Almost Christmas

About 30 minutes away from Christmas day and feeling a little restless, the boys are headed over at 1 am to open up some gifts and then we ready for the big day tomorrow at Aprils house.i have mashed potatoes and Terria has Yeast rolls and Brandon is on Caramels and Cornbread duty in the morning. We are having them over in the morning for homemade breakfast burritos and coffee , juice and whatever else we can rustle up. Tomorrow also marks the 25th birthday of my oldest boy Brandon Gregory Duran, I can remember the day he was brought into this world, his mother and i were not speaking to each other at the time and she had my sister Linda in the delivery room with her while my son was being born. But regardless I am with my son and wife tonight, nearly 25 years after he came to us as an 8 lb baby boy with all the hopes i the world to be a happy young man. His mother and even I have made some mistakes along the way and for that i am eternally apologetic, his mother chose the path of least resistance and left us when he was 7 years old and chose a life with another man in Washington state, she still stays in contact with Brandon a few times a year and seems odd to me he hasn't received anything in the mail from her for Christmas or his birthday which is less than 20 minutes away now. But as i told her last time I saw her, she really missed out on the chance to enjoy a great kid, he has trust issues and other issues based on her abandoning him at such a young age and essentially has accepted his Mother's diminished role in his life, for this he is probably better off but it is his mother and i feel bad that he has no real relationship with her based on her choices! Be what may it has always been my job as his only real parent, until Terria came along to pick up his emotional pieces and to be his Rock throughout his life. I know he was very upset with me when I failed my marriage this past March through June 3 but we are rebuilding that bond each and every day, the time will come when we can look back on this as a growth and learning experience, but for now it is still too fresh and i let my oldest boy down immensely by my actions and have taken every avenue i know to make things right with Terria and my boys. Life is at times unfair and cruel and we don't always have control of things, very much like when Tracy left us both  and went about her own way and started her new life, but i did have control of how i dealt with it ad how i would later in a sense do the same thing putting my son through it all over again. Life, this precious life and all of it's cruelties and misgivings , sometimes at our own hands we can really be dumb and stupid at times, life also gives us the chance to make things right and to fix our shit eve when it seems too broken to ever truly get right ! Well I thank god for giving me the strength and the abilities to love and be loved , to share and give and be allowed to make mistakes and yet always come out on top and be  better than ever before ! So it is a thankful time for us all and we are so blessed to have the life we do, shared with the ones we love and the ones who love us in return. It is Christmas day here in my home and my boy is sharing the day with the Lord today and every other day as long as we live. it s a beautiful time to be alive and to share the blessing s with so many. Happy birthday Brandon and so nice to share the day with the Lord... good times and Merriest of Christmas to everybody i love and to those who love me back! Many special thought s to the less fortunate and those not with us today, we think abut them all of the time as they help us stay grounded and to reach out and help those with less than we have, and that we try to make a difference in somebody's life by giving of ourselves and reaching out to somebody who needs that helping hand. we have more than we need and at times more than a person should ever need! Love is good and life great, not all have that luxury that we take for granted . So i send out my best and deepest thoughts to all of those who are homeless and those who are sick, those who are non believers in the goodness of God and those who are not appreciative of the goodness that we are blessed with ! God night and Merry Christmas