Personal Growth

When life throws you curve balls you either swing and miss, or hit the long ball! When you throw yourself curve balls its pretty hard to hit your own pitch, this is so damn true in my case. Through the therapy and sessions with Michael, i grown to understand a few things about myself that I've never thought to be true. Always the optimist and always the epitome of overconfidence i used these things to cover up allot of insecurities and allot of pent up anger, fears and disappointments. a lot of my humor and wit is a direct correlation to the phenomenon of Greg and his sarcastic, rude, yet funny passage through life. Its always easier to laugh at shit then to cry about it, but suppression of self worth and self confidence can sometimes be masked by the behaviors that i display. So through my therapy Its been proven that the over confident Greg is actually an undeserving Greg who feels that nobody can do for me because I can do it myself and don't ever want to trouble anybody with ME! My many faults and flaws are in fact the result of me sabotaging myself to fail and to prove myself right, that i am in fact unworthy of being loved, wanted , desired or being worthy of anybody and anything worthwhile, to include the self destruction of moving away from Terria and seeking refuge elsewhere. These things i now know and it puzzled me at time why i was never content with what i had , always having more than enough everything , never lacking anything and always looking for more than I needed and more than was required, even if what I had, or did was more than sufficient. My motorcycle fetish is an example of this, I could do it so i did do it even thought everything i was replacing was more than i would have ever needed. Since Mt therapy began in late June of this year I feel that we have bonded closer and have worked out better ways to communicate our feelings and emotions in a timely way so that nothing goes unnoticed and never gets to a point where i have to abandon my self values or self worth ever again. I have truly stopped kicking my own ass for the mistakes i had made but Michael once again put it best when he said" I've given you the tools to fix your shit" Quit fucking yourself in the ass, i laugh as i write this because his therapy amuses me at times and the matter of fact manner in which he emphasizes things is priceless. So being so far beyond where i was a few months back i reflect and look in the rear view again just to make sure that my past mistakes and flaws are getting smaller and smaller in the mirror. As for me personally I am so looking forward to further growth and a better understanding of what it was that made me, me and how far I've come from that point . My trip to North Carolina is a long needed ,long awaited visit to my best friend Shawn who is a gem as a human being, then i will go to the Motorcycle Races at Virginia raceway in a town a few hours away from his Carolina home. After races going to Richmond Virginia to meet up with my old Jr high and High school friend Ruth who has been so great to me and Terria and look forward to seeing her after 29 years! The day is going well and work is doing what it does, consume my day, i am sure the gym will get a visit, whether here on base or after work at Ballys time will tell. But life is incredible, things are swimmingly smooth and its times like this that i must really focus, for my mentality of when things are good, lets mess them up is a ripe time for me to fuck something up. i am on alert and am watching all sides for the pending doom and despair, well i have control of that but will still be ok to keep a real hard look at things from here on !