Apprehensive Feelings!(written 5-17-11)

Feeling a little strange today after the visit with my mom last night. Knowing that she was in pain and watching her be so uncomfortable made me really uneasy, I stayed very little in her room and just paced the halls and tried to take my mind off of it all. Terria and April were very good and do better with this type of thing than I do by miles and miles. Feeling a bit sad that my relationship with my mother being strained as it is always has been and that I feel bad for not trying harder to be a better son and a more compassionate person in regards to her and our relationship. But seeing her in pain and knowing the helpless feeling of being in a Hospital and waiting for help for everything is a very bad position to be in. It really hit me when they brought my Mom's dinner tray in and I looked under the cover to see what they had brought her, the sights and smell of the Food made me ill and had me walking down the hall in a second. Not trying to look back at my hospital stay a few years back but it really brought it all back full circle, although this time i wish it was me instead of my mom in there today. Always feeling that i handle this type of thing better if it's me as opposed to somebody I love, but the realities of it all are what they are...it's not me in there it's my mom!!! So the long road ahead in rehab and re training herself to use the nee and get to a place where she can be good enough to have the other knee replaced is up and on deck. Terria and i will meet at the gym  and then head to Michaels for therapy and then off to the Hospital to visit my Mom again. The day is a beauty here in The Nard and feeling really refreshed after  a full nights rest, catching up from the previous night of very little if any sleep at all!I hope that my mom is well and the pains subside quickly, i and Terria are concerned and for my own selfish reasons cannot wait tilthe end of the month and our Trip to salt Lake city to watch our Superbike races and enjoy the beautiful city of SLC and all it's grandeur. Having an ok day so far and knowing that it will get better as the minutes tick away. Good times await us all, weed out the negative and pull from the pool of goodness that we call our own!