Powerful Conversations

It was a very pleasurable Birthday celebration yesterday, Came into work with a good attitude and was greeted with numerous Birthday hugs and hoots and hollers from the crew, they made a really good tri Tip lunch for me with a cake and a really nice spread of good food and cheer. The day went realy well, ate a good lunch and then went to the driving range and hit golf balls for 45 minutes working on the swing as an ongoing process and is working itself better each day. Went home and on the way stopped at Ballys for a 45 minute good quick no nonsense workout  with a little cardio and  a leg workout felt really good. Headed homeward and could smell the turkey cooking and the yeast rolls rising and all was nearly ready by the 630 dinner bell, Tim and Ape came and brought my Mom and we had a quiet but enjoyable evening. by 830 everybody was gone, we did dishes and then proceeded to relax and i watched the MLB network and played on the Macair for awhile. Before i knew it 1130 pm stared me in the face and Terria was in our room reading. she put her Book down and asked me if i enjoyed my day , I did very much i responded and then we opened up a conversation that we started in the TV room a couple hour prior. We talked about relationships and couples and how strange it must appear to them  that Terria and i are so good together, this was triggered by a phone call Terria got from Friend of hers and is generally Negative Nancy, hates her husband  hates her life and really has nothing to talk about but seemingly negative things, she is a good person who is pretty good to us both but the negativity has at times gotten the best of Terria and she doesn't always answer the phone we she See's its her calling. Terria seems to feel that Raquel is a bit jealous at the fact that we do so much together and we share so much , the chores , the vacations and essentially seemed to be a little taken back at the fact that terria and i are working it out after June 2010! We also spoke of some other coupe swe kow to include Tim and April and i out it very clearly that how many woman i know who put up with Husbands who do nothing around the house  and expect so much of their wives. I told Terria that my view on being a husband is so different than the normal view of things, it is my job as a man to make the woman in my life's world a better place to be, taking on the responsibilities of some of the household chores , for example, i do most of the cooking and cleaning of floors and the kitchen,  do my own laundry and don't expect my wife to pull my next day's clothing and ready it for me, don't expect my breakfast made but terria does do my Coffee In the morning and has my Meds on the table for me . Terria has a different idea of what it means to be my wife as well, we put no expectations on each other as far as money, or bills or household duties, we share them all and Terria actually edges the yard while i mow the lawn in front, she just does and apparently she likes to do it so i let her. My purpose is to make her life enriched and easier and allow her the right to be a woman, see her friends and do what she wants to do as well as what she needs to do for herself. God knows she has enriched so many lives to include,we do so much together and we enjoy the gym and golfing and eating out, the drives which we call mystery rides as we never know where we're going but end up at a destination together which is the most important thing"it's who you're with , not where you're at that truly matters " I've always said. But the conversation then split into another tangent  and the accident and how we would sit in the living room and watch lifetime movies, i told her certain parts of the healing process were now coming back to me and how last January 4th on my birthday was my first trip back to the gym in the 2 months that i was healing, was so weak and could only muster a 15 minute walk and a 15 minute lifecycle session and i was done, the went to Montezuma for a family dinner with My family and was so weak and tired. the reflection made her very sad . i then reflected back to memorial day weekend when i came home to the empty house and all of my letters to her were on the bed and our wedding t shirt we had made up sitting ON the bed with all of the little trinkets we shared. How i was willing to walk away from it all and go into another life with another person, we both were very sad and very much reminded of the pains and hurt that 2009 and then early to mid 2010 were for us both. I then spoke of the amazing growth since then ans we agreed that Michael Morales is a Godsend to us both and how he has allowed us to heal and to grow properly each and every day , giving us the tools and the fortitude to recognize certain behaviors and self heal and self medicate accordingly with the knowledge we had been given! It was a very involved evening of thoughts and prayers , ideas and remembrances of better and worse time sin our lives, childhood occurrences and the thought that this all had to happen to put us in this wonderful place we are in today. Yes ,God does work in mysterious ways and allows us to right our own ships through him and with him as the captain of lifes' ship! We have been down many rocky roads together and we will endure more I'm sure, but the knowledge to know we are both strong loving, giving and totally complete human beings gives us the strength to conquer whatever life throws at us. As I always say , This life is our to enjoy, this life is very simple and all of it;'s goodness is ours to have and thrive upon, it is WE who can ruin and destroy this goodness and must work harder every day to make the stagnation that human nature wants to bring to the table, a very distant and non existent beast. God blessed us all, let's not waste these blessings and enjoy the goodness that he has bestowed upon our lives and all those who love us and we can love back

Thanks for the Birthday surprise Lunch

Being a person who does not like surpirses i was given a surprise birthday luncheon at work today. they made tri-tip and salads and all kind of good stuff. Bought me an inscribed cake and ice cream and was really cool of them to do so. I do have a good crew here at work and they all really show how much they care by doing nice stuff for everybody on their birthdays, usually we share the month with everybody who hads a birthday ona given month, apparently there are 3 January birthday yet i go one all to myself cuz i'm special, yeah special ed that is. anyway, it was a nice surprise and thought i was really going to get away today with no fanfare and fuss and muss, buti wasn't able to. all the crew pitched in and made the food , bought the meat and all sat around and enjoyed tyhe moment. til next years celebration of life , we shall meet here again next year . Thanks again to the crew and friends for making today a vcery nice one for my birthday, get to go home and celebrate some more with the family , even my mom was invited...lol

Jan 4,1963

48 years ago a little boy was brought into this world as an unknowing observer of life ! As the years progressed and more awareness was thrust upon me I can only think back to a childhood of anything and everything, some good, some really bad and a whole lotta of Love from a big sister and 2 other siblings that will never be forgotten. Growing up in a world of disarray and conflicts and would either become that, or rise above that which I was taught at the early age. The Day i was born was apparently a big deal i  the neighborhood, people came from up and down the street to check out the future Gregasaurus and to see what the big deal was, there was no big deal to me , i was busy pissing and shitting myself and would grow up and continue to do the same for so many years.  Yeah ,it's my birthday and I have never been that guy to parade around saying it's My birthday and would fly under the radar, but coming in the office this morning with the advent of technology and Facebook notifications etc. almost impossible to fly under any radars these days! I am a very fortunate person who can relate to the trials and tribulations of a mans psyche, and where it can go and lead him to. after being brought up in a home with parents who lacked sophistication enough to know how to truly parent and to truly show and give the Love that is needed i essentially raised myself, and taught myself the lessons of love and hate and respect and all of the things that a rubber slipper on the ass could never give me. so i raised myself emotionally and raised myself to do things for myself, all of which had come back to bite me in the ass as an adult. I do thank my sister April for being the stone of guidance during my younger years and for always being the person i could go to, even today she is a special person to me and all that have become is partly due to my big sister. My upbringing being whatever it was showed me allot of things, some of which i do not repeat as an adult, some which i can honestly say are engrained in me and mainly my ability to love and be loved has always been strayed a bit, my confidence in every area of my life with the exception of feeling worthy to be loved and taken care of. Being the guy who emotionally raised himself it;' shard to allow somebody, even my Terria who is so special to get too close to me without impinging upon my comfort zones of doing things for myself. So yeah , it is a blessed day  to know that the world that i know is as safe a place emotionally to be these days, to be where i am with where I've been is truly a great feat that only God knows how he got me here. The times when i was lost and he found me and put me back on the right track, even as a young boy guiding me without my knowledge, protecting me from myself as it turns out is the biggest nemesis and has always been. now with the thanks to Morales and his therapeutic genius I can look forward instead of back and see the sun rising upon the hills that await my travels.   Thanks to God, my family, My boys and My Terria for allowing a very complex soul to do his thing and allow this at times crazy dude do his thing! Blessed is the person who surrounds himself with people who know when to hug and kiss and when to kick in the ass by keeping it all real! And as an aside , i do thank my mother for trying her best to raise me in a loving environment and giving me all that she knew how to, albeit at times less than i needed and more trouble than what it was worth i can respect her for being an incredibly strong woman, even if we never truly got along very well! i do love you Mother, I'm just not the son that Richard is to you, and could never be that to you... enough about that! good days and Good times!

Reality Doesn't Bite

Just returned from the gym here at work and feeling really refreshed and glad to be back in that routine of it all.  Doesn't really seem like I've been away that long just picked up from where I left off, doing nothing and waiting for the few customers that i do have to walk through the door. Today is my last day before i turn 48 years old and don't really know where all of the years went and how i got to this point so quickly. Irregardless of how old i look I have always told myself i will never get old mentally, this is something that i have prided myself in ,in that i can fit in with any crowd, always have been, even as a child was able to meld right into the older crowd and as a middle aged person can deal with the young as well as the old and always seem to learn something new, or teach something to a younger person. either way aint no way i act like a 48 year old man , am pretty damn proud of that fact and the truth of being is the sense of humor  and to be able to make myself laugh first and foremost but apparently others think I'm pretty crazy funny too. always being the guy who said his piece regardless of who was around I have been a blessed soul to be able to communicate freely, some may like it , some may hate me or the way i deal with my shit but I gotta be me  and that's what i am "ME". along with the tweeks and twists of a newer , more improved Greg, the guy who might contemplate for a nano second before going off on that gregasaurian tangent and even Care about what i say or do and how it might affect somebody who is not adept or used to the way i deal with my shit or my life. always told i am the walking contradiction at times is for the most part my biggest part of my humor, what works today may not work tomorrow, but in life we are forever changing and seemingly evolve, or in some cases de-volve and regress into lesser than we once were. for this I keep my youthful exuberance about me and stay on top of music, reading , spirituality and other things that keep my mind young  and fresh. My body has taken a beating over the years, the knees from years of sports ,cycling and running have eroded down a bit and the hips are very tired from carrying the load that the knees are supposed to, ass the extra weight that the years have added on and here i am today a Gym Rat fool always trying to get fit and stay fit and keep the heart and soul healthy and well worked on. So the days of restful slumber have never been a friend of mine and i a not the guy who guys to Hawaii to sit in a chaise lounge and drinking the Mai tai, i'm the guy on the parasail, or the golf Course or cruising the places of historical importance , i love my history and i love the factual aspects of life. Explains my "Realist" point of view ON everything, the fact that the Reality TV scene has taken over the world is very depressing to me, the "real World " is nothing like it is portrayed . but there are folks who live in the i wish era of their lives and people like me who live in the "This Is the way it is" and deal with it , change it , make it better or deal with the hand you deal yourself. Somewhat calloused at times but dammit I'm not a dreamer and If i want it ,i go get it and don't wait for it to fall out of the sky. But being the realist has truly made me take stock in what i am,who i am, what i have  and what i almost gave away. We are in a blessed arena here and why would i ever want to dream away , live in it, enjoy it, for IT is the best that God could ever give a person, My life is a treasured thing and knowing that it could be gone tomorrow is a grounding source of reality for me. Too  many times we seek out for outside influences , yet at these times we never seem to look within and see what we have, is what we want ever as good as what we have.... NO. so 48 Years of life have taught me so much, i love to live , i love to love and i love my expressionary beauty that i can share with the world. Read it but please don't weep.

Back to Work in 2011 !

It's 8 am and I'm finally  back to work and truly enjoying being back at my desk being back in a normal routine of it all has it's advantages as does having the freedom to do nothing or as much as i wanted to over the past 17 plus days! A very good vacation and this years time away took on a whole new meaning, to look back and reflect on a very busy 2010 and the growth and gains that the Duran household has endured and conquered all in one swoop! I am really in a good place emotionally right now, having gone through the personal issues earlier in the year and having done so much to so many , going beyond the accident and through the affair i can see the progress that this life was intended to procure. Throught he goodness of therapy and finally unveiling the unfounded stubbornness to agree upon therapy i can see where the growth has come from and where it has taken me to. The ability to step away ands allow the loved ones in my life to give of themselves and be receptive to it all, to be able to give back better than ever before is the direct result of identifying all the old tools that weren't working properly, to allow myself either through therapy or through self preservation a few things needed to happen to Make a new Greg prosperous in changing the things that were wrong and improving on all that was already right and in the right frame of existence. Today is the beginning of a new way here at work, some minor changes in office policy ,all for the good and the crew is in a great place we were rated highly in customer service and relations this past year amongst the region, we were rated at 94% which is unheard of in our surveys sent out middle last year, most people who fill those out and return them are complainers and only fill that stuff out when they want to complain and gripe, not this year we were given an Emerald award for excellency and will receive some sort of personal awards be it a cash Reward from the GOVT. or at least certifications for the accomplishments. So the boss is in a great mood and we are all ready and willing to put forth the extra effort knowing that we are being recognized only makes it that much easier to get motivated to give our best for the people that give the exsistance of our jobs their true meaning.   So another work years starts , have another 4 weeks of vacation time to burn by years end and we were talking about going to Orlando with Tim ands April over the summer, make it a Golf and Disney for the girls vacation but Tim didn't seem to hip on that , he's weird about shit that isn't his idea so we might go without him and Ape and Golf just Terria and i, assuming that she still enjoys golf at that point and has the fire to Play 18 with her husband! If we do that i will take Terria to Daytona beach and to Jacksonville since I have spent a lot of time there with our Navy housing training institute being in Florida. Looks like another great year and as i previously stated ,2010 was a great year , it had it's rough moments but moreso  it was a catapult to a better place and time for the Duran household. Putting alot of things behind me and being able to look beyond and see the future is truly a bright one, spiritually , emotionally, physically and in every which way a better place to be and prosper in all of our life's goodness. God Bless and good day 

Last Free Day

Back to work tomorrow and really excited about getting back into the normal routine and seeing my friends at work! Today is the last day of doing whatever i want and I will enjoy the day regardless. The Rains are trying to damping my spirits but that won't depress me too much, no golf today and oh well I say, would rather be out golfing but as the rains come so goes the chances to be outside today. Come what may I'm sure the gym will see me sometime today and might get some energy from that. As I sit here in my TV Room chair and type away my thoughts ,feelings and desires for the day, i can only stop and reflect how much the life of Greg has changed over the past year , all for the good, and sometimes i do reflect upon the life I nearly left behind and the ways of the world were destined to change. But looking back only helps me to look forward with a more positive attitude and knowing full well that I can conquer anything that stands in front of me, to include myself and my wayward ways and thoughts of hard-headed ness. So being my own worst enemy and best ally is a very dynamic sense of life for me, a reality that i live with every single day. I don't see these  things as a challenge just a mere blessing that I can be so strong and so very resilient  and have the where with all to stand up to whatever life has to throw at me. So bring it ! My faith in God and family are larger than whatever can be thrown in front of me at this point in my life. i love my life and where i have fought to rise atop and be looking down upon all that i was , all that i thought I was and now knowing that this life I have , be it today or tomorrow or whenever I leave this earth will be ready to conquer the day and share the goodness with whomever wants to be apart of it all. Again, many thanks to God and to Terria for being the most integral part of my life and my development as a better person and overall human being! It may be raining outside but the sun will always shine upon my life! Good Day!

Mellow NewYears Day

New years day and a very good day for Terria and I . A very quiet new years eve last night and was very cool indeed. Today we went to the gym after sleeping in til 930 and then getting the gym done and finished early and then decided to head out to the Base and hit Golf Balls with Terria. Tried some new things with my tempo and really seemed to work well today ,and for that I was happy. Then met Tim and Ape at Roxburys in the Nard and had my usual Buckwheat Pancakes and they were good. At Tim and Apes now and trying to watch the Football game but dinner is calling our name and trying to decide what we will eat could be a long process with these two As I stated last night am really happy to be in a new year with a new calendar but knowing full well each day connects to the next and we are accountable for living our lives to their fullest. Thanks to so many for making this past year so fulfilling on so many levels and knowing that the new year will be even greater is a nice feeling and am so thankful for the opportunities to succeed and be a better everything in The New Year and get better and and stronger each day that passes by. So much love in our lives and so many blessings that stare me down everyday as I wake in the morning. So a great day and a forecast of many more ahead. Going back to work on Monday and truly looking forward to it. More when I can get on my apple not easy typing on this little keyboard on this stinking iPhone.