Til Tuesday! Voices Do Carry

It's early here at work, not much going on , about 40 minutes away from me heading out to my Dr. Appt and blood test. I feel a sense of relief in my world today, Terria and I spoke last night of my troubled past and how my upcoming 5 day trip reminded her of a previous excursion of mine. I cannot even fathom or try to understand the pains and heartache that I created by doing that to her. i hold her and try to be re-assuring to her that nothing will ever happen again and time is my best friend and my worst enemy as well. It is hard to regain trust and belief that a person who had always cherished the ground you walked on and treated like the Saint she is can be so easily passed aside for a temporary lapse in judgement and given away so easily. Prior to therapy i would not have understood the reasons and the person that I had become was so foreign to me. i have a hard time even imagining not being with my Terria forever and continue to kick myself in the ass for it, but has slowed the personal ass kicking and decided to heal instead and to try to help my wife heal along with me! We always communicated incredible, but the communication today is more in depth and we can each tell from our body positions, phrases and even when I sigh for no apparent reason that the minds of our are in constant flux and something is always brewing inside of us, be it , trust issues, or being totally in love , the past does come up and at times we talk about it at length. As i write this i still remember seeing my wife Slumped over and wailing uncontrollably, as I see myself doing the same as i could not understand what was going on with us months ago. Now That i reflect and ponder through my therapy and my new found understanding and appreciation for how incredible my Terria truly is, I move along in life and live the moment for it truly is, its an opportuunity for us to live the next 30 years like never before, whereas our before was perfect! yet i still sought out more perfection or thoughts of perfection elsewhere and can finally come to grips with the reasons why. I've dealt with, or am dealing with my reasons and understand it all so much clearer now. If i have enriched those i have touched , so be it, if I have angered those who cross my path, time will heal that too. But the one constant in my life is the happiness that Terria and I have always shared, never wavering but for a few months in my life where i lost the plot and then got caught up in my own net and struggled to see the light at the end of the darkness. so here i am a better man who loves his life, loves where he has arrived, and will never again see the darkness through temptations again. For this i am truly sorry to have affected so many people other than myself, but the growth from it is so very much worth the pains created. As my therapist told me"This had to happen" and now You can either use the tools i gave you, or continue to Fuck yourself in the Ass" i love that Michael Morales no bullshit and not offended at the fact that he does Love my Terria and its ok with me. So looking forward to our session tonight my love and so looking forward to you reading this and laughing your ass off! I love you Terria Lynn and although i have fallen down before ,i pick myself up with my 2 bad knees and walk side by side continuing the best thing that ever happened to me.....YOU!!! Love you Sweetheart!