I Fear

 I fear many things in this life

It's not a heart attack for a man with a bad heart

Nor is it falling down and not getting up

I fear I'm going to think myself to death

Too many bad thoughts and memories

Plague me,  keeping me up at night

Stressing things I can't change

Just picking up the pieces on the ground

I am a few months away from retirement

I ask myself what am I going to do

I'm dead to my step sons and grandchildren

But I have my son and my 2 grandsons

I'm afraid I won't see them enough

Will they ever know me 

I fear they won't but I'm making an effort

I can't wait to see them again

I'm so afraid I'll focus in the negativity of all that's lost

When I should treasure what I still have

I always had different plans for my retirement years

I fear growing old and miserable