Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well the weekend came and went seemed like a blur because it truly was. The weekend consisted of a rip to Riverside and a housewarming party for my Buddy Steve, kind of miss the dude since he moved away and always good to reconnect when we can. The Riverside drive sucked ass as it always does but nothing sucks that bad when I have good music and a sing along session all the way, maybe not too cool for the wife but shes used to my bellowing out to hits of the 80's 90's and new millenium,or so i think??? whatever the case went to the gig with the intensions of drinking water and soda but Nooooooo, Mexicans don't allow you not to drink in their presence and apparently its a felony here in the Nard to...shit! So I drank about 6 brews and felt really stupid, lazy and hazy and kinda fucked up  but was able to sober up on the drive home as the passenger. The usual suspect showed up the same 2 coworkers Amber and Sabrina and their kids and significant others, or some would say insignificants and that's probably closer to the truth but whose judging...I am...whatever!

So move to today and the morning was lazy and hazy and thankfully I was able to sleep until 8:30 and assumed that the day would be more productive physically anyway. So lounging around we decided to go to breakfast in Ojai, good ol Bonnie Lu's , the 35 minute drive was cool and we had a to wait a few minutes but well worth the wait for sure, we ate and headed back for more lounging, Watched a little motorcycle racing and then decided I'd better get my lazy ass to the gym and do a pool workout, done and done and had a motorcycle ride on the agenda which never happened...lack of interest or more laziness ,either way a real lapse in motivation on my part. I gues it prepares me for another non productive workday and Monday, Oh monday ,the crap shoot as to who shows up on time and who shows up period so I will prepare myself for no shows and plenty of GOVT. employee bullshit so I am ready!!!! Nearing midnight and I am writing, why ???? who knows I just am  and watching the Professional with T and loving this movie for the 100th time but still entertaining nonetheless. Well all is well in Saurusland and looking forward to a short workweek, Terria's surgery on her knee on Tuesday and then the recovery stage begins.Good Times and today nears its end and prepares me for another tomorrow!

Peacefully Angry!

There are days in my world where the sun shines perfectly, the wind blows quietly and the world is seemingly at peace, yet the silent wars rage between my ears and I try to negotiate and to conquer without battles or fights ,just reason! Today is like most everyday, my exterior shows the goodness of a loving person who loves all and cares for all , but deep inside there is a hurricane of thoughts and mind provocing inactiviities lingering in the backgrounds of tomorrow. I could run away or stay to play in the battlefield of today, the days are perfect for the perfect storm and yet i stay and clamly convince myself ,It will be alright. It will be alright, sounds like the cheesy songs from the 70's where dylan-esque prose is taking a holiday away from the world. today is another day in the rest of my being ,I can only pretend to mount my offensive from the bowels deep within. My mind is a dry twig waiting to  snap if stepped upon. i'm angry yet tranquil, I'm loving yet hate filled, I love my life, yet I despise my life for all the things I should have been. appreciation have a deferred meaning because todays gold could be tomorrow's manure for me. I create my own complexities because i can , i fix my own spokes because i intentionally break them, my mind my heart are in a constant state of regeneration because standing still just doesnt cut it anymore. So say Hello to the funny man, the happy man the man who had a plan and got distracted alond the way , the man who hates haters and yet hates who he can be, the man who loves to love so much yet loves being alone when he is alone. My minds canvas is a blank slate full of evil turns and deceitful crashes of reality. I anger myself for feeling this way , i catch myself because I always do and after i have heard my last goddamn pity partty story about some bullshit on the Lake and some fucked up decisions i have made in my days i forge, I am forging towards whatever it takes to make today better, a make tomorrow less ambiguous and add color to the grey skies over head. I make no promises other than the borrowed time i now live upon and live within is a loan i cannot pay back or a debt that i refuse to pay if I could. i've touched, felt, heard, held ,cried,empathized all while fantacizing about hitting a curveball 500 feet, hitting a chicane leading to the straightaway on my motorcycle at 185 and crossing the finish line period, no order or place , just in my own race and speed where nothing matters but the participation of good things, people and places. Yes it does pay to be the happiest man on the planet at 530am each and every morning and wake up means eyes open and ready, it also helps to be the most compassionate person on the planet even with a bowed back and an aching knee to remind me of my mileage meter running much to fast. I woud love to sleep through the night, hear no Dogs and cars drive by to snap my lids open, but it doesnt work that way, the realities are what they have become, are what i have placed myself into, and when the rains come down and cleanse my hands from the dirty fields i play on, there will be a clean man ready to play another day of life tomorrow and beyond!

Deceive To Believe, Pain Is Real

A new day comes and goes
the weather and the tides
hardened hearts and broken promises
each day looks like the rest

New players same games
deceitful dishonest and disheartening
everyday is a holiday
like the 5th of july

more pain less gain
bright hope and cloudy days
perpetual dreams unlit corridors
our realities heed no warnings

Feeling what you cannot see
knowing that you are oblivious
hurting and watching the bleeding
helpless to the worlds cruel joke

mending is living
bending is breaking
trying is lying
puppeteers rule the roost

I cry to try to smile
emotional voids and runaway thoughts
Captive dreams  in the Hole
tomorrow brings a visit to the yard

So you say it is so precious
it might be, but not today
Pain isn't joy, hate is not Love
So what is that you say so high above???????

Flying Back Home

Just getting back from the Island of Oahu after a 5 day quick trip to visit one of our Boys stationed out there in the U.S Army. Braz had major knee surgery and 2 screws and a 5" gash later he begins a long rehab before he will be up and at em again. WE support our boys and hope he can get back into a normal routine and healthy again. The trip to Hawaii was not really a blessing for, not a big fan of Hawaii or the hustle and bustle of it's occupants and their pushy ways, i defer to the beauty of my hometown and Southern California where the weather is great the people are weird and i know how to react to the local hijinx. The trip went reasonably quickly and thankfully so we were able to leave the state supporting the boy and not killing any rude people in the way of our travels. So we are back and work is work and enjoy the routines of routine for what they truly are...comfort zones and tranquility! Oh yeah the boy got married while we were theyre and will go after the matrimonial thing for his second attempt to get it right...not feeling it but whats a parent supposed to do right??? So North Shore , Diamondhead, Pearl Harbor  and Waikiki all checked off with not much circumstance or real impressions of grandeur, just a long assed flight home to normalcy and a feeling of mixed bagged emotions for the boy and his emotions and inner feelings. God Bless Our Boys and sending our love and high hope to them all. Home Sweet home, Good times!

Time Never Stands Still

Thinking about life and about what the world has become and where the future of the country will lead us? With each day brings a new victory and tragedy, reading the paper and watching the news brings only a snap shot of what is really going on in our world. Most recently Boston, next? who knows what terror will rain down upon some unsuspecting soul who tries to go about their business and walks into a timebomb off uncertainty. So sad yet so true to live this way and fear what is around the corner, human nature has become naturally mean spirited and self serving agendas of right wing christianity of forcing their dominion and judgemental ways upon the Gay, the Foreigner and anybody who doesn't feel excactly the way that they do about lifes issues. Living through this political mess of right versus left and nobody workig together to help solve the issues at hand. Stuck in a revolutionary mindset of fear of people taking away our guns and taking away our rights, we are doing that all by ourselves and not being responisble for the freedoms that we as Americans possess. Yet we trudge along in the hopes to make a difference one day at a time and loom beyond the narrow minded judgement afflicted fools who want a carbon copy of themselves everyhwere in order to be happy. I tire at societies lack of ownership of their lives, looking for free reign to blame and point eh fingers, society has deemed this as normal behavior and the slackers carry on the torch their lack of accountability and pride in their lives. You can be rich and be a poor excuse for a human being , and yet be poor and be rich with love and understanding of what life is all about.

Time does not stand still  and will carry on with or without us, each day passing takes away an opportunity to do something, to make a difference and to love and be loved, tired of all of the world negativity i have made my world very very small and meaningful. My love Terria and I have reached that point of understanding what is important in life, not the trips or the new cars and motorcycles, the at times frivilous way of living, no we understand what love and caring is all about, to love and to hear and listen,to care and to nurture, to be there when we don't always feel our best. Life is now about that small square we live in family, granddaughter and every day is a holiday whatever we are doing. We have been blessed with Aubrey, the baby is over her first birthday and on her way to her second  and in anew state with mommy and daddy and living the dream of a military family and fighting the fight for their everyday. Being told that our other boy will be making us grandparents make us smile and gives us another precious thing to love and adore and to teach and love unconditionally as we do Aubrey and each other. Yes time  changes and we learn something new everyday and enjoy whatever it has to bring, resilience and understanding that there are no unhittable curveballs in this life but stress and bad health. so we forge onward  in making everything better and leave our world open to the change it is bringing us. The winds of change blow heavily today and the world is not always a  good place to be yet in spite of this mess we walk around it all and find our peace within ourselves and share that goodness with each other and look around and feel bad for the rest who choose to be bitter, angry and at odds with the world for some unknown reason. We are in a great place and don't expect to ever change that, life is great and thank God for giving us all the strength to realize what is real and what is not, to change the things that we can and let those that we can't go away. The days are moving quickly and we must do the same to keep the pace, but I must stop and smell the roses in this world because the dirt comes upon you before you realize.   

A Sad Goodbye and Plans Ahead

Tonight we will enjoy our last night with our Boy and grandaughter Aubrey, tomorrow they will be on the road to duty station #1 amongst many we assume, this particular one will  send them to colorado springs and not too far for grandma and Grandpa to take a trip once every other month to visit baby Aubs and the kids! It's been an action packed month of Baby aubrey and taking pictures and making breakfasts and dinners for our baby, shopping for shoes and clothing for the precious little girl who has made our lives so meaningful and so fulfilling to say the least. So  a sense of sadness is sinking in and we will be trying to understand that our daily dose of baby Aubrey Sue will be coming to an abrupt end, now we can skype and tango in between visits to see them in Colorado.

As for Terria and I, the body ages on a daily basis, her knee again and my sciatica and lower back issues that will both require surgeries to alleviate the pains and discomfort that we both go through on a daily basis.  Age and constant use have taken their toll but a trip to my orthopedic this morning has made it more real for me to get this thing done, another visit tpo the operating surgeon will help me decide when  this procedure will be done, sooner than later and will have to wait at least until after we go visit Braz in Hawaii for his knee surgery the end of April, not my idea of fun doing Hawaii but supporting my boy with Terria for his bout with surgery, and yes i must e the only guy to bitch about a trip to Hawaii but not my thing, to me paradise is SoCal and motorcycle rides and track  days and living in the sun 340 days out of the year without the touristy hustle and bustle of the Asian invasion and the outward hurried pushiness that will ensue. I will tour Pearl Harbor and eat some fresh seafood, but a mere 5 days will be more than enough to support the boy and kiss him goodbye and head back to my idea of paradise with Terria in tow to get back to normalcy of work, school, gym,play hard and get healthier every single day.

Things are actually progressing as they should these days, the back and body issues are all fixable and will be done, the bike is running amazing right now, the new shocks and springs are halping me to get back to and beyond where I was a  few years ago and Brandon and I are planning a track day to let it rip and give it hell in a safer environment where if u crash you generally don't die, just slide awhile and a leather suit absorbs all of that drama instead f a guardrail or oncoming vehicle. Brandon is working on getting is bike track ready, mine is ready now and cannot wait to take it to the place wher eit was designed to safely go hard and fast. My new GoPro camera will capture the videos and allow me to watch and learn and get faster in between each session. so this I am really looking forward to and will try to get that done before the weather starts to warm up to unbearable temperatures. The tracks being in hot places like ?rosemond outside of Lancaster then there is buttonwillow near Bakersfield and the othe rone is Chuckwalla near Palm springs ,so doing it before the motnh of June might be best I would say!!!!! Other than that we will keep our heads on a swivel and our lives to the grinder and keep plugging away and live each day happier then the next

What's it All About?

I question so much, so many!
never have an answer or nary a clue
I get so excited when i get so close
yet the realities of living,throw me off course
My confusion, my dilussions  my ever changing conclusions
So i ask again, How ,what and Why ?

What's it all about?
Time cards, coffee break
Long drives for lunch
A ride to the gym for a swim
I love you and miss you
I need to make love to you?
can't wait to cook for you
As long as it's before 7 pm.

Is it about working, playing
loving, living, dying
trying to not die before our time
Don't want to miss a thing
coulda woulda shoulda will never be!

Is is the trivial bullshit, the complaints on deaf ears
The teaching to the deaf and dumb
societies dead  sea of youthful ignorance
never growing , never rising
above the stages of infantile retardation
mental midgetry, our future sucks!

So whats it all about again
The bank book,tax check,feed the dogs
shopping trips, online purchases and ebay at my touch
Work so hard to work so little
bringing home the bacon and actually cooking it well!
Pleasures and pains of reality ,i like pain
but i prefer more pleasure!
So you pleasure me, or I'll pleasure myself
with or without you, I like pleasure

Sleeping with the Television on
a diversion or aspersion
What do i try to run from,or run towards
tomorrows coming and i can't wait, yet i miss yeterdays lesson
So i teach and learn at the same time

My baby cries, my heart cries louder
my frustrations and pains i wear on my sleeve
My outward taunts of lessons learned
I bite my tongue while swallowing my words
my boys , my girls are confusing me so
I reach out to a fistful of air
i care too much and have no power
my powers within are useless to everybody but myself
my biggest fan is truly myself
My soapbox crumbled at my feet.

so what is truly all about
A Baseball game, a motorcycle ride?
love in my heart and in my home
a mortgage payment and an insurance agent
world class customer service
or the nasty receptionist who hates her life!

Sorting it all out I ponder the outcomes
of politics and people lives that don't seem to matter
Sequester this and fuck you too
The votes are in and nobody cares.
what's tomorrows value forecast
abysmal,dysmal,cloudy and 72 degrees.

Overthinking ,patience shrinking
wonder when it all comes to light
Happiness does not love company
so my chosen few We bundle tight.
The realization of my tied hands
make me angry yet I agree
To walk the walk ,talk the talk
And toe the line in the wake of happiness.