Monday Morning Clarity

A really uneventful weekend for sure, Friday had dinner with Shawn form North Carolina and plan on having breakfast with him today before he leaves tomorrow! Terria and i spent most of the weekend relaxing and at the Gym together, this is what we do and are gearing up for our Salt Lake city trip to watch the motorcycle races at the highest level of racing! I reflect back at times hoping to come up with reasons or even excuses for past mistakes, it doesn't come freely but it consumes me at times and then I catch myself and say"let it be" , let it go and move forward as we have in our lives. I remember thinking about how I didn't want to write on this site anymore and start writing in my own personal journal. Then i thought to myself, i hate writing , I hate physically writing anyway and told myself that this site is mine to use and journal how I feel so i continue to use this as my springboard to mental awareness about myself and those around me! When I feel good or bad about something is when I write the most, doing well seems to bring about a different type of writing than when i feel angry or ill at ease with something going on. for the most part I'm always positive and more so always realistic in my thoughts and convictions about people and the expectations that most people are good and that the rest are as fucked up as can be and need to be avoided at all costs. But being the eternal optimist can at times get me to raise the expectation levels and thus be disappointed when people don't step up or do what they say they are going to do, trying to be compassionate of others lives and toils I see the light at the end of the tunnel , and am always willing to meet people half way in that tunnel. I see allot of things and hear allot of things that people spew off as real to them, trying to convince themselves that the world is the way they see it and that can be the furthest from the truth. Expect the unexpected and hope for the best but expect the worst. I pride myself on never being too high or too low emotionally, for some reason people call it suppression, i call it surviving myself and thriving to live another day when today doesn't go as planned. Sometimes picking our battles and choosing our wars is self sustaining and mentally it allows me to be strong as i need to be and the end game and goal are always directed at happiness. Happiness is never found in another, nor is it ever found in possessions or things that we own or buy, it is nice to have "Stuff" and Do "Stuff" but are meaningless if there is no love in our lives and we reach out and nobody is there to give back what we unceremoniously give to those we say we love. Love is very Fickle and very vicious and it can create the best of times and the very worst in times if we allow ourselves to be blind sided with Love and the way we interpret it all. I have grown personally so much over the past few years, by allowing myself to believe that I'm not always right and that i can be allowed to be loved and give of myself and allow to be given back all that I give, Love is listening and hearing what is said, Love is also feeling the pains of others and sympathizing and empathizing with others  plight. Being where I'm at with Terria has allowed me to live a drama free ,love filled existance that has never wavered...ever, so much understanding through communication and listening to what we each have to share on a daily and nightly basis, It's never been what we have or where we go that matters, it's what we do together and how we appreciate each and every moment with each other that truly matters. The kid being grown doesn't stop us from being parents, we will always be there for our kids, but it allows us to focus more on the next 25 years and to plan for the things that we as older adults must plan for. I look back only to look ahead at times and feel the pains of the past and feel the disappointments but only for a brief moment. I pray for very little gains in my life, i do pray for peace and the ability to be a better person to all, i pray for the safety of our kids and our troops over seas , I God can take this all away today by sickness or loss of employment and I'd be a very blessed man to have the family that I have ,with or without the things I own. So very blessed with the AMAZING Wife Terria that I cherish and adore to no end and the life and lifestyle that we are blessed to have, but most of all the love Of God and the Love of family is the best gift we have ever received. I hold it , cherish it and won't ever want this to go away, so i do my part by gripping tighter and holding on to what I've got, which is an Ian Gomm song that i will post and has always been a favorite of mine. for the family and friends that I do have, i appreciate and admire you all, the fact that i am alive and well is the best gift that i can share with the world. Blessed is the person who loves our God and lives a "GOLDEN RULE" lifestyle, not the person who yells the loudest that they Do!!!!! Good  times Indeed!