The Work Filled Holiday Season

The night before Christmas eve and ready for an incredibly busy day tomorrow morning. Wake up about 8 am and start to prepare the tortilla dough for 12 or 13 people, making homemade tortillas from flour and chorizo and potatoes, eggs and sausage along with the warm torts to make it all complete and yummy for our guests. We are having the nieces and nephews over in the morning to celebrate Christmas eve with a nice home cooked breakfast by yours truly for our family and friends! We were originally planning a breakfast out at a local breakfast house but  was hired as a replacement for said restaurant and agreed to do so . So after a day of short work today, went and bought a few things as well as Terria doing the main shopping for the breakfast and the subsequent Christmas dinner the following day at April and Tim's house.

The morning will have me trying to time out a menu of Homemade flour tortillas which are relatively easy to make  but very timely, so I must reach for my best timing implementations to make sure that I can have 4 pans going at once to make sausage, potatoes, and chorizo all timed properly and not burn anything along the way all while rolling our tortillas and cooking them and sealing the heat in a plate and towel. I need to make 25-30 tortillas as we are scheduled to have 12-13 folks for food, which means 4 lbs of Chorizo, 5 lbs of potatoes, 3 large onions and 4 lbs of sausage  along with at least 25 eggs used for some sort of concoction of chorizo and potatoes and sausage, a nice mix and blend of breakfast foods with my own special twist on each, no recipes, no measuring just good food made from scratch and don't know how much of anything but ends up just right based on feel and smells of it all. Enjoy cooking food, even simple foods or more complex foods regardless it's nice when people ask me to cook whatever it is that they like of my cooking, whether it be tortillas, or ranchera meat, Chocolate cakes or strawberry muffins I love the art of culinary toils as they give me a sense of tension release and relaxation.So I do look forward to the morning meal and know i Will be rushing and pushing to get it all ready for the group in the morning but will get it done.

After the meal and the company are gone, the cleanup and revamping start up, we also have the following day to ready for Christmas dinner with April and Tim , we are making mashed potatoes, Terria and Brandon are making the rolls and the bread from scratch, a turkey and a few types of cookies for the dessert spread on Christmas day,I will make Brandon's Birthday cake of Chocolate Ganache cake and also make some ganache filled vanilla shortbread cookies to add to the dessert tray, after the baking is done tomorrow night we venture off to an 11 pm Christmas mass with Brandon and Terria at a church in Ventura to cap off the Christmas eve night. Then Christmas day and a dual treat of Christmas and the birth of my oldest son Brandon's birthday celebration to be shared with Jesus each and every year.  The sense of oddity of not having Ty and Braz here this year is a bit strange to us all but we will do the best we can without them this year and hope that the following year will bring us all together as a family unit again. So ready for the holidays and ready to spend time with family and meet up with friends, enjoying my 11 days off from work and will try to get in some Golf and a few rounds of golf and hitting balls somewhere.So off to bed I go, very tired and have so  much to do the next 2 days.... Gooooood Night!

Working Holidays and Perpetual Growth

With Christmas day coming upon us real soon I can only look back and wonder where the hell the year went. I cannot believe another year is nearly over and we embark upon another 365 days of come what may and dealing with it all with reckless abandon! Well not so much reckless as it is without worry and despair, Well without worry until our Boys come home and Braz is safely back from war and Ty is safely back from whatever the hell it is he is doing is Missouri??? Who knows what tomorrow will bring but we've been through it all before and are well prepared to deal with the days ahead. Life and living seemingly get better everyday and each day is a moment in time that allows us to enjoy and prosper in life's funny and at times cruel twists of uncertainty. Sometimes reflection on days gone by help me understand that there are solutions to the uncertainties that we create and always a solution to whatever comes up. In dealing with the boys and their life's cruel lessons bestowed upon their young lives, i can say that the issues they deal with as young men are things that we deal with everyday ,in talking to Terria about this very thing we see the boys as ill prepared and unable at times to deal with the things that life has put in their way, partly due to their age and lack of life experiences. Well as time goes on we can only hope that living is learning and that they learn and improve upon their mistakes and don't repeat them as they grow older. I know that my mistakes throughout my life have all been addressed and dealt with but didn't all happen at once, we learn from our mistakes and through our life experiences allow us to grow and learn from those mistakes, if we don't learn from them we go backwards and continue to doom ourselves and our futures by repeating our unsavory history! Growth and more growth in all areas seem to be the elixir that heals and mends all wounds.

Meanwhile back at my Christmas rush we rush and rush to get the last second details all handled in a meaningful way. Terria will shop tomorrow and get all of the food and help me by doing so and the baking of cookies, Cake and Pies will start here Friday and Saturday. Sunday Christmas day we will make an additional Turkey to add to the Turkey that April is making. We also were tasked to make the Yeast rolls and Bread, Mashed potatoes and the aforementioned Turkey! Terria and Brandon will be on Bread duties and  got Pies and cookies, Brandon's traditional Chocolate ganache cake will be my yearly pleasure and duty to make as good as ever.I t is a great time of the year to gather as a family to share the strength and love that we have all shared throughout the years and for remembering our lost loved ones and reflect on those memories of days gone by.I can only hope that the memories that we have given our kids and close family members can be shared long after we are gone and that the happiness never goes away.

Trying to celebrate the reason for the season of the holidays and remember the day nearly 26 years ago that my oldest son Brandon was born, Christmas night  at 3:48 pm after being up all night waiting for his arrival on Christmas eve, he came and the world that I knew was forever changed and things would be different from here on.  Christmas has many reasons for celebration for me and the family , this year will be a different Christmas without Braz and Ty , feeling a little weird about that since being the first Christmas in 14 years without the boys in the room on Christmas morning, but growing up at times means growing apart by distance in this case. So rushing and scurry we head to Sunday with tired eyes and bodies in preparation of cooking, shopping and being with family ,eating too much, workouts put on hold for a day or two and hitting hard the day after. We move along and prepare for the new year with much optimism and awareness  of all the things that the man upstairs has shared with us, so very thankful for putting us all where we should be and working towards the common goal and thread of life, love and laughter with my amazing family, special thanks as always to Terria and the boys, April and Tim, Susan and Richard and yes even my mom for leaving me alone...lol!!!!!Life is great and this time of the year allows us to outwardly show the love that we receive by giving it all back! So very thankful for being alive and well and living the dream! Good night and Good Times!

Phoenix Cardinals Terria Birthday weekend

Many many thanks to Tim and April for making Terria's birthday weekend a great time for all of us. Celebrating her birthday 2 weeks later with their gift of a great Overtime football game  and a nice stay in Scottsdale, added to the breakfasts and dinners we were treated well by big sister and And Tim.  Actually went shopping at a Walmart on Saturday, Walmart, just not done in my realm of things but we did and had fun people watching. Yes TErria got to see her man Larry Fitzgerald and he played great as usual, made some big catches, none bigger than the 35 yard catch setting up the final kick in overtime. The 7 hour drive home went relatively quick and had no issues other than the constant piss stops for sister. Again, thanks for the great weekend all and look forward to the next group trip, so many laughs and enjoyed the game and being with the people I love. Pictured below, April, Terria in Jersey, and Tim in the Santa Hat!!!!

The Boy Brigade

The joys of youth and the trials of being young all fall into the same kettle of goodness and badness.  Dealing with the boys and their issues over the past 2 years has been an eye opener to me and Terria. Wanting to grow up so damn fast and get out and on their own to play grown up. Now that the realities of their decisions have hit home and after sifting their their self induced rubble of youthful ignorance they might think to ponder about this adult thing a bit longer and reflect upon their decisions to grow up much too quickly. As adults and as parents we see and do things that are both right and wrong and act accordingly in fixing them and making them right, or prospering and enjoying the good things that come our way. But as a parent we see the mistakes being made, compounded upon by the inability to fix them and a rush for a quick fix that exponentially makes it even worse. The youthful inability to draw upon any life experience and act quickly to  remedy a situation when they know not where the problem lye's. Yeah we have had our fill with Braz and Ty and sometimes Brandon with the decision making process and the overall perception that these things work themselves out...they don't!!!!

Braz is in a bad place right now, mom and dad are in a bad place right now as a result of the thoughts and worry of our boy in war zones dealing with the crap of a young wife who chooses not to keep her legs closed and her mouth without another mans cocks inside them both. Braz being the eternal fool always takes her back and in no position to act upon it if he wanted to.  So he puts his tail between his legs and hopes she changes but the issues of her childhood that went unattended will not allow her to fix her shit, just more of the same and he takes over payments for the bullshit that ensues. Well he may have hit a low point and is now done with this roller coaster ride of infidelity and distrust, he is officially done with her and the fact that she is in trouble with her command for being where she shouldn't have been with another married man will only make things worse for her. Sadly enough we loved her as our own but she cannot continue to treat our boy like this and he cannot continue to allow this to happen to himself. He has come to the realization that he cannot live like this anymore, regardless of his love for her, she does not love herself or him for that matter enough to get help and stop this runaway train wreck on a crash course collision. Being young and somewhat ignorant of what expectations are and should be , they tolerate the bullshit because doing things for the first time doesn't allow you the foresight to know there is another way to do things, accepting the bullshit and know the difference is fine line with the young and the socially dumb today, yes he is our son and yes we love him to death but we cannot walk him through his entire life , especially when our advise has gone on deaf ears all these years, they know everything right? except that they know nothing and don't know that they don't know, double ignorance is a bitch. We will be supportive of Braz and help him an way we can, the time will come when he can reflect upon this and use this as a piece of knowledge that will help his decisions for the next time and to see the red flags long before they have been waved.  Love you son !!!!!

Then we climb atop Mt. Ttyrannosaurus Narcissistic knucklehead where everything is everybody else's fault and nobody is a good a she is. The boy has removed himself from the game of reality and the game of life and now resides in the land of the missing tooth's. Chillicothe Fucking Missouri home of the dumbfuck white trailer trash mother fuckers. Goddammit already , meet up with a 21 year old girl when you are 17 , get some amazing blow job and fall in love when the world was yours and you gave it away for that. Had a job that would have led to bigger and better things as did she , but chose to move back to her hometown where she had home team advantage and took every bit of advantage of it as she does today. What is it with the boys and their lacking the inner skills to make a good decision about woman? Ty has Narcissistic disorder and thinks the world owes him everything and all that he has done wrong is our fault and all he has done right is his own brilliance! After he moved to Missouri he has threatened to come back at least 5 times as they break up every week and always make up and get back together only to repeat the same cycle. His girl apparently has issues wit Terria and for some reason chooses to shot herself in the foot in fucking with the wrong woman on this planet. Terria when pregnant had her boys and went back to work in days after doing so, worked til the last couple of days before taking off from work as a school teacher, as an aside, Ty's Girlfriend is pregnant and due in Februaryry and has not worked in months and won't ever work again I'm sure, following in Mom's footsteps of 6 kids with 4 dads Ty will be one of many daddies to her many kids, thanksgiving dinners will be quite uncomfortable for the Ty man lmmfao! I can only say that Ty would better serve himself by removing himself from the set of  Deliverance and come home and start his life all over again,I'd even be willing to raise his child with Terria and give that baby what she won't be getting from them...trust me on this! So I can only say how sad I am to see Ty go down this path he had so much potential to do more for himself, so much drive and personality to go anywhere he wanted to , now he's stuck with the probabilities of a military life and a Cooter for a wife/girlfriend. his choices ,his dilemma but that child he is having has no say in this. I feel bad for Terria and I know her boys were given the proper examples by us on a daily basis by showing the example of raising the bar and having expectations and constantly saying NO to them and no being their best friend, but being a real parent to them all!

Our oldest boy Brandon has taken a while to get jump started and doing his school and part time work to pay fr his car, the relationship he is in seems to be more of a burden to him than a good thing and I assume that it will end shortly after the holiday season. He has some issues with the relationships and assume that his biological so called mother has something to do with it as she left his life when he was only 7-8 years to be with another man. He went through therapy and i feel still carries some residuals effects in the way of relationships and dealing with the rigors of maintaining and making one grow in a positive manner. he generally runs for the hills before he tries to set his foot in the ground and attempt to work at it. He loves his distance and getting too close to him is a bad thing for him, seems to be a mother leaving issue to me but I am not the trained professional and I wish he would go see Michael and address the issues he still carries. He is a great son and a bit of an introvert , he loves to write and read and is a bit nerdy when it comes to the intellectualal side of his own brilliance. I know he will find his way and his mother Staying out of his life has been as positive as it has been a negative. Terria has been an amazing influence with her love and guidance as a step mom, or his MOM as it really should read, his biological mom lost that right when she walked out of his life. So Brandon and I share the passions for music, Baseball, Comedy and Cooking, i love all of my boys and wish we could go back in time to do it all over again! Life is funny and an ongoing docudrama of goodness, Bad, fun, sadness ,intrigue and most of all ...Learning! To stop learning is to start dying!!!!

Spiritual Awakening

Every now and then my day gets thrown a curveball, not too often but it happens on occasion. Last night had a truly amazing serious of epiphanies all starting with a day off from work for no other reason than to get some personal business done. Starting with getting to the gym and having an incredible workout, then stopping at Bath and body works to pick up some gift candles for a coworker. After that all transpired I was on my way to Smart and Final to pick up food for the house and some food for the BBQ at work tomorrow for our Christmas luncheon that we decided to have, along with the gift exchange it's an exciting thing for us to do here at work. surprisingly enough I planned the gift exchange and the BBQ for the first time ever, usually one of the office girls handles the honors but not this year , don't know why this year is so much different than others but it is.  So the food shopping gets done and the day is starting to move along. I text Terria  and give her 6 options at least for dinner, she decides on Enchilada Casserole,spanish rice and beans. So that's what i made for dinner! Did 3 loads of laundry in between and will never take another day off from work again!!! too much work!

Dinner is  done we eat and get the place cleaned up a bit, then we start talking about Brandons new found interest in Christianity and the new church he has been attending, citing reasons of Something missing in his life he found some purpose and some meaning to things through this new found spirituality. We asked him many questions about what he has learned and what is the single biggest lesson learned, learning about himself and understanding things that he did not realize existed. So we continued on sharing my interest with him and how Frank Schaeffer helped me understand the meaning of life and how we should approach it and try not to over interpret the bible. Too many people take the bible way too literally and the simple message of the Golden Rule and treating people like you want to be treated resonates in my mind daily. Brandon has realized that through his studies that both he and I do not fall into a certain sect or religion because we are so liberal in our ways of thinking and living our live, going out of our way to try and accept people for their differences and not exclude somebody because they don't agree with our thought processes entirely, there truly is not one church that flies along the same flight pattern that we do, so we read the bible and keep our lives and our treatment of people and loved ones very simple and very fundamentally sound with a emphasis on being Good! 

So as we are thumbing through the bible passages of interest and discussing the meanings or lack of understanding of said meaning we all come up with the same conclusion that the Bible is not at all to be taken literally, written by uneducated and sometimes out of touch people there has to be missteps along it's intended path. The night of reflection contained relationships,spirituality and an overall closeness that we all enjoyed !The nights conclusion floored me as I discussed feeling sad that I had lost my bible from High school, my sister Linda gave it to me as a high school graduation gift. i read that bible many times over and cherished it for it's intended purposes of helping my new and exciting meaning in my life, took it with me everywhere and enjoyed the feeling of spirituality , well this Bible was lost somewhere in one of my moves and it contained the Rose from the casket of my deceased father inside as my bookmark. i was upset at looking at it and we talked about this last night. So i go into my bedroom and look in a secondary bible in my room opened it up and found  a birthday card from 1976, my 13th birthday card from my father signed by him for my mom too and it hit me, how ironic and powerful was this, a lost piece of my fathers past still held in check in this Bible that i have picked up maybe less than 3 time sin my life, very very strong sense of spirtituality that made the memory of my father that much more special and clear to me. Thanks to terria and Brandon for an incredible evening of thought provoking banter and to the memory of my father who has been sorely missed by his kids, daughter in laws, son in laws and Grandchildren..... And his baby son, ME!

Fly By Weekend!

A darn good weekend for sure, not allot of thing went on but a quiet weekend for sure of just enough to keep us above water, mentally and emotionally, all is well! Good to hear from the boys today, they are a well as could be expected under the vast and trying circumstances. Terria and i enjoyed baking and Football today, even had an hour plus at the gym to blow off some steam and sit in the hot tub and relax and melt away the little stress that surrounded my day.  It was a great day and we are all ready for the Holidays this year, a little heaviness in missing our boys Ty and Braz but do agree upon the fact that this is the natural progression of watching the kids grow up and leave the nest, all in a days work I spose, or the life of a loving parent, let em go and they will return, on their terms and all grown up!

Watched another great episode of Frank Schaeffers book reading TV from Cambridge online tonight, so much goodness comes from this man and He truly is the voice and mind of good reason in my life. His words and books resonate in my mind and tell me that I need to listen to this voice and hear his words, read his books and absorb this giant nugget of common goodness that most people only aspire to experience. I have been blessed to be surrounded with the family friends and outside influences that have positively helped to reshape in a positive light. So much goodness and the ideas of treating people kindly, with respect and  admiration where deemed appropriate. I have a great admiration for Schaeffer and people who are kind, intelligent and non judgemental who treats people as equals and with no prejudice based on whatever differences we have, be it color, religion or sexual preference, we are all capable of being good or bad regardless of those preferences, not because of them, but in spite of those personal nuances which makes us all different. I am truly blessed to have had A person like Schaeffer come into my life and ideology, the goodness I have taken from his teachings are immense, thank you Mr Frank Schaeffer!!!! So with that I will close  by thanking Terria and the family for giving me so much goodness and so many good things to enjoy each and every day just by waking up, thanks to God for giving me the wisdom to think and live a good life  and the vast intelligence and realistic views to realize that I am a flawed human being , and will make mistakes and have the wherewithal to get my shit straight using the tools and means that are at my disposal on  so many fronts. Good Night!

The Holiday Spirit!

This time of year is always a really interesting time for me, the fact that the holidays bring out the best and worst in people always amazes me and I sit back and observe the goings on!  From my perch atop Mount reality i can see the people running towards that secret gift and that secret something that holds all of the answers, never mind the faith and spirituality aspect of the holidays just focus on the quick fix " i will knock you over for that Coach purse" approach.  Yes, the holidays are a really interesting time  for sure, the families are generally the closest and make amends for all of the snubs throughout the year, but that's another piece altogether. December is upon us and another year is getting closer to being over, the year always bring about some sort of change for us, be it diet plans, vacations, gym workouts , something that we change up a bit to make the new year a different and exciting experience. So as we get closer to the XMAS day , and yes I said XMAS instead of Christmas because this is my site and my world so Fuck off if you are offended!

Let's see! where can I start with the ongoing ridiculous traits of people during the holidays, the shopping is always an Olympic effort to get the right things in the right sizes, seems like somebody always gets the offensive"what were they thinking when they bought that gift " snub, you know, giving the over weight man or woman a diet cookbook is always a great way to piss somebody off!!!!! But we dig deeper into this maddening holiday and really seek out the goodness that it is intended to invoke in us all. The giving is a big part of it all, the love and admiration for the goodness we have is the most important thing to me, my life has been such a great ride to date and if I were to die tomorrow i could say I've lived a full life of loving and giving, receiving and spending time with the people that really matter in my life. Being blessed with amazing brother and sisters , my wife and kids and the few friends that I do have show me everyday how blessed we truly have been. I look no further than in my own workspace and see the dysfunction ans sadness of things and possession driven people and the lack of true love that evades their lives. for them i feel bad but realize that happiness is not a given and must be worked for and worked with to maintain. Being in the great place emotionally, spiritually and physically getting to where i need to be we are in a process that never stops unless we allow it to.  I look forward to a drama free and joyous holiday season with my family and friends and truly know that there are too many people who do not have what we have and for that i am shaken a bit and can only help to do my part to make somebody Else's life a  better place to be, if only a meal, or a conversation, something to let people know that they matter and that bad things don't always happen to bad people, they indeed can and do happen to good people too.

This year is a bit different for us all at the holiday. We are without Braz and Ty who are in Afghanistan and Missouri respectively, Braz at war and Ty in his own private struggles with his own youth and mortality, youth try to grow faster than they are  capable and pay the ultimate price, a road laden with speed bumps and cracks in their road which makes for a bumpy ride. Hence they are in their own private wars and must deal with them as they got in to them, on their own terms and time. Heaven forbid they listen to those of us who have been there done that? yeah that would be really stupid of them to take nearly a hundred years of life skills and learn form our previous stupidity, but that would take away from the allure of being young and dumb!!!!! So we stand back and wait for the trains to collide on each front, Brandon is home , school and work and looking for his way and in a positive place in his world. Missing my dad again this Season, been 28 years since we last spend the XMAS together with him, do miss my dad and everytime I go to my sisters house look at the family picture of all of us together for the last time until he passed away some 3 weeks later. Looking forward and not back I have my memories that I hold close, the thoughts and pleasures of the times we spent together and will always hold the good and bad times close to my heart. Living is learning for me , I've learned so much about myself by observing and through therapy, having Terria by my side is the greatest gift I've ever been able to realize, there are things that happen in our lives that remind us of where we are and how we got there. It helps me to appreciate the things that I almost threw away and makes me realize that life is that aforementioned process of forever growing in a positive way , surrounding myself with Positive people and making everyday count. We are so blessed in who we are , what we are and how we continue to  grow on a daily basis. Today is another great day as I'm sure tomorrow will be even better! Good times for sure!

Finding That Lost Potential

Watched a very good movie tonight, maybe the 6th or 7th time I've watched this particular movie, A cult classic dealing with lost potential and following your heart and soul and moving beyond the inner demons we all have and fight with on a daily basis. While watching this movie tonight, or even move back before the movie starts I searched through the Netflix catalog and came upon this gem and said to Terria, it's the perfect night for this movie, she agreed and we put on the movie and watched intently, or at least I did until my Terria fell asleep and left me to my own mindful ponderance with the movie in front of me, I realize that Ponderance is not a word and use it or my own reasons because it sounds better to make it up sometimes. So there , I said it Ponderance" move on to he movie!

The movie invoked allot of emotions in me and made me feel at one with most of the characters in the movie. I was in fact each player n this movie at one time in my life and it brought back a scene from work today when I was the mentor to a younger co-worker in offering up an opinion and my so -called elderly wisdom, a scene of lost loves and fear of failures, fear of success  and general fear of life itself. The parts of cocky insight and of witty banter made me smile and reminded me of my everyday when people laugh along with my sarcastic spewing and nonsense. There was also the friends and foes of the main character who all remind me of people  know and people that I had been at a given point in my life, anything for a laugh I always say. The heartbreak and the true essence of real sadness and disappointment along with being scared to death of the truth made this so real to me and tonight and was a real blast from the past for me at least, if not most people who are honest with themselves!

I see the lack of drive and real lack of reaching full potential on so many fronts, this I have come to grips with a long time ago and am ok with it all. Yeah I have a decent grasp on things and an above level of intelligence but somehow always seemed to self sabotage my existence into less than possible, this through counseling and many sessions on a therapist couch have me feeling less than deserving and able to deal with the realities of keeping a complex mind very simple and less dramatic and carefree. My ultra realistic side of me does not allow me to stray too far from the truth, the failures and shortcomings are in my realm of understanding and I have grown to accept the fact that I am very flawed but still am a functioning fuck up so to speak. All good and in reference to the movie I see the lack of understanding for those of us who are different in some aspects of our life and though process, who can understand if we have yet to understand ourselves?  It's no mystery but being alone on an island is where I can sometimes reside, emotionally, spiritually and physically can remove myself from the playing field only to return and be here again, but why go away in the first place ? Therapy is a construction site still unfinished and will continue to be so for a while yet, not mad or unhappy about the fact , just really wondering why it took me so long to realize allot of what  see as common place today and where and why was I hiding it all under that mask of having it all together.Every day is a project for me I guess, So  do know what Mr Hunting was feeling throughout the movie, afraid and scared  of looking and finding the flaws and having to go in and fix them all, know all too well that this project would not be an overnighter. The movie " Good Will Hunting" with Matt Damon, Ben Afflec and Robin Williams, a classic and one that forever reminds me of who we all are, a mere shadow of who we are and can be!

So Bad - Detroit in Ruins

THE most intriguing ,yet disgusting thing I've seen in a long time. After visiting Detroit this Summer and truly having my eyes opened with it's total ruinous condition and lackluster care and concern for it's appearance. I have made it a high priority to re-visit this city and see the most run down parts of the city and see most everything on this video for myself. will also re visit the part of the city that housed the old Tiger Stadium which I did not see when we were there, visit the field still in tact minus the surrounding stadium which was torn down. This City of Detroit has captured my heart for some reason, to know that this was once a great city and it now a real true Ghetto that seems more like Beirut than a real American city. The sad yet intriguing part of it all is that I want to see it all again. A must watch video with so many others on youtube that totally show what this place has become. When you see shut down libraries that still have books on their shelves, or police station with mug shots and files, classrooms with material still in the classrooms, but the most strange to me is the assembly line of vintage 1980-90's vehicles still on the assembly line un finished and left partially assembled...Amazing

Happy Birthday Terria Lynn Duran...Love You Sweet Woman O'mine

 A slight touch up of this site again as I get tired of looking at the same boorish look after a few months time, even if /I have not been writing as much I have the same picture In my head that makes it very clear to me that it is time for some new clothes for this place.Always a fan of Orange or bright colors in general this should do for a few months. Any way looking forward to a great day tomorrow as it is Terria's Birthday tomorrow, December 2, 1964 my sweetie was born to this cruel world and given to me some 35 years after the fact and here we are , ready to celebrate another day of goodness together.

As I contemplated gifts for her nothing came to mind immediately even asked her what she wanted and her customary low key, Nothing, nothing at all! Well I almost fell into that trap but chose to fore go her wishes and get her a few cool things that I know she will like and use, and the color pink to boot so she should be happy with it. Either way i ca take the stuff back if She doesn't like it  and try something else. Tomorrow she did ask for her usual Scallops dinner that i have prepared for her the past few years and tomorrow will be not unlike previous years,  she will get her giant Scallops, i hope giant one's anyway, I will search in the morning for a good batch and also some Jumbo Shrimp and some Tuna and some really good Rice to make as a side dish, baking her a small cake and finish up with one more gift as well.

Lastly trying to get Terria to commit on either Breakfast before work or meeting her for lunch tomorrow, no word as of yet but should be a good one either way.  Kind f hoping for a 6 am breakfast so that will free me up for the rest of the day to finish up my progress to make her day a great one from all of her loved ones, especially her loving husband. Just got word that breakfast won out and cafe 126 it is! So sounds like a fulfilling and early day for us all. Must finish up here and get ready for the morning. Great days  for sure!

Oh, and just got word that April and Tim are taking us to the Cardinals Browns game in Arizona on the 18th for the Browns and Cards football game, Terria's favorite team and player Larry Fitzgerald and former Rio Mesa Grad Scott Fujita playing Linebacker for the Browns so it will be a good day for us all! Goodnight !

Personal Check Up

Once a week around here seems to be the going frequency of my visits here, although not crazy busy my thoughts and writing have essentially been put on the shelf for some reason. Don't know why but the urge to write has been lacking and it's time to look for the reasons why that I have been vacant from the site I call my home.  The daily grind is far from that, the workdays are a joke and nothing really taxing on the mind or body but getting back to my days and how I live and breathe each one with total glee and ease!

My minds ever changing moods, sounds like a style council song because it is! There are many things that are going on as we speak, the boys, the boys and the boys, all are in different places emotionally, and geographically so the thoughts as a parent are never ending, the moods are what they are and are generally in a good place but there are days when I keep it real and get a little snippy at either myself ,or the stupidity of the world around me. Be what it may I rebound and reconsider all the journeys in my life and realize that this is a gravy train and in comparison to others tattered lives I'm n a special place. Doesn't take long for me to face the realities of this, I can look to my co-workers or some of my friends and realize that they do not have what I have, or the means to get through the emotional wraps that life deals to us all each day. Yeah the world which we live in can be cruel, but the thoughts of where I could be are frightening and bring the truths of my goodness all home to me.

A snapshot of the past year is a very sharp and vivid portrayal of the way things should proceed as I see it. The faith and spirituality that I share with my loved ones is a very private and special gift to me not one which is grandstanded and overtly shared with the world. Conventional wisdom says to share that gift with the world and let everybody know that you are Tim Tebow and you live and breathe Jesus and that is not me, I'd rather be a good person and not talk so much about how good I am and hope that Jesus is watching... Not Me, You won't be getting hit with any Bibles here today from me, but you will get a person who loves and cares and shows that goodness comes from people, not beliefs in doing good things! Enough about that shit and back to the realities of living and life!

As I look around these days I see so much unhappiness, the things in life that we take for granted are the gifts of life itself and so many of us look outside that realm of goodness and want and expect so much more out of life. What would make most people happiest? Money and things all which are the roots of most evil in this world, when was having enough to survive upon good enough, driving incredible cars and living in ridiculous houses seems to be the ongoing dream. While most never come close to this world of make believe it seems to drive  many to feel the inadequacies of what they are and what they have which forever seem to pale in comparison to their lifes' ambitions of having all of the aforementioned stuff. I have come to appreciate the good things that i have and share with those that matter ,I cannot change who I am but refine who I  am and for this the ongoing project Greg will continue on and keep me going and growing in a direction that takes me further towards where I want and need to be as a person, Husband, Father and friend to all! Well back to the laundry and folding and putting my crap away and ready for the workweek that ensues. Good Night!

Touching First Base Again

A real quick pass by to check in on myself to see what I'm doing, not much in the way of a weekend, inclement weather and dreary moods made it a stay at home weekend and that's ok at times. Ready for a short workweek and all is good at work, ready for Morales in the morning and a Thanksgiving of the quiet nature is going to be really nice for sure.  I'm hoping to be more of a writer and less introspective and write a little more , read a little , workout a little harder and see what the days ahead bring me. As for now it's ready for the days ahead and work tomorrow, but now it's time for bed and sleep, 7am comes early these days and the cold makes it harder to want to get up every morning, but we do!

What Does Friday have For ME?

Tomorrow I am off from work and really wonder how productive I am going to be if at all productive! I assume that the gym is the only non variable in a day chocked full of what if's and maybe's. So let us assume that the gym will be completed by noon and then assume that slumber will wake me up around 9 and dick around with coffee and then decide to get motivated for the gym.Once there I am fine and have  my hour 30 minute of 108 sets of lifting at a real quick pace to look forward to, then the tired waddle form the gym to a hot spot for breakfast, maybe even a splash in the jacuzzi before deciding on what to eat for breakfast, leaning on a home cooked something or other meal but that's always subject to change in a blink of the eye. Whatever comes about it's a day off and maybe get some rain tomorrow to dampen things a bit, or as I like to think, freshen up the stink!

Another workweek down and nearer to the holiday season we get, the season will be here in a few weeks and families getting together to eat too much and drink too much is about to begin. The common thread is getting together and that's the good part of the holiday where families are side by side doing what they do best, driving each other crazy and wishing we were all somewhere else. To be honest the Holidays are a sore subject with me since my father passed away in 1984, having to overcome that void had taken me 10 years or so , and now the holidays are times where we tolerate family and traffic all in the name of something we know very little about...God! Well that and my oldest Son's birthday on 25 December. A blessing on a special day!

Not much planned for the weekend but time to relax and maybe shop and buy something, maybe the new MAcbook PRo  for Terria and some gym shoes or pool shoes for me to use at the gym, whatever it is it will be a good thing, love to shop for nice stuff and groceries when I'm hungry which I know is a real no no  and gets done by yours truly constantly, hence the 100 dollar plus Smart and Final runs for dog food and bread right the voila, $100 bones spent on whatever. So life is good and humanity is average and people seem to be a slow and ridiculous as they always tend to be. Just working around them all and hope that they do not rub off on me anytime soon. Well it's Becker time and time to DVD it up with one of my favorite shows ever, sleep in and watch Terria get ready in the morning and fall back into a light slumber for a day with few or no plans awaits me in the morning...Goodnight

A quick Week

A Very productive week so far, the Morales appointment went really well  and the work week is coming to a close for me tomorrow. I am really astounded at the fact that the year of 2011 is already into the 11th month at the blink of an eye, or so it has seemed to us after just starting a year not that long ago. So many things have come and gone this year and really plenty of water under the bridge that we can reflect upon and hope to have answers to. The kids and their issues, the fact that we as parents must sit back and accept the choices they have made as their own and hope that they remedy these wrong choices and grow from them. The thoughts and worries of my Son Braz being in the war zone, the thoughts of my son Ty being in Missouri seemingly self destructing and wandering aimlessly for no apparent reason at all, but to be young and clueless at times s part of the passing of the proverbial Life's baton, sit back and hope that the boys can live and learn and reap the benefits that experience brings us all.

Truths Be Told

Been awhile since I've seen Michael and have finally realized that there are some issues that are still lingering about . Some of which are current and past events re-visited and really pissing me off. There seems to be things that come back to me and really upset my thought process, some of which aren't even my doing but nonetheless play with my mind and my emotional state, being a person who doesn't push thins under the rug I feel I need to deal with them. So here we go with the unleashing of some internal crap that at times drives me nuts but will be dealt with properly!

First of all coming to grips with selling the motorcycle and not riding the bike anymore, As I told Terria today the real reason was that I wasn't riding it as much as I needed to to justify keeping it and actually the lack of riding was a s a result of not feeling comfortable riding anymore and really a little afraid of crashing again. Noticed on each and every ride since I bought it that there was always the point where I thought I was going to crash or wondered how bad it would be if I crashed in a particular spot during the ride, no way to enjoy the ride, being afraid and always pondering the worst case scenario, never thought like that prior to November 22, 2009. Not much fun anymore to contemplate the inevitable accident, so I have let it go and move on to other endeavors ,enough about that and I move onto the next case in point.

I am on my second marriage, the mother of my first son Brandon on occasion comes back to visit my boy and makes it all seem dandy after she abandoned both of us 17 plus years ago for another man, that' in itself was ok, not the major issue, just left me to rebuild a broken little boy and his thoughts and emotions were shattered by the mother he loved so much and she disappointed him so much, not just that one time as a child but more as an adult when they moved in together as he was giving her a second chance to be his mom, she lasted a few months and abandoned him again, moving out of state and leaving her son, My son alone to pay an Apartment rent that he could barely afford, forced him to take a roommate and he lived there for a year struggling and drinking his sorrows away. So she decides to come visit him this past week and again I wonder what bullshit she promises him this time, what she has said or done to him to make him feel guilty for her fuck up? I wonder and fume at the thoughts and possibilities of the negativity that she is capable of bringing into my sons life with her very presence. For some reasons , her presence this week brought back the guilt and feeling of my affair a year and a half ago and it pains me to think about it, Morales asks me if I have forgiven myself, I say yes but evidently I have not forgiven myself enough to move onward in the direction that I should be by now, I need to figure this thing out because it's frustrating to go backwards with my mindset in regards to the bad decisions I made and the precious people that I had hurt!  So he took her back to the airport today and she was on her way back to Washington state to do whatever it is she does and leaves my boy alone until the next time she meddles at my boys mind and his life I will again cringe at her very presence, so  feel good about her going back home and being away from my boys everyday. That's done and done and I move onto the last issue that drives me a little batty at times, my other two boys!!!!

Ty and Braz have grown up so quickly, too quickly mind you and it has driven me a bit crazy at times. I feel so helpless to make an impact and guide them in the right direction, they are not the 5 and 6 year olds that I met 14 years ago and took them as my own as I still do to this day. The boys have taken to adulthood quicker than they were prepared and put themselves in precarious situations with their choices of not only mates, but the type of girls that they are are in love with. Both of the boys are in dysfunctional, very abusive relationships and seemingly aren't able to get away from them...why? I ask that question each and every day and come up with the same answer, can't get through to those who don't want to or aren't capable of listening and learning and choose to live and make their own mistakes over and over again. as a parent , very maddening to watch the kids you love fall on their faces and do what they think is right when they do not know what is right since they haven't lived long enough to observe or listen to anybody who knows more than they do since they know everything and nothing at all matters unless it's them who make the choices and decisions. Ty will be a father in February  and at this point in his life is incapable of dealing with anything other than his Narcissism and failing miserably at that as well, bringing a new life into this world with an angry woman will only bring about an angry child...not a good situation. BrazTerria they are living the carbon copy existence of their Father and his current wife in a world of dysfunctional and everlasting unhappiness, so sad to me but as parents we try to be supportive of their good and bad but seem to be dealing with the bad as we speak and it bothers us both very ,very much. Other than that, we are Golden and perfect right!!! So off to Michael I go!

World Series Of Beavis!

Watched the World Series choke jobs of all time, the Rangers had 2 chances to get one batter and become world series Champions but didn't have it in them . They will move on to a game 7 and that's a foregone conclusion, if the Cardinals do not blow them out tomorrow night it will then be the biggest choke job in reverse , no doubt or question about it. So whatever happens could give a shit at this point, I had the Rangers  but that's not going to happen as they folded lie a towel and really killed their best chance twice....not once, Twice!

Other than that debacle  did watch the New Beavis and Butthead for comedic relief and it was alright, not as funny as it should have been but better than the other crap they put on MTV. Tomorrow is Friday and the end of a long week, Terria's knee still hurting her and back to work she goes tomorrow to finish out the week. Sounds lie she tore her Meniscus and will need a scope sometime soon, It happens,I hurt mine swinging a golf club at the driving range and had mine done in January with no issues. So wishing my sweetie a better week and hopefully some news about her ailing knee!

No plans again for this weekend and that's ok, I am sure we will have a game plan on the fly and figure out something to do this weekend. Set up my leave schedule for the holidays and taking all of Christmas week off with only 3 days of leave required, so 9 days off for the price of 3 , sounds good to me! Should be a quiet day at work tomorrow , have nothing pending and not much on the horizon as far as work goes. As an afterthought ,I set up another appointment with Michael to touch bases with him and see how  am doing,feeling great about things  but have a few things like an ex wife coming to town and meddling in Brandon's life after abandoning him as a young boy of 8, and the kids going through  hell that are upsetting me a bit and watching my Terria go through it as well further upsets me, a tune up of sorts and nothing too pressing, I miss Michael's candor and true genius and hope to find a little solace in the truths I call my own and the life of choices that I have made that i am totally accountable for. Still had some really bad thoughts of my indiscretions last spring and some guilt involved that i must forgive myself real soon. But it will be a productive visit and one that has been a long time in waiting. So for now it's bedtime and rest for the morning. Good night

Today!!!!!!!!

A long weekend which took us thorough the Orange county and a great social D concert in Irvine, much driving and a very tiring weekend culminating with a trip to Will ave. and the childhood home of Bob Nevarez, we had a nice meal and dessert celebrating his birthday with his family, they got to meet the "Saint " as he calls Terria and loved her to death! A very nice visit for sure. Back to work on Monday and the usual Hijinx of people not caring about their jobs and driving me totally insane with the lack of work ethic. But who am i to decide who does what ,i just pick up the pieces and do what I'm supposed to do and part of what they're supposed to do, no worries because I can and Do, Thanks to my co-worker Sabrina C. for being so helpful and so supportive throughout the workday, my little sister as i call her we always help each other out and cover one an others ass when we need to. Thanks Midget!

Today is a good day so far , the overcast skies don't cast doom upon today, just the signs of winter coming and the harsh realities of an Oxnard winter of 60 degree days...ewwwww horrible i know! So here i am thinking about my Boys Braz and Ty, Braz in afghan land fighting a meaningless war and Ty in Missouri fighting his own personal wars in Trailer land! I wish the best to my boys and know that they are young and full of their own insecurities and lack of coping skills to see the bigger picture in life. Who on earth would 2 good looking young men ever tie themselves down at 19 and 20 years to be with what they think is their last stop in loveland??? i think not, the train that wrecks today is no better for wear tomorrow and these young boys have no idea what type of mess that they are setting themselves up for, regret and bitterness for they shoulda , woulda, coulda done things differently , but they don't listen to the people who have done it already, made the mistakes and have this wealth of knowledge to share with them , they fall on their own and that's that I suppose, sad but true, the me generation must find out the hard way instead of the right way! As for Brandon my oldest boy , he still looks for that final directio in life and will find whatever he is looking for because his failures and successes are his own and he has nobody to tie himself down but himself. so continue going to school, work a Little and wait the for the answer to come to him. Being a parent never ends and that's what we signed up for as adults, it's all good and it's what we expected,even if at times a little frustrating and painful, but we manage because we are the adults and know that there is always light at the end of the Proverbial tunnel!

What else is going on in my world? The world series is turning out to be a really good one, hating La Russa and watching him lay an egg last night being the supposed genius which he is not and never has been, throwing nobody under the bus but taking no responsibility for it himself essentially throws everybody but himself under that bus. Hoping that the Ranger win the next game and take the ring away from the Cards but really don't care too much in the outcome, have a friendly $10 wager at work for the Cards and would gladly pay it off if the Rangers would win it all. Must wait til Wednesday for that game 6 to make it all happen. The new workout regiment is kicking my ass a bit but feel really good and hope that this gets a little easier, having my friends at the gym who really like to talk to me while I'm working out makes it difficult at times and these guys aren't the type of guys you tell to Go away, all older , kind men who for some reason think I'm ok to talk to , I should consider it an Honor that these very nice and some of them very intelligent men find me interesting enough to talk to ?  

AS I was watching the game the conversations via text with Robert and Scott were priceless, Nevarez and i were calling pitches, changes , what would happen in the game and the whole nine yards, then Scott chimes in via text how the Stand up to Cancer commercials with Tony Gwynn and the like  come on and he has me howling at the fact that Tony Gwynn the only man in history to Gain weight while being treated for cancer and even suggested that the chemo was hidden in sticks of butter, I know it was mean but all in humor and never mean to be malicious at all, i laughed so hard i nearly shit myself and Robert and i were dying at the fact that Ranger's Manager Ron Washington dances and prances when he gets excited and we called it "Gettin Jiggy with it" It was a great night, Terria was out shopping for what seemed an eternity and i missed her by my side but she needs to get away and it was a quiet household from 8-10 pm for me last night, with the exception of the howling that my guys were putting me through , a crazed man laughing by himself...what a funny picture that must have been. any way back to work and up to the  front I go, have nothing pressing and nothing moving in my desk as I write this, hell even forgot 2 1/2 men were on last night  because i no longer watch that dud of a show because it sucks now!

Marco Simoncelli - Colin Edwards Crash in Sepang - Malaysia 2011 RIP ://

Another very sad crash and death in the world of racing, this one closer to my heart and a motorcycle death of freakish magnitude. Marco Simoncelli lost his life today doing what he loves doing, as I watched the replay of the crash I saw another man die in front of me for the second straight weekend in a row and shows how dangerous the sport of motorcycle racing truly is! The best racers, on the safest tracks in the world with the best equipment on the planet can still lose it all under the right circumstances,unfortunately today the circumstances were right and it cost Marco his life today, very very sad and I feel for Colin Edwards, the American rider who ran into him and had nowhere to go as this crash happened at 90 mph and no place to slow or avoid the inevitable crushing of the fallen rider, As I watched his helmet ripped off his head and rolled towards Colin Edwards who was down as he went down as a result, the irony to know and see the lifeless body lying on the track and there's nothing you can do .RIP Marco Simoncelli and much sadness to the riders who ran into him.

Parenting That Never Ends

Just got a text from Terria and says that Ty is at the recruiters office and looking to enlist in the military as apparently all has not gone so well in Missouri with his girlfriend. I ask how she is with this and how she feels about now possibly having 2 of our boys in the military at the same time? I assume that she feels like I do and what can you do, in today's economy that's the only option for a young kid these days. So we shall see what he will do when push comes to shove! I just hate the fact that our boy's have grown up so fast when growing up at a slower pace would have taught them better decisions making. But water under the bridge now and do the best with what you have. As parents there is a time to wash your hands of guilt and feelings of despair, we feel bad for those bad decisions that they make but there is nothing you can do when a kid constantly tells you that they know, i know this or that when in fact they will know through the school of hard knocks that they should have listened to us a little better than they chose to do. been there done that is always a better way to teach than to say, let's try this and see how it works, No , we've tried it, seen if it works or doesn't ,and if it didn't found a way to make it work ,which that luxury for the boys was never utilized by their choosing!

The joys of parenthood are great as are the toils and headaches of all the things we thing we should have done. Yeah there's guilt and remorse for our kids sake, we did make mistakes but there was never a time when we compromised safety and proper upbringing but little things like saying no when we should have yes, and Yes when No turned out to be the proper answer, being Imperfect we can only raise imperfect children it's the way it all works!

So i guess it's almost time for lunch, so much thought and reflection going into our days and nights, lives! We want the best for everybody and sometimes are helpless to do what they need to do for them, not our place, or within arms reach is not an option  but we always worry, and care and love in the only way a Parent knows how to " Unconditionally" and no days off !  So i head to lunch with a heavy head and thoughts abounding about, I see the day getting better as it progresses, hope that we can get to the gym and get the monster workout done and feel better before a little bit of the world series game tonight ,Game 2

Resourceful and Costly Day

Pretty good day today at work, was able to get a little done today, took a late lunch and had the workout of my life and spent 130 bucks at the damn Smart and Final, how did I do that?  Be whatever it was I had a great day for sure, the day flew by and took an extra long lunch to accomplish the aforementioned workout and shopping spree. I left work about 1230 on my way to the gym for what I had planned to be an epic workout, then after the workout had to stop by the Smart and Final and pick up Dog Food,Bread and some butter, nothing else!

So I went to the gym, on the way had it in my mind to do something I'd never done before. As  was driving I was compiling a workout in my head to be implemented when I arrived at the gym. Having taken a day off the previous day I was a little anxious to get back to the gym and had not taken a day off in about 4 plus weeks, so it was time for a free day and Monday was it. Get to my first machine and dial it down about 2 plates and start the routine for six sets of 16 on each machine. There are 18 machines and exercises I was doing today so 18 times 6 sets is 108 sets of exercises completed in under one hour 20 minutes. After i finished I knew I had come up with something really special to implement and add to the pool and the cycling to have a complete workout all throughout the week.Tomorrow will bring either the pool or cycling  and some stretching of some sort, so It was an awesome workout, on to the store for a quick trip for a few items right? ..Wrong!

I get to the local smart and final, head to the Dog food aisle throw the 40lb bag into the basket and  head to the bread and butter, loaded and seemingly ready to go, pick up some fruit, then Chocolates for the office staff, peanut butter,Crackers,Tuna,Cereal, milk, lunch meat ,meat, more fruit, another variety of Chocolate, more butter and other things that I don't recall. Head up to the checkout stand and load up the tramway and start mentally calculating the total, usually pretty good at guesstimating the total , I added a Rockstar for the drive back to work and the total was 130 dollars, for a 12 minute shopping spree on my was back to the workplace and even gave Terria shot at the total cost , she comes in at 125, just 5 dollars off, I was at 105 and way off. Di buy the stuff we needed and some things that I didn't but keeping the office stocked with Chocolate is always a good idea and a morale builder. So some Hershey miniatures and some mini snickers bars put some smiles on the faces of my troubled staff of miscreants and ghouls! Overall a different type of shopping spree, workout, and day altogether. Made some really good tacos for dinner, had less than I wanted and yet enough to be happy with the project. Look forward to tomorrow and another uneventful day at work, a trip to the golf course at lunch to hit balls and then gym after work. Get home in time for the first pitch of World Series game 1...Go Rangers!

2 1/2 Men Sucks

After 8 seasons of watching 2 1/2 men I think it has run it's course and it's time to find something new to do at the 9pm hour on Monday nights. Really ,really bad show with the new dude and not even funny in the least bit. So I look forward to new endeavor on the tube and now will officially be devoid of any TV on the networks that I can say I am a fan of. So it's onward and upward in the realms of quality Television via the networks or otherwise.

Really looking forward to this years World Series with the Rangers and Cards swapping turns at losing Baseballs. It should be a decent series and for the first time I will be rooting for an American League team since I thoroughly dislike, No hate, the Cardinals and their pompous manager Larussa for so many reasons! We shall see who can stop the hottest team in MLB the Cards of St.Louis. Come Wednesday I will be glued to the TV watching the first pitch ,hope it is well-played and not a lopsided affair.

A decent Monday at work, stayed up from most of the day and answered phones and helped walk ins today, a couple of co-workers out again today, no big shocker and the usual suspects as I Like to call them keeps the comedic ball rolling for sure in that office. I just show up and assume that most won't either be physically  or emotionally present and take the workplace as a joke and still fail to realize that we are so damn blessed to do what we do and make a good living doing so! So off off Kutcher and on to something new, oh look ,Mike and Molly!! lol!!!!

2011 IndyCar World Championships Las Vegas 300 Horrific 15 Car Crash RIP...

I never watch car racing, especially oval track racing and yet I was flipping the channels and came on this at this exact spot and watched Dan Wheldon 2 time Indy 500 winner Die today from his cockpit camera shot, the multiple views of other shot are more horrific than this one but to see the man alive seconds before he dies is really a bummer to me! I was watching Football when I changed the channel to this very spot of the coverage and watched the crash in awe and thought, how could anybody survive that crash of 15 cars at 200mph? Turning back to football I came back a few hours later and saw the news flash of Dan Wheldon Dying at the Las Vegas Speedway and had no idea and figured everybody walked away because there was so much debris but no urgency to get to anybody out or ambulances on the track, they airlifted him and he died later from multiple injuries.Very sad for me and I wished I had not been watching. Shows how precious life is and can be enjoying a nice event and then 3 seconds later a man dies at the wheel of a car.Very SAd R.I.P Dan Wheldon. Very disturbing video for me to watch!

A Thought or Two

I don't know about most people outside of Texas or Detroit, but I had a difficult time choosing between the Rangers and the Tigers in the ALCS? The cream rose to the top and the better team won but I liked what the Tigers did this year and really like Jim Leland, the Rangers and Josh Hamilton and company will go on to win the world series I presume. Since the National league teams are still playing and  really don't like any of them at all I will root for the AL team this year which is the Rangers. A lazy day of baseball and nothing much else, a trip to the gym and that was it.

Tomorrow will be much the same , Football and the baseball game will be intertwined amongst the day I imagine and again, a trip to the gym and a session in the pool to enjoy the sun and exercise. Terria still nursing a bit of a cold and feeling a little sluggish and resting nicely so I will do what I can to help her out around here. Today was a little strange , I actually felt lie going for a motorcycle ride after seeing a few guys riding in town today as  left the gym. It came and passed and I knew that if I rode today, the bike would sit for 2 weeks before it got  action again so not a big deal  just a fleeing thought of what used to be is all! Made me think just how spoiled I am and that my life is more than a fleeing moment.

I can try to figure out things to write about, whats going on here besides the the bad news on TV, the disarray all over the world and people getting beaten up for free speech and rights to assemble peacefully, I guess the man doesn't take kindly to being exposed and seems a little embarrassing to have the world now backing up the cause as big business is now the chosen enemy, what took you so long Is my only question. Been saying as long as I can remember that big business runs this country, always has and the fact that politicians aren't even trying to hide the fact that they are in their pockets seems very UN American to me, or maybe it is American since it s so commonplace these days and now with media exposure just can't hide it as easily as you could during the Cronkite era of reporting news and facts.

So enough with the serious shit and try to lighten to mood up a bit, still trying to figure to figure out the Social networking sights and their usefulness to society or to myself, seems like most ,or some don't like my hard hitting subjects or even my humor ,or is it the few that do get it have much more important crap to deal with then listening to me unload on society for no reasons other than to do it because I can. People get butt hurt, people get offended at whatever they don't understand, which by rule is generally themselves and their inability to laugh at themselves and then lives they claim as their own. I love who I am and where I am in life, it makes me feel good to free myself from the burdens of yesterdays and tomorrows solutions are all so easy to mend so where s my stress level? I have none, well maybe with Braz fighting in the sand and Ty becoming a father soon and Brandon still finding his way in life , other than that we are golden! So much for keeping it light and that's that! Ah Hell, I love to be entertained , I love to laugh, I enjoy a Chancey poem or the occasional Facebook fist fight with anybody, but most of all I love the life that I have, My wife Terria, the kids ,the job and all the other stuff that goes along with the life, the responsibility to those that matter in my life and the ability to take on those responsibilities is very satisfying to say the least. Very Blessed and very thankful for all of the goodness that has been bestowed upon me, just need to remind myself how good I have it and to never complain, because there are many millions more who have so much less than we do, so to Happiness and to health and to the Love we share everyday together. I do Appreciate everything that I call my Life

Less than Thorough Thursday

A rather uneventful day today, work was quiet again and the usual suspects were doing their thing to make work as interesting as it can ever get. Co-workers gone missing and the select few doing the work for them s they can galavant about in a workless-like state, laughing inside and out all day long! Some seriously funny crap happened today on top of the usual circus, the usual suspects were tasked the duty to go and get the office Bagels at a bagel shop about a mile from the office, the boss paid for them and expected hs usual 2-3 Onion bagels which are his favorites and everybody in the building knows this, he loves onion bagel for crissakes. An hour later and a  no Onion Bagels later the 2 come back with the weirdest variety of Bagels to date, everything but what the Boss ordered and always wants. A little perturbed at the chain of events he apparently made it very clear that he was no happy and that once again the crew of two got what they wanted but forgot to get the main man's order right. This is also the same person who who I sent out for food one morning for the office, told her to ask everybody what they wanted , write it down and head over to a local eatery to place the order, before I could place my order they were gone and filled everybody's order but mine, the guy who handed over my debit card as a sign of solidarity and intended kindness was left out of the loop and was offered up some extras from other people's orders . I wasn't upset just a little stunned at it all and this kind of stuff happens all of the time with seeming regularity as the mind seems to be elsewhere when details are to be followed. So nice and pleasant but at times very shaky in the common sense department. so t s safe to say that we won't be asking our JJ to get food anytime soon, hard to get angry at her as she is a good person with a glowing case of ADD or some sort of mind lapse situation going on but she always means well and somehow doesn't seem to connect all of the dots and complete the mission

So with that drama in the freezer for now I look forward to a very tranquil Friday workday, must get some dual sided DVD's to complete my project for my friend on base by making a Movie from her Video Camera of some very sad and final days of family members who passed away over the past year or so. This weekend has really not been discussed at length, hoping for more good weather and looking forward to a whatever we decide to do weekend with nothing pending and nothing too difficult to walk away from or walk towards! Just the freedom of empty nesters to do what the heart desires. Gym, Golf, Drive up the coast, we shall see!

Did enjoy a really great casserole that Terria made tonight, I came home from the gym and had the aroma in my nose and the heat in the house from the days temp and the oven burning. As the food was finishing n te oven I was able to whip up a couple of yellow cakes for a couple of birthdays in the building that required celebration, one of them my boss who didn't get the Onion Bagels and if I cold make an Onion cake as a Joke I would but that would a jackhole move that only I cold not only get away with but pull off, another day and it will happen. Made the cakes , put them in as the dinner came out, t was so good , thank you Terria for that delicious concoction.  Cakes were done  and let them cool, made vanilla frosting and Chocolate Ganache for the drizzle and the center layers f my cales, made the cakes look like an ice cream Sundae's with the White Frosting and the chocolate ganache combinaton, looked really cool, based on the sample we tasted, it is really tasty and rich so I will adorn them to Pete my Boss  and Baby Agnes across the hall.  So for now it is Goodnight!

A Short Extended Weekend!

Watching another disappointing 2 1/2 men episode and not feeling the humor with the new guy at the helm! I will give it 2 more weeks and then pull the plug on the show that I loved so much, owning seasons 1-7,looking for Sheens last season 8 to complete the ensemble. Hard to replace a stable star in most things, unlike and athlete , there are no stats to compare them to, watching the listless and not very funny new show is a damn shame but there are other things to do these days!

The long weekend is over and back to work in the morning for a short week and hopefully smooth and quiet week.  THe weekend came and went very quickly, a somewhat quiet 4 days of mainly gym and home cooked meals with the wife and enjoyed a quick trip to Santa Barbara for Pizza and salad at one of our spots, Pizza was ok and the drive was very soothing!  But it is time to get back to work and back on point of the daily schedule of normalcy.  SO not much planned for the days ahead, a Concert in Irvine on the 22nd with Nevarez and his daughter for his birthday, going to enjoy Social Distortion at the VErizon in IRvine, former home of Lion Country Safari when we were kids!

So look forward to finishing up the Video project that is kicking my ass, hoping to help out a gal at work by putting the video from her camera on a DVD and am not all the way convinced that I can get it done, but will take it all in tomorrow to work and ask more tech  savvy folks at work to help me through it all and make her DVD of some very sentimental moments for her to keep and show her kids, good luck to me, if not I can run it to my Apple dude in Ventura and he will do it for me for 20 bucks or so and the bottom line will be taken care of! Good Times , heading off to bed , watch a little Wings DVD and then hit the hay with my Honey!  Really looking forward to the week ahead and some good weather in the forecast in the mid to high seventies and sun shining bright

What Day is It?

Feeling a little lost today, not sure if it's Friday or Saturday, it's early Sunday as I write this now and I enjoyed an overly quiet evening watching the Ballgame and watched my Terria sleep it away, a little under the weather so I watched her sleep while the game went on. Didn't do too much today, Terria slept in and  went to breakfast with Tim and April in Camarillo and then went to the gym for a really nice workout and a nearly empty gym ,much to my enjoyment, no pool today just weights and resistance for an averall good gym session

Being Sunday already, I guess we watch the Cardinals tomorrow as my Rams have the Bye week, a much needed Bye week for sure. After games I will head to the pool and swim and depending on how Terria feels tomorrow will try and do something with her, a drive, cup of coffee somewhere, something with my wife. Did enjoy  UCLA and Notre Dame victories today which is always a good thing. Weird week so far with Jobs and Al Davis dying, the biggest question is who will be the third significant person to pass away on us??? Not much of an Al Davis Fan but do respect his work in the early NFL/AFL years, now Steve Jobs is an incredible man, the innovative genius that he was is amazing to all of us that use the Apple line of products, such as the ipod and the very MAC that I type from now,the Ipad 2 that Terria beats her fingers on are truly amazing pieces of technology ,so damn nice and so spoiled are we to enjoy the fruits of his labors!

Areal bone of contention that i have been having and maybe a testament to where we are as a society and as people. The fact that social sites as Facebook and Twitter are the birthplace of meaningless drivel and really not much more than an ass kissing political correct forum for friends to keep in touch and play kissy face and share wonderful thoughts and dream laden wishes of perfect times. Maybe I should start posting fluff stuff so people won't have to think about responding to my thought provoking posts that require some thought and some sense of obligation to think beyond the Kardashian level of simplicity. I can quote lines from a song that signify my stance on things or make a political statement with a posting of an article and really get no responses, which in itself is fine, but these things require some thought and maybe a  response or two, but instead a buddy posts how he was cold and broke out a thick blanket and gets 30 responses, granted he has accepted 300 friends o Facebook, i have 16, which I was hoping were thought provoking type of folks but seems I might need to look for a new group of folks to bounce some dialogue off of. they are all good people ,just can be a little too PC since they do have more friends that they might offend! Just a peave of mine to communicate with sometimes controversial social subject matter that we  should be able to have a conversation on and bounce some ideas around. But the simplicity of most folks, even the intelligent ones that i have chosen as my friends just amazes me sometimes. I'm not an attention hound, just want to have an intelligent conversation with somebody other than My wife and oldest Boy Brandon, it's hard to get people outside their comfort zones, guess I'll have to go outside mine and try to simplify my postings on the social cesspool of thoughtless dialogue... I'm not thinking so!!!! lol! I've got to find some intrigue and interesting subject to ping pong some crap around!  Good night, or morning in this case

Friday's Done Right

Friday came and went very smoothly today, the day off allowed me a sleep over til 830, not really a sleeper on my days off as  feel wasted days by sleeping in too much! Anyway, I woke up, opened up the web, the daily newspaper, my LA times was lost or stolen this morning so I couldn't read about the Yankees loss and it kind of pissed me off, not the loss, the inability to read about it this morning with that awesome cup of coffee did. Got motivated and went to the gym for a 1030 start time at Bally's where I did 45 minutes on the weights and then went into the pool for 45 minutes more of running and swimming in the pool. Felt great working out and swimming today and really wore me out,  headed to the Jacuzzi and enjoyed about 15 minutes of the heat and relaxation. Finished that up and headed in for a good shower and then had to think what  was doing for lunch, I decided on Chinese take out  and headed to Ventura to do so, ate a bit and brought the rest home to share.

After lunch I went on Base to pick up a Camcorder and a USB cord from a friend ,trying to turn her video card into a video DVD and am having a hard time on the Mac getting it done, I will figure it out and get it back to her on Tuesday If it kills me, trying to be a techie but not really as good as I need to be at it, I suppose I will get it and it will come! Feel a little bad for my friend who has her hands full with kids and really no dad around so whatever the case may be I'm trying to be a good dude and help her out with these very sensitive videos of one of the kids dads who recently passed away to cancer and some of the last shots of him alive with his daughter are captured here so It means allot to me to get these done right, even if I have to outsource it If I can't figure it out!

After that I was able to come home and wait for my honey to come home from work and help me start off my 4 day weekend with my Terria, watched a couple of Playoff Baseball games and enjoyed the games, not the outcomes but the games were played at the top level and pitching ruled the day and the series all the way around, good pitching always beats good hitting standing side by side. We had a simple home cooked dinner together which consisted of toasted tuna melts with chips and chili dip as a side, very good ,relatively light and just lounging and playing on the website spewing my day and sharing the day with my computer screen if not the WWW. So thank you Terria for relaxing with me and  sharing the tranquility we call our lives, very nice evening and look forward to a great Saturday ....Good Times and Good Night!

Happy Birthday Braz Joshua Simon

A very special day for us all , the birth of our middle son and the somewhat sad feeling that he jusyt left us after 2 weeks of R&R fro Afghanistan and had to leave 3 days prior to his birthday. Be that the case we miss him already and pray for their dsafety and well being and can hopefully spend his 21st birhtday together next year! Appreciate d the talk we had the night before he left  back and how I ralized how i have failed him as a father and a mentor, but now have vowed to be more involved and realized that he does want me in his world and in his life and to be a bigger part of it all. So happy Birthday Brazman! We are Proud of You! Special Forces or bust. Love you Son, Greg

My Drive To Somewhere?

Well i didn't take a day off from the gym yesterday and am seriously thinking that today could be the day to do so?? I am heading home here shortly for a long 4 day weekend and truly look forward to some sleep and some time to do more writing here on my site. The ideas of growing up and older are really resonating in my head today, spoke to Braz today and he signed off with old man, I responded with the day he could kick my ass i would admit to being old, so there might be some denial on my part But  truly never going to get old in my head, at least that's the plan for now. My carefree ways and easy lifestyle make it easier to stay relatively young and my attempts at the gym keep me strong and somewhat limber.  So i head off towards the weekend with nothing planned as of yet, have a retirement party of Saturday that i won't attend , a whole lot of things that we need to do that we will  not do and an entire gaggle of things to sort out and go through and eventually toss that will be left to collect more dust.

So on my drive home today I will contemplate the gym versus taking it off, gym or workout, the guilt or the satisfaction? Whatever the case will be I have a day off Tomorrow to do whatever i want while Terria is at work and can workout allday if need be, use the pool and jaquzzi to relax so the drive home will tell many stories about where I am mentally tonight.  Which was will i jump, reminds me of a milltown brothers song that i am so fond of from the 90's, either way I have 4 days to do whatever and terria and I have yet to set anything is semi stone so we are open , trying  not to spend too much money theses days as we tend to do but who knows maybe we will buy something we don't need this weekend I just do not know where the weekend will take us and that's half the fun of living the dream and being where i want to be with the woman i want to be with at all times! So i close the day with a happy thought and a hug to my boys away from home and to Terria and Brandon who i can touch every day, thankfully can do so and am so blessed to do so! Good times and a great weekend upon me Now!.....later

Time To Think

What a dreary day it has continued to be, the day is nearing it's end and feeling pretty good about the day so far. The gym will get a day off today and a much needed rest for me as I try to regenerate some vigor and energy to do it all over again on Thursday after work. Terria has left a carte Blanche offer for dinner tonight and we put our heads together for a meal made at home or a meal served to us via restaurant? No clue and no worries, either way i will be with my Honey and she will be there for me as she always has been

Been thinking about my therapist Michael again, think I might want to go back and visit with him just to rattle a few things at him about a few things that have come across my mind. Feeling somewhat helpless in certain areas and trying to stop being so ready to snap into rescuer mode again and leave myself alone in the dust to figure it all out, I'm not there but seem to feel I could talk to him about it and help guide me into the right frame of mind.But whatever I choose to do I'm in a good place just more ready to see some of the personal indicators of the past that help me to get my guard up.

AS I think back on Braz's last night here I can remember the conversation we had about the way he perceived my treatment of him growing up, I thought long and hard and tried to figure out in my mind where and how could have done better with all of my boys? I was always in teacher mode and felt I had to overcompensate for the fact that the boys dad and Brandon's mom were less than ideal for nurturing and teaching the boys to be better human beings. So I live and learn and listened to what Braz said and how he felt so inept and tried so hard to make me proud of him, i am and always have been proud of them but told him that way back when he made it very clear to me that I wasn't his biological father then I knew I had to respect that, didn't change my examples or my parenting but he would have to make every first move to get closer  to me and never did, so here we are years later and he feels like I chose his brother and Brandon over him when In fact I was respecting his wishes to never step on his dad's fatherhood unless he allowed me too, well he came to me the other night and essentially cried out to me to do so, so I will be a more open individual towards him and his thoughts and actions and get more into his face when it comes to being a parent! As for now the thought of our conversation is real ground breaking stuff for both of us and will hope to make it grow stronger as the days pass!

Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever (Late Show)

Feeling a little whatever today but not really in a bad way just in a deal with whatever comes and really nothing important to deal with today. Feeling a little empty today with the Kids all being gone and on their way to the Desert as we speak and into harms way again! Terria and I are really closer this week and we try and hold each other up as we are feeling a little sadder these days. The fact that the kids came home for 2 weeks was probably a mistake on their part as they will further miss what they left behind, but live and learn and progress in their growth as young adults and we as older adults in a constant state of Flux!

The day off yesterday was much needed, emotionally and physically needed for sure, the time with Terria and the kids was very precious for sure, the PArty on Saturdayat richards house was really awesome, and then Monday night at the house was so much fun to see all together in a loving and caring manner. The day has brought us rain today and the much needed cleansing of the air and the souls , we hope that we can move to the next platform of understanding the roles as parents, Husbands and wives and friends alike. We need to grow and grow each day we shall towards the happiness that we see grow and work harder to maintain that growth together. I am very blessed to have , feel and experience the life that i have with all the major players that contribute to my happiness every single day. So much love ,care and concern from so many wonderful people!

Special Family Weekend

what a whirlwind the past 2 weeks have been, Braz and Nikki in town a ready to head back to their post in the desert on Tuesday. Been a real wake up call for the kids and the families all recognizing the importance of family and the real need to spend as much time as we can with our loved ones.  We were very lucky to get everybody together on Saturday night at Richards Moorpark home and spent an evening of good food and stories all around,some good ones ,some horrific and very depressing but we listened intently to those as well. We had a perfect day in which to enjoy the kids and the ambiance of Richards amazing home!

As we near the kids departure, Ty was home from Missouri and visited his brother and the rest of us for a seemingly very short time, the thoughts of our boys being on their own and maybe not yet ready to do so the right way is beyond our control, we hope and wait for the other shoe to drop at times but that's the cost of trying to play grown up when you're not quite ready for the responsibilities of the job. But we as parents know nothing and the teenagers know it all and that's that I suppose.

Embarking upon another work week will be good, loving what I do and dealing with the plethora of curve balls the goofball staff throws at us on a given day be it attendance, lack of attendance or attendance with no usefulness in that attendance it's very comical to me and I always love the wild card affect of who will be there and what they will do to make me laugh if they are at work, it's all very amusing to me!

So sitting here and writing about my days, my weeks my emotions of my kids going away again I feel a very somber tone in the house with Terria and I trying to figure out certain things about our boys lives that they have yet to figure out, all in all it's very frustrating at times to watch train wrecks from miles away but as I said, we know nothing and our judgement and experiences mean nothing, we're just old people right? But whatever the case we alway support the boys and hope the growth happens sooner than later , and we wait!

Spent a really great weekend with family and my best friend Scott and his girlfriend, they came to Rich's house on Saturday and Terria and I drove to Santa Barbara to meet them for Breakfast this morning for more conversations over coffee and a meal, Yes a really good time and weekend to ponder and reflect upon all that really matters to me in life, my family, my friends and my continued happiness and search for the next greatest thing, whatever it may be, call it greediness, call it whatever but my need to always seek out a deeper, stronger understanding of the happiness and the life that Terria , My family and I share is incredible! I am in fact one weird, strange, or incredibly gifted unorthodox dude, but the search for that special something is not a detraction from where I am, just insight as to where I can be,always looking to get better, always trying to be happier. Thanks to Terria and my boys, the family and my few friends for allowing Greg to grow and to continually be who he is, THe Great unpredictable Gregasaurus

Motorcycle Eulogy!

Well I decided to keep the truck, avoid any more car payments and deal with the bad gas mileage and drive as little as possible. With the bike being gone I oddly enough felt like going for a quick ride today, then dawned on me that the bike was no longer and the remnants of my riding gear, leathers and jackets, helmets and gloves reminded me that an era had come and gone and I made it out alive with only 1 accident that threatened my life! So I look back on all of those hard solo rides and rides with buddies  where triple digit speeds in sweeping turns were commonplace. I remember thinking how cool this was to be able to enjoy the roads and feel the freedoms of the skills that the rider and the bike presented me.   can honestly say there was never a ride that scared me only some riders that we rode with that were less than safe at times, I stayed as far away as possible and knew where I needed to be on a given ride. No more trucking the bike to Yucaipa for the 200 mile Idyllwild run through mountain communities and down to the desert, then back up again, or the 33 rides up the famous highway 33 where the speeds were ridiculously over 120 mph for most of the ride. The most common and familiar ride was around my favorite and most road worthy ride was always LAke Casitas and that 71 mile roundtrip that gave me so much pleasure and yet almost killed me at the same time! That ride around the lake on Nov 22 ,2009 definitely changed my life and the lives of those around me but that was one bad ride amongst probably over 1500 rides in 12 years and well over 125,000 motorcycle miles if not more, and the greatest pleasure was having Terria riding along side of me when we rode together and enjoyed each others company for the ride and a good lunch or coffee somewhere along the route, those were the days but they are gone and I am good with it as we move onto another passion besides each other, Golf, Cars, something will crop up that will catch our fancy! I do bid a farewell to The great sport of motorcycling, i went out at the top of my game and was one of the best in the area for sport riders who didn't race at the track, and for that I  am proud that I taught myself to ride and get better and get really really fast! So I, we move on to something new and something fun, what that will be is the greatest question. Goodbye 98 , all my Gixxers, my busas, my R1 the 3 TLR's and the 2 Ducatis that were so damn beautiful, the KTM duke and any other bike I may have forgotten, I have ridden and owned over 20 motorcycles in my day, so much time effort and money spent on what was a passion, that is now an after thought of good times and thrills! Very lucky and Blessed to walk away intact and happy to be here...Goodnight!

Motorcycle Goodbye

Seems like a year since I last posted on here but here I go again with  a day, a week and a month of surreal events thay only enhance with each passing day.  So happy to have both boys back home temporarily but they are back home for the time being. Braz and Nikki are home for 2 weeks of R and R from the desert and Ty is home to take care of some shit unsettled! The days are scattered and we share the time with our boys with their family and friends and that is ok with us as it gives them a sense of freedom and no obligation to do what they want on their freedom from the war zone . Terria and I have told them that this is their time to relax and enjoy and feel no need to be at our beck and call. Since [picking them up from LAX on Sunday we have gome through a whirlwind of emotions and a sense of relief at the same time knowing that they are safe here in their home and with the people they want to be with.

Today was a strange day in a way, I sold my Ducati this morning and have finally put the motorcycle to rest, or at least in my mind I have, in my heart there will always be a ride left in me here or there on somebody's extra bike whenever I can steal ,beg or borrow one. But driving down to Huntington Beach this morning, feeling no regrets or remorse at all and ready to empty the garage of the reminders of not riding the damn bike that sat in front of me as I unloaded the washer and dryer during the week. Went through about the most tedious process I have ever been with the guy buying the bikem calling in VIN#'s and checking service records on a pristine bike with very little milage on it , and then claimed that it rode rough and vibrated, lets see , wet road, older tires and a tall first gear , the guy stalled the bike twice taking it out for the test run and was so damn anal I wanted to hit him but I waited it out in the hopes he would just give me the check and I could get out of there with my sanity and not kicking the living shit out of the OCD freak of nature, nice enough guy but have never in all my years met anybody so ridiculously disturbed by the OCD disease. So we got out of there and went for a great lunch in Anaheim Hills at Slaters 50/50  where the tastiest burgers ever and a long trip home afterwards with weekend traffic a real bear.we eventually got home and the dilemma of whether or not to get a new car or keep the truck is wearing on my mind, don't need the truck but don't want a payment either so leaning towards the truck and staying on top of things til next years when I will buy myself something new and nice. Looking forward to a Sunday breakfast with family tomorrow with the boys and all the cousins at the local stop here in town. Feeling litle tired right now and should head into bed and ready for another end to a busy weekend!Goodnight

Status Quo!

Another great day in the Nard and at work not much going on in regards to work but we are preparing for a long weekend and trying to get together an Agenda of some sort. Been Golfing a little and Bowling a little and doing whatever i can to stay busy these days. The gym is my constant companion and is my destination either at lunch time or after work but it a done deal either way.  Staying busy is a good thing and it's all things that are fun and good for me as well!

Speaking of things that i love doing I am putting my Ducati on the selling blocks and have decided to get rid of my prized possession motorcycle.  It was a tough decision but the fact that I'm only riding the bike once or twice every 2 weeks is not a justifiable possession on my part, so i listed it and will try to get rid of it as soon as i can. I Will miss the world of fast motorcycles and the open Canyons in the area but I have so many other things to look to for entertainment and good times with Family and friends. the fear factor never did come into play , even after my crash a few years back I never looked back and thought about getting hurt, I did find my self riding at 90% of what I once did and for no other reason than being practical and wiser!

Again i look back on where the spring of 2010 had taken me, dealt so much hurt and pain to my wife and family and in retrospect I can see what a confused person that i was and had become. the reasons and attractions away from my home are not important but the reasons and means of staying grounded are, i make mistakes, do stupid things to this day but they are easy fix, low stressers of everyday variety. Sometimes in looking back I see things that I hate about me, things that remind me of how far I had fallen internally and spiritually. But odd how taking backwards step have given me a sense of perspective, to realize that my selfish ways needed to be dealt with and taking into consideration that my thoughts and actions affect so much more than the sphere that I'm in, I'm learning!!!!!

Well I've stopped visiting my therapist Michael Morales and don't know when i will see him again, I learned allot of things from him but didn't agree with all of the things that he had to say and the route of the therapy was trying to take a semi flawed man and turn me into something that I'm not, a timid ,meek , overly in touch with my feeling type of person which will never be me and i have too many things that were trying to be taken away from me that had nothing to do with my departures from the truth, just things that i like, which seemed to be the central theme of my therapy which I do not agree with. So i move on and take the things that i believe in that I learned and move forward. My stupid ass may make mistakes and say stupid shit but i am a good man who loves and gives of himself more so now that ever, my feelings of empathy and understanding are better than they have ever been and for that i feel Good about Me and the gift of love that i can now give Terria!

To answer you question which i know i will get from you Terria , I am writing after my long absence for a number of reasons, i miss it, I love to write and I feel like I'm losing a friend with the motorcycle going away for the last time. It pains me in the aspect that  we shared the same passion together, we rode and went to races together and now that part of our lives is going away and know that there are many other things that replace that bond, more importantly the time we spend together which i love and adore you to death, trust me I am never going anywhere unless you kick my ass to the curb but knowing that you always incorporate my interests with your own and make them all your own to share tells me how much you love me and love spending time with me, i only hope that i project the same to you with my actions and reaction to what you love and adore in your life as we walk it together