I'm Different

 I never know what the score is

Am I still losing ?is it over yet?

Will it ever end

The self doubt and negativity

I'm surrounded with love

I'm needed by those who matter most

I'm relevant on so many fronts

I look in the mirror and see wasted space

The man in the mirror tells no lies

The man in the mirror lived no truths

I can't get it out of my head

Destroying the world I had in my hands

I see troubles, I see patterns

None of which I investigated thoroughly

Status quo become broken dreams

With broken hearts strewn everywhere

If I could have changed what I needed to change

Would my life be any different

I'd still be looking for the fancy 2 wheels 

Now I push 4 plastic wheels everywhere I go

I've made mistakes, so many fucking mistakes

All seemingly equally as horrible as the next

All the way back to 2 marriages ago

I was flawed and ruined before I ever go to number two

As with everything I've said and done

I take ownership and not too proud

I will never run away from what I've done

Especially when God and Karma seem to be teaming up

I say forgive me, I ask why not

I've forgiven those who hurt me before

The winds of change blow away my clouds

The sun will burn me as I stand in place

I ask for forgiveness

But don't expect much in return

The pattern and playbook set long before I came along

Some people follow all the rules

People have come and left my life

People have been good to me

People keep telling me I'm such a good man

My qualities don't float and sink to the bottom

I can sell you a list of dirty laundry

I can buy myself a temporary solution

Give it a year I'll tire from it all

And replace with something brand new

Tomorrow brings a new shot at getting it right

New things, old problems same coping incompetence

I hear lines from a movie

You've made no progress

I'm the same infant child I was 61 years ago

I don't know anything worthwhile I can pass along

Only age without wisdom

The bad taste I leave in peoples' lives

I don't have a closing line

I don't know what's right from wrong

I've only done what felt good for now  

Reprocutions have no meaning in my world

I have nothing left to say

No more pleas to be understood

I couldn't explain my life in a million words

I don't feel the need to try

So Condemn me for being an asshole

Hate me for breaking your heart

I have had more taken away from me

Than I could have ever given in many lifetimes

I made the fatal mistake of trying to be good

So much perfection surrounded me

I was doomed to fail and proved that fact

Every day of my life

Failure is a harsh and biting word

Living that life has not been easy

Being a fuck up is all I recognize

It's who I really am

I quit when I should fight

I fight when its all over and done

I care when I shouldn't give 2 fucks

So I'll take one back and say Fuck You! if it applies