Prisoner to the ritual

Always been the chubby kid on the block

Loved my food , my sweets and PB&J sandwiches

Self control was never my best attribute

So I ate beyond being satiated

Fighting this issue for most of my life

I worked real hard to be better 

Always succumbed to my bad temptations

Like a an addict strung out on Heroin

One day I realized that I was killing myself

I never drank, smoked or did drugs

But food was the enemy and was winning the battles

So I fought and crawled and struggled towards better health

I ran 8 miles a day to for 3 straight years

The damage to my knees , back and entire body would eventually surface

But I was thin, looked good and felt ok

I was transformed and still unhappy

As an adult I carried my bad ways and would gain more weight

I am a good baker and a damn good cook

So sampling the goods was there to battle

So my efforts fell victim to to my biggest weaknesses, ME

I never stopped trying to stay actively cognizant

Of finding my health and joined the gym

I would go to the gym and ride my bike on the road

Forever guilty when I took a day off

For ten years now I have been addicted to exercise

Lost 100 plus lbs. and supposedly healthier

Yet my previous life has ask for it's payment

My heart is ill and my body hurts

Taking my medicine like an older man 

Staying healthy was always my master plan 

Hopefully without a medicine cabinet full of pills

The body has asked for it's past due bills

Everyday I think of what I will do

A bicycle ride through town or an in home workout

Days off are a rarity

I will kill myself I I ever stop trying

I am a prisoner to this ritual in which I engage

I do what I must to stick around for another day

These prison cells are not as bad as they may sound

It's an opportunity that a cancer patient may not have

 

I fear not death or sickly days

I fear leaving life unlived and unfulfilled

Taking chances and taking risks

Motorcycles and bicycles on the road are not always safe

Life is love and passionate embracing

Holding onto to life with a unrelenting grip

I'm blessed and express my gratitude 

I'm a prisoner to a ritualistic life of goodness

  

Blink Of An Eye

Childhood came and went so quickly

The blink of an eye and Baseball games were over

Bicycle rides with my best friends

Replaced by my solo rides to stay healthy and fit

I won't look back and say "what if"

I am happy with my life the way it is

A better time may not have been had

But I'm where I need to be and where I'm needed

Growing up and growing older

Decisions made  and taking full ownership

Life as I knew it was suddenly changed

Fatherhood at a very young age

My girlfriend and future wife was not what she claimed

She lied and deceived and is now deranged

Clinically psychotic or so it was named

I gave it all and was left with no change

If I could change my world from yesterday

I would have tried to be healthier at a younger age

Years of abuse have caught up to me

My body hurts but I still push through

Looking over the hill I see 

So much ground to cover and things to do

Working until retirement dates

Freedom to climb that hill with ease and grace

I see today as a payment towards tomorrow

Being in good standing the rewards shall too follow

Giving back what has been given to me

Appreciative for my family

Love and support at every turn

We never burn bridges for our returns

I seek out that tranquility that comes from inside

This mind of mine that tries to confide

Allowing loved ones to get in close

Being a burden when it's just showing love

I let you in my kitchen door

Where the flames have erupted and I'm out of water

Inclement

I don't scream anymore

I don't fight anymore

You can't fight City Hall

For it is what we have allowed it to become

Shock treatment and Shock value

Medications to assure we are ok

Co-pays and traffic delays

It's what we are expected to call normalcy

Shadow boxing out of paper bags

The shadows win again and the bag it much too tough

We can fight the fight and seek revenge

For what we seek it makes me cringe

That anger lives around the bend

We can hope and pray and try to pretend

That goodness comes in many forms

Clouds are forming and bringing the storms

We can go to work and pay our bills

Bitch about taxes and cold meals

Yell at our neighbors about barking dogs

The homeless pay no taxes and have nothing

Perspective is my very best friend

Giving me a conscience and ability to comprehend

That next time I complain about a trivial event

Punch me in the throat and show me the door 

Flawed

If I looked at my own reflection

Wading pools or medicine cabinets

Would I smile or would I look away?

Tested each and every day

My Flaws are plentiful

My acceptance and accountability very high

To know I'm not hiding behind my weakest features

It's ok to say I'm imperfect

The results don't lie 

Even if others can't see 

I know, I will always know

The path of least resistance

Is the road I have never chosen

I'm the first to point out your flaws

I'm even quicker to point out my own

Too many times we try to suppress the truth

But the camera is always rolling

I can ask for forgiveness and know it will be given

The powers of prayer and belief are unrelenting

As are the mistake ridden lives that we continually live

I am flawed and that's ok for now

I don't want you to be like me

I don't care if you think like I do

Don't believe in the same things that I do

Vote for the same things that I would If I did vote

Just be you and I will fight with myself

Change the things that I know I can

And continue to realize that I'm a work in progress

Not pointing fingers at the rest

I can only pass my own test

I write my book and tear my own pages

Build my walls in many stages

This show is not appropriate for all ages

For my filters are not always turned on

Faults and all I see some goodness

I stay up up nights and feel I've dismissed

The gifts of life and the things I've been blessed

I'm loved and admired when I fail the tests

Blow it Up

Trivial worries and Stevia lies

Falsified efforts And Mobster ties

Drilling oil to feed the rich

Those Mexican men who dig the ditch

Careers veering of their paths

Too many diplomas and not enough work

Student debt and paying back loans

How will they ever buy that home?

Shooting for the stars ,shooting another black man

Those nationalist surely have a plan

They wrap the bodies in their flags 

Don't be a lesbian or be called a fag

Worldly gains and lifelong loss

The games we play of win at all cost

Clashing heads and crushing cultures

The corpses lined up for the vulture

Narrow minds and closed off tolerance

We seize their pains with uncaring indifference

That what we once were in no longer true

We've changed the narratives to be like you

Shaking heads and not shaking hands

Ridiculous thoughts and ungodly demands

If tomorrow comes and the sun Shines bright

The pieces are missing and it can't be right

So pull back and finish digging your holes

The answers aren't at the voting polls

We see how wrong we got it last time

Don't mail it in , Wait in a long line

Weak Foundations

A barrage of instability envelopes the mind

A deluge of thunder clouds building up their momentum  

Inclement mindsets wreaking of insecurity

Why doesn't anybody like me?

Troubled people in troubled times

Too afraid to cross any lines

They hear the voices,  are they talking about me?

I wonder what it takes to be in good graces

The news reports another celebrity death

Abuse?  or refuse to seek out needed help

The children are hungry with no place to sleep

Perspective is reflective of self absorption

Shaking our heads while shaking their hands

Self-sabotage and disappointments not taking a stand

Stand up for something that matters today

Lost morals and ethics ,hidden in plain sight

Where do they run to and where can they hide

When exposure is the enemy and you cannot confide

Truths are freedom , suppression is death

The world keeps whispering under their breath

When does it mend its' wounds and stop the bloods flow

Where do they seek the truth and how will they know

Why is there so much pain with no cure in place

The man in the alley with tears down his face

Are we closer to the beginning or nearer the end

We fight for a dollar and try to pretend

They act Like Christians who deceive their spouses

Throwing stones again inside their glass houses

When tomorrow comes!

Do we dare to stare into the mirrors of our consciousness

Do we accept the ways of the world as they are?

Do we go out swinging and raise the bar

 

Broken Standards

I never wanted to be that guy

Who looks you in the eye before the lie

Be the person who makes you cry

Another opportunity and another try

Giving back my heart and soul

The golden rule to make it whole

Seeing clearly through the dirty glass

Always somebody's pain in the ass

I never wanted to be someone's worry

Here I stand in my personal flurry

Raining inside inclement weather

The bonds that seal my thoughts together

Falling down and stumbling in

worried seclusion and where to begin

Carry the burdens and shelter the pains

My past is checkered and littered with stains

Not seeking perfection or mediocrity

Not seeking approval from society

If life is precious why can't it be

A life of love and levity

I cannot hate those who hate

I can only hope to have a debate

That being that guy who has a place

To make a difference in this small space

Laughing instead of wailing aloud

Hugging instead of fighting the crowd

Verbal judo instead of throwing my hands

Fetal position on my commands

I've given up on high expectations

The bar is set low for this wounded nation

I remember when we all had hope

That memory crashes on a slippery slope

This place is on fire and burning too hot

We are what we are and lost the plot

I've given my life to see some hope

But we drink, self medicate and try to cope

So much water flows beneath our feet

Lost opportunities and so much deceit

Holding ourselves towards a higher ground

Will tranquility ever be found?

The End Is Now

Trying to comprehend the madness

Separating the good and bad

Never really understand which it is

Can't change the world's revolving turns

Is it political, hypocritical or hypothetical

We willl never know

I can't wrap my head around it

I'm nobody and not supposed to understand

The world is a lie

People will die 

For all the wrong reasons 

But the economy matters

I've never walked in their shoes

Will never understand their plight

Lived a life of total privilege

Yet so many people think they know

I defer to my higher source 

Strength in faith and not in humanity

Given up on expectations of goodness

Each person for themselves 

Let's buy more fucking guns

Too much time on our clocks

Sunset comes as the days are shorter

My world is shrinking and all that matters

Protect myself from myself today

Tomorrow is today and I lose the plot

Refusing to give in the the incompetence

Driving the road clearly defined

My lights are on as I follow the lines

Can't change a persons ideology

Can't change my own physiology

Can't change the hate and disrespect

Can't fight the world of neglect

Can't pray for things to change

Can't fix the minds of the deranged

Can't relate to those who hate

Can't love those who purposely devastate

I wash my hands of believing in People

I see no goodness beyond my small world

There is no beginning ,only the end

The end is now and we cannot stop it

 

 

Something Meaningful

Not trying too hard to impress

Go about my daily routine

Go to work , pay my bills on time

It's what I expect from myself

Credit scores and freedom to buy

Freedoms to sell, keep or throw away

Memories of struggles to save

Struggles to keep a rainy day fund

It was always raining in Southern California

Looking around and seeing despair

If it doesn't affect me , why should I care

Empathy and a giving heart

The fabric of caring has fallen apart

The corner store homeless man asking for a dollar

The girl at the stop light with her hand made sign

To think most of us are a missed payday away

From making that sign and standing on that very corner

How did we get here ?

How can we rise above ?

Should we feel bad for doing so well

Are we deserving of the things we deem as worthy

A place to live and shelter in place

I'm afraid to see what's outside of my gates

Multiple families sharing a garage

Living the dream of daily survival

They park their cars along the street

The mailman comes and can't get to my mailbox

This crowded life of traffic and chaotic minds

Some know no other way than to join that fight

I can run away to my happy peaceful spots

It's a blessing that I wish upon everybody else

Believe and belief and spiritually aware

I truly beleive that I must care

If I stand for nothing 

Than I am nothing

I want to be something to somebody 

I want to care about somebody other than those close to me

Stand for something meaningful

Be something meaningful

The world revolves and spins too many off the globe

I bleed when greed becomes the norm

I'm bleeding to death and I can't stop it's flow

Humanity Has Failed Me Now

Trial and error 

So many trials and too many errors

Falling down and getting back up

Only to to fall prey to the viscious cycle again

I can count in my palm the number of times

I had some hope and given it up

Humanity is not what it used to be 

Faith in things that should be commonplace

I kick the curb and somebody's ass 

I fear my rage will unleash itself

For no other reason than a loss of faith

In self control and mankind's stupidity

Push me away from the ledge today

So I can push somebody else to break my fall

Like sitting at a Red light in a hurry

Waiting impatiently for the damn light to change

The light turns green and before I can leave

Some drunk asshole hits me from behind

No happy ending no stop at all

The mother fucker runs and leaves me in the dust

Good thing for him I was going to beat his ass

I would have broken out my 8th grade spanish to accomplish the task

Luck was on his side and he didn't bleed a drop

A new day dawns and it's hot as hell

New hopes and expectations for a world gone to shit

I garner the strength to have hopes again

So I kid myself that there is hope in this world

Foolish thoughts and wayward ideas

I can't think for others or even myself

But there is a commonailty that holds me close

Stupidity and insincerity

Are are the worlds only unlimited natural resource

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   s

Powers of Empathy

 I feel the confusion of others

Sensing the feelings of despair and anger

Lonely days and lonely nights

Can anybody feel my fears and pains?

Nobody there to hold your hands

Empty spaces but crowded gadgetry

Filling the days with tired healings

The great unknown makes us sweat

So we hit the button to take away the pains

A heavy load dropped on your shoulders

Not a bag of rocks but large boulders

Sterile world and washing hands

Stay away from family and friends

People say it will be alright

How do they know, it's not their plight

Solitute and nasty moods

Fearful prayers that we hold onto tightly

Recuperate and regenerate

Mind are working overtime

Give me back my place in this world

For there aren't second chances around every turn

Family love and supportive tidings

Tomorrows are never guaranteed , but a second chance is better than none

Running through the darkness of night

Wonder where did I make this wrong turn

Faith in God and questions asked

We don't have the answers but the questions pile up

Recovery and discovery is all we have

Put forth efforts and make yourself heard

The golden rule is how we live

I would do the same as was done for me

Glasses are full as are the promises

Faith in things that truly matter

Family and friends will never leave your side

That which we can't change, we won't ever decide

Sing the song that makes you smile

Let go of all the things that make you cringe 

Believe in something that you never thought would occur

The people who step up will surprise you so

As we descend upon life and living the proper way

We empathize and sympathize towards our Golden Rule!

If I could take the hammer's blow

My head would be the nail and I would allow it now

So I keep on giving to all in front of me

Never asking questions just getting things done

It's not black or white , left or right!

It's giving to the masses who are unable to fight

So we fight on and never forget

The poem about footsteps on that beach

Being held so high away from danger

To live another day and show love to a stranger

Love never takes days off or retires to take a vacation

The gifts of giving is the sweetest sensation

I pray, I play and never take anything as a given

Through all of my flaws I know that my sins are forgiven

We are never alone when there's nobody there

Our minds and souls play tricks on us

Good news and bad news have their place

We are given the strengths we didn't even know we had

Recollection

I can't remember who taught me to ride a bike

Can't recall my first attempt at playing catch

My dad wasn't athletic or learned in Sports

Yet I somehow mastered playing Baseball and riding bikes

I don't recall who taught me to read, a teacher I suppose?

Writing seemed to be a natural act, but I still write like a seismometer

No recollection of numerical prowess

I lost the plot when they added letters at the end of the number

Don't remember much about high school 

Even less about Community college

Never remembered dating  girls, or even asking them to go to movies

Have no clue and protocols and rules and regulations

Was too busy creating my own

Never had many friends I called my own

But I had allot of people who thought I was their best

I never liked going to party's

Don't recall drinking until after I was 21 

I do recall waiting til I was 21 and a half before I enjoyed forbidden fruit

I do recall being frightened beyond belief

Porn was a horrible teaching aid

What I tried to never forget was my first homerun, my first No hitter

Recall my first ride on my brand new motorcycle that I didn't know how to ride

I do remember how awkward I felt popping the clutch and stalling my 505 lb. new bike

The fear of crashing an getting killed

I recall mastering the art of riding fast and hard

Enjoyed my first ride around the Lake Casitas

So damn beautiful with so many places to die

I remember my near fatal Motorcycle accident

Along with the 12 day stay at CMH

I was sitting in the bed internally bleeding to death

Could only think to pray to take my family's pain away

I do recall growing up with tons of love and taught right from wrong

Also reminded of dysfunction and alcohol in the house

I won't ever forget the days my dad and mother died

I grew up a little and died a little at the same time

Life has given me so many good recollections

And allowed to be thankful for some of the things that I have forgotten

Norms

The homeless man outside the door asks for money

His clothes dirty, tattered and odiferous

Not once realizing that his ass was showing 

Not to mention his frontal erection

We aren't even in the restaraunt yet

The smell of urine and Feces rise above the smells of bacon

Home base for Santa monicas least fortunate

The public restroom to the not so famous

Finally enter the restaraunt doors

There's a wait, so we leave our name

Back out to the circus as the waiting area inside is full

The same homeless man asking for money again!

The show is about to begin, we arrive at our table

Sit and watch the freak show begin

World politics at table 7 behind us

Divorce court ensues at the counter

The debate of which girlfriend is hotter

As the drag queens are seated at their table

We put our orders in ,Steak and eggs with soup and salad

Food so plentiful and yet so cheap

A mini concert breaks out as the man begins to sing

It's a Beattles song"she loves you yeah yeah yeah"

I never did like the Beattles but somehow respected this fools rendition

Balls the size of watermelons

Midway through the meal , the drunk gal vomits on the flooor

Her friend at her side holding her hair away from her spray

For some reason I don't lose my appetite

The laughter is too much of a good thing

A new table behind is seated, older fellows looking like Mob men

They are drunk, funny and loud, much how I am sober at 1 am.

The gal takes their order and I listen

She asks the dapper dan what kind of toast he wants with his meal he says" French"

By now I'm howling out loud and merely say "Fuck, thats funny"

She then asks him would you like the soup and salad?

Dapper Dan replies, yes ,I will have the super Salad

By now we have all lost our shit and can't stop laughing

The meal ends, we pay the bill and ready to leave 

We say our goodbyes to the wonderful waitress

Walking out the door, parking lot in the rear and approaching our car

Two Homeless guys pissing on the side of the building

We walk slowly, let them finish

The show is now over...Fade to Black!

EXPECTATIONS

So much is expected of me

I expect so much from myself

Yet I don't expect much in return

Maybe honesty or a sense of humor

Too many self-agrandizing moments 

Far too many expectations from outside my doors

Being in one place at a time

Where my mind travels beyond its' borders

Picking up a book to read

The cover tells me something I don't want to believe

I write until my fingers bleed

Looking back I failed and tried to deceive

The pile of judgement on my shoulders

Yesterdays unkindness has made me bolder

Reaching out my arms grow shorter

Expectations of mine have become my disorder

Time and time again we try to detect

Knowing truths and what we expect

Who we are and what we are about

The world casts its' shadows and it devastating doubt

Fumble through the hurtful nights

Failed expectations that cut like a knife

Cheat and deceive ourselves into believing 

Faith in humanity , another lost art

I've waitied 

Become so jaded

My expectation of most relevent things

No expectations no disappointments 

 

Picking Through The Garbage

Rummaging through the garage tonight

I came upon a sunken and hidden treasure 

Maybe it was a waste land of old memories

A junkyard of almost forgotten grief

As I pulled down the boxes of old VCR tapes and useless receipts

A big dust cloud of paper, tables and loose sheets of fuller paper came crashing down

Not really surprised, I knew what they were

I knew that I would need to go through them

The thought of reading old letters and poems from a dark era

Somehow gives me solace and yet some fear

Trigger mechanisms waiting around each page

Tattered and worn paper, faded ink and the knowledge of my history written in ink

Blood , tears and shattered promises

Dreams of happily ever after diminished by trusting the untrustworthy

Fool me once shame on me, fool me 27 times, shoot me! I'm the Idiot

I've shed some tears and some angry thoughts

The pains inflicted upon and by my existance

I read aloud that random day, March, 1,1987

The lights were out, so very dark

I stayed there and played there and lost at every turn

How could I have been that guy who had given so much

Too much to the wrong person and never asked for much in return 

Maybe an honest answer,

An authentic soul that gives to those you say you love

Asking too much from people who are incapable of being

Anything worthwhile but a nuisance to the world

I'm as angry now as I was disappointed then

Bad love, life and coping skills

Fueled by deceit and shameful decisions

Where honesty was not a word that ever came to fruition

One mere letter and poetic verse

900 more to read can it ever get worse?

Realizing that it was then and I'm different now

That trigger has been pulled and I'm fired up again

Perspective needed to move on forward

All the eggs in one basket cracked where they rest

I can't stay there anymore I've already left

Remember To Forget

Time doesn't necessarily heal the wounds

It exacerbates them and wears down the treads

Like the tires on our cars they have a life span

Daily wear and abrasive roads

Body aches and mindful lapses

The spring in the step is deflated and lacks its' former resiliency

Holding my book at arms length to read

Did I read this page already , or should I read it again

I forgot the name of that place we go

I forgot to remember if I took my medicine

When is my appointment and what time

Surely I wrote it down, where is my phone?

Once so athletic and gifted with talent

I throw the ball to my puppy

My arms is so sore

Time is neither my enemy or Friend,it  ris my reality!

Saturday mornings early and bright

I pick up the paper and feel and hear my knees pop

Aging is my life's new normal

I stay active to thwart the inevitable

I can hear it all and see it so clear

My senses are sharp, my mind is clever 

The aches and pains that come from simple tasks

The cost of banging the drums so hard for so many years

The salad years or so they say

I've tossed them about like spilled Romaine

Appreciative for the gifts I've been bestowed

A life with love in it and people to share it 

So forgive me if I remember to forget

This world, this life , has yet to plateau

Ascending towards a higher goal

Enjoying today, tomorrows will come

 

Millenial Mania!

They are so damn depressed and don't know why

Angry at the fact that depression has taken your generation down

Don't know how, why or when it will ever fade away

Just know its here now and willing to stay

Priorities and entitlement so far apart

Priority is to be entitiled and made to feel relevent

This generation ME is removed from reality

Told they could be whatever they wanted to be

Participation trophies for everyone 

I'm given rewards even when I have failed

If We don't like what you think of us

Social media allows us to to suck our own dick

It's OK Timmie, you'll do better next time

Sad to say , this is the 400th next time

Stunted growth and evolution

So involved in the world of internet pollution

If it didn't happen yesterday it doesn't matter

No historical curiosity for where you, or those before you came from

Just knowing I'm here at the Starbucks coffee house

Taking pictures of myself with a cup of Java

Before you kiss your mate every morning 

Gotta check your phone and see what you have missed

In the loop is the place to be

Trying to figure out who you can be today

You Tweet and you book with addictive fervor

Assuming your friends care and want to be like you 

They don't even see you , for they're doing the same

It's the game you play , like chasing your own shadow

This Millenial mania is comical yet sad

Your depression , Narcissism and greed

Have backed you into a dead end 

Facebook, Snapchat and your $1200.00 iphone are your only friend

Bikeology

I have nothing on my mind today
That blank stare and empty cranium
Rarely do I see this grey area
But it is today and I will deal with it

Days off can lead to apprehension
Too much time on my hands
Too many thoughts gone to rest
Why in the world do the clouds loom overhead

Maybe a two wheeled venture to free the mind
Treat the body to a stress test and soothe
Rolling around in this overworked mind
I have too many choices and feel so listless

Sitting here throwing to ball to Drew
He plays with me more than I play with him
Taunts me and derides me so
Out of arms reach and frustrates my soul

Time to gear up and jump on the saddle
Hearing my bones stretch and rattle
Fluid are the movements and strokes
My water bottles full of promising hopes

Pumping pistons turning over again
Death grip on the handles yet feeling no fear
Music is blaring in a rhythmic way
I click it in and I'm on my way

Let It Go

Driving down the road I see allot of things
Some things make me smile, others make me cringe
Trying not to play God on people's worlds and choices
But sometimes I've gotta try.

When the world is ablaze with hate and discontent
No fire trucks within decades to suffocate the flames
Waiting for a Southern California rainy day
Would be like our leadership taking responsibility!

Riding down the street on my Bicycle
I see more things and hear so much better
Teenagers kissing on the front porch
Adults fighting over who gets the last Budweiser

What I do see is a competition
The fight to be right  and to be heard
The Cell phones with the Google instant gratificattion
Salvation is an Enter button away

Fact check and disrespect
I hear people calling bullshit
Nobody wants to hear the truth
They just want to be right and prove you wrong

Sad sensations are engrained in my mind
I see so many who have so little
Her I sit being priveledged and never needed a thing
When does the equalityof life , liberty and the pursuit of normalcy come to fruition?

The man down the street who shuffles along
Beaten , ematiated and sad, he lights up another cigarette
Living in the halfway house half kilometer away from me
My heart is full of love and garage full of things I don't need

Kids down the street so full of life and energy
Grumpy adults yelling and screaming at whatever they feel is unjust
The balance of life escapes me sometimes
Maybe it's not my job to try to figure it out

Tomorrow's journey to whatever it may be
I'll ride my bike past the same kids
Smell the Carne Asada BBQ in the driveways on any given day
The essence of home brings it all back , it is home!

The fire truck never arrived
The world's on fire and getting hotter
Unrest and division won't end today
But maybe my concerns for it all should?

Hard to walk away from giving a shit
Harder to stop believing in mankind
Maybe Elsa from frozen had it all right
Just,   "Let it Go, let it go,let it go"

The Boy

Looking back a few years
Bittersweet goodness to come home to everyday
Me and my boy were thick as Policeman
We were stuck with each other and that was good

The boy and I did move about
Shenandoah, Acadia,Simon Way and Empire Streets
Thanks to my ex and his mom
The gift of fatherhood all alone

I was angry and had to fight on through it
I raised my boy to be like me
I wanted more than I could be
I pushed him hard and had expectations

He grew up too fast and lost his youth
He writes about it and shared his angst
We talk about it and he says it's ok
I disagree and feel so much blame

Mistakes were made and I truly regret
But they were my mistakes that I could mend
We made our favorite dinners and watched our shows
Our time together that I won't ever forget

My boy is a man now at 34
Soon to be a dad and passing the torch
I hope my good qualities he improves upon
Make his own mark and sing his own song

Finding It

Always in search of finding a true self
We crave and yearn for praise from the ones we respect
When we don't get
We sometimes create our false realities

Feeling good annd being good aren't the same
How many people were made to feel bad while we were making ourselves feel good?
At who's expense was our gain and profit
Respect and admiration is an earned trait, not a learned one

I was once told through reading
Mr. Schaeffer says to me
"It's not what we think of ourselves that matter,
it's what those that matter in life think of you"

So blessed to have role models I trust
Life lessons aren't always handed out
We sometimes need to seek them out
Hear a speech, read a book, another person's perspective

People like Schaeffer, Evans,  Yancey , Bolz- Weber
Not only spiritual stewarts and mentors,but real life accountants of reality
Showing me how the golden rule applies as much as scriptures
It's ok to not believe every minute of the day, we are mistake prone as humans

My true self can change daily
What I stand for shouldn't
If you stand for nothing , you are NOTHING!
Personal resolve comes from past failure and success

I know when I don't know
I know what I am capable of
I don't know what the day will bring
But I have the tools to fix it when it breaks

Religiosity

Emblazoned on a bumper sticker
Jesus Saves and John 3:16
Prayers abounding from sunrise til dawn
A Zondervan can't be far behind

I Believe , I truly believe
My attempts at goodness not always good
I am a flawed man is what I am
But I know what I know and won't hide from it

Hypocrits and Bible thumpers
Casting the lines and judgements daily
Glass houses and rocks are thrown
Broken faith and shattered windows

So do your Sunday trips to mass
Find that peace of mind and show your class
Sundays best looking so good
Your fishy sticker is looking worn

I've seen the light , and I've been saved
Spirituality has been depraved
I feel so good and I want to help
I hope somebodys watching me feed the poor

Grandstand and self agrandizing speech
Do you feel better now that you tried to reach
Those who aren't you and want them to be
Which book and scripture shall we read

Walk the walk and much less talk
Show your goodness without saying a word
Do your good deeds and spread the faith
Scriptures are words, actions are real

My version is the golden rule
No Catechism and Sunday School
I give to give and then forget
Forgive mistakes and expect the same

Me carrying a Bible in my hands
Makes me no more of a Christian
Than a man standing on my lawn
Calling himself a sprinkler head

Don't get wet
Don't ever forget
Bibles aren't pedestals
But a good story to live by when you can

Whats the difference bewteen
Greg and God?
God never tries to play Greg
I never want to be that guy... AMEN

Go Get It

Tangerine dreams and sacharrine lies
Rainbows and Apple pies
The make believe world is compromised
Disenchanted by futile tries

Social injustice
Nobody can trust us
Reality a distant thought
Dreams can't be bought

Opportunities aren't handed out for free
Make your breaks and your own destiny
Fight the adversity that comes with life
Building character one day at a time

ASKEW

Running out of things to say
So I write and make your eyes bleed
Don't pass judgement on the world
Let me tell you what I think

Trying to make some sense of it all
Chaos has no ending
Superimpose my worlds eye view
Never as clear as I imagined it

Do as I do, not as I say
You never listened anyway
Come across the fork in the road
Stab me with your knife

Classic case of telling stories
I'm wonderful in all of my glory
Evolve to resolve and be my best
I'm only as good as I'm told

The world is fire, when there is no water
The Chamber is empty, there are no reloads
Thoughts run dry like an old riverbed
I can't sleep or get out of bed

Tomorrow is yesterday's joke for today
If I knew the punchlines, I might have a say
I'd drink to something , if something were true\
I put down my glass and defer to you!

Fill The Void

Mentally incarcerated, sentenced to life
Emotionally void of any distinctive traits
Physically ruined by years of abuse
Don't pray for forgiveness now

Lost souls in the parking lot
Alley way living room
Cough up the abuse that you drink tonight
Play the victim at sunrise

Accountability and instability
Never line up straight
Don't blame the world for bad choices
You can't even fool yourself

Sing the songs that have no words
Write me a poem on a white block wall
Shit on the stairway you call your vacation home
Don't piss on my porch and don't steal my paper

Intolerance and attitudes
Weren't hugged enough as a child
Mom and dad did their best
You're selfish and broke their hearts

Flux This!

I bought a gun today
I wish it was a Golf club or Baseball Glove
I had to buy some ammo
It should have been a steak dinner

We look over our shoulders
 In fear and in disbelieve
The world and neighborhoods are in dissarray
So we arm oursleves in fear

Preparedness or lack of faith
I'm not sure how to feel
Sending the wrong message
When I tell others it's going to be alright

Hypocrit or nit wit
Which side of the fence do we fall
I cry out in anger
Do I pray or should I crawl

Meaningless conversations both swaying left and right
I try to make sense of it all, Coming up empty in my fight
Doomed are we who think it will be ok
North and South fight continues today

Black, Brown , Yellow, Pink and White
All with their special allure
The embers burn a slow hot death
Color is the disease instead of the cure

Gee Oh Pee

Mass depression
Voter supression
Complete derelection
Remove the status quo

You can't hide it
You can fight it
Crowded city streets
Louder than bombs

Sick and tired
Painful virus
You can't find us
Silence is deadly

Smoke in the air
Rockets red glare
Who Really cares
Chase the dollar first

Racially biased
Resistance to love
Ability to shove
A man's face in the dirt

Is tomorrow a new day
Or is it more of the same
Hatred and disarray
They don't hide it anymore

Sing To Me

Radio plays and I'm not finding a tune
Revert back to my ipod and feel outdated
My catalog has been played to death
The modern scene always brings me back

Eclectic variety from era's gone by
The modern twist is lacking the soul that an older guy needs
I could name a 100 bands that I love today
Maybe 10 from 2015 on

Music is my driving force
Stimulation and exhiliration
Feelings of grandeur and meaningful joy
Long lasting , beyond the moment

I can always hit rewind and feel it again
Riding bikes and motorcycles it's my best friend
Though it may be outdated and long in the tooth
It takes me to my emotional truth

Hundreds of live shows and near the front
Standing , watching and listening and getting lost
Lost in the talents of craftman telling their story
The dreams of every young kid and his never-ending glory

My only wish Is that I had learned to play
Vocally I can only hope
My legendary car and shower shows
What could have been , who will ever know

If Only

If I had a Rocket Launcher
Bruce Cockburn would know what to do
Since I don't have a Rocket Launcher
Dammit ,I wish I did

If I knew the way to San Jose
I still wouldn't go there
If I had that Rocket Launcher
San Jose might be missing a few buildings

If I believed everything I heard
I'd be a moron like most others
Why does a train take 90 minutes one way
And only an hour and a half back

If I were a Smarter man
I'd find better use of my time
Since I'm not that guy
Looks like stupidity wins today

If I question myself today, It's yesterday rearing its' ugly side
When I say I should,...but!
I never can and never will
If....If's and buts were candy and nuts, I could open up a candy store

Built to Die

There are so many natural wonders in this world
Living, breathing , fresh and lively souls
Can't help but feel some sadness
Everything we know is built to die

The Roses at the cemetery
Once flourished in a garden somewhere
Fragrant incredible Roses
We pick them only to hasten a withering death

My breakfast bowl of fruit
So sweet, colorful and so damn tasty
All nestled in their rows, their trees
We pick, pull and eat them to a pleasurable death

Photosynthesis and pollination
Science at it's very best
Nature's mind blowing processes
Who really cares enough to undestrand

We make things and we break things
Be it fruit, flowers or machines
Nothing is forever
Darwin and Capitalism are on the same page

God's gift to all of us
The life we take for granted
Life's big lottery game,
We play to win it all

Built like early Japanese circuitry
Never work and broken down
Our bodies bend , break and burst in two
Our expiration date has passed

1-15-84

It was a typical Sunday at the house
Got in late with my best friend David the night before
Had too much to drink, late night and all
So I slept it off like a good boy

Sunday Morning is here and a knock on my bedroom door
I wake up in a fog and it's my DAD
"Let's go out for some breakfast son"
No Dad, I got in late last night , go without me ,Love You

January 15, 1984
The day that changed me forever
We had a lunch date with my Brother's in-laws in Marina Del Rey
I woke up, showered, put on a record on the phono and readied for our date

Getting dressed  listening to Duran Duran "save a prayer "
Phone rings and Sister and brother tell my mother we have to go?
It's dad, he was taken to the Hospital
So we hurried and arrived at Old St. Johns

Rushed frantically to see where he was
Nobody could look us in the eye
Nobody had answers til the Priest comes out and directs us to a room
I remember hearing my brother say"oh NO,this Isn't good"

Before I got in the room we all knew my dad was gone
My heart and my world was broken in many shattered pieces
This couldn't be happening
I just told him I loved him!!

He was so happy in the last hour of his life
We were clueless as ours would be changed
I felt that this wasn't fair,
He survived a Japanese prison camp for 3 1/2 years
The nightmare and trips to his therapist for his PTSD
God how could you take him like this?

Numbness never really escaped me from that point on
My friend David took me to get something to eat
He consoled me , he hugged me and said he was very sorry
I ended up marrying David's younger sister

I thought my world would never come back
I lost myself in my father's death
The best thing of that day
Was that I remember my last words to him were "I Love You Dad"

I took me 3 years to get over my dad
I lost my father in 1984
Became a father in 1985
My son had saved me from myself

I hear that when one door closes
The other side of the building falls down?
My fatherly loss and my personal gain
I struggled with fatherhood for the first 2 years
Grandpa Gregorio would have loved my boy Brandon
He would have loved the fact that I named him Brandon
Named after Brandon Scott King, a boy he also loved
Our firends 5 year old boy that was killed on his bicycle

He would have loved everything about his kids
Our spouses, the grandchildren,
The Candy Bars he would have hidden from the kids
Or the trips for pancakes that he loved to make

We miss him still with a respectful fondness
We never went hungry ,always had a warm place to sleep
Always gave us as much love as he knew
And would fight to the death to protect us

WILMAS

I knew this man ,his name was Tony
He was a good man , a very giving man
He went to work every day
I was lucky enough to work with him for 3 years

Tony was a very troubled man
Addicted to everything that you can legally buy
Always reeked of Vodka and Model glue
His Tic Toc mints never had a chance to mask it at all

His trip to Vietnam was his Albatross
He wore it poorly and was very disturbed
Yet his goodness glowed from his cloudy days
He shared his stories of the jungle

Shopping trips and pizza runs
My son and I would tag along
Tony would always play his favorite music
And Alter each and every song

The funniest guy I ever knew
His humor was beyond what I had ever heard
He would make up interview shows and play the parts
Paul Dunaway was his favorite character
His rapper show was second to none
Creepy Cougar Kook and Snappy Cat Snap
Lynx Cooly Cool was his last true hit
His affinity for Cats was odd to us

I really miss My Friend these days
He drifted away and didn't see him much
A lonely man with his Bottles of fun
It would catch up to him in the end

He was time bomb ready to snap
He would ask to shoot targets and want to shoot back
PTSD was his other bad friend
Guns and Brass Knuckles were always at arms length

I only saw him lose it once
That was the last time I Brought my son
We eventually saw less of each other
I can never forget my head splitting laughs

I saved your drawings and catchy album covers
Engrained are your tonight show episodes with Paul, Creepy and Snappy
Your talents for the oddly insane
Talents I won't ever forget

The man we called WILMAS, was raised in Wilmington
Was a good man who served his country and failed himself
His country forgot him and maybe I did too
I'm sorry Tony that you died alone

Boys of Summer

Every time I hear that song

I dream a little bit

When I see a batted ball

I wish, I wish it was me

The Smell of heart of the hide leather

Better than the bakery downtown

All the years of playing hard 

My arms and shoulders have paid their tolls

Throwing, Hitting and rolling around

I miss my friend very much

When I pass a field in town

Kids playing the game I love so much

Takes me back to a better time

when a kid could be a kid

Those who don't know the game

Say it's much too slow

Those who know how hard it is

Pray that it never ends 

I miss my game of passion 

Watching the best in the world

I'd settle for a wiffle ball game 

Or a game of grounders in the street

Coming soon to a TV near you 

The great parade will be displayed

Get in there and take your swings

The boys of summer have come to play

Operation Degradation

Ran into a young man today ,he seemed out of sorts
Hey my man what's going on with you?
 Feeling down today" ,he says
I hope your days gets better young man
Yeah ,it's whatever he replied
So the kid isn't a communications major I see

Watched a young gal eating lunch
Not creeper status watching ,observing
She was on the phone with a friend I assume
I listened to a rapid fire of ,ME, I and MY starting each sentence
With no room until the next blast of verbiage came spewing out of the spigot
Vocabulary is not her strong suit,
The biggest word she used was LITERALLY!
As to emphasize her well rounded point of view
I literally counted 8-10 of them in her brief , yet, painful exchange

I stumbled upon a group of 6-7 young adults
22-25 years of age ,dressed casually , neatly coiffed, cool people
Not a care in the world when you're young ,good looking and pretty
Each with faces buried in their cell phones
I would assume that everybody they knew was with them ,who could they possibly be texting or  talking to? The world isn't that big. Especially if you only have 3000 Facebook friends
Then there's the one guy with his ear buds telling them I hate you guys and I'd rather listen to good music!

The arrogance of me to think that these kids should be having a conversation, some sort of
Interaction, debate.
Or that the young gal should work on her vocabulary and omit the word literally
The poor depressed asshole who probably doesn't even know what he is depressed about, but accepts it like having blonde hair

I may never understand it
Just watching the degradation can be painful
Maybe I was the original malcontent
And everybody else was following my lead ?
Nope, my shit's straight ,they all suck

My Apologies

She must have forgotten what she looked like
Her phone an arms length away
She snapped another picture of herself
Lets post the 45th picture of the day
The addiction is like Heroin
Actually worse than Heroin
Heroin makes you feel good for awhile I'm told
A selfie is the constant reaffirming of sameness
Unless you got a facelift this morning
No feeling better , no high or low
How many likes did I get today
The true barometer determined by everybody else

They say positive affirmation is like a dopamine high
I didn't think we could be that simple
Again I'm wrong, sadly very , very wrong
Nothing wrong with a millennial
Other than they truly exist
This Isn't the WW2 generation by any means
Couldn't wipe the greatest generations ass
Although to listen to them
Their worlds are an apocalyptic shit storm
Dodging bullets from a self loaded gun
Depression runs deep, runs rampant

I try to be open minded about it all
I can't, I won't ever understand it
So many opportunities to succeed and shine
Somehow it's more important to be liked

I can't think of anything in my life worthy of praise
But people today want a blowjob because they are at Starbucks
No other place on earth that I want to be
If only I could find a damn Starbucks
Bad coffee, bad vibes and the brand that sponsors your victory parade

Like the circus on a Venmo transaction
"Johnny paid Rebecca" Libations, Bad Ass Party..Woo Hoo!!!!
Like spiking the football on a 1 Yard run, WTF
I'm old ,I know, I'm old fashioned ,I get it
Being raised in a different generation
Doesn't make my understanding of it all any easier
So I forfeit my energy on this one for good

On a lighter note
It is fun to mock them
Like making layups all night long
As long as somebody can take a picture
and Post it somewhere
And nobody will gives a shit!
Night Bitches!..,.Woo Hoo!

They Speak To Me

I think of all the song titles or lyrics that apply to me
Hey wait, that's me he's talking about
How did she know I felt like that?
That drum beat is exactly how I wished my heart would beat
Rhythmic, mellow, yet assertive and with a purpose

Costello said" I love you so much I could die, she said drop dead and left with another guy! Fucking Genius!
So I rewind and relive some memories of years gone by
The thoughts are bittersweet with a chance of goodness waiting to happen
Being the supreme realist I see no glass big enough to carry my piss

I have an entire catalogue in my garage
Memoires, Scriptures, the old testament per se
Outlining a whole lot of what  the fuck
Who is that guy and how did he ever get through that
Well that, being relative to the real world as a developed grown up

Probably bubble gum and puppy dog crap
reminded me of a sarcastic lyric from Crowded House
"Now I'm walking again , to the beat of a drum , and I'm counting to the steps to the door of your heart" Thank you Mr. Neil Finn
Writing about lost loves, or loves that were never found, wishful thinking
Again "Don't dream it's over" Crowded House

Robert Palmer's hyperactive, yeah , I've been that guy for no reason
How many times did you wish hateful things to your significant other?
"Girlfriend in a Coma" My man Morrissey
Every time I hear the word Soulmates
I want to heave ho
Come in U2's BONO, "two hearts beat as one" fucking gag!

The common denominator here is that my music, my bands are always there
Better than a good friend
Can rewind and play until your ears bleed and never tire to listen
Sometimes words cut like a sharp knife
Too close for comfort.
No Bryan Adams here with "Cuts like a knife please

So being my therapy and non judgmental best friend
I'm safe in my little world of music and pen
Can't hurt me even when you're shootin' dirty pool
Replacements " Why don't you get a haircut sister"

 Every time I hear my favorite band The Clash
Singing  "should I stay or should I go"
It takes me back to relationships that had huge question marks from day 1!
It played in my head as I tried to decide which Way should I jump.. Milltown Brothers
"stay with me and I'll change things in your life."
Who knew this change would be for the worse

Streets

Cardboard sign at the stop light
"Hungry, Will work for food"
Vietnam Vet, needs a break!
The cars pass by like a freight train
A country has so much to give
But rarely does
And Rarely Cares

A middle aged gal at the gas station asks
"Do you have a few bucks, I ran out of gas"
Where's your car? "she says a mile away"
Do you have a gas can?
She says "no
I give her $2 plus some change and drive away
Filling up my tank with $67 dollars of gas

Who said the world was fair, Or that We should care
Words from Daryl Hall that resonate in my head

Driving to work I pass the bridge
Mass exodus from the riverbank
Like workers at the Ford plant
Shopping carts and plastic bags ,all filled to the brim
Their mobile homes are ready for the day

Ran into a homeless man in a downtown Seattle courtyard
He looked at me like I was approachable, so he did
A strong Black man with movie star looks
And a build that most men train lifetimes to obtain
He says "Hey brother I need your help"
How can I help you?
"I need a few bucks and am really embarrassed to ask you "
Tell You what I said, Tell me your story , how did you get here
He says, I had it all, I lost it all, Alcohol cost me my wife and kids!
He later shared, he was a martial arts trainer to Hollywood studio types
He moved to Seattle because the local police suggested he do so
Got arrested in LA for drunk and disorderly
Kicked the shit out of 4 cops and paid the price
It was a 15 minute story worth a dollar a minute,
Gave him a 20 and shook his hand

Every new city I visit
I speak to the homeless
I ask for a story
And Give them what it's worth
The common denominator is usually alcohol and drugs
Occasionally rebellion from Privileged types
Sadness seeps from emaciated faces and body's
Toothless smiles that are painfully temporary

I don't ever look away from a homeless person
I see myself , my son , my family in each and every one
Compassion and respect is so easy to give
Yet we sometimes look away from our discomfort
So next time somebody tells me" they put themselves there"
How many missing paychecks are you from joining their ranks?

My Hood

Kids raising kids
Hatred and dismay
Uneducated and entitled
Opinions and govt. help won't get you far

Following unstable footsteps
Side to side , In and out
Mentally and physically incarcerated
Who is to blame?

Taking sides and fingers to point
The kid's are still being born
And who is their father
We can pay them now , or maybe later

Passing judgement is never good
Driving nice cars and painted hoods
Fireworks all year long
The popping , the sparkle of a loaded gun

Generations before paved this road
Educating ourselves is somehow a goal
8th grade graduations make us feel whole
Keep shooting for the stars

Language spoken is the what we learned
Proper English with Pronouns and Verbs.
I can't speak for those who can't
But I strive to speak with eloquence

Coconut and white-washed I'm labeled
I call it educated and self enabled
To rise above my own bottom line
Expectations and standards set really high

Glancing out from this childhood dwelling
The neighborhood is different and quite compelling
The working class and their back breaking souls
Who pick our fruits and vegetables at quite a toll

Got here from there!

My heart is racing
My mind is chasing
The tail of my dog days
And it slapped me really hard

I caught my tail
Decisions to fail
Second chances
Years of therapy later

Apocalyptical blunders
Lives temporarily in ruin
Guilt laden and frozen
In the headlights of my own life

Long since made amends
That bad moves can leave a stain
Never to be free again
From a hell that I created

So Michael's grab bag of shit and piss
My vain efforts of swing and miss
To mend myself from myself
Was never going to happen

In retrospect Life lessons learned
At others expense to hurt and burn
I would rather it be me to shovel my shit
The one who loves me would never quit

19 years of God's greatest gifts
Sharing, growing and spiritually lifting
Yesterday's sorrow is today's celebratory parade
May be the path that needed to be taken

In Excess

Walking by a store front window
A cookie jar of things I don't need
Driving by the Car Dealerships
A newer model of what I have

Online temptations a keystroke away
Bidding wars are here to stay
A vast huge jungle of buying wants
An endless list of last week's haul

Can't soothe the pain with a new flat screen
Hunger and lust when I've already eaten
Dessert is coming I have some room
So I keep shopping and lose my way

To have and have not
To need and really don't
Addiction to something new
Giving a dog something new to chew

Too much , too soon
Luxuries we have to bare
Things in the garage that I forgot to unwrap
A year from now will be considered trash

Pull up the dumpster and throw it out
Is this really what it's all about
So many need and don't ever obtain
My discards can be used again

Is this really what I'm all about?
Not rich , not poor
Justifying it all by saying
"I work hard,  I deserve it all... No I don't

Lost Children!

We gave and gave
They took and took some more
Fragile little minds
have become frail and shattered mindless beings

Lack of respect and appreciation
For the struggles we endured to keep them safe
All grown up now
And evolution hasn't occurred

Playing the victims of tough parenting
Not violent , not angry!
Only accountability and expectations
Parental abuses for having a curfew

The river flows towards the path of least resistance
They flowed where there was zero resistance
Easy days and easier nights
Would never happen under our watch

A slap in the face and claims of a lost childhood
We hold you responsible for bringing it up now
15 years and nothing to say
You lied and cheated and ran away

I can't help you if you don't own up
I can't understand you if you speak in silence
But when you blame it all now on lost dreams and promises
Bring real facts or STFU

The disrespect to your only foundation
 Talking real big from a foreign nation
So next time we meet face to face
I bet my life your boldness will escape you

I feel real sad that you have come to this
Blame it on us if you feel you must
but you can't fix broken, with broken parts
Professionals and medication will fix you up

Lies

Quoting the Thompson Twins here
LIES ,LIES, LIES Yeah! , they won't forget you
My buddy says " I hate when people lie to me
Yet he voted for the worlds most notorious Liar

Growing up we were taught how to be honest
Yet we learned how to lie
Liars all around us
Good people made bad

Maybe explains why people don't want you to be truthful
Hurts their feeling to be blunt
Tell me what I want to hear
Don't break my heart with the truth

Run away from reality
What is, is not what I want it to be
Ensconced in deceitful ways
Always question, what is truth?

Holy Bible tells us so
Spirituality has been a double edge sword
The people who believe the most
Are the ones that disappoint me so

A turd covered in powdered sugar
Is not a donut, it's still a turd
So Facebook you're the queen of England
And kid yourself you're all that we want to be

The looking glass doesn't lie to you
If you look it in the eye
Reflections and deflections
Taking ownership of what is true

In Tuned

Never loved Elvis
Maybe he was before my time
Not a fan of the Beattles
He loves you Nah Nah Nah

I can soar with the Eagles
and Battle with the Clash
Be real with the Pretenders
And the other Elvis.....Costello

Living with Crowded House
Don't dream it's over
Can't misplace the Replacements
Salt of the "Earth Wind and Fire"

Throwing rocks at the Rolling Stones
Legends can play for too long
U2 is also long in the tooth
Playing the same riff and song

Can't wrap my head around Country music
Can't Rap to save my life, rather be dead!
Boy bands be gone again
Katy Perry go fuck yourself

10000 spoons when all you need is a knife
It's not ironic that you suck too
10000 Maniacs , therapeutic for me
Billy Bragg you are a heroic act

The Wonderstuff...AMAZING
The Levellers, different level altogether
Buffalo Tom moves my soul
Carly Simon and Carole King..Nobody did it better

Brother Johnson and Bruce
The JAM and Joe Jackson
Style Council and the Smiths
The Commodores And Paul Young

Oasis never left me alone
Little River band and Johnny Nash
Sing me a song Mr. Piano man
Bush, Nirvana and Soundgarden

Prefab sprouts and The Chili Peppers
Suzanne Vega and Tears for fears
Steely Dann and Theory of a Deadman
Hollis Brown and Aztec Camera

Eclectic list of an important element
That which drives me and helps me sustain
I listen , I learn and realize the importance of music in my life
If life were as simple as choosing a good song. Oh shit!, forgot REM!

Atrophy

Spinning wheels and mind numbing conversations
I hear the noise but my thoughts are elsewhere
Politely nod and interject
What was that you said ?

Netflix blues. off season Chicaco's
I read my books , I aimlessly write
Stay at home, wear my mask
I fight the thought of being depressed

As Physically active as I can be
Mentally I'm all over the map
Meanwhile the world shuts down no place to be
Mind suffering from Atrophy!

As everything else this will pass
Treading water and being resourceful
A Larsen's Ribeye is what I crave
A drive though Burger is what I'll get

Social media not my thing
Who gives a fuck about your day
Glamorized and self loathing roast
Please tell the truth when you post

I could throat punch people for stupidity
And somehow feel serenity
I'm dumbing down my Man's eye view
This Atrophy must leave me now

Dammit

Headaches
Heartbreaks
Back aches
Pains in the ass

Lactose free
Decaffeinated
Sugarless
Flavor-free

No sleep
Bad TV
Puppy needs
Bathroom breaks

Speed limits
Highway patrol
Slow down
FUCK OFF!

Right wing
Left Wing
Broken wings
FUCK OFF

Mauve walls
Grey ceilings
Concrete jungle
Bore me to death

Evening news
Obituaries
Car chases
Who gives 2 shits!

Facebook
Snap chat
Twitterland, instagram
Whew look at ME!!!!

Doctor visits
Co-payments
Pill cases
Did I take my pills?

Workouts
Bicycle rides
Canyon carving
Photographs

Hilarious people
Stupid people
Narcissist
Psychotic behavior

Cooking shows
Guy Fieri
Ina Garten
Swallow a bullet

Complaints
Physical restraints
Marches for and against humanity
City of Hope

Dreamers
Screamers
Believers
Watch out for falling Bibles

Semantics
Lawyer speak
Politics
Guns and Abortion clinic

Amendments
Commandments
Blow it all up
Start over fresh!

Do Over

The water flows never to return
Yesterday is also gone
Youthful exuberance replaced by aches and pains
Turmoil is brewing and Lockdown continues

Look in he rear view
missed opportunities
Broken hearts and broken promises
I vow to never break again

The world is a ghetto
Regardless of where you live
Hatred and bigotry exist without realizing
That virus is contagious

Finding the happy place
Locations to be myself
I speak, I read and write about it
pulling resources from days gone by

A box of memoirs hidden away
Thoughts of a painful yesterday
I fear reading about my past
Pulling the scabs away one at a time

Growth and perspective my true friend
Evolving into a better man
I'm only as good as those I touch
Making a difference one shoulder at a time

I can't change the course of this world
My 4 corners seemed so large
Yet my world has become so very small
I fight everyday to stay alive

Mistakes were made and exposed my flaws
I own my shortcomings in the hopes to do what's right
In a life of second guessing and doubt
A DO OVER would be nice right about now!

Snap!

Suspension of time , places and people
Inspiration fails me now
Take a picture of another beach
Water drives its' magnetic force

Take a picture of a homeless man
street photography
The rudest most invasive kind
Yet it's invasion of privacy in a stealth manner

Snap shot of another wedding
I think not, been done to death
Camera Nerds with their snappy jargon
F-stop, ISO and shutter speed!

Paris towers and monuments
Family vacations and fishing trips
Street corner buskers and their money jar
A puppy at the dog park

Festivals of arts and crafts
Eclectic people crying for attention
A pink haired gal with her ass hanging out
A sunset that only happens 365 times this year

A fireworks display on the 4th of July
In my neighborhood thats everyday
The missed opportunities when I'm not prepared
a young girl vomits on her best friends' shoes

The angry man who says"don't take pictures of me"
That must not be your wife walking next to you
No kids or women without consent
Women in Bikinis, who am I kidding

Canon, Nikon, Sony, Fuji
Iphone, Samsung, Blackberry, Motorola
Shoot what you got, there's no right or wrong
It's 74 and clear outside , Mr Fuji and I have a date

The Greatest Generation

Grew up hard
Got his ass kicked daily by his mean spirited dad
Never knew why
But he kept going back for more

Working hard on the farm
Chores were his playtime
Yelling was his music
His momma was his hero

Grew up fast and never learned how to love
Grew up Angry and acted out
Stole a sheepskin to buy some candy
He ate too much and got really sick

His daddy found out he took his skin
His daddy took it out in my daddy's skin
Dad said it was worth it ,just another day
He was treated the same either way

By now he's tough and joined the Army
He joined at 16 and lied about his age
My dad was a badass and learned to fight
Army boxer before he went off to war

Corregidor was his Phillipine station
After Pearl Harbor he's was left for capture
Japanese men took him away
He was a POW for 3 1/2 years

Living in a coal mine prison
Rice and bread and little water
He survived on guts and his childhood abuses
The little man would no give up

I shall return MACARTHUR said
When he did so many left dead
The Japanese tortured our troops
Over worked  and under fed

My dad told me he was the healthiest man
When he was liberated at 87lbs.
So much death and so much destruction
The atomic bombs brought my dad home

Working class man met the working class wife
Children and a normal life
My dad had suffered from PTSD
Long before it was even a thing

My dad did love the way he could
Always compensating for his own childhood
He drank and smoked and loved to fight
My dad was a badass at 5 foot 5

By the time I came around finances changed
I got the things my siblings didn't
He tried so hard to make life better
He drank away his first 50 years

We lost our dad at 62
The last 12 years were incredible
He watched our games both near and far
And never got to meet his grandson!

The greatest generation is what it is
My dad was a part of it all and learned to give
Real life perspective and M&M's
Never forgetting your sacrifice and pains

We miss you dad and your radio
Dodger baseball and Vin Scully
songs you would sing while playing the guitar
Twinkle twinkle little star!

Complaining?

Some days I wake up alive
Other's I'm not so sure
The birds are always singing
But I don't alway hear them

When does it ever rain?
Not much around here
Arid, dusty, brown hillsides
How can I complain about 70 degrees every day

No four seasons for me
Summer fog hangs low to give me perspective
On days that I wake up alive
I hear the birds, see green hillsides ,appreciate this life

The days I'm feeling weary and spent
Anger , fear and irritability cross my path
The word hate rarely crosses my mind
Yet I hate myself when I feel like this

Today I'm alive
I ride my bike, workout at home, jump on my Motorcycle
so I question myself for ever feeling like shit
The constant battle to regain Perspective

Good days and bad days
Somebody else has it worse
My body aches, pains of aging
yet I still feel an obligation to push ahead

So when I feel like a pity party
And the world 's revolutions are off of my personal axis
I realize that time is never on our side
So making it matter is a big deal to me

Move along or move aside
Make a difference and realize
God's greatest plans, the world's demise
My spirituality and faith is keeping me alive

Carefree?

Carefree!
When does that ever happen
Kids, bills , health.
The new puppy?
If only I had zero care

Carefree?
That's like Make America Great Again.
When was that ever the case?
Prohibition,slavery,high taxes, depression era.
Bet there was no carefree in that dream era!

Parenting never takes a day off
Kids in their 30's are still worrisome
Time is never our friend so there's no free there
Being spent by the second
Until the final second ticks off
Hello heaven or hell!
So retirement is not carefree
Riches don't provide a carefree environment
Just more to protect and another worry
The Beautiful trophy wife
Who is tapping that ass when you blink and yawn being carefree

I don't know
I like to think and worry about shit
Gives me purpose and a goal
Fine blend of work and play
But go to Hell with your Carefree
Doesn't exist and gets in the way
Of finding a happiness that's worth living for

Question is ?
Do we have a purpose
A goal towards a positive outcome
Willing to get dirty ?
I don't know ?
I have a cake to deliver !

Candy Bar flavored Donuts

Not blessed as a calorie burning Machine
I lust and wonder
where is my chocolate river
Where are the golden donut trees?

The joys of a Snickers bar can be cataclysmic
The guilt from eating a Snickers bar even less so
the greasy domain of an Apple Fritter
Where's the nearest toilet?

Not addicted to drugs or alcohol
just the Bakery, the Candy aisle
So many empty calories, forbidden dreams
Dreams of being fit and thin and healthy

So I forego my personal heroin, my literal meth
For a Salad and fruit that tastes like a Mars bar
In my mind I know it's right.
Like saying No to Carmen Electra 

being a biggie most of my life
I have endured the struggles to eat whats right
Not blaming anything on marketing or bad genes
Bad decisions and paying the price.

Today is upon me
And I'm feeling great
Looking better in a healthier life
each day a victory until I lose!

So I hold my head high and cravings low
educating myself for the things I need to know
So lean and mean I try to be bold
No guilt-free meals since 12 years old

Engrained

Genetic Addiction?
Social affliction?
Another drink won't hurt you
Until it does!

Childhood memories
Olympia and Budweiser
Mogen David anyone?
Wake up dad, time for bed

Everybody does it
It can't be bad
Can't have a meal without a glass of wine?
Because Diet Pepsi is so much better for you?

Lost in the circus
What is normal or damaging
I'm an 8 year old boy
Telling dad, "you've had enough"

When the elixir does its' thing
Shouting and banter ensue
I tell myself as an 8 year old boy
It's time to raise yourself

Learning lessons of right and wrong
Teaching myself how to be strong
Little league games of wait and see
Will dad smell like a brewery?

I've grown up now
Dad finally quit
A new beginning for all his kids
time to patch the potholes

I give and take my own opinions
I don't partake
Addictive personality
Caffeine free Diet Pepsi please

I have forgiven but not to forget
my learning curve
And my only regret
Wish my dad could've met my son

Make a difference to somebody, or get out of the way

Reaching a certain age should give perspective
Understanding of how life works and doesn't work
Not sure if I'm there yet
but I'm not as dumb as I used to be.

I always say that my true purpose in life
Is to make a difference in this world and to those that matter the most
Make a difference to somebody
or get out of the way!

Reaching out 

Being available

Seeking refuge 

In somebody's turmoil

Encroaching personal spaces

Invading the battle grounds

Is it Nuclear War

Or a water balloon fight

I'm here if you need me

I've done it all before

Pity Party, Major surgery

We aren't here to judge

 

Colors

White
Phony, deceitful and a fraud!
Lilly and proper, I call Bullshit
Presidentially criminal!
The white House

Black
End of the line,hatred, wannabee
Negativity, hurtful and perceived omniscient, more fraud

Brown
Dirty, laborious, downtrodden
Strawberry fields and , Lemon groves!

Grey
Evasive and non- committal
Play both sides of the fence
Swiss over tones
Underwhelming

Purple
Prince and the Minnesota Vikings , meritorious award! Battered and bruised

Blue
Dodgers and Cubs
Never ending unfulfilled erections. Shitty dispositions

Orange
Vibrant and energetic, taste buds awaken and sunrise drinks and dreams of a smile or two

Red
My true love, don't like to bleed but when I do, I'm ok with it's red flowing glow of life. Anger and fury ! My favorite cup!

Green
Ireland and Scotland
Baseball fields and agriculture
The root of all evil

Yellow
Calm and tart
Spineless assholes in the corner
Lemonade and the urine that follows ,brush your teeth dumbass!

Pink
Hollywood and the girls just want to have fun ,Molly Ringwald, a woman's money maker that i i g for free!

Do any other colors really matter? I think not