Catching Up With Myself!

Have been asked allot lately as to why I haven't been writing very much lately? I can only think that I truly have nothing to share ,or to say but am enjoying the epiphanies that have come my way that are not up for sharing publicly at this time. Never truly being a private person and always at the ready to share my thoughts, some thoughts are better left unsaid and shared in private. We do have alot of things on the docket for the next few months, a trip to Salt Lake City and the city of Tooele for the World superbike and AMA superbike weekend over Memorial day weekend. A beautiful 800 mile drive to SLC with my love and companion Terria sharing the common passion of Professional motorcycle racing at the highest level is always amazing to us. After that we are tentatively planning a Baseball week in Chicago, Cincinnati, Milwaukee and St Louis on a Baseball tour company for a reasonable price, since we didn't make spring training this year we might replace our Orlando Disney /golf trip with the Baseball tour thing, yet to be finalized but good times either way. Been reading more than normal these days and Reading "Republican Gommorah" by Max Blumenthal right now, really interesting book on the Party that is imploding upon itself these days with the outlandish characters and personalities all under the guise of Religious fanaticism...very spooky shit! Awaiting the new book "Idiot America" which will be a great read as well and essentially will touch on allot of hings that I already have been saying about this once great country and how far we have fallen overall. Well that was a quick snapshot of what i am doing , how i am feeling and where I am in life with my Terria these days, things are always getting better and always a work in progress,. Once I stop working at it all, I am going backwards and that trip will never be made again trust me !! Still working the bugs out with Morales and seeing the progress that i have made in regards to my inner sanctum of Life. Things are great and will get better , the day is young and this life is just getting started so I feel good about it all and continue to allow myself to know I don't know everything and that I am fallible and make mistakes ,all which are correctable! Good Day indeed!

The Style Council - You're The Best Thing (Live Tokyo 1984)

This song rings true on so many levels for me and Terria and I just the enjoy the ride and the growth and know it an ongoing process of love and understanding!

The Picture!

Something always seems to trigger certain emotions in my mind, a song, a thoughtful gesture or a movie, in this case a picture of my wife Terria triggers a deep and sorrowful thought into my soul that makes me cry each and every time i see this picture.  Move back to May 2010 and i was in a different place with a totally different mindset and generally not my true self. I went to breakfast with my wife and knew i was doing the wrong thing to the wrong person and all for my word was too damn whatever it is, to call it out and make the necessary changes to get back where i belong in  my marriage with Terria.  I sat there with my wife and sister at the Galloping hen eating and talking and thinking ofmy life without my Terria! I take out my phone and take a picture of her sitting next to me and seeing the pains and anguish in her heart to know that we would soon be finished and done with. As i write I am looking at this picture and feel so bad everytime i see it, the look of loss and pain is so evident to me because I know what i was doing to her and it felt so bad in my heart to knowingly hurt the woman i a so in love with and always have been! I cannot describe the feelings of what i was doing or the why i was doing it, it just was not me and not what I am all about. I do not hurt the ones i love and I was doing it and feeling the pain and anguish right along with my wife. with much time and conversations and the therapeutic genius of Michael i feel a sense of newness in not only my marriage but in my life, the spirituality of doing things wrong and then correcting them all is amazing to me. I walked many tightropes in my life and have fallen prey to bad decisions and poor judgements far too long now, the inner side of me is working overtime to figure out why i do what i do and how i can focus on changing a lifetime of bad habits and poor judgement for the rest of my days. Everytime i look back on this time last year i really hate myself for the pains inflicted on so many, yet I was imploding upon myself and would eventually succumb to the bomb inside me and do so much damage if left unchecked. My life is an ongoing University of knowledge and learning about me and my dealings with myself is an everyday class project. i can only thank God and my Terria for standing by my side and never leaving me alone to destroy myself with my actions and bad decisions and poor judgements. today ,i still make mistakes but never to the magnitude of last year, just the hiccups and Greg at times getting too comfortable with his life and forgetting where I have been and the trail of disappointments left behind. so today is a good day, Thinking about tonight and the dinner plans we have yet to finalize, someplace healthy and tasty which can't always go hand in hand but we shall try. Terria says for me to delete the picture but i can't, it represents a  growth periods for me and a grounding vehicle of how i felt everyday i was betraying my wife. so i will never get ride of that picture and hold her and that picture near in my hands and heart forever. Love you honey

Blessed!

ThE Rains may fall
Along with the hopes
this world in turmoil
and so much despair

I feel a bit shameful
that my skies are sunny
still see the light of day
And still being funny

The days and nights are all into one
the pains around me may never be undone
Yet i grasp and seize the days I've won
Tomorrow still cloudy but here comes the sun

Feeling good in bad times
given the world and never in need
Watching the waves of life sweep people away
A shaking and rattling of the souls dismay

I ask my God how can this be
I look around to the misery
I sit atop this perch in my lifes tree
So blessed in all of this glory

When i stumble I see the cracks
When i break it, it never collapses
The support system that never fails me
The faith ,hope and Love that never betrays

Tony Ortiz "The Happiness song!"

THe lead singer from the Monroes, Tony Ortiz, Hope you enjoy this Terria. I had him perform this especially for you, since we're tight and all!!! Enjoy

Humanity! And my tolerance levels!

A very busy week has nearly ended with so much going on, last night put a bitter taste in my mouth and make me visibly angry at the world today. On top of the Crap going on in Japan and the mismanaged nuclear situation which in turn endangers us all somewhere ,somehow down the line. The Fact that Friend Joey and his friend were stabbed last night in Santa Paula for essentially wearing Oakland A's hats , since they coach little league and the A's are the team they coach the homeboys weren't buying the story. so they  stabbed Joey and put him in the hospital, a midnight emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and all is on the mend. Getting home from the hospital with Terria at 3 am this morning and knowing his mom and dad were scared and angry, as were we but shows how cruel the world can be at time. On the flip side of that i baked cakes and Muffins for fundraising again and made nearly 100 dollars today, Angie gave me $50 and the other stuff garnered 40 plus , so i will send another 150 to Jennifer and Shawn today and know that we are closer to giving Liam a chance at a better life. so there is good and bad in our lives and never ceases to amaze me how the differences in our worlds can be so close ,yet so far away from each other. where is the love and where is the compassion that people no longer feel towards one another. This weekend can bring us so many things, we can either go to Terrias second golf Lesson or we can hit balls , ride motorcycles and do whatever the weather allows us to do, supposed to rain down for a few days so we shall see where that takes us and the plans. Hitting golf balls after work and may take a trip to the hospital with Terria to see Joey but am lifeless about doing the gym at this point, feeling a real lack of energy for the gym and the Bally's experience is getting to me as their clientele is really gone ghetto and i might just hit somebody here soon so might be looking for a gym that My Terria and i can attend without being made to feel so much of a foreigner ! Amazing but true the type of people that Bally's is now attracting, nobody hablas ingles i swear and that shit bothers me, along with the lack of gym etiquette and wiping down the sweaty machine that you just used...cmon people common decency is not that hard to understand unless your a Ghetto Rat Piece of Shit! All things considered i really need to quit my bitching and stop and realize the wonderful goodness that we all possess on a daily basis. with my new found epiphany on life and the re-emergance of my dedication to being a better person, husband and friend to my wife and boys i can really see where the above complaints and rants can be taken as negativity, and they are a negative slant on all that i feel should be better and easier to do from the humanistic point of view. But this ME society and their own agendas is the death of rational thought and lifestyles in making our own lives better, but the lives of those we touch even better by caring and giving of ourselves without thinking how we need to benefit from these actions. I am a true believer that God has given me the gifts so that i may give back either in theory or by my own hands. So strange Terria and i speaking of this at 3 am in the morning driving home from the hospital and knowing we are a blessed family with very unique and special abilities to touch those around us. Terria is an amazing human being who gives so much of her heart to her friends and her students, so strong and able to rebound from whatever life throws at her, to include a really confused and dazed husband who constantly has her scratching her head!!! So much love and admiration and feeling a much needed weekend is upon us now. I will get the energy to hit balls and then head home a take a nap with my wife... good day1

Epiphany!

Been a few days since writing and really don't know why, a touch of indifference or just nothing really to say!  I again put myself in the drivers seat with no steering wheel at times and lose direction and focus on all that is important to me. but at the right time i regain the wheel and steer myself clear of impending dangers.  I turn to my resolve and try to get in touch with the internal parts that at times miss a few gears and try to call for the needed grease to get them rolling smoothly again. In sharing my life with Terria also comes the baggage that ensues, the fight , the scurry and the pieces of yesterday that always seem to remind me of the Greg from days gone by. The mistakes are far too many to mention and much to fragile to place in an open forum such as this , yet i feel the blessing s in my day with every minute that turns and gets me closer to a new day. i search for that missing part of me to stabilize the mind and the heart and answer every doubt filled question that i and that others will thrust upon me today. I again thank Michael for giving me the hope and the tools to step in the right direction of clarity and the ways of dropping the grab bag of bullshit off to the side of the road. Feeling really good just a bit alarmed at the newness of doing things the right way for the first time in a long time or if ever at all. i see and feel the light at the end of the tunnel and the breeze at my back, thankful that Terria is so damn amazing in her support and strength to nurture the Gregasaurus in all of my faults and shortcomings. I see the future better than i see today, knowing that the days will come and i will progress to level that i expect myself to be at. I have raised my own bar today, never again looking back but looking forward and seeing the better picture. I do expect allot from myself as i do from the rest of those who come into my life, my friends are few but very powerful and true, my family is amazing and they are all in the right place in the right time and never further away than arms reach to hold me when i fall, and My Terria is a Godsend and a living Angel that has given me the courage, strength and wherewithall to be the best I can be, because she is always at the top of her game and never lets me down. i in turn will do the same for her from here on out and never look back on missteps from yesterdays broken pieces of Greg. Yes today is an epiphany for me, the joys of admission and letting emotions flow and realizing that I am a viable human being who deserves this life and deserves all that i call my own. today is in fact the first day in a series of amazing days for Terria and Greg Duran. Thanks to God for allowing us the incredible life that we are able to share on a daily basis . Good Times!

My Rock & My Rockstar!

Another weekend gone an some real headway made in many areas of my being. Terria and i baked our asses off and frosted and filled and made so much Bakery goodness that is paying off as we speak in the forms of donations by kind people and giving souls for Shawns boy Liam. I am still exhausted from last nights 7 hours of cooking, baking , whipping and stirring, tonight i have monster cookies to bake, already made the dough and just need to bake them , so there's another hour and should be done for awhile Baking. This weekend and didn't ride the Duc at all, went out to the garage to start it up and warmed the bike to keep the battery charged up so that when i do decide to get on her she wil be ready to be ridden hard. As I mentioned in making headway I think that life is a series of occurrences, some are tests and some are real issues that depend on how you react to them. in talking to terria on Saturday night after coming home from an evening of wild music and drunk kids we had the conversation of clearing the air and allowing feelings to come out, questions asked and questions answered and the whole communication thing being at the forefront of our lives. In lookig back on things i see where i have made many mistakes and assumed way too much and  gave even less credit to my wife than she truly deserves. My thoughts and ideas of how she would react to my honesty or lack thereof has always frightened me in a sense, these are demons that my suppression of emotions has allowed me to see through my therapy with Michael. At times like this i think how different my life could have been had i known what i know now and made different decisions based on my knowledge that i currently own and propser. I see life's cruelties on a daily basis , sometimes from afar and seeing the pains that others go through gives me so much insight as to how i'm glad to be where i am, and not "that Guy, or girl . i look to our Boy Braz who has grown up so much in the past year and through his own personal trials i see where We as parents have to wash our hands of the pains they endure, because they won't listen to our tried and true advise so we sit back and wait  for the shoe to drop....drop! But as adults in a marriage we see they highs and lows of each other on a daily basis, I am very critical of a lot of things but the one constant i know is always solid and always will be is my terria, there is never a day that she cannot kick ass upon, there is never an issue that is un solvable and there is never any quit or faltering in her soul, even though she has been given up upon as as result of others inability get their shit straight and  lack the ability to properly love and give of themselves, i too was in that category and am very blessed and fortunate to be able to fix myself and the right the ship and get back on course with a new understanding of myself and my wife. there are reasons for everything we do and everything that happens is a direct result of what we know and how we grow as people,both separate and together. The nightly chats are a godsend and allow us to check in and download our days and our thoughts and concerns that could otherwise go unchecked and uncorrected. So we are so lucky to be comfortable with our lives and ourselves and have the innate ability to know when each other needs a hug or some space, this is what communication has allowed us to learn about each other and ourselves. I feel a sense of rejuvenation in the fact that people have been very generous and trying to help out Liam  and my sense of accomplishment is high with helping ,or trying to help out a friend makes me feel alive again. I am so very blessed and thanking my wife for her continued support of my  growth both internally and as a couple together. thanks Sweetie, you are a Rockstar to me

Semisonic - Chemistry (Explicit Version)

Why not make it a Semisonic evening, my smelly ass needs a shower and I'm off to lala land Snorzville

Semisonic - Singing In My Sleep

Change the title to Baking in my sleep and this would really be the perfect song. Love this song as well as Closing time.Just finished baking 6-7 dozen muffins and cupcakes and a 2 later cake for the fundraiser for Shawns boy Liam tomorrow. Also made Monster cookie dough and was too tired to proceed and will leave that for tomorrow night but the dough is done, the cupcakes are frosted and had to buy 2 new mixers sinceI burned out the other 2 we had on making butter frosting pver the past 6 months...tired and thanks Terria for the wonderful job of frosting my goods and making sire we had them all boxed and ready to rock in the morning. Monday is on deck and I'm ready for it... Good night

Should be A busy Weekend!

Been fairly tranquil here at work and at home so nothing really to write about. The week is almost over 2 more hours on this Friday afternoon and I head to the gym for a loosening up workout. hit golf balls at lunch and didn't really stretch out too much so very tight and stiff right now and hope the gym will make me all better. The weekend will consist of gym , Golf , Motorcycle and more wife time and good times for sure. i am baking for the fund  raiser for my friend Shawns boy Liam this weekend as well. hope to make some cakes and some muffins and even cookies to distribute and sell here at work and at my wifes and sisters schools. The goodness that te Mcintosh family have always given me has been amazing and Shawn has been amazing as a friend helping me out endlessly with projects around the house and on the motorcycle and has always been my grounding tool as a friend to keep my wild side into perspective with his living exAmple of goodness. So we shall bake tirelessly and hope to raise some money for the cause to get Liam the proper treatment for his cerebral Palsy via self extracted stem cell proc3dures to stimulate growth naturally to areas where he has no movement. Other than that I might see Nevarez this weekend and throw the ball around in addition to riding and hitting golf Balls with my Terria this weekend. Even going to sell Terrias little notebook computer and get her an ipad 2 next Friday to match my Mac air in the apple family, the only thing apple Thta I hate is the iphone which i am trying to get rid of as I speak but all is good in the home of the Saurus and Pteradactyl and am looking forward to a busy and productive weekend. Also tryig to get out to Az. to watch the dodgers play spring training ball and check out the Ping factory while there. so all have a great wekend and be safe and know that God is Good, just don't go hitting anybody over the head with bibles please...get annoying at times!!!!

All quiet Here!

Nothing new or interesting to report today, the world is a very bad place right now and a disturbing testament to what we have become as people i am at times ashamed to call myself an American but realize that there are fewer assholes than great people these days and must come to grips with vast disparity of mentalities and thought processes going around these days, more suited to the Narcissistic "ME" generation. Not feeling the writing today so will cease and go off into another direction at this time. when the feeling arises will try to conjure up some though provoking words and sentences that mean something other than hearing my self speak to myself"Hello Me It's Me again" More later !

Unacceptable To Me

We live in a world where the following are accepted;

Teacher layoffs
Catholic Priest pedophiles not prosecuted
Drug addict superstars making 2 million per episode
Gas at $4 per Gallon
Prisoners get better healthcare than most americans
More money per prisoner spent than per Student?????-WTF
Ignorance is accepted
 Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin ....Sarah Palin
Michelle Bachmann
Bill O'reilly
Rush Limpdick
The New Republican Party
Catholic church...again..See pedophilia above!!!!
Mean People
Dishonest People
Abusive people
thoughtless People
Narcissist
Gossip
TMZ
Network Reality shows of any kind with the exception of Food Network
The new Egotistical Pro Athletes
Tax breaks for the richest
free entitlement programs to the poorest
Bush era false economies
Unions and union busters
Special interest groups on both sides of the fence
Wiki leaks
Facebook and Twitter to which i am a member of both...sad enough
Electronic desensitizing your youth to human interaction and inability to hold a conversation
Sarah Palin...again and her Tea Baggers
the McCourts, the dumbass and the whore
the young and dumb
the older and stupid
poor white trash
poor brown illegals
multi family households
can't park in from of my own house for the above reasons!!
Mexico's inability to support their own people, now we have to
People like me who like to rant and rave that nobody hears unless your name is Sarah and you're stupid
people who quote from the bible...plagiarism at it's worst, because that mis-info was stolen too
system players
Video junkies
Alcohol and smoke industry
OPEC
NRA
Anti Abortion nutjobs
See FOX NEWS! most hateful people on the planet , who actually thought GW Bush had any idea??
Fuck it I'm done for now