Something Meaningful

Not trying too hard to impress

Go about my daily routine

Go to work , pay my bills on time

It's what I expect from myself

Credit scores and freedom to buy

Freedoms to sell, keep or throw away

Memories of struggles to save

Struggles to keep a rainy day fund

It was always raining in Southern California

Looking around and seeing despair

If it doesn't affect me , why should I care

Empathy and a giving heart

The fabric of caring has fallen apart

The corner store homeless man asking for a dollar

The girl at the stop light with her hand made sign

To think most of us are a missed payday away

From making that sign and standing on that very corner

How did we get here ?

How can we rise above ?

Should we feel bad for doing so well

Are we deserving of the things we deem as worthy

A place to live and shelter in place

I'm afraid to see what's outside of my gates

Multiple families sharing a garage

Living the dream of daily survival

They park their cars along the street

The mailman comes and can't get to my mailbox

This crowded life of traffic and chaotic minds

Some know no other way than to join that fight

I can run away to my happy peaceful spots

It's a blessing that I wish upon everybody else

Believe and belief and spiritually aware

I truly beleive that I must care

If I stand for nothing 

Than I am nothing

I want to be something to somebody 

I want to care about somebody other than those close to me

Stand for something meaningful

Be something meaningful

The world revolves and spins too many off the globe

I bleed when greed becomes the norm

I'm bleeding to death and I can't stop it's flow

Humanity Has Failed Me Now

Trial and error 

So many trials and too many errors

Falling down and getting back up

Only to to fall prey to the viscious cycle again

I can count in my palm the number of times

I had some hope and given it up

Humanity is not what it used to be 

Faith in things that should be commonplace

I kick the curb and somebody's ass 

I fear my rage will unleash itself

For no other reason than a loss of faith

In self control and mankind's stupidity

Push me away from the ledge today

So I can push somebody else to break my fall

Like sitting at a Red light in a hurry

Waiting impatiently for the damn light to change

The light turns green and before I can leave

Some drunk asshole hits me from behind

No happy ending no stop at all

The mother fucker runs and leaves me in the dust

Good thing for him I was going to beat his ass

I would have broken out my 8th grade spanish to accomplish the task

Luck was on his side and he didn't bleed a drop

A new day dawns and it's hot as hell

New hopes and expectations for a world gone to shit

I garner the strength to have hopes again

So I kid myself that there is hope in this world

Foolish thoughts and wayward ideas

I can't think for others or even myself

But there is a commonailty that holds me close

Stupidity and insincerity

Are are the worlds only unlimited natural resource

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   s

Powers of Empathy

 I feel the confusion of others

Sensing the feelings of despair and anger

Lonely days and lonely nights

Can anybody feel my fears and pains?

Nobody there to hold your hands

Empty spaces but crowded gadgetry

Filling the days with tired healings

The great unknown makes us sweat

So we hit the button to take away the pains

A heavy load dropped on your shoulders

Not a bag of rocks but large boulders

Sterile world and washing hands

Stay away from family and friends

People say it will be alright

How do they know, it's not their plight

Solitute and nasty moods

Fearful prayers that we hold onto tightly

Recuperate and regenerate

Mind are working overtime

Give me back my place in this world

For there aren't second chances around every turn

Family love and supportive tidings

Tomorrows are never guaranteed , but a second chance is better than none

Running through the darkness of night

Wonder where did I make this wrong turn

Faith in God and questions asked

We don't have the answers but the questions pile up

Recovery and discovery is all we have

Put forth efforts and make yourself heard

The golden rule is how we live

I would do the same as was done for me

Glasses are full as are the promises

Faith in things that truly matter

Family and friends will never leave your side

That which we can't change, we won't ever decide

Sing the song that makes you smile

Let go of all the things that make you cringe 

Believe in something that you never thought would occur

The people who step up will surprise you so

As we descend upon life and living the proper way

We empathize and sympathize towards our Golden Rule!

If I could take the hammer's blow

My head would be the nail and I would allow it now

So I keep on giving to all in front of me

Never asking questions just getting things done

It's not black or white , left or right!

It's giving to the masses who are unable to fight

So we fight on and never forget

The poem about footsteps on that beach

Being held so high away from danger

To live another day and show love to a stranger

Love never takes days off or retires to take a vacation

The gifts of giving is the sweetest sensation

I pray, I play and never take anything as a given

Through all of my flaws I know that my sins are forgiven

We are never alone when there's nobody there

Our minds and souls play tricks on us

Good news and bad news have their place

We are given the strengths we didn't even know we had

Recollection

I can't remember who taught me to ride a bike

Can't recall my first attempt at playing catch

My dad wasn't athletic or learned in Sports

Yet I somehow mastered playing Baseball and riding bikes

I don't recall who taught me to read, a teacher I suppose?

Writing seemed to be a natural act, but I still write like a seismometer

No recollection of numerical prowess

I lost the plot when they added letters at the end of the number

Don't remember much about high school 

Even less about Community college

Never remembered dating  girls, or even asking them to go to movies

Have no clue and protocols and rules and regulations

Was too busy creating my own

Never had many friends I called my own

But I had allot of people who thought I was their best

I never liked going to party's

Don't recall drinking until after I was 21 

I do recall waiting til I was 21 and a half before I enjoyed forbidden fruit

I do recall being frightened beyond belief

Porn was a horrible teaching aid

What I tried to never forget was my first homerun, my first No hitter

Recall my first ride on my brand new motorcycle that I didn't know how to ride

I do remember how awkward I felt popping the clutch and stalling my 505 lb. new bike

The fear of crashing an getting killed

I recall mastering the art of riding fast and hard

Enjoyed my first ride around the Lake Casitas

So damn beautiful with so many places to die

I remember my near fatal Motorcycle accident

Along with the 12 day stay at CMH

I was sitting in the bed internally bleeding to death

Could only think to pray to take my family's pain away

I do recall growing up with tons of love and taught right from wrong

Also reminded of dysfunction and alcohol in the house

I won't ever forget the days my dad and mother died

I grew up a little and died a little at the same time

Life has given me so many good recollections

And allowed to be thankful for some of the things that I have forgotten

Norms

The homeless man outside the door asks for money

His clothes dirty, tattered and odiferous

Not once realizing that his ass was showing 

Not to mention his frontal erection

We aren't even in the restaraunt yet

The smell of urine and Feces rise above the smells of bacon

Home base for Santa monicas least fortunate

The public restroom to the not so famous

Finally enter the restaraunt doors

There's a wait, so we leave our name

Back out to the circus as the waiting area inside is full

The same homeless man asking for money again!

The show is about to begin, we arrive at our table

Sit and watch the freak show begin

World politics at table 7 behind us

Divorce court ensues at the counter

The debate of which girlfriend is hotter

As the drag queens are seated at their table

We put our orders in ,Steak and eggs with soup and salad

Food so plentiful and yet so cheap

A mini concert breaks out as the man begins to sing

It's a Beattles song"she loves you yeah yeah yeah"

I never did like the Beattles but somehow respected this fools rendition

Balls the size of watermelons

Midway through the meal , the drunk gal vomits on the flooor

Her friend at her side holding her hair away from her spray

For some reason I don't lose my appetite

The laughter is too much of a good thing

A new table behind is seated, older fellows looking like Mob men

They are drunk, funny and loud, much how I am sober at 1 am.

The gal takes their order and I listen

She asks the dapper dan what kind of toast he wants with his meal he says" French"

By now I'm howling out loud and merely say "Fuck, thats funny"

She then asks him would you like the soup and salad?

Dapper Dan replies, yes ,I will have the super Salad

By now we have all lost our shit and can't stop laughing

The meal ends, we pay the bill and ready to leave 

We say our goodbyes to the wonderful waitress

Walking out the door, parking lot in the rear and approaching our car

Two Homeless guys pissing on the side of the building

We walk slowly, let them finish

The show is now over...Fade to Black!

EXPECTATIONS

So much is expected of me

I expect so much from myself

Yet I don't expect much in return

Maybe honesty or a sense of humor

Too many self-agrandizing moments 

Far too many expectations from outside my doors

Being in one place at a time

Where my mind travels beyond its' borders

Picking up a book to read

The cover tells me something I don't want to believe

I write until my fingers bleed

Looking back I failed and tried to deceive

The pile of judgement on my shoulders

Yesterdays unkindness has made me bolder

Reaching out my arms grow shorter

Expectations of mine have become my disorder

Time and time again we try to detect

Knowing truths and what we expect

Who we are and what we are about

The world casts its' shadows and it devastating doubt

Fumble through the hurtful nights

Failed expectations that cut like a knife

Cheat and deceive ourselves into believing 

Faith in humanity , another lost art

I've waitied 

Become so jaded

My expectation of most relevent things

No expectations no disappointments 

 

Picking Through The Garbage

Rummaging through the garage tonight

I came upon a sunken and hidden treasure 

Maybe it was a waste land of old memories

A junkyard of almost forgotten grief

As I pulled down the boxes of old VCR tapes and useless receipts

A big dust cloud of paper, tables and loose sheets of fuller paper came crashing down

Not really surprised, I knew what they were

I knew that I would need to go through them

The thought of reading old letters and poems from a dark era

Somehow gives me solace and yet some fear

Trigger mechanisms waiting around each page

Tattered and worn paper, faded ink and the knowledge of my history written in ink

Blood , tears and shattered promises

Dreams of happily ever after diminished by trusting the untrustworthy

Fool me once shame on me, fool me 27 times, shoot me! I'm the Idiot

I've shed some tears and some angry thoughts

The pains inflicted upon and by my existance

I read aloud that random day, March, 1,1987

The lights were out, so very dark

I stayed there and played there and lost at every turn

How could I have been that guy who had given so much

Too much to the wrong person and never asked for much in return 

Maybe an honest answer,

An authentic soul that gives to those you say you love

Asking too much from people who are incapable of being

Anything worthwhile but a nuisance to the world

I'm as angry now as I was disappointed then

Bad love, life and coping skills

Fueled by deceit and shameful decisions

Where honesty was not a word that ever came to fruition

One mere letter and poetic verse

900 more to read can it ever get worse?

Realizing that it was then and I'm different now

That trigger has been pulled and I'm fired up again

Perspective needed to move on forward

All the eggs in one basket cracked where they rest

I can't stay there anymore I've already left

Remember To Forget

Time doesn't necessarily heal the wounds

It exacerbates them and wears down the treads

Like the tires on our cars they have a life span

Daily wear and abrasive roads

Body aches and mindful lapses

The spring in the step is deflated and lacks its' former resiliency

Holding my book at arms length to read

Did I read this page already , or should I read it again

I forgot the name of that place we go

I forgot to remember if I took my medicine

When is my appointment and what time

Surely I wrote it down, where is my phone?

Once so athletic and gifted with talent

I throw the ball to my puppy

My arms is so sore

Time is neither my enemy or Friend,it  ris my reality!

Saturday mornings early and bright

I pick up the paper and feel and hear my knees pop

Aging is my life's new normal

I stay active to thwart the inevitable

I can hear it all and see it so clear

My senses are sharp, my mind is clever 

The aches and pains that come from simple tasks

The cost of banging the drums so hard for so many years

The salad years or so they say

I've tossed them about like spilled Romaine

Appreciative for the gifts I've been bestowed

A life with love in it and people to share it 

So forgive me if I remember to forget

This world, this life , has yet to plateau

Ascending towards a higher goal

Enjoying today, tomorrows will come