogshit game this will be, the same goddamn teams every week on TV, the Redskins, Eagles,Cowboys, Steelers, Vikings, good God show something else Fuck!!!Cannot wait til the new ranking for college football, should be Oregon #1 and Boise State#2 and I really hope that they can play in the championship game for all of the marbles. Be a damn good game don't know who i would root for since i love both programs and their head coaches. Good Job, unlike SC and their group of cheaters...lol!!! Spent allday with Terria doing a little of this and alot of that and that's what it's all about, doing things whatever they be always together and always communicating the goodness that we share. So it was another great Sunday afternoon with plenty of Sunday left, the day started off in bright sunshine and now looks like a rainstorm where that came from, but it's whatever it is at this point I can't control that shit so no worries on my part, Don't know what I will do for the next couple hours, no Basball til Wednesday where the Rangers are going to kick the Dog piss out of the Fucking Giants. So Tomorrows back to work and I will get into my groove of work, Gym ,home , love and happiness and all good in the household of The Saurus. Weird but I actually look forward to the workweek, makes the weekends and time off that much more enjoyable and real to me and justifies the fact that nothing comes without work and efforts, shit doesn't work itself out or fix itself or nothing is ever handed to you that truly matters. So I am loving the hard work and the dividends that it always pays me back. No wishing on a star  just reeling in the realities that I have afforded myself in the life that I thoroughly enjoy. Good Mother fucking Times I Tell Ya!!!

What Will Sunday Bring

A very quiet Saturday night finished watching the Giants beating my Phillies and now rot fr the Rangers to kick the shit out of them come next week! Pretty damn good dinner we made. Had some homemade chicken Pot pies and were delicious and finished up some chocolate truffles and a small piece of Strawberry cake left over from last night. Posted a few old classics from my past that i truly enjoy, watching season 7 of two and a half men on the tube with Terria and having a incredibly tranquil evening. Tomorrow brings Football, mowing the lawn and getting a haircut, Fuck the gym that Will wait til eveything else is done, yeah right, it will be the first thing I do I'm sure but I do have a full pate tomorrow with the chores and the good things smattered in between to complete the day. Don't kow who is playing on the tube tomorrow but I'm sure the Cowboys, or Giants ,Jets or Redskins are on, they are on all f the time and It fucking sucks. So whatever it brings I will get it done and be a fruitful Sunday and ready for another good workweek .So almost done with Saturday and need to relax a bit before bed and get ready for a Sunday with plans!!

Little River Band - Lonesome Loser LIVE

So many hits from this band...amazingly talented

TOMMY JAMES - THREE TIMES IN LOVE.wmv

Ok this is a better version of the previous tune, Dammit I'm in a groove and am embarrassed to say I love this song

Technology

Looking at the the Macbook Air Laptops, amazing technology all around us these days. The fact that my new phone can do whatever my laptop can do is amazing to me, can do everything but paly a DVD but ohter than that truly amazing. Never been a techie before til I got my first Blackberry a few years back, since then i need the latest and greatest of everything technical. I do love the the Apple computers and love the fact that they are difficult to hack into,or more difficult and that s good since we do all of our bills online.  SEe If I can convince Terria to get a new Apple computer soon. As it is my new Blackberry Torch is friggin amazing and it is part touch and part button touch which i prefer, my hands too big for he touch screens , So I dropped Tmobile  since their coverage was horrible and was dropping alot of Terrias calls and texts and  she had no service at her new school and I never had great coverage at the base so we went to AT&T which is incredible for service and coverage , even on the east coast in DC and in North Carolina I had flawless coverage and do appreciate that service. Tmobile was great ,had them nearly 9 years but they never went 3G so they lost me as  a customer. Man i am so glad to live in an era of great technology, i hope it never replaces us as human beings and that we don't become too desensitized by our technology but I do love to use it ,if not abuse it to its fullest. i love my computers and my Blackberry Torch and will continue to ugrade as the upgrades become available. Terria loves her tattoos, I love my Blackberry and computers and will continue to do so. We all have our hobbies and things we love and like to occupy our time with . I'm headed to apples site right now and do some shopping. My new 2 1/2 men season 7 just got here , thanks Oh Terria the wonderful! The day is cloudy outside ,but i do love the sunshine indoors .Good Times!!!

Insomniac!

Watched a little Baseball tonight, Rangers kicked the crap out of the Yankees, Sorry Robert but Money can't buy you everything ,butI'm sure they will buy themselves another championship soon! Had a relaxing evening after a busy day of running around and doing things that were on my docket, took care of all those and just lacked geting a haircut and mowing the lawn. The lawn is a fucking Cornfield, beautifully green and lush but 12" high and needs a thwacking badly.Terria was a little under the weather today and did nothing, we sat around and watched the game together, Tim and Ape came over and we made strawberry cake and they had some as we watched the end of the Ballgame and the rest of the Laker game on the tube. tomorrow really has nothing going, A haircut and the lawn and thats an hour and then what, Hitting Golf balls maybe, maybe a trip somewhere to get away if the weather holds up. Got the tickets in the mail for the December 5th game in Phoenix to see the Rams and Cards playing, great seats which retailed for 300 a piece were able to  Stub hub them for 100 a piece, actually 86 but with shipping and the other truly unnecessary charges that keep them in business 200 for both of them delivered, 18 dollars to ship them whe they could have been mailed for a buck and insured by USPS.Fuck it when i Rome I spose and the rules are the rules, We did get nice 30 yard line seats 4o rows up so I'm happy and it will be a great 46th birthday gift for Terria . Both T and I are suffering from insomnia and i kinda have a stomach ache and feel a little bloated so we're going to watch Becker DVD's til we get tired. I hope the sun does shine brightly tomorrow and that all are doing incredible well!

my new johnny cupcake new era fitted hat, bad ass limited edition hat   thank you terria ,must be an early xmas gift or a late birthday  thanks i love it and am wearing it as i write

My Friday

Friday morning is here and I have very little energy or desire to get out amongst the living this fine day. Terria is home sick today so I will make sure she is ok then head to the gym .Depending on the weather will head to the base and hit some Golf Balls and grab a bite somewhere. Still alittle overcast out but not raining as of yet, we shall see what the day and my attitude brings for the day. First line of attack is assuruing that Terria is ok and then I will head off to the Gym for an upper Body wokout, will sit in the jacuzzi for a bit and grab some heat in the sauna. Then shower and head to the base to hit golf balls ,then shoot hops at the base after golf balls. Tonight has no lans as of yet, dependig on what Terria feels like will determine what we do if anything so not a issue either way I'm flexible and willing to do ,or not anything that we decide upon. Gonna go check in o Terria now and then decide whether to head out to the gym and do the rest of my day.

just a shadow

in my top 25 all time song, Big Country -"just a Shadow"

Big Country - Look Away (LIVE)

Another great band and Song,Big Country

WILCO & ROGER MCGUINN - ROCK AND ROLL STAR

Yess, Me Likey alot

McGuinn, Clark & Hillman - Don't You Write Her Off

Damn Classical song, loved these guys seperately, only one album together

Silent Night

Damn, I am watching my UCLA bruins get stomped by another favorite of mine THe Ducks from Oregon. i love the uniforms and I love the athleticism of the Ducks. My Bruins will be vback in a few years and be reckoned with soon. Had a great session with Morales tonight and was able to come to grips with the mind  of mind and how dynamic it has become. Tone it down alittle and let the emotion come through instead of masking everything with deep over thought and enjoy the eotional aspect of things and not so much the practical nuts and bolts part f life...Fuck, how the shitam I going to d that,simplify this over analytical mind to a more serene level of awarenes,damn,like asking a hooker not to charge for blowjobs. Anyway,I'm good with everything and will continue to work on every aspect of Greg and be a better husband and human being and continue to put that smile on my incredible wife's face! So the journey continues and we are all onboard together to a bigger and better future of happy times and drama free exsistances. Good Night and sleep tight,Damn she already went to bed. The world seems to be in a safe place tonight for some reason

Weekend!!!!!!

Pretty stoked, i passed my online traffic course and am free from doing that shit anymore. No more tickets Mr. duran and no more texting while driving thru camera lights..dumbass! Anyway i took no lunch today and am off to change and then the gym for a good sweat and workout. The weather is still inclement around these aprts and its ok, had a great conversation today with a couple of my co-workers regardoing their realtionships and really  had a heart to heart with one of them, how he needed to stop being the enabler of being taken advantage of. But all is good and I'm feeling better about today with the weight lifted off my shoulders for the traffic school thing which was due on Next week and i was able to get it done ! Tonight i have a nice hot shower after the gym waiting for me, a dinner date with my Terria Lynn and then a date with my bongo drums and making peoples ears bleed. so off to change i go and to Bally's and beyond for the night, I am hoping for a clearing tomorrow in the weather a sI would love to golf and ,or at least hit golf balls after i workout in the morning. we shall see about it and i know the weekend will be a grand one and that the time will fly by and i will be writing again from this desk here at work on monday making ears bleed and listening to myself spew as only i can, so for now, or at least until i get into my chair in my TV room later tonight . Good the fuck bye.I didn't spell check shit so whatever came out it here ! who cares  Weekend is starting NOW!

Thursday my friend

Good Thursday morning to my family and crew, it is a great day so far. terria is feeling better which means I feel better and I am at work contemplating how i will get my short 8 hour day done without a hiccup or interruption. An interruption from what is a better question, an interruption would be almost adored at this point , work being so slow and really looking for things to do around here. The traffic school will wait a little longer to get started ,not really ready for the dryness yet of a poorly made video presentation,damn these things are horrible. So whatever it brings i'm ready , work out after work , no basketball today at the gym just and afterwork session at Bally's and then therapy at 6 tonight, Dinner date afterwards and then home . Off Friday tomorrow but looks like the weather is going to keep me off the golf course tomorrow and I don't know exactly what i will do to occupy my day off, the Bongo drums will get a nice workout for sure tomorrow sometime. Back to today it is very quiet here at work and the crickets are ven taking the day off, damn weird around here, been ugly weather all week and seems weird to be so slow , slower than normal here at work but it pays the same weather or not we have a thousand customers or zero, we are not a profit based organization as is the Govt as a whole , unless you're a Republican politician, ugh , those stupid fuckers give me so much ammo to fuck with them but it's too easy to kick a dead man in the jaw . I will check my emails, read the news, a tweet a few comments and then begin to try to get into the traffic school thing

Night All

10 pm and Terria not feeling well, a Little feverish and really tired, So I'm left here to my own devices and doing a Little writing and contemplation for another good day tomorrow. Halfway through my online traffic school course , knocked out a chapter and a half tonight and the rest will be done at work tomorrow. Hoping the knees feel better tomorrow, but was able to get in a good workout tonight at Bally's with Terria. Good times and then came home and had a dinner prepared by Brandon and a good dinner it was, but very filling and still feeling like I ate 2 bricks and need to unload it before I hit the sheets. Terria is out and I am here solo writing to my hearts content,I hope she feels better in the morning, hate to see here feeling like crap.Have really nothing cooking for the weekend and that's ok  I guess, as I stated earlier we always figure something out if nothing at all which is fine too. Therapy Tomorrow night with Morales and should be an interesting session if we can come up with something interesting and fruitful to discuss, we shall see, otherwise he sends us home early since we are his last clients for the day. Will jot down some things, some of our conversations this week brought up some interesting subjects to table,now if I can only remember what they were, I'm losing my mind sometimes and lose sight at times since I rush the mind so much, slow down dude it's gonna be alright. My eyes are burning and I must be getting a little tired, rubbing my eyebals like I'm trying to take them out, ouch that hurt like a mother fucker!!1 Anyway,I'm getting really tired and feel the bed calling me in a second or two, I love to write and enjoy the feeling of  finishing off a thought and closing and publishing a thought that I call my own. God Bless everybody!!

part 2 of Slow start

The day has progressed somewhat ,i went to the gym later than i wanted to worked out the lower body and then rode the bike for a few minutes to stretch it out a little. Then headed to the basketball court and shot basket for 30 minutes and felt good, still have the shot, the knees didn't feel so good today and a little stiffer than i like them to be, even after the injections. so i will give it another 2 weeks or so then go back in and schedule an appt to see about scoping both knees if they don't get better. but i will be patient and try to avoid the drastic measure by doing the initial steps first! Right now I'm doing an online traffic school for a ticket i got a couple months ago, of course I'm procrastinating it is due in 6 days and hopefully i can knock this out by Friday and be done with it all and clear the ticket from my record. The rest of the Day has me trying to do the traffic school, a little writing here and whatever work walks in the front door here at work. Then i will proceed to Bally's and meet Terria at the gym for my lower body workout and save Cardio for tomorrows gym visit. tomorrow we visit the therapist , been a month since we last saw him and don't really have anything pressing to talk about in regards to anything I feel or don't feel at this point but I will try to formulate some questions that may rewquire some detailed answers. Don't really know if terria has any pressing items to bring up, we do talk nightly and I kow she is stressed about her boys being all over the map, Ty emotionally and Braz and nikki geographically, Braz has it really rough right now, being young and dumb and married, hence the young and dumb and trying to start a new career in the Army and balancing an unbalanced young bride i feel will be more than he can handle at this juncture in his young life, too much ,too soon, too young to deal with without life skills and experiences to go back to and deal with issues. We as adults always have something to fall back upon to use as a guideline to fix and heal that which ails us all. Being young and having things happen for the first time is a bummer I'm sure but t that age they know everything and cannot be reached so you stop trying at a point and let them learn for themselves, i did it with Brandon and will do it with these boys as well . But the day is nearly over the weather is trying to clear up and shouldn't ever complain about the weather here as it shines for at least 335 days out of the year. Terria was just saying that we could never live in our dream city of Seattle with all of the rain and overcast, i kind of agree and could never leave socal for that bad weather, beautiful country and people ,but too much wetness! So I will go back and try to take more of my online class and get that shit finished. More later!

Slow start Today

Very slow send off today, nearly an hour late to work today, forgot the truffles i made for work today and had to go back and get them, forgot to put gas in the truck last night and almost ran out of gas. Probably was a mile or two away from pushing myself into work, thankfully there are a shitload of gas stations on the way to work, 10 to be exact in an 8 mile stretch! Got to work and starting to drink my Vanilla coffee that Terria made me,yummy and thanks again. So I'm at my desk and head to my Blog site, can't get inspired at first glance go over to Facebook and see what a cesspool that place still is and lose interest there in a hurry, So bad is it over there thati actually started using twitter again just because I feel a little less restricted on twitter cuz i don't ask people to follow me they choose that on their own ,so if i offend it's not my place to unfriend or delete or whatever the case may be. But i'm back to that and witing here many times per day to journal my thoughts ,feelings and moods. right now kind of in a moderately disinterested mood, the weather i think has a lot to do with that and it truly affects my moods when the sun is not shining brightly upon my day. Been doing a lot of thinking again on past and present issues with myself, the need to re-invigorate myself always pops up, when well enough is always better than good i try and try to seek out that which is not necessary, nothing bad or malicious just a thought or two about a track day , a motorcycle , a trip to someplace not yet ventured , some visits to some old crew members to re unite some old good feelings, but yeah a bike sometime soon would really stimulate alot of my energies, but moreso this mind of mine runs wildly and ha=s not allowed me to sleep a good nights sleep in a long time, never being a good sleeper ever, not even as a child, i always think myself to sleep. i remember when i used to ride the bicycle daily years back i would find myself climbing in the alps,or around lake casitas's little climbs and rhythmically out of the seat stomping on the pedals tour de france style, amazingly it worked. Nowadays thinking about riding a sportbike leaned over in a turn at 100 mph is almost too much stimulation and excites me so that i cannot ever go to sleep. But funny i never wake up exhausted and feel like i need more sleep, just cold and don't wanna get out of bed, feel pretty energized right now and sadly enough look forward to a gym shoot around at Base gym at lunch and then meet Terria at Bally's for a good workout on the machines. They are having a Potluck here at work ,i made chocloate truffles but will not eat here, the food is great but too fatty and all fried and just bad unhealthy stuff, so i will sneak off to Subway and eat with Jarrod today and hope that holds me over til tonight. Brandon is making dinner tonight and we are glad that we don't have to cook, i made bacon and Sausage Omelette's last night for diner with sharp cheddar cheese and were incredibly good, then made the truffles for todays potluck for the co-workers. so it was off to the TV room and started playing on the computer, watched MLB network and then went to bed around 1130 and finally dosed off after 115, got up at 7 , which is what time i'm spose to be at work and ended up showing up at 750 after shower, gas stop and trip back home to pick up forgotten truffle tray!!! so the work day is amazingly slow again, the days do drag if i don't keep myself mentally challenged, nothing here to read that i haven't read already but need to re read Schaeffers books again until he produces another on e, son i hope ,i know he's working on one now and don't have a pub date on it yet. Speaking of which i see where you can get the blogs published and printed in book form, i might do that sometime soon, in addition to my T-shirt design that i want to make for Xmas and gicve out a Family presents, all seemed to be pretty happy about it as a good Joke t-shirt and kinda eye opening mantra "have an Average Day" Mediocrity rules! on a black t-shirt with white writing and the circle head with a straight line for the mouth to indicate indifferent ! i liked that design for along time and finally worked one out on the net, now i just have to submit it and have them printed out and distribute them to my family and crew, thinking maybe 30 shirts and that way can get them to the folks that would wear them, my crew family and brother and bother in laew and my boys, Terria would wear one to school just to indicate her displeasure for the way we have accepted Mediocrity in the educational system and just how stupid TV is making these kids, technology as a whole is really desensitizing society and we will pay for this in future generations, but fuck that ,I'm not that generation and will thrive fine, my kids will deal with that stupidity if they haven't yet already, i  have and can walk away from it as my job and my life don;'t depend on anything but the basics of family ,friends and the ones that i love and care about so it doesnt affect me too much,i can just sit back and watch the fools do their thing and get a free show and a chuckle, Mentally Bankrupt is outr society and that's ok, Watching potential congress woman O'Donnell  from NY on TV last night ,the new Sarah Palin of stupidity and not knowing her Constitutional facts and being laughed at in a debate with the democratic runner and not realize e they were laughing at her,it was priceless. This is where we are at, Sarah Palin and her whore daughter are superstars for being stupid, yet scholars and people who make a difference in peoples lives go u  noticed and being a Kardashian is a good thing, yeah we got talent america, be as promiscuous and stupid as possible and we will make you 6 oclock new banter. This is why i live in secret little box of indifference when it comes to society, i will help anybody who needs it asks for it and move along, but my days of fixing broken shit other than my own are fucking done and dead like Fried fucking chicken, damn i love that line Dead like Fucking fried chicken, thank you Samuel L. Jackson  in pulp fiction for bringing that to life. I am being asked to cook some breakfast for the girls here at work so i will go to the kitchen like the good little bitch that i am and create something wonderful for my girls here at work, oh yeah and Richard B too!! lmmmfao good days niggas! be back shortly

I love this and am making this Shirt

I designed these on one of those Tshirt sites and am in love with this novel Idea, I already have a few people that want one of these and will make this happen soon

MIssing My Prozac Crew

Been awhile since I've sported the Prozac crew Jersey, miss the boys and the commereaderie that was the Prozac crew.. One day we will reunite and be back on bikes

My Status Quo

The Day started of pretty damn awesome this morning, took care of the baking last night ,brought them into the office and all were devoured within the first 30 minutes. Terria was  great again and helped me out this morning by loading all of my stuff in the truck while i was in the shower got my meds on the table and my New Basketball on the bench so i wouldn't forget it when I go to shoot hoops today at lunchtime! Even made me a great hot cup of Vanilla coffee to go, man I should be used to it but the inherent belief of doing for myself is hard to break. Went to the Orthopedic and got another shot in the other knee feels great today and am hoping that a scope won't be needed , or at least not for awhile. Want to take of the 20 pound of muscle mass I've added form the gym ,but the knees feeling better will allow me to run on the beach and play more hoops which will help the leaning out process. Generally don't eat too badly but need more cardio to take the muscle mass down and cut up a bit. so damn strong right now and even stronger than before my accident and much lighter  but still stronger than ever, Benching 455 again and able to max out all of the gyms machines but want to start working on circuit training to get the muscles to lean out and not bulk up. So the gym is my friend and will start training it to remove the mass and tighten it all up! Everything is really ,really good here at home and the workplace is an incredible place to live and breathe for 9 hours a day. This Friday is my off Friday and might try to get in 18 holes of golf we shall see. The weekend is not even on the radar as of yet it seems like we always do something but not much planning goes into it all since we enjoy flying by the seat of our pants a little more than most people do! Had another productive conversation with Terria last night regarding my Blog and how i write, she has some question of interpretations and I explained to her that when i write it's for me to understand and for me to decipher what it truly means to me. If she understands it great, if not she always asks which i have no problem understanding and giving my true meaning. We also discussed how she realizes my incredibly complex mind does not live i the simplest forms, via texts, or writing, or conversational ,i always communicate how I am thinking, when she asks me a question, or says something to me,i can make a simple question or request seemingly look like a stupid person not smart enough to handle a simple request. My mind is so powerful and always looks at every possible connotation and way that this question can be interpreted, yes this even drives me crazy as well but it is who i am, thank god Terria is a patient person who has enabled me and cherishes my complexities. Otherwise I would be in a world of hurt and a lonely man for sure!!!! Life and it's experiences have taught me many good lessons, my mistakes and miss steps have also helped me to improve and fix things about me that I didn't even know were  broken. as my therapist always tells me, I've been doing and perceiving this way since early childhood, breaking ths pattern takes and understanding and the tools he gives me to fix that pattern of wrong doings. I truly recommend therapy to anybody who has issues that aren't easily understandable within themselves, my therapy is more difficult because my analytical mind over processes the info and has a different more hardcore spin that that intended by my therapist. So I'm trying to simplify my approach to things, not trying to become a simpleton, but trying really really hard to slow down the thought process and be less analytical than I truly need to be. I'm very thankful at the fact that we have an incredibly patient and thorough therapist who truly see us a being an easy fix, but maybe not so much for me since I do tend to go back to my Grab Bag of bad habit more than Terria does. I spoke to terria about my past and how I don't have it in me to not care about people and not care how they are faring in their lives, used Tracy as a good example of how I care for her and how she is always a part of my past and we did share alot of good ,but the bad outweighed the good and I couldn't trust her , even shared how she wanted to come back to me and said she would if i would have asked her to, I never did and water being down tothe river is good enough for me. The trust issue is always a thing with me, I doubt that I could ever forgive Terria if she did what I did to her, which Is why I admire and love her so much to think that my second  chance was allowed because of her and because she was strong enough to forgive and move along. She was smart enough to jump on therapy with me because she knew there was something broken about me and wanted to fix it because she loved me, she could have lived fine without me and done well by herself  but was again concerned about me and knew i had plenty left in my tank to continue to make her a proud Terria Duran and she allowed me the gift of getting well and understanding all of the intricacies of myself through my therapy to fix myself and  get things back on track with each other. As i write this I get a text from Terria who thanks me for believing in us and how committed I am  because I chose to go to counseling with her to fix my broken psyche! And thanked me again for believing in US. I thankfully took this seruious and wanted to make sure i fixed it all and never put myself in this position ever again. i equate things to an alcoholic and the step process of always thinking that another drink will take me to the grab bag of badness again. The Parallels are the love of pretty white woman, love to look and to never touch, like a diabetic in a godiva Chocolate factory, I do live in So Cal and it aint easy being a man and being married in SoCal , well it should be for me as I can never replicate the love and greatness that my terria is to me. Again ,thanks for believing and thanks for allowing me to this day to being myself and never trying to change who i am, i will always works towards becoming a better everything to you, our kids and our lives together. I just re-watched some of Schaeffers interviews and including the one from UCLA that we were going to attend but didn't and come to love that man moreso by the minute, a man who truly opened my eyes to the right ways to do things and the proper perspectives of truly being able to say" i might be wrong" but I can still love and appreciate the things that make me happy , my wife, my Grand kids, my family and friends, and he also says something that sticks with me today" We are not who we think we are, we are what those who are close to us say we are" meaning because I think i'm the  greatest thing since sliced bread and love myself so damn much, but if my family and friends think that Im an  egotistical, arrogant mean spirited and untruthful person! than those that matter the most know the truth .i take that with me and care what the people in my life think of me and say about me, not for arrogance sake but for the mere fact that I want to be a positive in everybody i comer  across, not for my benefit, for them!!! god Has Blessed me with so much ,I can only hope to try and pay it all back with my gifts to others through understanding and tolerance! Goo Day my friends! i love it!

The Verve - Lucky Man (with lyrics)

This Song is in fact the embodiment of where I have been and where I am I am a very fortunate fellow indeed , lucky is too soft of a word!

Monday nearly Down

Just ventured over to Facebook for a bit and tried to renew the vigor of the spew i would share, but just couldn't get interested in the project at all,or Facebook for that matter. The day here is bringing about a little cold and raining outside which is nice to see on occation. The day has actually gone by quickly and leaving here in a few to go to the Orthopedic Dr to see what he wants to do about my knees, hoping I get a shot in the left knee and hoping that it works as well as the shot on the right one did ,if so! After the Dr. Terria and i are headed to Bally's for a workout then home for a quick dinner and do some baking tonight again. Made really good chocolate Muffins last night for Terria work and the girls at work found out and were not ahhpy that i didn't bring them any. So I told them that i  would make them special ones with a chocloate Truffle center of pure chocolatey goodness inside of cholcolatey Greatness. That should be cool enough to do, just have to be patient with the Truffle Ganache and not rush it and make it cool too quickly! so the night is essentially planned out for tonight, The Dr. will be a good indication of where the Dr. thinks my knees are, wanna get back to running ands shooting hoops for exercise in addition to the regular routine of gym and golfing that i currently run under. So the day is nearing its completion and will head out in about 45 minutes to Ventura and meet the Saint at O'Hallorans office and then be seen and find out what we are doing. abother great workday nearly down the drain and ready for another great evening of Family time! Good Day and Good Night

POOPER-BEAR

This Bear is Me I love this dude

Steps Onward

Running into myself
and excusing my intrusions
Paving my steps with carpeted stones
I walk without delusions

Realities and my frailties
forever one in the same
to keep it all so fresh and real
Never forgetting who i am

I never question you, yet i doubt myself
the constant warning bells
My visons and realities
can be a living hell

Being me and being planted
can never coincide
the grass grows beneath me
before i run and hide

Jump into the fires
the days and nights bring heat
the goodness that surrounds me
and the fight for this seat

I'm giving my attention
I've given all my strength
detailed, embittered disappointments
This therapy at great lengths

I see the tunnels end
the brights lights beaming through
I see the end of the uncertainty
My personal endeavors are shared with you

In Question!

Monday! Morning! again and all is good, the gloomy weather and looming rain outside cannot diminish how good I feel this morning. Even though my gut is a little upset today its getting better as i speak! Sunday night was a good one vested with much thought and contemplation of life and happiness and road traveled and bumps avoided and taken head on. In many thoughts and conversations with my wife, the questions sometimes come as interrogations in my eyes, not blaming or shirking away from the facts that when you get hurt and lose trust it is very understandable to be questioned called on the carpet as per your whereabouts, or texts or phone conversations. A lot of those feelings came up last night a situation was brought up about a friend of mine who I have known forever and was brought to my attention that a certain peculiarity was noticed in the ways that they respond or don't respond via FB or texts or whatever form of communication, albeit I didn't understand where the line of questioning was coming from i sat and llistened and answered , still not understanding what or where the questions were leading. Now having been on the opposite side of infidelity before with my first wife I can understand the lack of trust, so instead of looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life with Tracy ,i moved on , or she moved onward and i let it go, no reason for me to chase the uncertainty so i let that go and moved onward. spent another 3 years with Gina and thought that was ok, but inside knew I was trapped in a one way relationship of give and give more and get very little i return, most of all the respect that i was requiring was not there. so move forward to today and having the best of everything spiritually, emotionally ,romantically at the top of of our game, We had the hiccup and have since tried to make it all go away and make the trust get to where it once was, or at least in the same parking lot, that may never happen...ever. but that being my creation and my mess to clean up I do and on a daily basis give more of myself to make the scene as close to where it was a before. Knowing that this may never be possible i understand that i may lose what i have because looking over the shoulder is no way to live and not a way to put somebody that you cherish,love and adore under these kinds of conditions. Human nature is a horrible thing, it is a vicious animal that makes us who we  truly are, the therapy and counsel have made me aware of who i am and it scares me to think that this mind is so  complex and so anxious to find something new and different to stimulate, even if what i have cannot ever be duplicated, this is where I am at in my therapeutic stepping stone of understanding the beast within. To be questioned and for me to instantly take a step back and ask why am i being scrutinized like this and where is this line of questioning lead to, the lack of trust and the days where i was in another mindset and not truly being honest with myself. i can forever understand this line of questioning for they are the same questions I would have asked Tracy if i would have wanted to forever distrust my ex wife around every corner. So maybe Terria is trying to find that happy medium of trust and keeping it real, if it happened once it can happen again mentality ,I'm not sure I'm trying to put myself in those shoes again, my way was to let it all go away, her way today is to stay and fight the fight and deal with the hard actions and the tough questions. i am at time leery about getting a phone call, or a text or  FB notification as it might instantly stir up old wounds and feelings of the earlier time when i was not an honest husband and person. But leading to today , I'm not trying to beat myself up about this, it all happened and as the therapist said, it had to happen, it was going to happen with the fact that a person of my mental stature who never allows anybody into his kitchen and vulnerable to love and attention he was so used to getting from one person, then move to the accident and nearly dying and required night and day care for 6 weeks non stop by the loving wife, I felt trapped and needed an escape from the goodness because i was not worthy of this care and of this unconditional love, hence March timeframe came and boom it was an opportunity for an unworthy man to take flight and i did. Moving back to today the questions are always warranted and as the perpetrayor of the uncertainty that i created, i must answer them as a man. I don't begrudge Terria for trying tpo find that happy medium, she know my friendly personality and at times has got me into trouble, more times that i would like. but the one time in particular with Valarie is the only time I ventured off the beat and path, and that's ok as the story was being written , its not where you venture to ,it's where your destination ends that truly counts.  All parties are where they should be and that's the bottom line, yet i continually go back and retrace my path and try to live and learn a little more, for the excitement and good times and yet to know there is a broken part of somebody I love in my home that was so loyal and so giving and such an incredible part of my life that Hurt at the fact that i hurt her so deeply and that's what truly troubles me , but as we always say it's not what you have done, it's what you are doing to fix it and make it even better than before. That's where we are today, forever striving to get back and beyond to a place where the questions are not being asked for no other reason than to acquire information , thanks Terria for being so strong and understanding and giving me the chance to make it all better than ever before. I'm thriving at the opportunity to make us both happy! An opportunity that i really didn't deserve but have and will make the best of the privilege this time! I'm ready for th next question because i have nothing to hide, especially the truth