Pain

This really hurts

The pains I've given that I wear today

 Won't soon go away

What the hell have I done?

I've lost it all

My family , my wife and myself

the world that I knew

has changed and won't ever return

How many second chances does one get

I'm missing one that I don't deserve

I own this mess but can't clean it up

Everyday gets harder, pain hasn't subsided.

I feel this sickness might be terminal, 

no therapy, no medications in sight

I sit alone again tonight.

Thoughts of despair and hopelessness

Looking back on where I've been

It's not a good place to go again

So cry me a river I weep tonight

For what I have done will never fade away

I sabotaged my happiness

for useless bouts of emptiness

the pain I've given I feel it too

my weakness that I shared with you

In moving forward I see brick walls

no future, no smiles  just remorseful regrets

I pray for you to come back to me

When I should pray for your freedom to be happy