Full loads and long roads

Been kinda quiet lately but the mind never stops driving at a full speed. I was realizing that when i go to therapy that i have less to talk about and less to think through anymore, although far from over with it all i think I'm starting to get it all now. Most of my writing has Been poetry and quick thoughts, nothing too deep just thoughts, ideas and rants about nothing in particular. Some very funny things happened in Tahoe and some even funnier ones when we got home and it seems like the puzzle is coming together and life is starting to make sense again. Have been able to spend some quality time With My Friends Robert, both of them are amazing men and human beings, I thanks them daily and appreciate their true friendships as they are old friends who have come back into my life and have taken on a real role in re igniting the friendships back to long ago status, nearly 28 years for each of them and have re connected and spent some quality time with both of them here recently, damn good time for sure. And have made some new friends , some mutual friends now of both Robert's, really good , honest people with the same ideas and goals as friends and human beings. Terria is being Terria and I can only never say enough good things about her nor can my friends who know her , she is an amazing woman and an incredible mother and wife. I have been given the gift of a disposition of strength, fortitude and the gifts of a support group that is unrivaled by anybody. I am in a place that allows a man to be a man and to make mistakes and be himself, however flawed and however painstakingly wrong i have been its always being supported as the fact of :Greg has more incredible things about him than bad, and we can always exploit the bad, let embrace the good and give the good the nurturing that it needs to grow into bigger and better things. where i am at is a reflection of that love and forgiving side of the support group that doesn't look back , but onward to a better Greg and a better life with things about our lives that we have yet to discover. Although its nice to get pay raises and make ridiculous amounts of money for a job that rarely tests me, the wife too has improved her financial stock and has surpassed me in the earning s department which is fine by me, we both win ! But this being the least important thing that we celebrate, we celebrate opportunities to see things that we have never seen before, emotionally, spiritually and physically have gone to places we never imagined, and where we were was incredible, never complained about anything about our life's , our marriage or the love that we shared. but yet have been able to take ourselves to new heights and to new dimensions of all that we touch, feel, smell and enjoy. The magic is not only back but its better and its real and i love my life and all that touches me on a daily basis, so hard to describe it all so i write about it here and try not to gloat too much but its hard to contain at times. i have my forum here and it brings me joy to unload and to unwind my thoughts and pains and joys all in one snap of the wrist. The facebook person' Gregasaurus is a fun place to hang out, its the beer with the boys mentality and allows me to be obscene and ridiculous at times but it is what I do and it is what I am, a free spirited wild card who can say and do whatever he wants whenever he wants to whomever i want to do it to. It s me and it some unloading vented up frustrations of past mistakes, heartaches from childhood and adulthood of failed Marriages and failed friendships and being able to pick up the pieces and put them all on the table, that which I cannot fix I jump on Michaels couch and ask for assistance, opening up a Pandoras box of emotions from childhood and from the daily grind has helped shape me as a reformed ,more aware person who can now love wife,children and friends and family to their fulest and be a better human being. The positives in my life through life's experiences and people who have entered my life are staggering to me, my Mona and Ruth, Debbie and new friends Like Stacy and people that truly care and love Greg for who he truly is, a real person who loves and cares about the well being of all, i care , i love, I bleed and I cry for the fact that my life is so blessed yet i pass people daily who have nothing and ask for nothing, just an unfair and cruel world which takes its own prisoners and holds them captive in their own private universe, some of which is self created but its pains and hurt make it all the same. I only wish i could touch and help more in my life, but my therapy centers on helping me help myself, dealing with my own pains and issue and then attacking them and bring out suppressed emotions from a long time ago and dealing with the shit and muck and hitting it squarely and moving forward. i am not where I wanna be yet, but I'm closer to it than I ever thought i would be. i feel a calm and a sense of generous love and affections towards my everyday and will give of myself by giving to myself so that those that matter get the full benefits of Greg! As time goes by I feel the growth and i sense the awareness that my God is watching over us all and allows us to make mistakes, as we heal from our mistakes we make a difference and we heal and help and give and make the lives around us a better place to be. Thanks to all those who have been patient with me and coming out of the shell of negativity is no small task, but a task rewarded with goodness and a sense of accomplishment