Big Brother

 My big brother stopped by the house the other day

Doing his typical big brother line of questioning

We talk Baseball, Dodger Baseball of course

After our Baseball talk Life took over

He then asked me why I wasn't socially active

Why I'm not out with friends, male or female

I didn't know how to answer this really

So I thought about it a bit

He proceeded to tell me that I always had friends

People would gravitate to me he would say

I said yeah all females with issues that wanted me to fix for them

He laughed and said yeah I remember that

He said I should consider seeing people going out

He stressed that I'm such a social easy to talk to person

I told him , I can't do that right now for many reasons

Just finalizing my divorce and feeling the sting of it all

I then was very honest with him

I said I cannot be responsible for someone else's heart and their feelings

Too much responsibility 

 I'm incapable of all the above

I told my big brother that it's so different now

Women my age carry the same baggage that I do 

Women my age want a devoted person by their side

I can't do any of that

I didn't protect the best things I ever had

How can I possibly have the energy or desire to start over

I've had my fun over the years, definition of fun????

Some of us are better put in storage where they can't break anything

Maybe I am wasting the last years of my life

I would rather hide away

Then to inflict pain, deceit and infidelity to anybody else

Alone again naturally!

So Big brother , I have one friend who stands by me

I've had many so-called friends choose sides and I lost

My hair stylist won't even cut my hair anymore

I guess I've paid the price with interest

I thanked my brother for asking me how I was doing

Where I'm at and my head space on things

My brother and my sisters are amazing

If I murdered somebody I'd have more friends and visitors than I do now