Faulty Wiring

I'm haunted by yesterday.

Tomorrow scares the shit out of me.

What will make the fears go away

While I forget about today

I'm trying to connect to what is real

My mind is not ready to face the truth

My messed up world that I have chosen

I will never understand my choices

I shake my head in disbelief ,I cry myself to sleep.

When morning comes I feel the weight.

My shoulders heavy ,my heart is broken

What did I expect?

Even if you forgive me

I can never forgive myself

The damage I've created

I deserve what I will miss

I've realized that my flaws are real

quick fix admiration and a weakness for what  is wrong

The next best thing is out there.

So I chase whatever I already have

Trying to look deep inside

being honest with myself

I can't save myself from myself

So instead I try to hide

The truths stares me down 

each and every day

the looking glass tells no lies

So I look the other way

The pillow that I use at night.

Is nowhere to be found.

It's buried underneath the truth.

And never used again.

The pains and the sorrow 

that I feel and have given

Decisions and incisions that cut so deep.

How can I ever be forgiven?

Trying to solve my inner angst

And coming up with no solutions

be cautious when dealing with a bad connection.

And a case of faulty wiring