Impatient Intolerance!

I'm running out of answers
for the questions yet asked
I have no tolerance or patience
for even a simple task

I runaway to this page
to escape the worldy vibe
So brave yet so foolish
And ashamed that i have to hide

A husband and father
A grandfather as well
issues all around this tree
Should be heaven, but feels like Hell

Stuck on Stupid stuck on stupid stuck on stupid
A blow to set it free
a vacancy in a trailer park
Christmas morning all over again

Simplicity versus complexity
I try not to choose
the choice is made ,I've made the grade
I have too much to lose

Why am i so judgemental
and so hard on the rest
I've raised the bar,or try too hard
and they keep failing the test

Is is youthful ignorance
Social indifference
maniacle intolerance
to this fast food drive thru world

when in doubt, i write
When i shout I don't hear
When i listen I learn
When i learn I grow
`

Run To This Page!

Seems so odd to me to think, the one place I run and hide, or run and cry is here, the daily toils of life ,family and work all come to fruition  here for some reason. During the days of normal conversations with my wife, my coworkers or my boys I always have that meter running in my head, when does the thik tank become to full to operate as normal and be good for the next conversation that will come up? The tank is full today and I unleash my fury upon this page this morning! So here i am a day or so away from a disturbing phone call from my boy Ty in Kuwait, a very sad broken down, scared 20 year old voice of his proclaiming he is on alert for the Syrian crisis that is current to our world and in a tearful voice, says his premature Goodbyes to me! I say Son, thats not necessary, you have a job to do and you will do it, with a positive demaeanor and a can do attitide you will use your training and get back to where you belong...home with your daughter and wife...soon enough! Well that voice of his echoed in my brain for a day or so and here I am today writing about how it bothers me still to think that he feels alone and vulnerable and is truly earning his money today, his new home and his new truck are coming at a price today  and he is too young to realize that nothing comes for free, to include the freedoms that we as Americans are blessed with. So I finisged up with Ty and told him that we are proud of him and all that he has accomplished in his young life and should God take him away from us then that is a plan that we can never over ride and that your baby will always kw who you are and what you were about! The mere fact that being a parent never goes away , it never stops or takes vacations it can come in the misddle of the night or like last night a 1:38 am phone call missed to the evenings sleep.  My thoughts go out to all of the families that are feeling the pinch right now with their loved ones possibly going to battle, or the future battle that will ensue because of this one. Today being 9-11-13 brings about a heightened sense of vulnerability. moreso since George W. not terrorost brought down the planes and buildings and sold it to justify their own wars that followed. money making machines of contracted work and Halliburtons abounding we are the puppets of their strings and can do nothing about them, they are too many to vote out, the minions are all over ,right and left special interest politics are the rules of the day pasyt and present..see JFK, Pearl Harbor,9-11 and the next created atrocity that our Govt. tries to package as reality.

So with all of the weirdness, with all of the uncertainty in the world today I can only hope that my tank is emtied so that i can make room for another thought, another dream and another conversation that doesn't overwhelm my thought process. Here I sit coming to my wailing wall of thoughts and personal issues that essentially are life and daily occurences but being the life police that i have taken on for myself, I listen , i hear I try to help even if at the risk of filling up the tolerance tanks of my mind in the process I over load and burden myself at times and can only hope to self govern a bit better these days and put into perspective the idea that I can't change the world or even make a dent in the can, i can n't reconstruct the broken towers of life skills and understanding, i can't always hear the words and act upon with proper behavior or advise..for i am as flawed as the next guy and have nowhere to run, and no place to hide so i climb atop the The Saurus express and spew my spirits and unload my dirty laundry in the hopes of finding a clearer path the the impending uncertainties! Good Days, Good times and Good Luck!  

Furlough!

Today is the third non pay furlough day that the feds have imposed us us federal workers, I don't mind paying my taxes or even not getting cost of living increases for the past 5 years, I do mind that not one politician or supposed peoples servants are not missing out on a days pay and have  received self imposed cost of living increases across the board. This may explain why I have never registered to vote or care to for that matter, the privilege is no longer that ,its an albatross across the necks of taxpayers who are burdened with corruption and deceit and must take the blame for this  as they put these assholes in office and are as accountable for them as they are their own kids...fuck the system and those who say non voters have no say, well believe that if you may but I can honestly say I had nothing to do with this. Oh and if I hear but your vote can change this...REALLY!!!!  It s the perception that makes us believe we can make a difference, with a government that had Pearl Harbor, 9-11 and the JFK assassination under their belts of corruption and can convince me that a congressman or even the President shouldn't be held accountable as the people who voted them in...Really???? I don't trust and thankfully this furlough doesn't cripple my household as it has done to many thousands of federal workers, yeah the house and senate want to save the millionaires from paying their taxes and allows over seas accounts to launder that money for tax purposes yet we, johnny lunch pale middle class are asked to foot the fucking bill by paying28-32% taxes while Warren Buffet and Trump Cock sucker pay 15%  yeah real equity there ball washers! Warren Buffet even went on record as saying he is all for higher taxes on the rich, it ain't going to kill the the rich, but greed and special interests win out as always and that's what we are supposed to accept as an OK thing... Fuck the people who think this is acceptable and Republicans and Democrats look out ,a third more progressive party is on the way trust me, people might actually get it right, the Republicans can put down their bibles and their anti abortion cries and the Dems can stop giving shit away and saving all mankind . Ok ,I totally done with this Rant thing and off to the movies to settle down.Can Rev it up later with a mach 2 moto ride ...jk So off today helping to pay off another Govt Halliburtenesque contractor.Good Times!

Yeah It's Like That

Where do I begin when I try to talk about work and all that goes on there, or all that doesn't go on during a given day. It is a joke and my coworkers are all comical save for the few that i actually can have a conversation with and are coherent in which to do so. Working for the Government for 24 years now has proven to be the best and biggest joke in my life, thankfully the Govt overpays and allows me to do my thing, the comedy, the world class customer service and giving my military servants the best that i have, but while doing so I can laugh and make people laugh and make the days tolerable even while some of my co-workers are less than stellar ,when they show up and are not intoxicated or pepped up on Oxy!!!! Nonetheless its a good living with great benefits but I have to stop at times and try to find something productive to do in between customers,phone calls and any incidentals that pass my way.

The rest of my life is status quo, very good, the gym is amazingly still there, my friend Dexter is healing nicely from his his twin surgeries on his knees and all is getting better for him. The motorcycle is shaping up nicely and loving the great weather and riding is amazing right now, new tires around the corner and looking forward to the days ahead, great weather, clear roads and high speeds. All things considered the life of Riley whatever the hell that means. Been doing quite allot of baking lately, 3 cakes last weekend and one more tonight for a going away for a Good co-worker of mine who i will actually miss, wish others would take his place and fly the fuck away but thats wishful unrealistic thinking on my part. Terria ready for school to start again and ready for year 26 or 27 lost count , i'm looking at making it through the next Govt sequester ,assholes are taking 11 days away from us and its whatever  but one less vacation won't kills us and there are so many that are so much worse off than we ever will be so i count the blessings and take what the man has given us and be thankful for all of it. So tomorrow is the end of another work week and look forward to another 3 day weekend and more rides and more gym more home cooked meals and more bullshit and laughs abounding! Life is grand ,The Boys are well the grandaughter  is amazing and we miss her after just seeing her 2-3 weeks ago. Oh well ,we are looking forward to a great weeknd with family and my best friend Scott on Sunday, good times and good night!

County General Hospital

It was a very surreal experience on Saturday, my trip to the general Hospital i  Ventura to take my Friend Dexter to the emergency room for his matching set of blown out patella both right and left leg, how this happened is anotehr story, but for now we will agree it happened at the gym where we work out! Upon arriving and doing check in and paperwork, we sit, and we wait,and wait and wait. Ok he finally gets the nod and goes on back and not to soon as a restless crowd of patients and derilects waited amongst us side by side.  To include the crack ladies and guys, the bra-less -toothless wonders waiting for their turn  and the guy we almost who disagreed with us about our football conversation, uninvited mind you but he had his opinions, apparently went to high school with John Elway and was full of useless almost facts. DExter gets called in ad Terria goes in with him as she knows all of the right questions to ask for our friend Dexter who may have taken a few many blows to the crainium during his 4 years in the NFL some nearly 30 years ago. He goes in and 5 hours later he comes out with a diagnosis of "FUCK" your knees are fucked up dude and need surgery Monday morning at a neighboring hospital in the County system. But while he was in there I got to view 2 near fights about music being played too loudly on one persons phone and a total lack of respect for people privacy , then you had the unruly kids running through a full waiting room as if it were a playground of some sort, funny but sad a shit to me. People who shouldn't have kids raising them as pets and not kids. The 60 year old homeboy playing his itunes from his phone at 10 level, rocking out to old school supremes and diana ross as if he were at home and the 40 people in the waiting room weren't there, the toothless lady formed a few choice words for him and all he said was"louder you want it,Louder" Off  she cried Off , well this went on for 30 minutes then security shows up and tell Pablo the Paisa to chill on the tunes or his sick ass would be kicked out of the E.R, he complied and the room ful of apparently sick people kept going back, yet I heard no coughs or groans , saw no limps just a bunch of people with spring in their step going back for some sort of reason that didnt appear E.R worthy to me ,even has a 7 year old girl come in for a tetenus shot for slicing or shucking oysters with a knife was apparently a good idea to her...ooops she missed  and her mom and over stuffed ,over done aunt were there to comfort her, all was well til she realized that she was there to get a shot and the waterworks began, she was still waiting when we left.

Dexter was released and we had to load his hulking body into our flex somehow while his legs were stabilized and stiff.Sliding him onto the back seat took 3 dudes and a  little ingenuity to accomplish but it was done, then we get him to his home where the 4 steps on the wheel chair were fun and jarring for poor dexter ,we made it to his room,offloaded him and gave him his piss jar and told him we will see you at 530a.m Monday for  a trip to Santa Paula general for an early morning surgery which I imagine should take 4-5 hours and Terria will wait while i go to work at 730 after a drop off of Dexter, thankfully his mother and brother will be there in the morning as well for support and thanking Terria for being such a great human bing to my friend, our friend and realizing that Dexter has few friends and many pains in his life, now he must confront this long road to recover for a 56 year old ex athlete who must confront his mortality and the long arduous road of rehab towards recovery, he may or may not be able to walk normally again and he won't know until they humpty dumpty his knee caps back together again, parts of which are floating in his thigh and not looking good. Sad to think that this man who once ran a 4.35 40 yard dash and bench pressed 450 lbs as a running back will now have trouble walking normally as a 56 year old man. See you in the morning Dexter, much love and many good thoughts go out to you my man, to the man who calls me Chief... Goodnight  

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well the weekend came and went seemed like a blur because it truly was. The weekend consisted of a rip to Riverside and a housewarming party for my Buddy Steve, kind of miss the dude since he moved away and always good to reconnect when we can. The Riverside drive sucked ass as it always does but nothing sucks that bad when I have good music and a sing along session all the way, maybe not too cool for the wife but shes used to my bellowing out to hits of the 80's 90's and new millenium,or so i think??? whatever the case went to the gig with the intensions of drinking water and soda but Nooooooo, Mexicans don't allow you not to drink in their presence and apparently its a felony here in the Nard to...shit! So I drank about 6 brews and felt really stupid, lazy and hazy and kinda fucked up  but was able to sober up on the drive home as the passenger. The usual suspect showed up the same 2 coworkers Amber and Sabrina and their kids and significant others, or some would say insignificants and that's probably closer to the truth but whose judging...I am...whatever!

So move to today and the morning was lazy and hazy and thankfully I was able to sleep until 8:30 and assumed that the day would be more productive physically anyway. So lounging around we decided to go to breakfast in Ojai, good ol Bonnie Lu's , the 35 minute drive was cool and we had a to wait a few minutes but well worth the wait for sure, we ate and headed back for more lounging, Watched a little motorcycle racing and then decided I'd better get my lazy ass to the gym and do a pool workout, done and done and had a motorcycle ride on the agenda which never happened...lack of interest or more laziness ,either way a real lapse in motivation on my part. I gues it prepares me for another non productive workday and Monday, Oh monday ,the crap shoot as to who shows up on time and who shows up period so I will prepare myself for no shows and plenty of GOVT. employee bullshit so I am ready!!!! Nearing midnight and I am writing, why ???? who knows I just am  and watching the Professional with T and loving this movie for the 100th time but still entertaining nonetheless. Well all is well in Saurusland and looking forward to a short workweek, Terria's surgery on her knee on Tuesday and then the recovery stage begins.Good Times and today nears its end and prepares me for another tomorrow!

Peacefully Angry!

There are days in my world where the sun shines perfectly, the wind blows quietly and the world is seemingly at peace, yet the silent wars rage between my ears and I try to negotiate and to conquer without battles or fights ,just reason! Today is like most everyday, my exterior shows the goodness of a loving person who loves all and cares for all , but deep inside there is a hurricane of thoughts and mind provocing inactiviities lingering in the backgrounds of tomorrow. I could run away or stay to play in the battlefield of today, the days are perfect for the perfect storm and yet i stay and clamly convince myself ,It will be alright. It will be alright, sounds like the cheesy songs from the 70's where dylan-esque prose is taking a holiday away from the world. today is another day in the rest of my being ,I can only pretend to mount my offensive from the bowels deep within. My mind is a dry twig waiting to  snap if stepped upon. i'm angry yet tranquil, I'm loving yet hate filled, I love my life, yet I despise my life for all the things I should have been. appreciation have a deferred meaning because todays gold could be tomorrow's manure for me. I create my own complexities because i can , i fix my own spokes because i intentionally break them, my mind my heart are in a constant state of regeneration because standing still just doesnt cut it anymore. So say Hello to the funny man, the happy man the man who had a plan and got distracted alond the way , the man who hates haters and yet hates who he can be, the man who loves to love so much yet loves being alone when he is alone. My minds canvas is a blank slate full of evil turns and deceitful crashes of reality. I anger myself for feeling this way , i catch myself because I always do and after i have heard my last goddamn pity partty story about some bullshit on the Lake and some fucked up decisions i have made in my days i forge, I am forging towards whatever it takes to make today better, a make tomorrow less ambiguous and add color to the grey skies over head. I make no promises other than the borrowed time i now live upon and live within is a loan i cannot pay back or a debt that i refuse to pay if I could. i've touched, felt, heard, held ,cried,empathized all while fantacizing about hitting a curveball 500 feet, hitting a chicane leading to the straightaway on my motorcycle at 185 and crossing the finish line period, no order or place , just in my own race and speed where nothing matters but the participation of good things, people and places. Yes it does pay to be the happiest man on the planet at 530am each and every morning and wake up means eyes open and ready, it also helps to be the most compassionate person on the planet even with a bowed back and an aching knee to remind me of my mileage meter running much to fast. I woud love to sleep through the night, hear no Dogs and cars drive by to snap my lids open, but it doesnt work that way, the realities are what they have become, are what i have placed myself into, and when the rains come down and cleanse my hands from the dirty fields i play on, there will be a clean man ready to play another day of life tomorrow and beyond!

Deceive To Believe, Pain Is Real

A new day comes and goes
the weather and the tides
hardened hearts and broken promises
each day looks like the rest

New players same games
deceitful dishonest and disheartening
everyday is a holiday
like the 5th of july

more pain less gain
bright hope and cloudy days
perpetual dreams unlit corridors
our realities heed no warnings

Feeling what you cannot see
knowing that you are oblivious
hurting and watching the bleeding
helpless to the worlds cruel joke

mending is living
bending is breaking
trying is lying
puppeteers rule the roost

I cry to try to smile
emotional voids and runaway thoughts
Captive dreams  in the Hole
tomorrow brings a visit to the yard

So you say it is so precious
it might be, but not today
Pain isn't joy, hate is not Love
So what is that you say so high above???????

Flying Back Home

Just getting back from the Island of Oahu after a 5 day quick trip to visit one of our Boys stationed out there in the U.S Army. Braz had major knee surgery and 2 screws and a 5" gash later he begins a long rehab before he will be up and at em again. WE support our boys and hope he can get back into a normal routine and healthy again. The trip to Hawaii was not really a blessing for, not a big fan of Hawaii or the hustle and bustle of it's occupants and their pushy ways, i defer to the beauty of my hometown and Southern California where the weather is great the people are weird and i know how to react to the local hijinx. The trip went reasonably quickly and thankfully so we were able to leave the state supporting the boy and not killing any rude people in the way of our travels. So we are back and work is work and enjoy the routines of routine for what they truly are...comfort zones and tranquility! Oh yeah the boy got married while we were theyre and will go after the matrimonial thing for his second attempt to get it right...not feeling it but whats a parent supposed to do right??? So North Shore , Diamondhead, Pearl Harbor  and Waikiki all checked off with not much circumstance or real impressions of grandeur, just a long assed flight home to normalcy and a feeling of mixed bagged emotions for the boy and his emotions and inner feelings. God Bless Our Boys and sending our love and high hope to them all. Home Sweet home, Good times!

Time Never Stands Still

Thinking about life and about what the world has become and where the future of the country will lead us? With each day brings a new victory and tragedy, reading the paper and watching the news brings only a snap shot of what is really going on in our world. Most recently Boston, next? who knows what terror will rain down upon some unsuspecting soul who tries to go about their business and walks into a timebomb off uncertainty. So sad yet so true to live this way and fear what is around the corner, human nature has become naturally mean spirited and self serving agendas of right wing christianity of forcing their dominion and judgemental ways upon the Gay, the Foreigner and anybody who doesn't feel excactly the way that they do about lifes issues. Living through this political mess of right versus left and nobody workig together to help solve the issues at hand. Stuck in a revolutionary mindset of fear of people taking away our guns and taking away our rights, we are doing that all by ourselves and not being responisble for the freedoms that we as Americans possess. Yet we trudge along in the hopes to make a difference one day at a time and loom beyond the narrow minded judgement afflicted fools who want a carbon copy of themselves everyhwere in order to be happy. I tire at societies lack of ownership of their lives, looking for free reign to blame and point eh fingers, society has deemed this as normal behavior and the slackers carry on the torch their lack of accountability and pride in their lives. You can be rich and be a poor excuse for a human being , and yet be poor and be rich with love and understanding of what life is all about.

Time does not stand still  and will carry on with or without us, each day passing takes away an opportunity to do something, to make a difference and to love and be loved, tired of all of the world negativity i have made my world very very small and meaningful. My love Terria and I have reached that point of understanding what is important in life, not the trips or the new cars and motorcycles, the at times frivilous way of living, no we understand what love and caring is all about, to love and to hear and listen,to care and to nurture, to be there when we don't always feel our best. Life is now about that small square we live in family, granddaughter and every day is a holiday whatever we are doing. We have been blessed with Aubrey, the baby is over her first birthday and on her way to her second  and in anew state with mommy and daddy and living the dream of a military family and fighting the fight for their everyday. Being told that our other boy will be making us grandparents make us smile and gives us another precious thing to love and adore and to teach and love unconditionally as we do Aubrey and each other. Yes time  changes and we learn something new everyday and enjoy whatever it has to bring, resilience and understanding that there are no unhittable curveballs in this life but stress and bad health. so we forge onward  in making everything better and leave our world open to the change it is bringing us. The winds of change blow heavily today and the world is not always a  good place to be yet in spite of this mess we walk around it all and find our peace within ourselves and share that goodness with each other and look around and feel bad for the rest who choose to be bitter, angry and at odds with the world for some unknown reason. We are in a great place and don't expect to ever change that, life is great and thank God for giving us all the strength to realize what is real and what is not, to change the things that we can and let those that we can't go away. The days are moving quickly and we must do the same to keep the pace, but I must stop and smell the roses in this world because the dirt comes upon you before you realize.   

A Sad Goodbye and Plans Ahead

Tonight we will enjoy our last night with our Boy and grandaughter Aubrey, tomorrow they will be on the road to duty station #1 amongst many we assume, this particular one will  send them to colorado springs and not too far for grandma and Grandpa to take a trip once every other month to visit baby Aubs and the kids! It's been an action packed month of Baby aubrey and taking pictures and making breakfasts and dinners for our baby, shopping for shoes and clothing for the precious little girl who has made our lives so meaningful and so fulfilling to say the least. So  a sense of sadness is sinking in and we will be trying to understand that our daily dose of baby Aubrey Sue will be coming to an abrupt end, now we can skype and tango in between visits to see them in Colorado.

As for Terria and I, the body ages on a daily basis, her knee again and my sciatica and lower back issues that will both require surgeries to alleviate the pains and discomfort that we both go through on a daily basis.  Age and constant use have taken their toll but a trip to my orthopedic this morning has made it more real for me to get this thing done, another visit tpo the operating surgeon will help me decide when  this procedure will be done, sooner than later and will have to wait at least until after we go visit Braz in Hawaii for his knee surgery the end of April, not my idea of fun doing Hawaii but supporting my boy with Terria for his bout with surgery, and yes i must e the only guy to bitch about a trip to Hawaii but not my thing, to me paradise is SoCal and motorcycle rides and track  days and living in the sun 340 days out of the year without the touristy hustle and bustle of the Asian invasion and the outward hurried pushiness that will ensue. I will tour Pearl Harbor and eat some fresh seafood, but a mere 5 days will be more than enough to support the boy and kiss him goodbye and head back to my idea of paradise with Terria in tow to get back to normalcy of work, school, gym,play hard and get healthier every single day.

Things are actually progressing as they should these days, the back and body issues are all fixable and will be done, the bike is running amazing right now, the new shocks and springs are halping me to get back to and beyond where I was a  few years ago and Brandon and I are planning a track day to let it rip and give it hell in a safer environment where if u crash you generally don't die, just slide awhile and a leather suit absorbs all of that drama instead f a guardrail or oncoming vehicle. Brandon is working on getting is bike track ready, mine is ready now and cannot wait to take it to the place wher eit was designed to safely go hard and fast. My new GoPro camera will capture the videos and allow me to watch and learn and get faster in between each session. so this I am really looking forward to and will try to get that done before the weather starts to warm up to unbearable temperatures. The tracks being in hot places like ?rosemond outside of Lancaster then there is buttonwillow near Bakersfield and the othe rone is Chuckwalla near Palm springs ,so doing it before the motnh of June might be best I would say!!!!! Other than that we will keep our heads on a swivel and our lives to the grinder and keep plugging away and live each day happier then the next

What's it All About?

I question so much, so many!
never have an answer or nary a clue
I get so excited when i get so close
yet the realities of living,throw me off course
My confusion, my dilussions  my ever changing conclusions
So i ask again, How ,what and Why ?

What's it all about?
Time cards, coffee break
Long drives for lunch
A ride to the gym for a swim
I love you and miss you
I need to make love to you?
can't wait to cook for you
As long as it's before 7 pm.

Is it about working, playing
loving, living, dying
trying to not die before our time
Don't want to miss a thing
coulda woulda shoulda will never be!

Is is the trivial bullshit, the complaints on deaf ears
The teaching to the deaf and dumb
societies dead  sea of youthful ignorance
never growing , never rising
above the stages of infantile retardation
mental midgetry, our future sucks!

So whats it all about again
The bank book,tax check,feed the dogs
shopping trips, online purchases and ebay at my touch
Work so hard to work so little
bringing home the bacon and actually cooking it well!
Pleasures and pains of reality ,i like pain
but i prefer more pleasure!
So you pleasure me, or I'll pleasure myself
with or without you, I like pleasure

Sleeping with the Television on
a diversion or aspersion
What do i try to run from,or run towards
tomorrows coming and i can't wait, yet i miss yeterdays lesson
So i teach and learn at the same time

My baby cries, my heart cries louder
my frustrations and pains i wear on my sleeve
My outward taunts of lessons learned
I bite my tongue while swallowing my words
my boys , my girls are confusing me so
I reach out to a fistful of air
i care too much and have no power
my powers within are useless to everybody but myself
my biggest fan is truly myself
My soapbox crumbled at my feet.

so what is truly all about
A Baseball game, a motorcycle ride?
love in my heart and in my home
a mortgage payment and an insurance agent
world class customer service
or the nasty receptionist who hates her life!

Sorting it all out I ponder the outcomes
of politics and people lives that don't seem to matter
Sequester this and fuck you too
The votes are in and nobody cares.
what's tomorrows value forecast
abysmal,dysmal,cloudy and 72 degrees.

Overthinking ,patience shrinking
wonder when it all comes to light
Happiness does not love company
so my chosen few We bundle tight.
The realization of my tied hands
make me angry yet I agree
To walk the walk ,talk the talk
And toe the line in the wake of happiness.

Congrats Son!

A special congratulatory salute to our newest soldier Ty who was decorated as an honor Grad in AIT  School at Fort Lee Va.

Humdrum Humpday

As I sit here at work tapping on the keys to nowhere, i await the final bell that sends me homeward. today for some reason has been less than stellar and for no apparent reason it just has been one of those humdrum days with no beginning or no end...just a day.  As i left for work today i grab my keys , my wallet , my phone, all adfter taking my morning meds and a big swig of el rio Tap waters' finest brew. I hea dout the door turn the truck key over and blow myself out of the water with my ipod  and stereo in the high on position, I scurry to turn it off, rub my eyes and then try to find the volume to try to salvage a few years of oratory pleasure still left in my life. Driving to work i check my wallet to ensure myself that i didn't leave my work access badge in my computer yet again..I check and its there, i drive on another mile or two and realize that my lunch was not one of the things I grabbed after the keys , the wallet and the phone. That 3 item sequence that throws me off ewverytime i vary from it in the least bit, yesterday it was the wallet,keys,phone  thus forgetting the Adam Carolla book I'm trying to finish so that i can read his next book. This goddamn sequence of habit that plagues me, on days when i take cookies in or a cake or whatever it is i concoct for the co workers i will always have to stop and do the damn s equence in my head,so anything more than the big 3 items usualy get left behind. So todays victim was my lunch and my appetite, the great pork slow raosted peel apart ,amazing roast that terria made for dinner last night that I was so much lookig forward to is now in the dark cold  waiting to be devoured for dinner! So thats how the day got started with a clusterfuckian attempt to try to get the days started right i did not nail the dismount i call getting ready for work, was ever 10 minutes late to boot but thats another irresponsibility I can tackle at another time.Well i'm here and thats all that matters but leaving my sick wife home with an aching gutteral region i feel bad and asked myself should I stay home and take  care of her? i opted for the clusterfuckian method and here i am.

So, here in the afternoon at work no more or no less going on since the morning session of nothingness but the time clock going slower each minute as it appears to me. I was jusy looking back on this past weekend ride and flat tire as i careened through the canyons at a very brisk pace...ok fast pace and feel an unfamiliar unsettling feeling on the bike, try to make the last turn and the bike doesnt want to lean over ,so i make it lean over get on the gas and the bike pogos at about 85 mph which tells me i have a tire loosing air and i need to stop this damn this now! I end up slowing it down bfore i really stomp on the binders to stop, walked it to the safest side of the road about 200 yards away and breath a sigh of relief. i stop, called the wife, no signal so i text the wife and she then dispenses our oldest boy to drive the 35 miles to where i am, load me up and bring us both home . Went to the motorcycle shop to et a new tire brought the old tire and rim in the shop, bought the tire and 10 minutes later i wa sheaded home to a new wheel tire combo and feeling good agai about the day, My boy installed it while i went back to work and that was that, treated him to lunch for his troubles and look forward to  changing my oil on the bike and then scrubbing in the new rear tire on a ride somewhere soon. Down to the last hour and feeling the clock somewhat speed up in the past hour or so, trying to get out of here , go to the gym, then head home to tend to my ailing wife and make her feel better quickly.

I'm not writing as much lately and have no rational for not doing so, i have aload of things to talk about , some rants andraves but not as vocal as i used to be, will tweet my 140 characters instead and give people the benefit of the Readers Digest Version of the gregasaurian rant and not overwhelm with my verbose opinionated nature,i honest don't care but maybe it takes too much energy to try to make a point anymore and nobody really cares about anything real or poingnant these days , they all live in a fast food world and a reality show fantasy to believe what they are told and the  Republicans continue to be racist hate mongers and blah blah blah! So i'm headed to the gym in a bit, going to do a great pool workout, say hey to my buds at the gym ansd head home to hang out with the coolest woman I know!!!!!! Good times

This is Joy

50 Today! Happy Birthday To me

Today is a very special day for me, not only because it's my birthday or even because it's my 50th birthday, but because I never in my wildest dreams thought I would reach this day in the grand scheme of things. Being a free spirit and do whatever I want kind of person i have always treaded on thin ice with my bad decisions, hobbies which put me in harms way and a life style of promiscuity which has thankfully has not bitten me in the Ass and allowed me to walk away from that unscathed. to be young and dumb and make bad decisions is one thing, but as a  50 year old still rising motorcycles fast knowing trouble could always be around the next corner, so maybe not fully grown up, or not afraid to die.?

I have truly been blessed with a great family, great wife and kids and a support system that people only dream of!  Yes life at 50 is no different for me than anytime in my life, always trying to live a good life wit things and stuff and all that other meaningless stuff that we at times give a shit about, well since growing up in my early 30's i have come to relaize that the only constants in my life are my family and my belief in God, everything else truly doesn't matter at the end of the mirrors reflection I see what i truly know is important!

As i said today marks a new day for me a rebirth in a sense to move forward froma place that I never thoyght I would get to, but now that I'm here I'm essentially playing with house moey and feel like i need to make an effort to make this life count and make a difference to those in my life that matter so much! As per usual I don't ever tend to make a fuss about myself or my birthdays just tend to assume the position of I'm better than that and let the day proceed as usual. Well today is here and no fanfare at work, thank you! no fanfare at homee as well, the congratulatory texts and emails have come in and very nice to be remembered in a low key sort of way and thats all I ever ask for, thankfully this year people have heard my wishes for tranquility , no party, no celebrations just a quiet dinner with my wife Terria and thats the way it will be.

I can hear my old therapist Michael asking me,"Greg, why don't you want a party for your birthday"? do you not feel worthy again of any sort of accolades directed at you? I still say no and for my own reasons don't ever treat this day any different, thats just me , most of my coworkers celebrate and take the day off and thats cool for them but not my style at all. I am who i am and different than most, that truly makes me feel special for the mere fact that I'm different and that I'm true to my own beliefs with as little fanfare and screaming as possible. so as it turns out, i'm happy to be where I am and truly blessed to live the life I have lived to date, I will celebrate today like i do every other day, with much appreciation and hope that the next day will be as peaceful as today. Thanks to all of my family, few friends and everybody who loves me and that i love back...Good Times and Blessed Days!!!!!