Truths Be Told

Been awhile since I've seen Michael and have finally realized that there are some issues that are still lingering about . Some of which are current and past events re-visited and really pissing me off. There seems to be things that come back to me and really upset my thought process, some of which aren't even my doing but nonetheless play with my mind and my emotional state, being a person who doesn't push thins under the rug I feel I need to deal with them. So here we go with the unleashing of some internal crap that at times drives me nuts but will be dealt with properly!

First of all coming to grips with selling the motorcycle and not riding the bike anymore, As I told Terria today the real reason was that I wasn't riding it as much as I needed to to justify keeping it and actually the lack of riding was a s a result of not feeling comfortable riding anymore and really a little afraid of crashing again. Noticed on each and every ride since I bought it that there was always the point where I thought I was going to crash or wondered how bad it would be if I crashed in a particular spot during the ride, no way to enjoy the ride, being afraid and always pondering the worst case scenario, never thought like that prior to November 22, 2009. Not much fun anymore to contemplate the inevitable accident, so I have let it go and move on to other endeavors ,enough about that and I move onto the next case in point.

I am on my second marriage, the mother of my first son Brandon on occasion comes back to visit my boy and makes it all seem dandy after she abandoned both of us 17 plus years ago for another man, that' in itself was ok, not the major issue, just left me to rebuild a broken little boy and his thoughts and emotions were shattered by the mother he loved so much and she disappointed him so much, not just that one time as a child but more as an adult when they moved in together as he was giving her a second chance to be his mom, she lasted a few months and abandoned him again, moving out of state and leaving her son, My son alone to pay an Apartment rent that he could barely afford, forced him to take a roommate and he lived there for a year struggling and drinking his sorrows away. So she decides to come visit him this past week and again I wonder what bullshit she promises him this time, what she has said or done to him to make him feel guilty for her fuck up? I wonder and fume at the thoughts and possibilities of the negativity that she is capable of bringing into my sons life with her very presence. For some reasons , her presence this week brought back the guilt and feeling of my affair a year and a half ago and it pains me to think about it, Morales asks me if I have forgiven myself, I say yes but evidently I have not forgiven myself enough to move onward in the direction that I should be by now, I need to figure this thing out because it's frustrating to go backwards with my mindset in regards to the bad decisions I made and the precious people that I had hurt!  So he took her back to the airport today and she was on her way back to Washington state to do whatever it is she does and leaves my boy alone until the next time she meddles at my boys mind and his life I will again cringe at her very presence, so  feel good about her going back home and being away from my boys everyday. That's done and done and I move onto the last issue that drives me a little batty at times, my other two boys!!!!

Ty and Braz have grown up so quickly, too quickly mind you and it has driven me a bit crazy at times. I feel so helpless to make an impact and guide them in the right direction, they are not the 5 and 6 year olds that I met 14 years ago and took them as my own as I still do to this day. The boys have taken to adulthood quicker than they were prepared and put themselves in precarious situations with their choices of not only mates, but the type of girls that they are are in love with. Both of the boys are in dysfunctional, very abusive relationships and seemingly aren't able to get away from them...why? I ask that question each and every day and come up with the same answer, can't get through to those who don't want to or aren't capable of listening and learning and choose to live and make their own mistakes over and over again. as a parent , very maddening to watch the kids you love fall on their faces and do what they think is right when they do not know what is right since they haven't lived long enough to observe or listen to anybody who knows more than they do since they know everything and nothing at all matters unless it's them who make the choices and decisions. Ty will be a father in February  and at this point in his life is incapable of dealing with anything other than his Narcissism and failing miserably at that as well, bringing a new life into this world with an angry woman will only bring about an angry child...not a good situation. BrazTerria they are living the carbon copy existence of their Father and his current wife in a world of dysfunctional and everlasting unhappiness, so sad to me but as parents we try to be supportive of their good and bad but seem to be dealing with the bad as we speak and it bothers us both very ,very much. Other than that, we are Golden and perfect right!!! So off to Michael I go!

World Series Of Beavis!

Watched the World Series choke jobs of all time, the Rangers had 2 chances to get one batter and become world series Champions but didn't have it in them . They will move on to a game 7 and that's a foregone conclusion, if the Cardinals do not blow them out tomorrow night it will then be the biggest choke job in reverse , no doubt or question about it. So whatever happens could give a shit at this point, I had the Rangers  but that's not going to happen as they folded lie a towel and really killed their best chance twice....not once, Twice!

Other than that debacle  did watch the New Beavis and Butthead for comedic relief and it was alright, not as funny as it should have been but better than the other crap they put on MTV. Tomorrow is Friday and the end of a long week, Terria's knee still hurting her and back to work she goes tomorrow to finish out the week. Sounds lie she tore her Meniscus and will need a scope sometime soon, It happens,I hurt mine swinging a golf club at the driving range and had mine done in January with no issues. So wishing my sweetie a better week and hopefully some news about her ailing knee!

No plans again for this weekend and that's ok, I am sure we will have a game plan on the fly and figure out something to do this weekend. Set up my leave schedule for the holidays and taking all of Christmas week off with only 3 days of leave required, so 9 days off for the price of 3 , sounds good to me! Should be a quiet day at work tomorrow , have nothing pending and not much on the horizon as far as work goes. As an afterthought ,I set up another appointment with Michael to touch bases with him and see how  am doing,feeling great about things  but have a few things like an ex wife coming to town and meddling in Brandon's life after abandoning him as a young boy of 8, and the kids going through  hell that are upsetting me a bit and watching my Terria go through it as well further upsets me, a tune up of sorts and nothing too pressing, I miss Michael's candor and true genius and hope to find a little solace in the truths I call my own and the life of choices that I have made that i am totally accountable for. Still had some really bad thoughts of my indiscretions last spring and some guilt involved that i must forgive myself real soon. But it will be a productive visit and one that has been a long time in waiting. So for now it's bedtime and rest for the morning. Good night

Today!!!!!!!!

A long weekend which took us thorough the Orange county and a great social D concert in Irvine, much driving and a very tiring weekend culminating with a trip to Will ave. and the childhood home of Bob Nevarez, we had a nice meal and dessert celebrating his birthday with his family, they got to meet the "Saint " as he calls Terria and loved her to death! A very nice visit for sure. Back to work on Monday and the usual Hijinx of people not caring about their jobs and driving me totally insane with the lack of work ethic. But who am i to decide who does what ,i just pick up the pieces and do what I'm supposed to do and part of what they're supposed to do, no worries because I can and Do, Thanks to my co-worker Sabrina C. for being so helpful and so supportive throughout the workday, my little sister as i call her we always help each other out and cover one an others ass when we need to. Thanks Midget!

Today is a good day so far , the overcast skies don't cast doom upon today, just the signs of winter coming and the harsh realities of an Oxnard winter of 60 degree days...ewwwww horrible i know! So here i am thinking about my Boys Braz and Ty, Braz in afghan land fighting a meaningless war and Ty in Missouri fighting his own personal wars in Trailer land! I wish the best to my boys and know that they are young and full of their own insecurities and lack of coping skills to see the bigger picture in life. Who on earth would 2 good looking young men ever tie themselves down at 19 and 20 years to be with what they think is their last stop in loveland??? i think not, the train that wrecks today is no better for wear tomorrow and these young boys have no idea what type of mess that they are setting themselves up for, regret and bitterness for they shoulda , woulda, coulda done things differently , but they don't listen to the people who have done it already, made the mistakes and have this wealth of knowledge to share with them , they fall on their own and that's that I suppose, sad but true, the me generation must find out the hard way instead of the right way! As for Brandon my oldest boy , he still looks for that final directio in life and will find whatever he is looking for because his failures and successes are his own and he has nobody to tie himself down but himself. so continue going to school, work a Little and wait the for the answer to come to him. Being a parent never ends and that's what we signed up for as adults, it's all good and it's what we expected,even if at times a little frustrating and painful, but we manage because we are the adults and know that there is always light at the end of the Proverbial tunnel!

What else is going on in my world? The world series is turning out to be a really good one, hating La Russa and watching him lay an egg last night being the supposed genius which he is not and never has been, throwing nobody under the bus but taking no responsibility for it himself essentially throws everybody but himself under that bus. Hoping that the Ranger win the next game and take the ring away from the Cards but really don't care too much in the outcome, have a friendly $10 wager at work for the Cards and would gladly pay it off if the Rangers would win it all. Must wait til Wednesday for that game 6 to make it all happen. The new workout regiment is kicking my ass a bit but feel really good and hope that this gets a little easier, having my friends at the gym who really like to talk to me while I'm working out makes it difficult at times and these guys aren't the type of guys you tell to Go away, all older , kind men who for some reason think I'm ok to talk to , I should consider it an Honor that these very nice and some of them very intelligent men find me interesting enough to talk to ?  

AS I was watching the game the conversations via text with Robert and Scott were priceless, Nevarez and i were calling pitches, changes , what would happen in the game and the whole nine yards, then Scott chimes in via text how the Stand up to Cancer commercials with Tony Gwynn and the like  come on and he has me howling at the fact that Tony Gwynn the only man in history to Gain weight while being treated for cancer and even suggested that the chemo was hidden in sticks of butter, I know it was mean but all in humor and never mean to be malicious at all, i laughed so hard i nearly shit myself and Robert and i were dying at the fact that Ranger's Manager Ron Washington dances and prances when he gets excited and we called it "Gettin Jiggy with it" It was a great night, Terria was out shopping for what seemed an eternity and i missed her by my side but she needs to get away and it was a quiet household from 8-10 pm for me last night, with the exception of the howling that my guys were putting me through , a crazed man laughing by himself...what a funny picture that must have been. any way back to work and up to the  front I go, have nothing pressing and nothing moving in my desk as I write this, hell even forgot 2 1/2 men were on last night  because i no longer watch that dud of a show because it sucks now!

Marco Simoncelli - Colin Edwards Crash in Sepang - Malaysia 2011 RIP ://

Another very sad crash and death in the world of racing, this one closer to my heart and a motorcycle death of freakish magnitude. Marco Simoncelli lost his life today doing what he loves doing, as I watched the replay of the crash I saw another man die in front of me for the second straight weekend in a row and shows how dangerous the sport of motorcycle racing truly is! The best racers, on the safest tracks in the world with the best equipment on the planet can still lose it all under the right circumstances,unfortunately today the circumstances were right and it cost Marco his life today, very very sad and I feel for Colin Edwards, the American rider who ran into him and had nowhere to go as this crash happened at 90 mph and no place to slow or avoid the inevitable crushing of the fallen rider, As I watched his helmet ripped off his head and rolled towards Colin Edwards who was down as he went down as a result, the irony to know and see the lifeless body lying on the track and there's nothing you can do .RIP Marco Simoncelli and much sadness to the riders who ran into him.

Parenting That Never Ends

Just got a text from Terria and says that Ty is at the recruiters office and looking to enlist in the military as apparently all has not gone so well in Missouri with his girlfriend. I ask how she is with this and how she feels about now possibly having 2 of our boys in the military at the same time? I assume that she feels like I do and what can you do, in today's economy that's the only option for a young kid these days. So we shall see what he will do when push comes to shove! I just hate the fact that our boy's have grown up so fast when growing up at a slower pace would have taught them better decisions making. But water under the bridge now and do the best with what you have. As parents there is a time to wash your hands of guilt and feelings of despair, we feel bad for those bad decisions that they make but there is nothing you can do when a kid constantly tells you that they know, i know this or that when in fact they will know through the school of hard knocks that they should have listened to us a little better than they chose to do. been there done that is always a better way to teach than to say, let's try this and see how it works, No , we've tried it, seen if it works or doesn't ,and if it didn't found a way to make it work ,which that luxury for the boys was never utilized by their choosing!

The joys of parenthood are great as are the toils and headaches of all the things we thing we should have done. Yeah there's guilt and remorse for our kids sake, we did make mistakes but there was never a time when we compromised safety and proper upbringing but little things like saying no when we should have yes, and Yes when No turned out to be the proper answer, being Imperfect we can only raise imperfect children it's the way it all works!

So i guess it's almost time for lunch, so much thought and reflection going into our days and nights, lives! We want the best for everybody and sometimes are helpless to do what they need to do for them, not our place, or within arms reach is not an option  but we always worry, and care and love in the only way a Parent knows how to " Unconditionally" and no days off !  So i head to lunch with a heavy head and thoughts abounding about, I see the day getting better as it progresses, hope that we can get to the gym and get the monster workout done and feel better before a little bit of the world series game tonight ,Game 2

Resourceful and Costly Day

Pretty good day today at work, was able to get a little done today, took a late lunch and had the workout of my life and spent 130 bucks at the damn Smart and Final, how did I do that?  Be whatever it was I had a great day for sure, the day flew by and took an extra long lunch to accomplish the aforementioned workout and shopping spree. I left work about 1230 on my way to the gym for what I had planned to be an epic workout, then after the workout had to stop by the Smart and Final and pick up Dog Food,Bread and some butter, nothing else!

So I went to the gym, on the way had it in my mind to do something I'd never done before. As  was driving I was compiling a workout in my head to be implemented when I arrived at the gym. Having taken a day off the previous day I was a little anxious to get back to the gym and had not taken a day off in about 4 plus weeks, so it was time for a free day and Monday was it. Get to my first machine and dial it down about 2 plates and start the routine for six sets of 16 on each machine. There are 18 machines and exercises I was doing today so 18 times 6 sets is 108 sets of exercises completed in under one hour 20 minutes. After i finished I knew I had come up with something really special to implement and add to the pool and the cycling to have a complete workout all throughout the week.Tomorrow will bring either the pool or cycling  and some stretching of some sort, so It was an awesome workout, on to the store for a quick trip for a few items right? ..Wrong!

I get to the local smart and final, head to the Dog food aisle throw the 40lb bag into the basket and  head to the bread and butter, loaded and seemingly ready to go, pick up some fruit, then Chocolates for the office staff, peanut butter,Crackers,Tuna,Cereal, milk, lunch meat ,meat, more fruit, another variety of Chocolate, more butter and other things that I don't recall. Head up to the checkout stand and load up the tramway and start mentally calculating the total, usually pretty good at guesstimating the total , I added a Rockstar for the drive back to work and the total was 130 dollars, for a 12 minute shopping spree on my was back to the workplace and even gave Terria shot at the total cost , she comes in at 125, just 5 dollars off, I was at 105 and way off. Di buy the stuff we needed and some things that I didn't but keeping the office stocked with Chocolate is always a good idea and a morale builder. So some Hershey miniatures and some mini snickers bars put some smiles on the faces of my troubled staff of miscreants and ghouls! Overall a different type of shopping spree, workout, and day altogether. Made some really good tacos for dinner, had less than I wanted and yet enough to be happy with the project. Look forward to tomorrow and another uneventful day at work, a trip to the golf course at lunch to hit balls and then gym after work. Get home in time for the first pitch of World Series game 1...Go Rangers!

2 1/2 Men Sucks

After 8 seasons of watching 2 1/2 men I think it has run it's course and it's time to find something new to do at the 9pm hour on Monday nights. Really ,really bad show with the new dude and not even funny in the least bit. So I look forward to new endeavor on the tube and now will officially be devoid of any TV on the networks that I can say I am a fan of. So it's onward and upward in the realms of quality Television via the networks or otherwise.

Really looking forward to this years World Series with the Rangers and Cards swapping turns at losing Baseballs. It should be a decent series and for the first time I will be rooting for an American League team since I thoroughly dislike, No hate, the Cardinals and their pompous manager Larussa for so many reasons! We shall see who can stop the hottest team in MLB the Cards of St.Louis. Come Wednesday I will be glued to the TV watching the first pitch ,hope it is well-played and not a lopsided affair.

A decent Monday at work, stayed up from most of the day and answered phones and helped walk ins today, a couple of co-workers out again today, no big shocker and the usual suspects as I Like to call them keeps the comedic ball rolling for sure in that office. I just show up and assume that most won't either be physically  or emotionally present and take the workplace as a joke and still fail to realize that we are so damn blessed to do what we do and make a good living doing so! So off off Kutcher and on to something new, oh look ,Mike and Molly!! lol!!!!

2011 IndyCar World Championships Las Vegas 300 Horrific 15 Car Crash RIP...

I never watch car racing, especially oval track racing and yet I was flipping the channels and came on this at this exact spot and watched Dan Wheldon 2 time Indy 500 winner Die today from his cockpit camera shot, the multiple views of other shot are more horrific than this one but to see the man alive seconds before he dies is really a bummer to me! I was watching Football when I changed the channel to this very spot of the coverage and watched the crash in awe and thought, how could anybody survive that crash of 15 cars at 200mph? Turning back to football I came back a few hours later and saw the news flash of Dan Wheldon Dying at the Las Vegas Speedway and had no idea and figured everybody walked away because there was so much debris but no urgency to get to anybody out or ambulances on the track, they airlifted him and he died later from multiple injuries.Very sad for me and I wished I had not been watching. Shows how precious life is and can be enjoying a nice event and then 3 seconds later a man dies at the wheel of a car.Very SAd R.I.P Dan Wheldon. Very disturbing video for me to watch!

A Thought or Two

I don't know about most people outside of Texas or Detroit, but I had a difficult time choosing between the Rangers and the Tigers in the ALCS? The cream rose to the top and the better team won but I liked what the Tigers did this year and really like Jim Leland, the Rangers and Josh Hamilton and company will go on to win the world series I presume. Since the National league teams are still playing and  really don't like any of them at all I will root for the AL team this year which is the Rangers. A lazy day of baseball and nothing much else, a trip to the gym and that was it.

Tomorrow will be much the same , Football and the baseball game will be intertwined amongst the day I imagine and again, a trip to the gym and a session in the pool to enjoy the sun and exercise. Terria still nursing a bit of a cold and feeling a little sluggish and resting nicely so I will do what I can to help her out around here. Today was a little strange , I actually felt lie going for a motorcycle ride after seeing a few guys riding in town today as  left the gym. It came and passed and I knew that if I rode today, the bike would sit for 2 weeks before it got  action again so not a big deal  just a fleeing thought of what used to be is all! Made me think just how spoiled I am and that my life is more than a fleeing moment.

I can try to figure out things to write about, whats going on here besides the the bad news on TV, the disarray all over the world and people getting beaten up for free speech and rights to assemble peacefully, I guess the man doesn't take kindly to being exposed and seems a little embarrassing to have the world now backing up the cause as big business is now the chosen enemy, what took you so long Is my only question. Been saying as long as I can remember that big business runs this country, always has and the fact that politicians aren't even trying to hide the fact that they are in their pockets seems very UN American to me, or maybe it is American since it s so commonplace these days and now with media exposure just can't hide it as easily as you could during the Cronkite era of reporting news and facts.

So enough with the serious shit and try to lighten to mood up a bit, still trying to figure to figure out the Social networking sights and their usefulness to society or to myself, seems like most ,or some don't like my hard hitting subjects or even my humor ,or is it the few that do get it have much more important crap to deal with then listening to me unload on society for no reasons other than to do it because I can. People get butt hurt, people get offended at whatever they don't understand, which by rule is generally themselves and their inability to laugh at themselves and then lives they claim as their own. I love who I am and where I am in life, it makes me feel good to free myself from the burdens of yesterdays and tomorrows solutions are all so easy to mend so where s my stress level? I have none, well maybe with Braz fighting in the sand and Ty becoming a father soon and Brandon still finding his way in life , other than that we are golden! So much for keeping it light and that's that! Ah Hell, I love to be entertained , I love to laugh, I enjoy a Chancey poem or the occasional Facebook fist fight with anybody, but most of all I love the life that I have, My wife Terria, the kids ,the job and all the other stuff that goes along with the life, the responsibility to those that matter in my life and the ability to take on those responsibilities is very satisfying to say the least. Very Blessed and very thankful for all of the goodness that has been bestowed upon me, just need to remind myself how good I have it and to never complain, because there are many millions more who have so much less than we do, so to Happiness and to health and to the Love we share everyday together. I do Appreciate everything that I call my Life

Less than Thorough Thursday

A rather uneventful day today, work was quiet again and the usual suspects were doing their thing to make work as interesting as it can ever get. Co-workers gone missing and the select few doing the work for them s they can galavant about in a workless-like state, laughing inside and out all day long! Some seriously funny crap happened today on top of the usual circus, the usual suspects were tasked the duty to go and get the office Bagels at a bagel shop about a mile from the office, the boss paid for them and expected hs usual 2-3 Onion bagels which are his favorites and everybody in the building knows this, he loves onion bagel for crissakes. An hour later and a  no Onion Bagels later the 2 come back with the weirdest variety of Bagels to date, everything but what the Boss ordered and always wants. A little perturbed at the chain of events he apparently made it very clear that he was no happy and that once again the crew of two got what they wanted but forgot to get the main man's order right. This is also the same person who who I sent out for food one morning for the office, told her to ask everybody what they wanted , write it down and head over to a local eatery to place the order, before I could place my order they were gone and filled everybody's order but mine, the guy who handed over my debit card as a sign of solidarity and intended kindness was left out of the loop and was offered up some extras from other people's orders . I wasn't upset just a little stunned at it all and this kind of stuff happens all of the time with seeming regularity as the mind seems to be elsewhere when details are to be followed. So nice and pleasant but at times very shaky in the common sense department. so t s safe to say that we won't be asking our JJ to get food anytime soon, hard to get angry at her as she is a good person with a glowing case of ADD or some sort of mind lapse situation going on but she always means well and somehow doesn't seem to connect all of the dots and complete the mission

So with that drama in the freezer for now I look forward to a very tranquil Friday workday, must get some dual sided DVD's to complete my project for my friend on base by making a Movie from her Video Camera of some very sad and final days of family members who passed away over the past year or so. This weekend has really not been discussed at length, hoping for more good weather and looking forward to a whatever we decide to do weekend with nothing pending and nothing too difficult to walk away from or walk towards! Just the freedom of empty nesters to do what the heart desires. Gym, Golf, Drive up the coast, we shall see!

Did enjoy a really great casserole that Terria made tonight, I came home from the gym and had the aroma in my nose and the heat in the house from the days temp and the oven burning. As the food was finishing n te oven I was able to whip up a couple of yellow cakes for a couple of birthdays in the building that required celebration, one of them my boss who didn't get the Onion Bagels and if I cold make an Onion cake as a Joke I would but that would a jackhole move that only I cold not only get away with but pull off, another day and it will happen. Made the cakes , put them in as the dinner came out, t was so good , thank you Terria for that delicious concoction.  Cakes were done  and let them cool, made vanilla frosting and Chocolate Ganache for the drizzle and the center layers f my cales, made the cakes look like an ice cream Sundae's with the White Frosting and the chocolate ganache combinaton, looked really cool, based on the sample we tasted, it is really tasty and rich so I will adorn them to Pete my Boss  and Baby Agnes across the hall.  So for now it is Goodnight!

A Short Extended Weekend!

Watching another disappointing 2 1/2 men episode and not feeling the humor with the new guy at the helm! I will give it 2 more weeks and then pull the plug on the show that I loved so much, owning seasons 1-7,looking for Sheens last season 8 to complete the ensemble. Hard to replace a stable star in most things, unlike and athlete , there are no stats to compare them to, watching the listless and not very funny new show is a damn shame but there are other things to do these days!

The long weekend is over and back to work in the morning for a short week and hopefully smooth and quiet week.  THe weekend came and went very quickly, a somewhat quiet 4 days of mainly gym and home cooked meals with the wife and enjoyed a quick trip to Santa Barbara for Pizza and salad at one of our spots, Pizza was ok and the drive was very soothing!  But it is time to get back to work and back on point of the daily schedule of normalcy.  SO not much planned for the days ahead, a Concert in Irvine on the 22nd with Nevarez and his daughter for his birthday, going to enjoy Social Distortion at the VErizon in IRvine, former home of Lion Country Safari when we were kids!

So look forward to finishing up the Video project that is kicking my ass, hoping to help out a gal at work by putting the video from her camera on a DVD and am not all the way convinced that I can get it done, but will take it all in tomorrow to work and ask more tech  savvy folks at work to help me through it all and make her DVD of some very sentimental moments for her to keep and show her kids, good luck to me, if not I can run it to my Apple dude in Ventura and he will do it for me for 20 bucks or so and the bottom line will be taken care of! Good Times , heading off to bed , watch a little Wings DVD and then hit the hay with my Honey!  Really looking forward to the week ahead and some good weather in the forecast in the mid to high seventies and sun shining bright

What Day is It?

Feeling a little lost today, not sure if it's Friday or Saturday, it's early Sunday as I write this now and I enjoyed an overly quiet evening watching the Ballgame and watched my Terria sleep it away, a little under the weather so I watched her sleep while the game went on. Didn't do too much today, Terria slept in and  went to breakfast with Tim and April in Camarillo and then went to the gym for a really nice workout and a nearly empty gym ,much to my enjoyment, no pool today just weights and resistance for an averall good gym session

Being Sunday already, I guess we watch the Cardinals tomorrow as my Rams have the Bye week, a much needed Bye week for sure. After games I will head to the pool and swim and depending on how Terria feels tomorrow will try and do something with her, a drive, cup of coffee somewhere, something with my wife. Did enjoy  UCLA and Notre Dame victories today which is always a good thing. Weird week so far with Jobs and Al Davis dying, the biggest question is who will be the third significant person to pass away on us??? Not much of an Al Davis Fan but do respect his work in the early NFL/AFL years, now Steve Jobs is an incredible man, the innovative genius that he was is amazing to all of us that use the Apple line of products, such as the ipod and the very MAC that I type from now,the Ipad 2 that Terria beats her fingers on are truly amazing pieces of technology ,so damn nice and so spoiled are we to enjoy the fruits of his labors!

Areal bone of contention that i have been having and maybe a testament to where we are as a society and as people. The fact that social sites as Facebook and Twitter are the birthplace of meaningless drivel and really not much more than an ass kissing political correct forum for friends to keep in touch and play kissy face and share wonderful thoughts and dream laden wishes of perfect times. Maybe I should start posting fluff stuff so people won't have to think about responding to my thought provoking posts that require some thought and some sense of obligation to think beyond the Kardashian level of simplicity. I can quote lines from a song that signify my stance on things or make a political statement with a posting of an article and really get no responses, which in itself is fine, but these things require some thought and maybe a  response or two, but instead a buddy posts how he was cold and broke out a thick blanket and gets 30 responses, granted he has accepted 300 friends o Facebook, i have 16, which I was hoping were thought provoking type of folks but seems I might need to look for a new group of folks to bounce some dialogue off of. they are all good people ,just can be a little too PC since they do have more friends that they might offend! Just a peave of mine to communicate with sometimes controversial social subject matter that we  should be able to have a conversation on and bounce some ideas around. But the simplicity of most folks, even the intelligent ones that i have chosen as my friends just amazes me sometimes. I'm not an attention hound, just want to have an intelligent conversation with somebody other than My wife and oldest Boy Brandon, it's hard to get people outside their comfort zones, guess I'll have to go outside mine and try to simplify my postings on the social cesspool of thoughtless dialogue... I'm not thinking so!!!! lol! I've got to find some intrigue and interesting subject to ping pong some crap around!  Good night, or morning in this case

Friday's Done Right

Friday came and went very smoothly today, the day off allowed me a sleep over til 830, not really a sleeper on my days off as  feel wasted days by sleeping in too much! Anyway, I woke up, opened up the web, the daily newspaper, my LA times was lost or stolen this morning so I couldn't read about the Yankees loss and it kind of pissed me off, not the loss, the inability to read about it this morning with that awesome cup of coffee did. Got motivated and went to the gym for a 1030 start time at Bally's where I did 45 minutes on the weights and then went into the pool for 45 minutes more of running and swimming in the pool. Felt great working out and swimming today and really wore me out,  headed to the Jacuzzi and enjoyed about 15 minutes of the heat and relaxation. Finished that up and headed in for a good shower and then had to think what  was doing for lunch, I decided on Chinese take out  and headed to Ventura to do so, ate a bit and brought the rest home to share.

After lunch I went on Base to pick up a Camcorder and a USB cord from a friend ,trying to turn her video card into a video DVD and am having a hard time on the Mac getting it done, I will figure it out and get it back to her on Tuesday If it kills me, trying to be a techie but not really as good as I need to be at it, I suppose I will get it and it will come! Feel a little bad for my friend who has her hands full with kids and really no dad around so whatever the case may be I'm trying to be a good dude and help her out with these very sensitive videos of one of the kids dads who recently passed away to cancer and some of the last shots of him alive with his daughter are captured here so It means allot to me to get these done right, even if I have to outsource it If I can't figure it out!

After that I was able to come home and wait for my honey to come home from work and help me start off my 4 day weekend with my Terria, watched a couple of Playoff Baseball games and enjoyed the games, not the outcomes but the games were played at the top level and pitching ruled the day and the series all the way around, good pitching always beats good hitting standing side by side. We had a simple home cooked dinner together which consisted of toasted tuna melts with chips and chili dip as a side, very good ,relatively light and just lounging and playing on the website spewing my day and sharing the day with my computer screen if not the WWW. So thank you Terria for relaxing with me and  sharing the tranquility we call our lives, very nice evening and look forward to a great Saturday ....Good Times and Good Night!

Happy Birthday Braz Joshua Simon

A very special day for us all , the birth of our middle son and the somewhat sad feeling that he jusyt left us after 2 weeks of R&R fro Afghanistan and had to leave 3 days prior to his birthday. Be that the case we miss him already and pray for their dsafety and well being and can hopefully spend his 21st birhtday together next year! Appreciate d the talk we had the night before he left  back and how I ralized how i have failed him as a father and a mentor, but now have vowed to be more involved and realized that he does want me in his world and in his life and to be a bigger part of it all. So happy Birthday Brazman! We are Proud of You! Special Forces or bust. Love you Son, Greg

My Drive To Somewhere?

Well i didn't take a day off from the gym yesterday and am seriously thinking that today could be the day to do so?? I am heading home here shortly for a long 4 day weekend and truly look forward to some sleep and some time to do more writing here on my site. The ideas of growing up and older are really resonating in my head today, spoke to Braz today and he signed off with old man, I responded with the day he could kick my ass i would admit to being old, so there might be some denial on my part But  truly never going to get old in my head, at least that's the plan for now. My carefree ways and easy lifestyle make it easier to stay relatively young and my attempts at the gym keep me strong and somewhat limber.  So i head off towards the weekend with nothing planned as of yet, have a retirement party of Saturday that i won't attend , a whole lot of things that we need to do that we will  not do and an entire gaggle of things to sort out and go through and eventually toss that will be left to collect more dust.

So on my drive home today I will contemplate the gym versus taking it off, gym or workout, the guilt or the satisfaction? Whatever the case will be I have a day off Tomorrow to do whatever i want while Terria is at work and can workout allday if need be, use the pool and jaquzzi to relax so the drive home will tell many stories about where I am mentally tonight.  Which was will i jump, reminds me of a milltown brothers song that i am so fond of from the 90's, either way I have 4 days to do whatever and terria and I have yet to set anything is semi stone so we are open , trying  not to spend too much money theses days as we tend to do but who knows maybe we will buy something we don't need this weekend I just do not know where the weekend will take us and that's half the fun of living the dream and being where i want to be with the woman i want to be with at all times! So i close the day with a happy thought and a hug to my boys away from home and to Terria and Brandon who i can touch every day, thankfully can do so and am so blessed to do so! Good times and a great weekend upon me Now!.....later

Time To Think

What a dreary day it has continued to be, the day is nearing it's end and feeling pretty good about the day so far. The gym will get a day off today and a much needed rest for me as I try to regenerate some vigor and energy to do it all over again on Thursday after work. Terria has left a carte Blanche offer for dinner tonight and we put our heads together for a meal made at home or a meal served to us via restaurant? No clue and no worries, either way i will be with my Honey and she will be there for me as she always has been

Been thinking about my therapist Michael again, think I might want to go back and visit with him just to rattle a few things at him about a few things that have come across my mind. Feeling somewhat helpless in certain areas and trying to stop being so ready to snap into rescuer mode again and leave myself alone in the dust to figure it all out, I'm not there but seem to feel I could talk to him about it and help guide me into the right frame of mind.But whatever I choose to do I'm in a good place just more ready to see some of the personal indicators of the past that help me to get my guard up.

AS I think back on Braz's last night here I can remember the conversation we had about the way he perceived my treatment of him growing up, I thought long and hard and tried to figure out in my mind where and how could have done better with all of my boys? I was always in teacher mode and felt I had to overcompensate for the fact that the boys dad and Brandon's mom were less than ideal for nurturing and teaching the boys to be better human beings. So I live and learn and listened to what Braz said and how he felt so inept and tried so hard to make me proud of him, i am and always have been proud of them but told him that way back when he made it very clear to me that I wasn't his biological father then I knew I had to respect that, didn't change my examples or my parenting but he would have to make every first move to get closer  to me and never did, so here we are years later and he feels like I chose his brother and Brandon over him when In fact I was respecting his wishes to never step on his dad's fatherhood unless he allowed me too, well he came to me the other night and essentially cried out to me to do so, so I will be a more open individual towards him and his thoughts and actions and get more into his face when it comes to being a parent! As for now the thought of our conversation is real ground breaking stuff for both of us and will hope to make it grow stronger as the days pass!

Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever (Late Show)

Feeling a little whatever today but not really in a bad way just in a deal with whatever comes and really nothing important to deal with today. Feeling a little empty today with the Kids all being gone and on their way to the Desert as we speak and into harms way again! Terria and I are really closer this week and we try and hold each other up as we are feeling a little sadder these days. The fact that the kids came home for 2 weeks was probably a mistake on their part as they will further miss what they left behind, but live and learn and progress in their growth as young adults and we as older adults in a constant state of Flux!

The day off yesterday was much needed, emotionally and physically needed for sure, the time with Terria and the kids was very precious for sure, the PArty on Saturdayat richards house was really awesome, and then Monday night at the house was so much fun to see all together in a loving and caring manner. The day has brought us rain today and the much needed cleansing of the air and the souls , we hope that we can move to the next platform of understanding the roles as parents, Husbands and wives and friends alike. We need to grow and grow each day we shall towards the happiness that we see grow and work harder to maintain that growth together. I am very blessed to have , feel and experience the life that i have with all the major players that contribute to my happiness every single day. So much love ,care and concern from so many wonderful people!

Special Family Weekend

what a whirlwind the past 2 weeks have been, Braz and Nikki in town a ready to head back to their post in the desert on Tuesday. Been a real wake up call for the kids and the families all recognizing the importance of family and the real need to spend as much time as we can with our loved ones.  We were very lucky to get everybody together on Saturday night at Richards Moorpark home and spent an evening of good food and stories all around,some good ones ,some horrific and very depressing but we listened intently to those as well. We had a perfect day in which to enjoy the kids and the ambiance of Richards amazing home!

As we near the kids departure, Ty was home from Missouri and visited his brother and the rest of us for a seemingly very short time, the thoughts of our boys being on their own and maybe not yet ready to do so the right way is beyond our control, we hope and wait for the other shoe to drop at times but that's the cost of trying to play grown up when you're not quite ready for the responsibilities of the job. But we as parents know nothing and the teenagers know it all and that's that I suppose.

Embarking upon another work week will be good, loving what I do and dealing with the plethora of curve balls the goofball staff throws at us on a given day be it attendance, lack of attendance or attendance with no usefulness in that attendance it's very comical to me and I always love the wild card affect of who will be there and what they will do to make me laugh if they are at work, it's all very amusing to me!

So sitting here and writing about my days, my weeks my emotions of my kids going away again I feel a very somber tone in the house with Terria and I trying to figure out certain things about our boys lives that they have yet to figure out, all in all it's very frustrating at times to watch train wrecks from miles away but as I said, we know nothing and our judgement and experiences mean nothing, we're just old people right? But whatever the case we alway support the boys and hope the growth happens sooner than later , and we wait!

Spent a really great weekend with family and my best friend Scott and his girlfriend, they came to Rich's house on Saturday and Terria and I drove to Santa Barbara to meet them for Breakfast this morning for more conversations over coffee and a meal, Yes a really good time and weekend to ponder and reflect upon all that really matters to me in life, my family, my friends and my continued happiness and search for the next greatest thing, whatever it may be, call it greediness, call it whatever but my need to always seek out a deeper, stronger understanding of the happiness and the life that Terria , My family and I share is incredible! I am in fact one weird, strange, or incredibly gifted unorthodox dude, but the search for that special something is not a detraction from where I am, just insight as to where I can be,always looking to get better, always trying to be happier. Thanks to Terria and my boys, the family and my few friends for allowing Greg to grow and to continually be who he is, THe Great unpredictable Gregasaurus