Busy Saturday and a Heavy Load

Very busy day yesterday to be able to post any new writings, So i get up today thinking i was going to golf with Tim and I feel a little sore and tired and call to cancel, as I looked outside it was raining so i ain't golfing today regardless.  Well back to a day ago and it was quite the strange day as it began heading over to the storage facility that was Terrias, it brought back some  very bitter and sad moments for as I unloaded her storage area which she had to get at the end of May 2010 due to my indiscretions and affair. We loaded every box and the Futon and mattress and all of her goods that she was prepared to take on to her new life without me, things that were taken when I was away on memorial day weekend. I assume it hurt her a little and i asked her, she said she sensed a little sadness in me and knew what I was thinking as we loaded the truck and brought it home to its proper place. Unloading the truck at home was a reprieve as Terria ,Brandon and i unloaded, sorted and re-arranged the cluttered garage in to a fully functional place to hang out and swing a golf club or ball bat, play music on the badass stereo system i forgot i had in there and just be able to move around again! As each item was stacked i felt more relief in knowing that this chapter in our lives was essentially over, a mere 8 months to the day that she moved her things out she was finally moved back in completely. So the gammet of emotions were gone through and I was tired as hell both emotionally and physically, so much so we didn't go to the gym or hit golf balls ata ll yesterday, just relaxed and enjoyed the sunny day. We did had over to Sams Saloon and celebrate Trainer ed from Bally's 55th birthday and stayed and ate  some incredible BBQ , gave Ed a BJ's certificate , he likes to drink over there after his shift at the gym  so we were there almost 2 hours, had a nice little duet laying music in the corner which was cool, even had a good laugh at the 2 look at me Bimbos that tried so hard to be acknowledged  but nobody cared, i even popped off to some of the guys, "who called the strippers", theres no pole in here!!!  very funny people. The day ended of rus as we headed home, Terria ran to costco to get groceries for the week and frozen a yogurt for us all, my favorite, next to cake of course. We stayed in for a quiet night, did more Ebay stuff listed more stuff and have to wait til Tuesday for the first round of stuff to be sold and that's not counting the 10 items I have sold and the 5 that will be ending soon that have some decent bids on them. This ebay thing is more like work, the packaging ad the shipping part o fit is the hard part the pictures and the listing made so easy with this amazing computer and iphone camera which takes amazing pictures and can be listed and downloaded in 2 minutes. Sunday morning writing and going to read the L.A. times, watch the final round of Golf from Torrey Pines  and make breakfast, knowing full well that Terria and I owe the gym a visit and will get that done sometime today before the gym closes at 8pm. So as the rains fall I realize, no golf or Motorcycle today and staying in or going to a movie could be the big activity today! THe weekend has nearly come to a close, the workweek should bring some excitement , have some people back from vacations and sickness and hope that the mood is better than last weeks dreary existence of my friends Richards soon to be ugly breakup from his girlfriend, he has a 10 month old precious little girl and it appears that the mother will hold this baby hostage over him, so i foresee some ugly days with Richard and  know that I will be there to support him anyway i can. Richard actually goes to my therapist as well and really gets on well with Michael and has helped him very much with his issues. We don't have an appt with Michael til Feb 10 and kinda look forward to that, the following day i drive Terria to the airport for her trip to Hawaii to visit Braz before he deploys to Afghanistan in March. so i will be alone for 8 days without many wife and will stay as busy as i can but also enjoy the time alone to reflect and to allow each other to regenerate and replenish and Terria needs to bond with her boy before he goes into harms way. Some of the girls at work are asking if I'm going to be ok  without her, and i say yeah but we shall see after a couple of days of no late night conversations and no doing the little affectionate things we always do, it will be fine and i know that 8 days isn't that long but I have never been that long in between departures from my wife! So I will be good and know that the time away will do Terria good and help her reassure our boy that we love him and think about him all of the time and to e strong on both end. Yeah Terria has even told me she is prepared for him to not come back and knows he has put himself in a very dangerous spot by essentially volunteering for Rabbit position on the lead vehicle on missions, which essentially means he's the first target in the turret when they go out on missions! Not  very comforting thought as  a parent but Braz is a real daredevil and this is not a game, So we pray for the safety of our Son and the safety of the troops in general. Today was a good day, ths is part 2 of an unfinished first part of this post, I accidentally sent this prematurely so this is the latter part of the post. Today was really good, we watched golf and then we went to the gym, made some really good grilled tuna and cous cous and then enjoyed some leftover yogurt from yesterday so we are golden and we are good. So Tomorrow brings us a new workweek and I do look forward ot getting into the mix with my co-workers again, some are good, some are there and others just pass through he halls and don't really affect my day one bit, but the one constant is the people who walk through the doors as the customers , that I do look forward to and try so hard to give them everything that they deserve, I treat them good, but since Braz is i the Army now I imagine every kid that walks in as Braz and i want to treat them as I would treat him and hope he is treated as well by the personnel in the Housing  arenas where he stays. So off to the living room to spend the rest of the evening with Terria and hope the week goes by quickly and give us sunshine so Golf and riding will be an option that i can partake in. Heres' wishing a great week for everybody and a special thought to all of the troops serving the country and to all of my friends who suffer from cancer.Good Day and great night...Good night

My Maiden Voyage on the Italian Whore

To put it mildly today was an epic day for me, there were so many emotions that flowed throughout the morning before my eventual trip on the new Ducati. I can honestly say that I haven't been so nervous for anything in a long time, the fact that 14 months after my near death accident around Lake Casitas I was going to do it again. I was very leery as to whether or not I would be ok and be able to ride the lake again. So as the time neared I had an epiphany of emotions and thoughts which preceded my leaving the driveway and heading towards the twisty stuff. I had a great workout at the gym and then came home and took the bike out of the living room and tried to tighten up the suspension, but being an Italian bike, all metric tools were needed so fine tuning would have to wait for another day. So I started it up and went and got my gear ready and let the Italian warm her legs before I got my jacket and boots on, very stranger but I kinda of freaked when I saw my jacket and boots were still dirty from the crash in the dirt 14 months ago and I left it there and said fuck it, ride the bitch and get this over with without the drama of thinking myself into a frenzy. So I laced everything up and zipped up the now loose jacket and straddled the whore and gunned it before popping into first gear. Heading down the street automatically doing mach speed without even realizing it, get to the corner and realize that I need to chill out and get through the ride and get acclimated to the bike and the roads again. Ad shit it went by so fast, the ride was stunning , the feel of the road came back so quickly and the handling of a foreign bike didn't feel all too foreign after the first 5 turns, trust me I was back in the saddle with a vengeance and truly enjoying the experience of re -learning the mindset and it is a really different scene than driving a car and it didn't take long for me to get into that mindset at all. Riding through he canyon I felt at ease, the nerves were gone and the concentration level was right there with me. As i continued to the turnaround point I made the decision to come back via the freeway and give my knee the needed rest from twisting and turning ,leaning off the bike into turns wasn't as easy with a swollen surgically repaired knee but It still was a safe fast pace and that was all that needed to do for the day. I rode the freeway home from Carpinteria and enjoyed the ocean view and breezes that I would have never noticed in the past, I would have been riding the opposite direction and doing the counter clock-wise trip around Lake Casitas but was happy to be good and back on the saddle again. Got home and texted Terria that I was ok and home and enjoyed my ride. The bike was amazing, she did everything that it was supposed to do and more, the brakes are amazing and the handling was that of a nimble Japanese 600 but this was a bit more torquey and quicker out of turns. i was able to get rid of the chicken strips on the tires, the unused rubber that never gets touched  as the previous owner never turned this bike like it was meant to be turned, so lean angle was never utilized until today! The bike is a very throaty sounding v-twin precision tuned exhaust with a deep tone that turned some heads today, not counting the 3 Harley riders that were in my way and I buzzed their towers as politely as I possible could, but they still get pissed when anything non American passes them, oh well, we share the roads and some of us at a slower pace than other. It was an epic beginning to more fun and sun for the Gregasaurus, today marked the beginning of a newer awareness on the bike where my talents and luck cannot ever again be taken for granted and must really focus on the little things that I did when i first learned how to ride. I parted today with a thought of thankfulness that i was given the opportunity to be able to set out on my passion for riding a fast motorcycle fast again, i may never again be at the speed and level I once was but that is the deal that I have made with myself and inadvertently with Terria, to ride hard and smart, not fast and furious as I once did, i am not invincible and realize that this passion will be that if I am safe and smart in my travels. I was able to close out the day with a trip to the driving range and hit way too many balls today but hit them well and feel really good after coming home and showering and waiting for Terria and Brandon to go to dinner with Tim and April and my mom, we had a great night and both Terria and I are very tired and looking forward to an even busier day tomorrow with clearing out the storage and organizing the garage before attending a 55th birthday party  for one of the trainers at Bally's at a local Bar Sam's Saloon downtown for BBQ and drinks all around. So it will be Happy 55th Birthday to Ed Maulhardt and a fun time and a shitload of laughs at their drunk ass expense! Great day and Good night!

Another day in Paradise

It's my Friday today and relaxing at the front desk not many chose to make it to work today so I must cover some of the slack again. All is well here and my knee feels great today as do my spirits are really high and cannot wait til tomorrow when I take my initial ride on the Ducati. so for today I have desk duty and then hitting Golf balls at lunch then a trip to Ballys for another great workout. Yesterdays was among my best in a long time and could not do enough to get tired. As I said the knee is stronger everyday and is coming along better than o ever imagined and my strength is increasing based on the amount of plates I can now lift with my leg. Saturday we clear out Terrias storage and some of our garage in the hopes to make room for the motorcycle and give it a home in the comfortable confines of the garage. Sent another shipment of eBay goods out via Postal service and await the next round of goods to be sold. So I sit  in agony here in the office and await lunchtime golf balls. Good day and out of here at 3:30 today and digging it. So more to come later. Good days!"

A Very Mellow Day

A busy day of selling more stuff on the Ebay train and was really sort of bust at work today, so busy i was unable to write here today. But alas here it is a whole lot of nothingness and not much to say other than I am glad tomorrow is my Friday and feeling better everyday . The knee has been worked and jerked and tweaked and twisted in a mocking manner to test the waters, each day brings more strength and stability and I'm loving this mobility that is getting enhanced on a daily basis. Friday should allow me the chance to take my first easy ride on the Duck , a stretching of the legs for both me and the new bike! i am really looking forward to this maiden voyage and getting the feel of the road again and don't feel any reservations about taking that first ride, actually cannot wait to get out , check out the suspension, make my tweaks and adjustments and get it dialed in. i truly doubt that i will ever get a bike set up like my 07 GSXR but i will try very hard. the day of the Gregasaurus owning the canyons are over I can deal with that and will have to fight back the urge to take on some squids who pass me now and allow the pride to take a backseat, although my 80% is generally more than enough needed to stay ahead of most. but either way I'm going to see the forest through the tree these days and get home each and every ride, that is my goal and my new passion. Promised myself ad my Terria that any type of speed will be done at a track day and on the track, no way around that, crashing aint cool, and crashing on the street is even less cool .Tomorrow is my Friday , feeling good about the weekend and feeling good about alot lately, and for that I am so very Blessed. Hopefully I will have time and something to write about tomorrow

EBAY ROCKS!

Well it's about time i started to make money on some of the shit i have collecting dust around my house. I have finally become a seller on Ebay and can now sell my junk and make money. I posted 6 of my NFL football helmets from my collection this morning and last night, sold 2 alresady and have listed 4 Heart of the hide Rawlings baseball gloves and have sold 1 already. so far I've deposited 275.00 into my checking account form these early returns! feeling really happy about it and can make a shit load of money fro some of the new parts on my bike that are unecessary and some old ATV gear when we had quads. I am also looking at selling my guitars, an electric Fender Stratocaster and an Ibanez Bass guitar, never put the effort into lewarnig how to play and will be rid  of them , each should bring between 200-250. Have some golf shoes and a set of mizuno clubs even some newish Adidad Golf shoes i can sell, sports equipment coming out of my ass which is collecting dust and i am really into this seeling stuff and making money thing. I told terria this can be for our Orlando trip in July and for tires for the Motorcycle which i will go through in a hurry this summer when the weather heats up. not rising like I used to but still plent hard and will abuse the rubber i know.  So the whole sell on ebay instead of buy on ebay is quite the concept and i'm liking it very very much. So far i have my helmets and gloves that i love but will never use, i do have 5 gloves that will never hit the lot and i am stuck with those to pass on to Brandon and his use if and when he ever decides to play again. So tonight we ventire to bally's again, work the knee really hard again and again get home in  time to watch our Presidents speech and then watch whatever comes on after that. i am feeling better everyday with the knee and hopefully this Friday i will be able to take my Italiana out on the road to give her the initial raping that it needs to get accustomed to, so bitch better be slap worthy i tell ya and if not, well I'm stuck with her and will grin and bear it and know she will perform nicely on the roads and byways of Southern California. today is much better i that we have essentially a full crew and I have been afforded the opportunity to get away and play a Little on the computer today and get this ebay thing rolling nicely. so 2 pm is upon me now and i Am on the homestretch for getting out of here in a timely and righteous manner. the gym will consist of i don't honestly know, burning calories I guess  but riding the bike with a stiff knee sucked ass yesterday and know it was a necessary step in the loosing up of the knee and flexibility is very important in the rehabilitation of it all. i have already gained strength on it and have moved down 2 plates in my leg extensions, the presses are not a problem nor are the leg curls and any other exercise there at the gym. so feeling good and trying to look better in the grand scheme of things, health wise trying to get the sugar levels lower and the fat content lower as well.  Today has been a good day, tonight will be even better and tomorrow , Who the hell knows but i am ready for it whatever it brings me. Gotta find boxes to mail my ebay good to their buyers. Good Times!

Where did everybody go, Not to work !

Monday morning is here , at work and me and John the only ones in so far. We have one of the gals on vacation, the other on 2 weeks of training in San Diego, My friend Angie who just got back from New Orleans on  Govt. travel Is not coming in, Richard is in Vegas and is not coming in and Citty it's her scheduled day off. so here goes, I'm going to bitch a little about my co-workers and their dedication to the job they get paid well to execute, we don't work hard, we have a boss that is incredibly lenient in all aspects of this job and makes me scratch my head.  So Jeannette and Sabrina are scheduled not to be here , well enough, Angie was on a paid vacation last week in New Orleans and didn't show up today, Richard took an impromptu trip to Vegas and always complains about being broke  yet he still is always doing stuff and buying things beyond his claims of being broke. Then there's Citty, a good friend of mine that I've worked with for 18 years, she has had some health issues and misses alot of work , and when she isn't ill her kids are always into something and need her constant attention, mind you they are 21 and 19 years old both out of work  so you see where I'm going with this one. Citty has missed so much work unfortunately that she used up all of her leave and has no leave to cover her days off, Pete ahas allowed her to come in on weekends to make up time and yet she takes her Mondays off because they are her scheduled days off, I'm always wondering why not come in on these days and bank some leave time but that's not for me to say. Maybe I'm angry at the fact that people take this job for granted and don't truly understand how hard some people have it out there in the real world. I get frustrated because here i am here shortly after knee surgery not missing any days and have truly been blessed with great health, have not had a common cold in over 2 years and have not missed a day from work from illness in at least that long, i do take days off but those are vacation days which i have earned. i guess my good health is a result that i 'm religiously going to the gym and always trying to be healthier, by the  way these co workers off mine live their lives and eat their shit and never workout or do anything but Couch potato diving it's a wonder that they survive at all. Yeah I'm frustrated today at the fact that i have to sit up front all day and play the worlds biggest and ugliest secretaries on earth, but it's part of my job and part of what i do best, customer relations! My Monday did not start off really as i wanted it to but that's out of my control, people taking their jobs a little more seriously wouldn't hurt around here and I have offered on numerous occasions to work on my days off if needed, Pete has always told me don't worry about it he has it covered. so with that i at least make the attempt to be courteous to my fellow co-workers but they rarely if ever make the same to the rest of the crew, really sad I'd say.  As for the weekend ,I was able to work my knee to a new sore level, i really feel it and it feels good, getting flexibility back every day and almost ready to throw a leg over that New Ducati that's sits in my living room where my old coffee table once sat. Funny as that sound it's something I stole from an old riding buddy Rene who lives here in the Nard, I visited his house one day and he had his Ducati superbike sitting on Stands in his Den area,  too goddamn funny I say. So we will get through the day fine and looking forward to a new 2 1/2 men episode tonight and get in a nice gym workout with terria after work., hoping the day is kind to all and thanking God for the goodness in my life.

Blown Away!

A very windy southern cal morning, no golf today and no ride today either, the knee feels great but is leaking fluid and have it patched up pretty good, all normal as the swelling has to go somewhere and one of the removed stitches is the escape point for the fluids to run off. so gross as that may sound It is part of the healing process and It's all good. Still working out in a bit and working o getting the full flexibility that is required to hop on the bike in that aggressive riding position so about a week away from really being able to hop on and ride it like I stole it, well not really , my riding style will definitely be a bit more compromised, not for any reasons of fear but just  learning a new motorcycle and tweaking it to my specs and then tempering it a bit on a lesser powered motorcycle than I am used to, either way I'm going to enjoy it and do everything I can to ride it hard and ride it safely all in one seamless effort. Today will be essentially the gym and then whatever we find to do . It is ugly windy outside and hope it subsides, but whatever happens we will at least do the gym and anything else will be done indoors. a great day  the sun is shining and we are all alive and well. Ready for a good work week and some nice weather to enjoy, hopefully done with the rains and ready for the typical 70 degree southern cal weather that we pay so mightily for . Getting ready now for the gym and hope I can sweat a little bit and get the stiffness out of my system.

My Coffee Table

November 22 2009 was a very scary day for me, the day that I nearly killed myself on the motorcycle ride around Lake Casitas. So much time to heal both mentally and physically and spiritually and here I am today better in all areas kin my life and really feeling good about things. Since the accident I re-acquainted with Golf almost to obsessed proportions and continue to do so with me now including Terria in the game that I love. Over the last 8-9 months the Motorcycle has cropped up again and again, never truly having it out of my system and missing my passion almost too much to honestly cover up anymore. The discussions with Terria were numerous but i would always defer to my love for her and my family and their wishes to never again hop on a bike. SO I listened and I pondered and stewed and Terria being the constant positive in my life always told me ,if it is my passion then do it and do it then way you know how! I would fight the thoughts of her worrying about me while I was out in a ride but that's a constant I know and she will always think about my safety whenever we are apart as I do when she is not with me. So our discussion continued til the other day when she noticed I was online looking at Ducatis and she asked me if I was getting the itch again, It never really went away I thought to myself. So I made the decision based on a few things, one of which stares at me more each day. The fact that we all live our lives with some apprehension and fears is normal, we protect ourselves and the ones we love with every fiber in our body and yet at times fail miserably in those attempt and wonder where we went wrong. I have been the guy who fears not really anything and live a carefree life and do what i feel is natural for me to do. So I get the mail focal point of my reasoning to get back on the bike and do what I became so good at ,riding a fast motorcycle fast, the passion of leaning a bike over at triple digit speed and scraping knees and bike parts under control are so natural for me , like hitting a Baseball to me, never lose it either the ability and passion stay close to the heart. I was thinking how I've lost 3 friends recently to Cancer, others are fighting Cancer and this horrible scourge in our Society is in all of our minds and had personally made me take stock of my existence and know that it could be gone today, tomorrow or some time sooner than we all have planned, I want to enjoy my life, my family and also my passions which include riding motorcycles ,Golfing and Playing Baseball again in an old adult league which explains the knee surgery and the desire to me pro active in my life and the activities that I love so much. I am truthfully afraid of dying and leaving this world without enjoying my passions, life without passion is a life not worth living and I do  not want to ever look back and question why I didn't do something I enjoyed when I had the chance, for this I am justifying my selfishness with simply saying, "I Follow my passions" So I am and will and know that my family may not agree and if for some reason I kill myself riding a motorcycle it would be no different than getting killed on the streets or getting hit on the golf course by an errant ball to the noggin. Life is too short to put limitations on it and for this I trust God will help me be smart and aware and know how to best prepare myself for whatever the streets and the world have to bring me. To my family I say trust in God and my abilities to use better judgement and more aware than ever . Agree or disagree as you must, but the fact that I have always been the wild card amongst us all should always lay claim to the fact that Gregory Anthony Duran has not only always beat to his own drum, but has made the drum set and painted it pink! I love you all and God has Blessed us all!

My New Coffee Table Has Arrived

Yes the picture you see is a real live Ducati 848 Superbike, supplanting my old Coffee Table which now resides in my TV room. Went to Pro Italia in glendale this morning with Brandon and set out to to bargain my way into a new /used Ducati with only 1100 miles on the odometer and  a new set of exhaust pipes, A carbon fiber airbox and a steering dampner, all totaled this guy put in over 1800 worth of modificationn and new tires so realistically over 2k worth of upgrades and the bike cost me 4500 less than new , so I really saved 6-7 k on this bike and really made out nicely and am so happy to be back in the saddle again.

Friends, Doctors and Motorcycles

A very nice but windy day in the Nard today, should hit 70 degrees and be very do able for the weekend upcoming. I have a somewhat full plate today, leaving work at 2:30 for my 3:20 appointment with Dr. OHalloran in Ventura to look at the knee and take the stitches off my 4 holes he poked into my knee last Friday. The knee feels great , a little swollen still and tight, but no pain and not really an issue, can't wait to try it out in a week or so when the swelling goes completely away. So the Dr. should be pleased with my progress and the healing is well on it's way. Then make my trek over the the gym and workout with Terria and sweat a little and burn some energy since i took yetserday off from Bally's. Then i have a night out with Morales and share the past 4 weeks with him and hope to get a little closer to where we need to be, we shall see i do enjoy the visits with Michael as he is always so insightful and helpful with some of his relative stories which always give the living examples of the theories of things as they relate to real life issues. tonight should bring something to the table but i don't know what. The other thing weighing in on me now is whether or not to buy another motorcycle, my passion will always be riding the motorcycle and I've been eyeing my ducati again at Proitalia in Glendale and am heading there on Friday to look at a few bikes, looking at a nearly new Ducati 848 superbike, the little brother to the 1198 superbike but plenty fast and nimble for me at this stage in my riding career. 2 years ago i would have scoffed at anything less than the biggest, fastest ,most powerful horsepower beast out there , i've always had the quickest bike in my garage and the fastest rider has always been me. well a new age has dawned and I'm looking for a mere 130 horsepower and a 165 mph top speed instead of 180 hp and 185mph top speed, it's all relative and but will never ride at the level i once did and will enjoy the road more and the trips. With that being said i will go with Terria to Pro italia and look at what they have , have a nearly new 848 in mind wth only 1200 miles and a real good deal, the best sounding bike is a v-twin ducati which is really a great thing to be on . owning a Ducati already they can be tempermental and little things tend to go wrong, hoses and clamps and simple things so i am ready for the Italian whore to have little issues if any at all. not ready for a cruiser bike yet still ride way too fast to ride like a cruiser would allow me to. But they are pretty and they are comfy to ride, just not there yet!!! oneday i suppose. So I will seriously contemplate this purchase , weigh out the pros and cons and proceed with whatever we decide to do. So today is a very good one, although I go through it with some trepidations for my friend Erwin is having a rough go of it now and has some real family issues he must deal with and i wish i could help him but I can't. what i would do and what he chooses to do are two different world, this man works so hard and provides so much that it hurts me to see him hurting like this. a real sad thing and i only offer my ear, my shoulder and my friendly advise  to a friend down in the dumps. So God Bless us all, having a great day and so very thankful for my travels!

Master The Possibilities

The Ducati 848 could be one of the most beautiful bikes going right now, This could possibly be mine real soon. The Sound of a V-twin motorcycle is like music to my ears! Good Times

I think,don't dream,but Perceive

I may be wrong in my approach
my thought filled mind never stops to rest
I lay my pillow under my head
thoughts of everything never cease

I think myself to sleep again
a pitching wedge or a second gear turn
I feel the roads under my feet
the patch of green in front of me

My loves, my lusts put me to bed
the winter cold beneath my nose
A baked potato by my side
I gets too hot and off i ride

My Goodness cup is to the top
it overflows and never stops
replacing goodness with a wetness of life
no towels or mops but a nurturing wife

Where do i go when the dreams do stop
Wants and desires that never drop
off the face of a newly paved road
I walk the walk and talk too much

A million ideas and a billion thoughts
skinning cats and ideas that that never mesh
trying too hard to understand
what makes this boy become a man

Running from youth and away from age
a new adventure on a different page
I fear not the result but the voyage
My fears are steeped by my own knowledge

One wall toppled another awaits
voices carry and communicate
A hand held firmly that only i know
we hold and build and continually grow

My message is to listen carefully
awareness is my new best friend
My gifts and glory are given so frequently
positively free from negativity

Looking back for a forward glance

I'm feeling a little retrospective today and feeling a bit of a disconnect with today. Back at work and not much going on here but the usual monotony of a day with nothing to do and all day to do it. i will not complain and will not bitch about this incredible work space i occupy at all, don't get me wrong! It was a somewhat interesting weekend, Friday knee scoped, Saturday and Sunday gym and golf balls with terria and the rest of the weekend was on the road to Anaheim hills for the tastiest burger i ever tasted and so worth the trip. Feel like so much has happened to include my mom falling on her face this weekend , the same day of the anniversary of my dads passing so being in the hospital with her was a grim reminder of that moment when my dad died on us all and brought back some interesting images of a boy needing to grow up. Well now that I'm grown up i don't really feel like i have to the full extent, my biggest fear is to get old, and feel old and act old like some of the people in my life who i see just mere shadows of the people that they used to be. But the fears i have are so much more vivid for me, the k nee surgery was a step for me to re-enact some youthful joys and be more active and do things i used to do on a daily basis without incident. So i come the the realization that the world i know is totally different than the one i projected years ago, never dreaming of things and stuff or the mansion on the hills that was never me, but i always liked nice stuff and always have had stuff. Far be it from the substance that my life was obviously missing i grow to see a clearer view of all that is important and everything that really matters. Spirituality,Love, health and family are all that ever matters in life, the things i have could be gone tomorrow and I'd be ok with it all, we have family to help us through anything and the faith we have puts us there everyday. I was thinking of writing some poetry as i started this Post and it just didn't come to me, i miss that portion of my expressions and have not been very poetic here in a while and wonder why. i am a better writer when I'm angry or sad , or even when I'm disappointed with myself or somebody else. Seems like it's harder for me to formulate and express myself when things are going too smoothly and for this I much watch out for the self -sabotage bomb that is always around the corner and looking for a free ride upon the Gregasaurus express. But these days i see where it all comes from, i can see things over the horizon before they even get near enough to do myself any harm. I'm no different a person just a wiser ,more alert soul who doesn't always have the answers and Is not afraid to say so anymore  for the fears of looking like a dumbass far trump the actualities of being a dumbass. Funny how i grow in my own ways emotionally, raising myself emotionally as a young man and showing myself my own  moral compass has been the best and worst things that I could bestow upon myself , trying to reach around myself to slap myself is a hard thing to do, and for whatever reason I always feel like i do not deserve this life i lead, this is a constant topic in therapy and must go away for further growth to occur. I see so much today that i was never able to perceive as growth or a good thing in my life, i look back to mistakes made and corrections and deflections of every type of spin on the mind and life that a person could ever imagine, some real and some created in that whirlwind mind of mine. So here i am at work thinking of ways to keep myself occupied emotionally, mentally trying to stimulate myself and keep the world around me positive, not always easy when the world where i live can be a very bitter place to be, so much negativity here at work, nobody has their shit together and seems sad to me at times for some to be so fucked up. But my days of saving the world and changing the globes axis are done. i fend for the family and self and hope that the rest can get it right on their own. I feel the goodness that the world has to give but it just seems to disappoint more these days. Truly explains why my world has become such a small place these and so much more asy to manage. don't really know, just enjoying the way things are and the things that I can control with my own 2 hands, one heart and big assed mind! Good Tuesday to my Friends and all is good in saurusland. Maybe some poetic injustice later on today

Very Tranquil Holiday Monday

It is a very relaxing Monday morning, off for the holiday and looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow and start a new year year with a new healing knee and a better disposition of things to come.  Football season cannot end soon enough and neither can Basketball season,I await the beginning of my beloved Baseball campaign which is around the corner in less than 2 months. Today will bring us a bit of confusion I think,not really sure what we want to do, or if we want to attempt to do anything. After 2 day at the gym, the knee feels great, swollen and a little tight but feeling better every 1/2 day, seems to make more and more progress and I'm pretty proud of the fact that i have yet to take a pain pill for there really hasn't been any pain at all,I've had days after hitting balls and working out where i thought I needed a pain pill but this surgery is amazingly simple and easy to recover from. i have yet to watch the DVD on the surgery and why I ever will i don't know, he gave me the before and after pictures and I'm cool with all of that and won't watch the video of the stupid thing. feeling better and looking so forward to more mobility and a new set of parameters at the gym which will open up more doors for better , quicker fitness for the new year. My Mom is doing better after her fall and Tim and Ape, Terria Brandon and i went to Anaheim Hills last night for the best Burger in my life, Slaters 50/50 cafe which makes ground bacon and includes that into it's ground beef and cooks them to perfection with dozens of build it yourself options which include 1/3 lb -full lb burgers, the weights of the burgers are after cooked weights so they are huge and tasty and worth every calorie inside. We drove 185 miles last night round trip for a  burger and was well worth the hour and a half wait, sat in their bar had a few incredible appetizers and enjoyed a non alcoholic beer with my brother in Law Tim. The Peanut Butter and Jelly Burger was the favorite of the night but i stayed more conventional and enjoyed the savory flavor of bacon and beef mixed together very well. The place reeked of the OC and plastic people were all around but i was there for the food, not to make new friends. So that was great got home at 1130 after leaving for Anaheim hill at 6 from the Nard, very compacted yet longish night but very well spent evening with the ones I love. I  feel a lot better today and have abit of energy that only the gym makes go away, so I will confer with My Honey and see what she wants to do, maybe take her to the range to hit Golf balls at the base, I'd love to practice my putting a little and chip a few too, but the day is relatively young and no rush to get it going as of yet! Good Times ahead!

Sundays and Ironies!

Sunday morning and its warm at 72 degrees and really a beautiful day and trying to find something to do. Not sure about the gym or Golf balls for Terria but it's wait and see right now. The knee feels great worked it out yesterday and actually hit a few golf balls and thought better of it. Might have done too much on it but the Dr said I could work it out and could not hurt it all at and based on my pain tolerance do what I can do he did tell me, so I did! A little more swollen today but less painful, no pain meds necessary,I am not a pussy when it comes to pain that's for sure and really don't like taking medication at all so I try not to. One of my stitches has a leak in it and has bled a little the last 2 days but not really a big deal I think so I'm not too worried, clean it up and move along, Terria has been my nurse again, changing my bandages and re-wrapping the compression bandage and the knee really feels good and I want to try to work it out or do something ,many many thank you's to my wife for being so amazing yet again and treating me like a King. At least she doesn't have to wipe my ass this time.  Not into the football games ,or really football in general ,waiting for my beloved Baseball to come back sooner than later but have another 2 months before we head to Arizona and watch Baseball live during spring training in Glendale,cannot wait for that and truly love Baseball and haven't really looked forward to it as much as now. Really getting tired of the Nig Nog sports and truly don't say that as a racial slur but as a means of dealing with the mentality of football and Basketball players and their self promotion shucking and jiving bullshit that makes me ill. Guys celebrating doing their jobs by dancing and struttin really irks me to no end. So Baseball the one sport where this is  not that allowed or tolerated, otherwise you take one in the ear next time up if you circle the bases too slowly or watch you long ball too long.I've seen it done and love when it happens ,keeping people in check for the sake of professionalism is a good thing and preserving the purity of the game and I'm on board there.  Everything is falling into place and feeling really good about things today. A b it of irony occurred yesterday, the day was the 27th anniversary of my fathers death and we were all aware of the day, last night we got a call that my mother had fallen outside a restaurant and hit her head and nose. Terria hopped into action and I threw some shoes on and were there in 5 minutes, she sat on the curb with a restaurant employee and was stubborn in not allowing them to call EMT's  and she waited for us to arrive. Her nose was badly scratched and bloodied, she missed a high curb with her step and didn't clear it and fell, .We took her to Community memorial hospital and had her checked out,  no concussion and no broken bones, just scratches and hurt pride is all. April and Tim were there in minutes after we were and Richard and Linda met us at the hospital. We all sat around sharing the ironies of being all together in a hospital on the day which commemorated the death of my father some 27 years at St Johns Hospital. So we were all there together and I even kidded my Mom  by saying you didn't have to fall on purpose if you  wanted us all together on this day, but regardless we were all there and that's what families do,support each other when needed. I am glad we all were able to be there with my mom and to see Terria jump into action so quickly was again truly amazing to watch here take over and get shit done! Loving every minute of  it and I now understand leaders are born not made! Thanks to Terria and April for always being the strong woman in my life and giving us all the best that they have every day of their lives. How Blessed am I?? Very much /so Good times and great days ahead. Much love to all!

27 Years ago Today, The Passing of my Father

woke up this morning a little stiff but with more range of motion on the knee.Feel really good and contemplate heading to the gym for a light workout . Upon waking up this morning, I remembered the event this day that changed my life forever, this day 27 years ago today my father died at the Bob's Big Boy on Vineyard Avenue , 2 miles from the house. Every Sunday my dad and I would go to breakfast and this Sunday I chose not to go, was out too late the previous night and was really tired and he knocked on my door to ask if I was going to eat with him and I told him, "No Dad,I am too tired" so he went on his way and it was the last time I would would see my dad. I do remember telling him I loved him as he walked away. An our or so after he left we got the call from St .Johns to come to hospital, the had our father in the Hospital, they wouldn't say anything about his condition, but I knew he was gone and began grieving in a silent stoned appearance, we all drove as fast as we could to the hospital and were ushered into the Chaplains where my biggest fears were confirmed. My father died from a massive coronary, one of which the VA knew about but my father chose not to have fixed , he was only 62 ,but an old 62, he had a hard life as a child and as an adult became an alcoholic and had many flashbacks to his 3 1/2 years as a POW in a Japanese prison camp and WW2, for this he would never recover and always be fighting himself if not the world be be normal again. My dad did some bad things in his day and could be violent with others, never to his kids but always was that time bomb ready to explode. As the years went on he went to all of our baseball games, basketball , anything we did he was there to support. He quit drinking and smoking cold turkey one day after he was throwing up blood and would never drink or smoke again.He was from the ages of 50 -62 a different man and treated my mother like a woman and treated us differently as well, we enjoyed the new dad and cherished the changes he made to improve his life and his relationships with his kids and my mother. So here I was a 21 year old punk ass kid just accepted into San Diego Sate University, losing my dad was the most traumatic thing I ever went through and I essentially checked out from life for a few years,I never went back to school and left Ventura College with an AA degree. So yeah I did check out from life until my Boy Brandon was born on Christmas day 1985, the pity party I was having soon changed to being responsible for a life that he and his mother created and were now responsible to right all of the wrongs in our lives with this precious little boy. Funny how God seemingly has a plan for us all,I lost my father and then became one shortly after, one torch was blown out and another re-lit . I was sad at the time of my father's death, he was so much to me and I was his baby, he treated me differently than the others, showed so much love , more than my mother ever could but his final years were so good and so fresh in my memory. I can honestly say my dad gave everything he had, as a dad, as a husband and as a patriot to his country by serving the Army during the Japanese conflict and just wore his heart and soul to nothing left to give.So I thank God today for relieving my father of his pains and hurts and the memories all so bad for him in his life! He paid his dues and it was time for him to rest so I have succumbed to that and am good with it. Today marks a moment in the Duran Family's life which re shaped us all, given us the perspective to grieve and the gifts that we have, to appreciate the lives that God has given us all, our kids , our families, and our friends that have made our world a better place to be. So on this day 27 years ago I remember the day my dad, Gregorio Duran was taken from away and smile for all that he brought my life. Thank you lord for giving me those 21 years and for giving my Boys more with me in their lives

Surgery Done and Done well

Feeling really good right now, surgery went went well and Dr. found more stuff in there than he projected but cleaned it up and made it all right, re-aligned the knee cap and says move it and use it so I will do a light workout tomorrow and get it back strong again. The day is a beautiful day and the sun is shining bright, i was a little nervous and was thinking all kinds of things as I was about to go under, most of all, missing my family , my Terria and my boys if something went wrong but all went went well and surgery that I put off for so long is behind me now and look forward to the other knee being done here soon. Many thanks to my Family and friends and the full lobby of my family of kids and mom and sisters and brother and the wives , so nice to know that I am so loved by so many. I could only think of the waiting room when a /dr. came out asking for the family of a patient and nobody was there, this verywas sad for me and felt that blessing of my family all there waiting for me in the end. God has been so good to us all. Thanks to so many and feeling really good right now.Headed to take a nap and relax a bit

Very good day today

This day has really taken off and is nearly done for me, its nearing 330 pm and I feel like i just got here 20 minutes ago, not for being busy but for being occupied mentally I guess. Cannot wait for this operation to be done on my knee and to get back to a better quality of life pain free. This morning one of the girls said she was hungry and was going to make herself some ego waffles in the toaster, i asked her if she wanted me to make her something in our kitchen she said no thanks, how about Kapn Crunch french toast" Yes Please with a childish smile and a clap of the hands. so i made the office french toast and they all ate like the spoiled brats that they are. After that i went back to my desk , went up front ands answer phones til after noon and lunchtime was upon me. i went to the driving range and hit golf balls pretty good today. but before i left my girl Angie all 5-9 117 lbs of her skinny ass asked me if i would make her some Onion burgers for lunch, she slaps a 2 lb piece of ground beef on the table and says" please" Of course i will I tell her and throw the kitchen sink into these burgers which she requests at least once a month, along with her now favorite lemon cake i have been experimenting with. she eats so much and has had 4 kids and is thin as a rail and complains about not being able to gain weight...ughhhh. So i made her burgers and then went to hit golf balls and got back from lunch around 2. sitting up front right now thinking about the day , the night and getting home and enjoying my wife and sons company of doing whatever we want to do. Brandon on break from School is home all of the time and doesn't go back until the end of the month in Santa Barbara. so enjoying the days and truly the nights, been colder than normal but i won't complain,  friends in NY and North Carolina are near freezing if not below that, so we are good with our chilly 66 degree day here in the Nard! Tonight s menu is marinated chicken of some sort and baked potatoes, we have a gift card for BJ's that we might use tomorrow after the gym so we shall see what we decide then. Closing out another glorious day here at the Base, working very little and paid more than we deserve is such a blessing and could have never happened if i was not so damn fortunate back on  day one some 21 years ago when i landed here and started from the bottom making what amounted to like 6 bucks an hour and full benefits, so how far I've come and how time has flown by and made me realize that life is short and fleeting. we think we have a lifetime to get things done and we really don't, we blink our eyes and our lives bring us to today, on the downhill side of life and still plenty left in the tank for this kid, even though being 48 , i like the next 30 years if God allows me to do so.  Well the day is over for me here and i can only think of getting home to my loved ones and as i always say" doing as much or as little as I want" til later, i can say it has been an awesome day!

Trust is a 5 Letter word

Not feeling very good today, had a really rough night of anger and disappointment on so many fronts i wouldn't know where to start or end it all! Sorry to hear the ducks lost last night ,i watched the last 2 minutes  which was apparently is all i had to watch , again another important game comes down to a few missed tackles and the ubiquitous Field goal kicker. to me that;s like winning the world series on a bunt single...pussy shit ! Anyway , back to my poor disposition and anger issues, I don't truly know where to begin, other than trust is a mother fucker and it's always rearing it's fucked up head  and i don't deal with it very well. Terria has the heart of gold and is the perfect human being, maybe too good and much too perfect for my ignorant ass but mine nonetheless, for that i am very grateful and proud to be a part of. After hurting so many this past spring i took on a new challenge for myself and for my marriage, went outside the box and outside my comfort zones to heal and deal with the old Greg who had the issues that were standing in my way for success. through the therapy of Michael I can see things about me that will forever be engrained in my head, to know why I am doing something, or why I just reacted a certain way means a lot to me , it shows me to think before i act and when i don't i can see what i have done and why i did it. To me it's like the Baseball swing, drop the hands or back shoulder and you pop the ball up weakly and know why, well in life sometimes you get another at bat and sometimes you don't. since I had made my detour this past spring I have always been coming up wit 2 outs and nobody on, seems like the whole trust and belief issue seems to rear it's ugly head and I don't like it at all. Maybe terria has a reason to feel this way and if so should probably not be with me or anybody that requires sleeping with one eye open. I hate to hurt and i hate to be doubted but it happens and when it does I lose it, lose it badly . Funny how technology is the greatest thing at times and then it's the root of all evil, a text message , an email or a phone call seem so harmless to most but every one i send or receive has taken on a new meaning since March 2010, i get it , but I don't like it, and if it were me I would walk the fuck away and leave the distrust by the wayside, I guess for that i must commend Terria for being so loving and giving of her forgiveness and strength to stand by her mistake riddled husband who seemingly just trudges along and does it all wrong and really sucks when all of my friends are female, especially the ones that i communicate with at work, and in the building I have others i communicate with and do so frequently, not like I'm too busy. but apparently Terria sees a familiar pattern of days gone by that just aren't supposed to happen. Come to find out that the text conversation which  was an all day long drawn out almost boring drab text was from an unfamiliar # which i now see is from a Girl i call OOMPAH, very weird and has special needs kids but i always try to be nice to her and feel really sorry for her and have food around when she brings her kids in every other Friday for therapy in the Family services Dept next door to us, she's a really ,really strange girl  that I've known and worked with indirectly for 13 years and I know she just got a new phone with text capablilties and a camera So i texted her a good morning Monday greeting and it ended up sporadically lasting all day with nothing in particular being discussed just boring drivel, she's claims to be very religious so i can't even be rude or vulgar because she gets offended which is usually why i try to avoid this person at all cost and was seriously only wondering how she was liking the new technology of her new phone. I had confused this conversation for an elongated email conversation i had with a gal down the hall who shares the same birthday that i do and we are decent friends. so while my wife was questioning the conversation which spanned from 8 am to 4 -ish,which was a totally different conversation held by work email, very confusing but nonetheless the trust issues reared it's nastiness and i don't blame her , but then again i don't like being questioned when there is nothing to question. But I'm not the one who was deceived 9 months ago and i try to be open to it all , i'm wired differently and she shared her fears and I shared my displeasure, all was good in the end but i hate the fact that i cannot take a message or a text without that fear in my heart that  she might have the slightest perception of something irregular going on. Trust is a very fickle mother fucker, it takes a lifetime to get it and a nano second to lose it. Sorry for the confusion on my part, the reaction is not paranoia it's just me feeling impinged a bit and i understand it all just don't like it too much . I do try to put the shoe on the other foot and have been there before with my ex wife and know it's a crazy eerie feeling to not trust or believe in somebody. but we are strong and this misunderstanding is all part of the growth i know and will do my part to take those doubts away from her forevermore. I love you terria and this process is time based and time induced, we will get there i know but the communication must continue to grow so that we may follow suit! Good times! Damn i feel better already. i actually still have the text on my phone and would be willing to show it to My wife if it would put her mind at ease!

Good morning greetings from Cold Cali, currently 45 deg.

Happy Monday morning, woke up with a sinus headache from the heater being on all night last night. it was a cold one for us Californians, low 40's and really felt it last night. Today is a good day, the crew all in rare form and ready to NOT work but here nonetheless. Looking back on this weekend and the shooting in AZ. was really a sad and horrible way to start the weekend, just shows you that there are a shit load of unstable folks out there and ready to spring into action at anytime. Sorry to say that there will be a new swing on rally's and other public events, very much like airport security after 9-11, a rash of paranoia will set in and politicians won't feel safe amongst their constituents anymore, very sad but very real! Tonight bring upon the national championship game from Glendale Az and hope the Oregon ducks play their game tonight, I might not be able to watch it but hope they do well in my absence. I am really sore today for some reason, too many golf balls and gym workout , the cold weather yesterday caused every swing on the range to radiate through my back and carry on to today. so today is definitely a day off from the golf course and maybe a day off from the gym depending on how i feel or how guilty i feel after the fact ! I was glad to see that Terria was somewhat back on track to be normal in her feeling well and having more energy. Still am anxious for Friday to come and go and start feeling better again, the knee is swollen a bit today  ,stopped taking aspirin and aleve so the knee is sure to be more achy and swollen because of that, Dr.s orders of course so will wait til Friday to start getting back to myself again.  Brandon has talked about starting to play ball again  and i do too so this will give me some inspiration and drive to get healthy and knees all fixed so i can start tossing it around a bit again and hitting the shit out of the ball like i used to. I do forget that I am older now and do do things as well as i once did but that the mind talking and the body listening i guess , so we shall see, breaking in the gloves and need to toss the ball around a bit, haven;t thrown a Baseball in 3 years which seems almost criminal to me these days but funny how life and shit can take over and take you away from the things I used to do so regularly. Amazing to me how Golf is so much harder than Baseball for me, golf is a weird animal where the ball sits there and mocks you into hitting it hard ,far and straight, not easy to do even if you practice alot like i do. Hitting a moving Baseball is so much easier for me, and Baseball is the single hardest thing to do at the professional level, trust me it is, but golf , such a slow and cerebral sport where a psychologist is as necessary as a swing coach! But anyway as long as it is continuing to be fun and entertaining i will continue to do so. til later on in the day i bid a farewell and a Good day wish to anybody and everybody !

Damn It's Cold

What started out as an uneventful day turned into a really good day after all.  Did get to the gym later than expected but went, then decided to go hit golf Balls, Terria was at urgent care getting her sinus infection diagnosed and medicated appropriately. so the day which started off in a cold cloud of yuck ended up very nicely. Came home and made chicken dinner and sat and enjoyed that with Terria, she is still not feeling very chipper but is trying to fight through it all. after i finished dinner and sat down i too am feeling a little sluggish and wonder if the cold weather and gym and hitting balls took their toll, feel achy and sore but a nice Hot shower will hopefully bring me back to life. As the short work week approaches I am really looking forward to Friday and the knee surgery, it's feeling a little more sore each day and is truly ready to be cleaned up and made to feel new again. Not a big fan of going under for surgery but the doctor prefers it and I definitely want him to feel comfortable doing his shit and don't need any hassles from me while he trying to do his job so i defer to his expertise. Should be a nice work week , nothing on the horizon and nothing pending just being there for 9 hours and doing my time . Tomorrow is the big college game of #1 and #2 going at it, I truly hope The ducks come out and play like they are capable and they should be ok. But that's why they play the games and all the hype goes out the window, so we shall see who comes to play in the big game. Ready to hit the showers and clean up my act a bit here and have a nice hot cup of cocoa laden coffee and enjoy the warmth and the presence of my Honey... good night

Sunday Bloody Tuscon!

This weekend has really brought very little excitement, Terria is still down and under the weather and I don't get to close for the fear of catching her cold and thus canceling my knee surgery next Friday. Sarurday came and went without incident, very dreary and overcast and stayed inside for the most part after meeting Tim and Ape for breakfast at the Chuck wagon in Camarillo, went to the golf store and found nothing, headed back to Ventura and then home for a nice quite rest of the day and evening of TV and reading. Today starts out for me as a typical opening up the paper  Sunday morning ,Got the LA times newspaper and turn on the laptop to see hat the day has in store for us! Very Sad to read about the shooting in Tucson yesterday, the congresswoman and the others shot, 6 killed by a young man with issues, sounds as if it's one of those republican radicals at it again because he was touting the constitution and mind control  so sounds like a republican anyway. Even to the point where my most hated human being in the world, Sarah Palin's website had  a democratic top 20 hit list to get of in the next term by the republican in 2012 elections, each marked with cross hairs on her map, she did close down her site and remove this after the tragedy by go figure the congress woman who was shot is a democrat and was one on Sarah Palins list, how strange and yet scary. But anyway the Sunday has barely started and I have no plans to golf today, very ugly and cold for us here and look towards the gym later on and nothing really on the tube except Golf, not into Football or even Lakers Basketball. Waiting for Baseball season badly and cannot wait for Spring training to get started and see the real deal and be done with the jive ass self promoters in the other sports and back to the hardest thing to do in sports, hit a
Baseball! So Sunday come what may I'm trying to warm up but running around in my boxers doesn't constitute making a bonified effort so long pants here i come. Good Days !

Pre -Op and Pre-Weekend

Kind of a bummer the past few days, Terria is under the weather and really not feeling too good, still goes to work and still does her thing but nothing left for the gym and we had to cancel Michael last night, bought her some soup last night when i was out shopping for dog food and a few other things. It helped her throat and she is on some sort on cocktail which includes tea and lemon and ecanacia and some other crap. Her big worry is that she gives it to me and with my Knee surgery next week I cannot get sick or they will postpone the procedure til i get well,so keeping my distance form her which really sucks ass anyway to say the least , but it is what it has to be at this point . so sweetie ,i hope you are feeling better today and really will do whatever i can to make the days easier for you so let me do it! Got news that Braz and Nikki are in Barstow, got in late this morning and are there for a month of training for urban warfare for the trip to Afghanistan in march... Booooo!!!!! hiss I say but it is what they signed up for , they just left Socal on the 1st and had to go back to base and then return 5 days later. there will be no leave for them and they are essentially prisoners in Barstow training for the upcoming deployment!!! Other than that business as usual for me and T, we are ready for my surgery and don't expect5 any complications from it, went in for pre op yesterday and the Dr seemed confident that it would be a mere cleaning out and a 45 minute procedure and very routine. So with that being said I am ready for it all and need to get into the best shape of my life and can do so now without fear or hesitation after my surgery, the other knee will be next and that will really be the door opening up widely for a healthier way of living. So everything in life is status quo and really good, Terria will heal up , my knees will be new again and nothing but trying to stay healthy and continue the growth of Greg and Terria beyond it miraculous heights to date. We are so damn blessed to walk out the door each day knowing the drive home,e is a happy and very complimentary place to come home to each and every night after work. yes it is Friday but seems like everyday has been Friday for a long time now, i love the fact that it is not a struggle to come to work, but more so not a struggle to want to be home with my honey and my Boy after a good day at work. Hoping the weather cooperates tomorrow, might take terria out for her first trip on a golf course and play at least 9 holes tomorrow here on base. we shall see how she feels and if she is mentally ready to not be overwhelmed by the big lush green golf course. Either way we will be doing something side by side and enjoying the day together. So it's Friday and it's my working Friday and apparently payday, I never know when that is and realize that it is when i am working on Friday that it is payday. must be nice to not be living paycheck to paycheck, but still spend too much money on things and eating out, especially when i love to cook so much but we have slowed down on that, and eating out trends to be less healthy and more expensive all in one, so essentially we are paying double for the money and the health consciousness of it all. so now ready to install the new screens for our computers we just received, 22 " computer screens LCD to go along with our 400 dollar office chairs that are amazingly comfortable, WOW! and her ei thought the Govt. was in financial straits but i guess we are more spoiled than the tax payers will ever know, so with that being said I'm probably starting a 60  minutes investigation as i type this, and apparently there are quite a few folks who read my shit out there so here's to it all i guess and if you feel the need to report a lowly Govt. employee having a eye friendly screen and an ass friendly chair go have at it with the reporting of Fraud waste and abuse just make sure to replace the slippers and Pajama bottoms with shoes and pants before you get reported for Welfare abuse ..lmao! I kill me sometimes but being an ass is part of the charm i guess. For now I'm out of funny stories or clever statements but like MacArthur I shall return with a Vengeance and soon too !

Homeless Man Golden Voice in Columbus, OH

This is my inspiration for the previous piece on the Homeless, just a refresher for something near and dear to my heart

The Homeless

After reading about and watching the now famous youtube video and subsequent video on the today show of the homeless man with the golden voice"Ted Williams", not the Baseball hall of famer but the homeless man who has the incredible voice and lived on the streets after  many years of drug addiction and alcohol.what a great story and what a true testament  that there are good things going on in this cruel world after all. My fascination with the homeless goes back nearly 30 years when i used to go to Malibu to visit my sister Linda while she was atending Pepperdine university, we would often trek to downtown Santa Monica , near Venice beach on Pico and stopped at a place called Tom's #5, a knockoff of tommys but the same food, we would always go and sit there and watch the people, a lot of homeless would pass by ,some would ask for money, i would offer them food, it started my thought process how could a then 17 year old punk ass kid like myself have a car, a home to live in , clothing and a sense of direction in life when these guys didn't. I never drank until i was 21 and don;'t drink at all now, never took drugs so those factors would never contribute to me ever being homeless, for me to be in that predicament something drastic would have to happen beyond losing a job, or a wife or something that can push people over the edge. I thought to myself, this is not right , and i felt really , really sad at the fact that the haves and have not where so far apart and yet apparently so very close to co-existing. Every since that first night I saw that homeless guy accept my gift of food, It triggered and deep and interested part of me that always questioned, what did it take for this person to end up in that situation? I ask it everytime in my mind. Moving forward to the early 90's, my first trip to Seattle and I was on a work funded trip, which i turned into a vacation and spent alot of time in downtown Seattle on my first venture to the Pacific northwest, i fell in love with the people, the woman and the whole clean scene of the emerald city! I was cruising up first avenue in the City Center when a black gentleman comes up and asks me, apologetically, if i could help him out with some money for food, for shits and giggles i said to him ,sure, but you gotta tell me a story about the streets first, 30 minutes later i learned that this once successful man had a family and a business as a karate instructor ,and worked with some decent stars in the art of self defense. Had a drinking problem lost his family ended up in jail, took a bus to Seattle here he was! Several years later i was on a trip there with a coworker to visit my now ex wife and we went clubbing at the Fenix Underground which is not there anymore due to the earthquake but has since moved near the waterfront, anyway, I come out to get some fresh air after dancing and drinking my ass off, i see a guy who is shining shoes, looks like somebody i either went to high school with , or somebody that i recently met, a familiar face, i ask the dude to shine my shoes, he starts and i said, shit! this is the dude who i met a few years ago, the karate instructor, i asked if it was him and he said yes, He didn't remember me  and i didn't expect him to but he was shining shoes and making 100 dollars a night on first ave , has an apt and is off the streets and was tryingto get back to L.A. to his family one day! how cool was that, the irony, so i made it a quest of mine to delve into the homeless thing a little further. Every city i visited was I would talk to as many homeless people that I possibly could, If they came up to me i would tell them , i will give you money, but you have to tell me how you landed here on the streets , if they didn't mind i would give them 5-20 bucks depending on whether i thought they were being honest or not! Every city with the exception of St Louis di i speak to the homeless, I looked in Washington DC when i was there this past October but they don't let the homeless around the Mall at all, 6 blocks away you can find them all huddled up away from the touristy part of DC.  There is a part of Greg that bleeds a little everytime i see an unfortunate person on the streets. I know these people have essentially put themselves there and that's not the tragedy of it all, it s the fact that these folks have little or no support group in family to bring them back and get them back on their feet. Also understanding that in most cases its drugs and alcohol that has alienated them from their loved ones and that they have essentially given up on themselves because everybody else has given up on them! My affinity for the plight of the homeless is so strong that i had a personal project that i was going to see through. My project was to live on the streets of Seattle for a year, , journal my living for that year and take  pictures and discretely as possible and then write a book about my travels and my experience as a homeless person to be published and to be made not as a money making idea , but to share what these people go through and so that we don't look at them as shit, and as worthless human being, they are not ,the have love i their hearts and more perspective on survival and hard knocks than we will ever imagine. It always grounds me with the thoughts of the homeless and their trips form wherever it was in life to the streets of wherever to not know where their next meal is coming from if at all. we always have the narrow minded detractors who make fun of or make light at the fact that they are Bums and useless, when in fact they live lives that none of us would ever be able to tolerate and would die trying to emulate. I know i wanted to try it out and see what it was all about and share the experience with you all. I'm older now, i have a family and a wife who loves me, and she actually told me, "if you want to do it i will understand " I know terria would allow me to be away fro a year but i couldn't be away from her or my family. i really wanted to do it but as we always say, life takes over and we try to catch up. I just thank God that we are all In a place where this is something i am trying to understand as a human being , and not realistically living it. it's one thing to write a book about homeless people , visiting every day and then hopping in a car, downloading pictures  and a story on a laptop then heading home to a warm fire and a home cooked meal, ?i wanted to sleep on that park bench and beg people for money, or ask them for work or wash windows, something to help me understand how incredibly precious are lives are. i know God doesn't do bad deeds, I know we are all children constantly learning something about ourselves, our lives and our people around us. The lesson i learned from Ted Williams story is that there is always hope and always people out there with talents and gifts to be given, we just need to look beyond the dirty and gruff exteriors to see it all inside, therein lies the lesson, the lesson to not judge and be good to us all. God Bless my family, friends and those who will eventually read this and truly understand it all, and to Ted Williams"the golden voice Man" An inspiration of mankind lies in his story of perseverance and of mans kind heart!

Powerful Conversations

It was a very pleasurable Birthday celebration yesterday, Came into work with a good attitude and was greeted with numerous Birthday hugs and hoots and hollers from the crew, they made a really good tri Tip lunch for me with a cake and a really nice spread of good food and cheer. The day went realy well, ate a good lunch and then went to the driving range and hit golf balls for 45 minutes working on the swing as an ongoing process and is working itself better each day. Went home and on the way stopped at Ballys for a 45 minute good quick no nonsense workout  with a little cardio and  a leg workout felt really good. Headed homeward and could smell the turkey cooking and the yeast rolls rising and all was nearly ready by the 630 dinner bell, Tim and Ape came and brought my Mom and we had a quiet but enjoyable evening. by 830 everybody was gone, we did dishes and then proceeded to relax and i watched the MLB network and played on the Macair for awhile. Before i knew it 1130 pm stared me in the face and Terria was in our room reading. she put her Book down and asked me if i enjoyed my day , I did very much i responded and then we opened up a conversation that we started in the TV room a couple hour prior. We talked about relationships and couples and how strange it must appear to them  that Terria and i are so good together, this was triggered by a phone call Terria got from Friend of hers and is generally Negative Nancy, hates her husband  hates her life and really has nothing to talk about but seemingly negative things, she is a good person who is pretty good to us both but the negativity has at times gotten the best of Terria and she doesn't always answer the phone we she See's its her calling. Terria seems to feel that Raquel is a bit jealous at the fact that we do so much together and we share so much , the chores , the vacations and essentially seemed to be a little taken back at the fact that terria and i are working it out after June 2010! We also spoke of some other coupe swe kow to include Tim and April and i out it very clearly that how many woman i know who put up with Husbands who do nothing around the house  and expect so much of their wives. I told Terria that my view on being a husband is so different than the normal view of things, it is my job as a man to make the woman in my life's world a better place to be, taking on the responsibilities of some of the household chores , for example, i do most of the cooking and cleaning of floors and the kitchen,  do my own laundry and don't expect my wife to pull my next day's clothing and ready it for me, don't expect my breakfast made but terria does do my Coffee In the morning and has my Meds on the table for me . Terria has a different idea of what it means to be my wife as well, we put no expectations on each other as far as money, or bills or household duties, we share them all and Terria actually edges the yard while i mow the lawn in front, she just does and apparently she likes to do it so i let her. My purpose is to make her life enriched and easier and allow her the right to be a woman, see her friends and do what she wants to do as well as what she needs to do for herself. God knows she has enriched so many lives to include,we do so much together and we enjoy the gym and golfing and eating out, the drives which we call mystery rides as we never know where we're going but end up at a destination together which is the most important thing"it's who you're with , not where you're at that truly matters " I've always said. But the conversation then split into another tangent  and the accident and how we would sit in the living room and watch lifetime movies, i told her certain parts of the healing process were now coming back to me and how last January 4th on my birthday was my first trip back to the gym in the 2 months that i was healing, was so weak and could only muster a 15 minute walk and a 15 minute lifecycle session and i was done, the went to Montezuma for a family dinner with My family and was so weak and tired. the reflection made her very sad . i then reflected back to memorial day weekend when i came home to the empty house and all of my letters to her were on the bed and our wedding t shirt we had made up sitting ON the bed with all of the little trinkets we shared. How i was willing to walk away from it all and go into another life with another person, we both were very sad and very much reminded of the pains and hurt that 2009 and then early to mid 2010 were for us both. I then spoke of the amazing growth since then ans we agreed that Michael Morales is a Godsend to us both and how he has allowed us to heal and to grow properly each and every day , giving us the tools and the fortitude to recognize certain behaviors and self heal and self medicate accordingly with the knowledge we had been given! It was a very involved evening of thoughts and prayers , ideas and remembrances of better and worse time sin our lives, childhood occurrences and the thought that this all had to happen to put us in this wonderful place we are in today. Yes ,God does work in mysterious ways and allows us to right our own ships through him and with him as the captain of lifes' ship! We have been down many rocky roads together and we will endure more I'm sure, but the knowledge to know we are both strong loving, giving and totally complete human beings gives us the strength to conquer whatever life throws at us. As I always say , This life is our to enjoy, this life is very simple and all of it;'s goodness is ours to have and thrive upon, it is WE who can ruin and destroy this goodness and must work harder every day to make the stagnation that human nature wants to bring to the table, a very distant and non existent beast. God blessed us all, let's not waste these blessings and enjoy the goodness that he has bestowed upon our lives and all those who love us and we can love back

Thanks for the Birthday surprise Lunch

Being a person who does not like surpirses i was given a surprise birthday luncheon at work today. they made tri-tip and salads and all kind of good stuff. Bought me an inscribed cake and ice cream and was really cool of them to do so. I do have a good crew here at work and they all really show how much they care by doing nice stuff for everybody on their birthdays, usually we share the month with everybody who hads a birthday ona given month, apparently there are 3 January birthday yet i go one all to myself cuz i'm special, yeah special ed that is. anyway, it was a nice surprise and thought i was really going to get away today with no fanfare and fuss and muss, buti wasn't able to. all the crew pitched in and made the food , bought the meat and all sat around and enjoyed tyhe moment. til next years celebration of life , we shall meet here again next year . Thanks again to the crew and friends for making today a vcery nice one for my birthday, get to go home and celebrate some more with the family , even my mom was invited...lol

Jan 4,1963

48 years ago a little boy was brought into this world as an unknowing observer of life ! As the years progressed and more awareness was thrust upon me I can only think back to a childhood of anything and everything, some good, some really bad and a whole lotta of Love from a big sister and 2 other siblings that will never be forgotten. Growing up in a world of disarray and conflicts and would either become that, or rise above that which I was taught at the early age. The Day i was born was apparently a big deal i  the neighborhood, people came from up and down the street to check out the future Gregasaurus and to see what the big deal was, there was no big deal to me , i was busy pissing and shitting myself and would grow up and continue to do the same for so many years.  Yeah ,it's my birthday and I have never been that guy to parade around saying it's My birthday and would fly under the radar, but coming in the office this morning with the advent of technology and Facebook notifications etc. almost impossible to fly under any radars these days! I am a very fortunate person who can relate to the trials and tribulations of a mans psyche, and where it can go and lead him to. after being brought up in a home with parents who lacked sophistication enough to know how to truly parent and to truly show and give the Love that is needed i essentially raised myself, and taught myself the lessons of love and hate and respect and all of the things that a rubber slipper on the ass could never give me. so i raised myself emotionally and raised myself to do things for myself, all of which had come back to bite me in the ass as an adult. I do thank my sister April for being the stone of guidance during my younger years and for always being the person i could go to, even today she is a special person to me and all that have become is partly due to my big sister. My upbringing being whatever it was showed me allot of things, some of which i do not repeat as an adult, some which i can honestly say are engrained in me and mainly my ability to love and be loved has always been strayed a bit, my confidence in every area of my life with the exception of feeling worthy to be loved and taken care of. Being the guy who emotionally raised himself it;' shard to allow somebody, even my Terria who is so special to get too close to me without impinging upon my comfort zones of doing things for myself. So yeah , it is a blessed day  to know that the world that i know is as safe a place emotionally to be these days, to be where i am with where I've been is truly a great feat that only God knows how he got me here. The times when i was lost and he found me and put me back on the right track, even as a young boy guiding me without my knowledge, protecting me from myself as it turns out is the biggest nemesis and has always been. now with the thanks to Morales and his therapeutic genius I can look forward instead of back and see the sun rising upon the hills that await my travels.   Thanks to God, my family, My boys and My Terria for allowing a very complex soul to do his thing and allow this at times crazy dude do his thing! Blessed is the person who surrounds himself with people who know when to hug and kiss and when to kick in the ass by keeping it all real! And as an aside , i do thank my mother for trying her best to raise me in a loving environment and giving me all that she knew how to, albeit at times less than i needed and more trouble than what it was worth i can respect her for being an incredibly strong woman, even if we never truly got along very well! i do love you Mother, I'm just not the son that Richard is to you, and could never be that to you... enough about that! good days and Good times!

Reality Doesn't Bite

Just returned from the gym here at work and feeling really refreshed and glad to be back in that routine of it all.  Doesn't really seem like I've been away that long just picked up from where I left off, doing nothing and waiting for the few customers that i do have to walk through the door. Today is my last day before i turn 48 years old and don't really know where all of the years went and how i got to this point so quickly. Irregardless of how old i look I have always told myself i will never get old mentally, this is something that i have prided myself in ,in that i can fit in with any crowd, always have been, even as a child was able to meld right into the older crowd and as a middle aged person can deal with the young as well as the old and always seem to learn something new, or teach something to a younger person. either way aint no way i act like a 48 year old man , am pretty damn proud of that fact and the truth of being is the sense of humor  and to be able to make myself laugh first and foremost but apparently others think I'm pretty crazy funny too. always being the guy who said his piece regardless of who was around I have been a blessed soul to be able to communicate freely, some may like it , some may hate me or the way i deal with my shit but I gotta be me  and that's what i am "ME". along with the tweeks and twists of a newer , more improved Greg, the guy who might contemplate for a nano second before going off on that gregasaurian tangent and even Care about what i say or do and how it might affect somebody who is not adept or used to the way i deal with my shit or my life. always told i am the walking contradiction at times is for the most part my biggest part of my humor, what works today may not work tomorrow, but in life we are forever changing and seemingly evolve, or in some cases de-volve and regress into lesser than we once were. for this I keep my youthful exuberance about me and stay on top of music, reading , spirituality and other things that keep my mind young  and fresh. My body has taken a beating over the years, the knees from years of sports ,cycling and running have eroded down a bit and the hips are very tired from carrying the load that the knees are supposed to, ass the extra weight that the years have added on and here i am today a Gym Rat fool always trying to get fit and stay fit and keep the heart and soul healthy and well worked on. So the days of restful slumber have never been a friend of mine and i a not the guy who guys to Hawaii to sit in a chaise lounge and drinking the Mai tai, i'm the guy on the parasail, or the golf Course or cruising the places of historical importance , i love my history and i love the factual aspects of life. Explains my "Realist" point of view ON everything, the fact that the Reality TV scene has taken over the world is very depressing to me, the "real World " is nothing like it is portrayed . but there are folks who live in the i wish era of their lives and people like me who live in the "This Is the way it is" and deal with it , change it , make it better or deal with the hand you deal yourself. Somewhat calloused at times but dammit I'm not a dreamer and If i want it ,i go get it and don't wait for it to fall out of the sky. But being the realist has truly made me take stock in what i am,who i am, what i have  and what i almost gave away. We are in a blessed arena here and why would i ever want to dream away , live in it, enjoy it, for IT is the best that God could ever give a person, My life is a treasured thing and knowing that it could be gone tomorrow is a grounding source of reality for me. Too  many times we seek out for outside influences , yet at these times we never seem to look within and see what we have, is what we want ever as good as what we have.... NO. so 48 Years of life have taught me so much, i love to live , i love to love and i love my expressionary beauty that i can share with the world. Read it but please don't weep.

Back to Work in 2011 !

It's 8 am and I'm finally  back to work and truly enjoying being back at my desk being back in a normal routine of it all has it's advantages as does having the freedom to do nothing or as much as i wanted to over the past 17 plus days! A very good vacation and this years time away took on a whole new meaning, to look back and reflect on a very busy 2010 and the growth and gains that the Duran household has endured and conquered all in one swoop! I am really in a good place emotionally right now, having gone through the personal issues earlier in the year and having done so much to so many , going beyond the accident and through the affair i can see the progress that this life was intended to procure. Throught he goodness of therapy and finally unveiling the unfounded stubbornness to agree upon therapy i can see where the growth has come from and where it has taken me to. The ability to step away ands allow the loved ones in my life to give of themselves and be receptive to it all, to be able to give back better than ever before is the direct result of identifying all the old tools that weren't working properly, to allow myself either through therapy or through self preservation a few things needed to happen to Make a new Greg prosperous in changing the things that were wrong and improving on all that was already right and in the right frame of existence. Today is the beginning of a new way here at work, some minor changes in office policy ,all for the good and the crew is in a great place we were rated highly in customer service and relations this past year amongst the region, we were rated at 94% which is unheard of in our surveys sent out middle last year, most people who fill those out and return them are complainers and only fill that stuff out when they want to complain and gripe, not this year we were given an Emerald award for excellency and will receive some sort of personal awards be it a cash Reward from the GOVT. or at least certifications for the accomplishments. So the boss is in a great mood and we are all ready and willing to put forth the extra effort knowing that we are being recognized only makes it that much easier to get motivated to give our best for the people that give the exsistance of our jobs their true meaning.   So another work years starts , have another 4 weeks of vacation time to burn by years end and we were talking about going to Orlando with Tim ands April over the summer, make it a Golf and Disney for the girls vacation but Tim didn't seem to hip on that , he's weird about shit that isn't his idea so we might go without him and Ape and Golf just Terria and i, assuming that she still enjoys golf at that point and has the fire to Play 18 with her husband! If we do that i will take Terria to Daytona beach and to Jacksonville since I have spent a lot of time there with our Navy housing training institute being in Florida. Looks like another great year and as i previously stated ,2010 was a great year , it had it's rough moments but moreso  it was a catapult to a better place and time for the Duran household. Putting alot of things behind me and being able to look beyond and see the future is truly a bright one, spiritually , emotionally, physically and in every which way a better place to be and prosper in all of our life's goodness. God Bless and good day 

Last Free Day

Back to work tomorrow and really excited about getting back into the normal routine and seeing my friends at work! Today is the last day of doing whatever i want and I will enjoy the day regardless. The Rains are trying to damping my spirits but that won't depress me too much, no golf today and oh well I say, would rather be out golfing but as the rains come so goes the chances to be outside today. Come what may I'm sure the gym will see me sometime today and might get some energy from that. As I sit here in my TV Room chair and type away my thoughts ,feelings and desires for the day, i can only stop and reflect how much the life of Greg has changed over the past year , all for the good, and sometimes i do reflect upon the life I nearly left behind and the ways of the world were destined to change. But looking back only helps me to look forward with a more positive attitude and knowing full well that I can conquer anything that stands in front of me, to include myself and my wayward ways and thoughts of hard-headed ness. So being my own worst enemy and best ally is a very dynamic sense of life for me, a reality that i live with every single day. I don't see these  things as a challenge just a mere blessing that I can be so strong and so very resilient  and have the where with all to stand up to whatever life has to throw at me. So bring it ! My faith in God and family are larger than whatever can be thrown in front of me at this point in my life. i love my life and where i have fought to rise atop and be looking down upon all that i was , all that i thought I was and now knowing that this life I have , be it today or tomorrow or whenever I leave this earth will be ready to conquer the day and share the goodness with whomever wants to be apart of it all. Again, many thanks to God and to Terria for being the most integral part of my life and my development as a better person and overall human being! It may be raining outside but the sun will always shine upon my life! Good Day!

Mellow NewYears Day

New years day and a very good day for Terria and I . A very quiet new years eve last night and was very cool indeed. Today we went to the gym after sleeping in til 930 and then getting the gym done and finished early and then decided to head out to the Base and hit Golf Balls with Terria. Tried some new things with my tempo and really seemed to work well today ,and for that I was happy. Then met Tim and Ape at Roxburys in the Nard and had my usual Buckwheat Pancakes and they were good. At Tim and Apes now and trying to watch the Football game but dinner is calling our name and trying to decide what we will eat could be a long process with these two As I stated last night am really happy to be in a new year with a new calendar but knowing full well each day connects to the next and we are accountable for living our lives to their fullest. Thanks to so many for making this past year so fulfilling on so many levels and knowing that the new year will be even greater is a nice feeling and am so thankful for the opportunities to succeed and be a better everything in The New Year and get better and and stronger each day that passes by. So much love in our lives and so many blessings that stare me down everyday as I wake in the morning. So a great day and a forecast of many more ahead. Going back to work on Monday and truly looking forward to it. More when I can get on my apple not easy typing on this little keyboard on this stinking iPhone.