Text Message to my Wife

 I know my health issues were hard on you

Now I'm gone and so are your worries about that

I can never feel better for what I've done and how I've made you feel

I'm responsible for what I've done and how I made you feel

I'm no victim here and never claimed to be, I hurt too

I have so many regrets that transcend beyond my mistakes in our marriage

Your feelings of abandonement are very unfortunate

I have never planned to abandone you

My actions forced you to leave me which is very upsetting to you

Yes you gave me everything you had and did an amazing job as my wife and best friend

You didnt ask for the shitshow, you inherited it from me

My point was that your worries and concerns are to move on and heal

I can't make what I did go away

I can only hope you find your peace and by leaving me

You have a headstart towards a better life

My headstart is totally different and is a careless attempt to forget my pain

And the pain I have given to you

And anybody elses life I have ruined,hopefully you can

You will never get back to worthless 25 years with me

Now you can I hope

You don't deserve this

Nobody deserves to be hurt like you have been hurt

I can't apologize enough or make this go away

I realized my brother was right

I should never be married

Especially to you

Who was always better than I could ever be

You stand for something in life

You are a nurturing loving human being.

I can't say that about myself

I held myself to a level that I was never able to obtain

I can't ever look myself in the mirror and say" I'm a good person 

I don't hurt people I love

Maybe I'm unable to love

Maybe I can't love myself to love someone else

I guess me calling myself an asshole years ago was a forecast to what I've done

I pray you find peace in your life

And I know I can't hurt you or anybody else anymore

I can't come close to explaining how or what I do

Could be I never loved anybody in my life, not even myself

I just wish it wasn'yt you in my path of destruction 

I will always care about your well-being and your happiness whether you want me to or not

I'm out of things to SAY and my body is numb

If you ever want to talk, ask questions or just yell at me

I wouldn't mind that at all

Thank you for hearing me out

Even though I don't expect you to believe anything I say or feel

BE WELL!