Taking Stock and inventory

Good day off yesterday, glad to get my boy from LAX and back home from Washington visiting his mother. As usual he ges there and gets apprehensive as to why he cares anymore about his dysfunctional mother and her new way of living. Funny how he tells me her husband almost acts like a macho mexican man who really doesn't do anything for himself, kinda pisses Brandon off that his step dad is so useless, being that he is so self sufficient himself and sees how i am splitting the load with Terria in regards to cooking and cleaning, this guy apparently can't do anything or chooses not to, it's whatever to me, that's on Brandon's mom and she chooses to live like that , can't stop to think about her looking back and thinking maybe I wasn't so bad after all, nonethelesss glad to be out of that marriage and onto a better way of living my life these days!!! I was ab;le to get in my workout and even a motorcycle ride after i picked Brandon up from the airport. The weather was flawless and looks even better today. We have out first Golf outing with Terria this Friday, weather permitting , and look forward to Terria getting out there for her first trip on the course.  I am really glad to see where my world has evolved these days, looking back I see so much pain and destruction but i also look forward and even back not too far and see the progress that has been made. Ther Greg that i was was always Good, but the greg that has emerged today is better with a new sense of awareness that therapy has allowed me to open up the vault and get allot of the baggage out on the table and start to sort through it all.  The hardest part of this process is reralizing that there are years of doing things counter productively that just don't go away at thew snap of a finger, it takes time and effort and the knowledge to know how to clean up the messes thgat have been made over the course of my 48 years here on Earth. I have so  much suport and love with no smoke or mirrors but true love and admiration for Terria that it really allows me to see what I have and what my triggers towards negativity have been at the forefront of my thought process. Being a very sexual and aggressive person I have found that the Porn that i thought was healthy and normal to watch is maybe the trigger to some of my mistakes over the past year, there is never lacking in this area but there is a sensation that somehow premeates inside when i do venture to the pronoigraphic side of town on my computer. There are many other things that seemingly are involved that we have yet to find the main trigger responses but they are close at hand and I do realize that the Porn is not the reason , but maybe a by-product of some other deeper seeded issues that counseling has yet to uncover. I'm open for solutions and feel that I am a good persona nd husbnad but also feel that the best wife in the world deserves the best husband in the world and I'm not there yet and will do whatever i need to get there as soon as I possibly can. Life is a journey not a destination i always say and the trips to nowhere are plentiful, the detours are always there to be found but getting back onto the main highway is always the key to finding the right places to be in the journey and the right solutions are always there for me with my loving support groupo of family, kids and a special Wife that gives so much. I only want to give back all that is gibven and then some and never wan tto become a stagnant leaf on the pond and wait for the currents of life to push me in another direction, make things happen , be positive and the waters of change will always be at our back becuase swimming upstream is a bullshit way to live and fooling myself into thinking that everything is great where it sits will not happen. I am so blessed