Motorcycle Eulogy!

Well I decided to keep the truck, avoid any more car payments and deal with the bad gas mileage and drive as little as possible. With the bike being gone I oddly enough felt like going for a quick ride today, then dawned on me that the bike was no longer and the remnants of my riding gear, leathers and jackets, helmets and gloves reminded me that an era had come and gone and I made it out alive with only 1 accident that threatened my life! So I look back on all of those hard solo rides and rides with buddies  where triple digit speeds in sweeping turns were commonplace. I remember thinking how cool this was to be able to enjoy the roads and feel the freedoms of the skills that the rider and the bike presented me.   can honestly say there was never a ride that scared me only some riders that we rode with that were less than safe at times, I stayed as far away as possible and knew where I needed to be on a given ride. No more trucking the bike to Yucaipa for the 200 mile Idyllwild run through mountain communities and down to the desert, then back up again, or the 33 rides up the famous highway 33 where the speeds were ridiculously over 120 mph for most of the ride. The most common and familiar ride was around my favorite and most road worthy ride was always LAke Casitas and that 71 mile roundtrip that gave me so much pleasure and yet almost killed me at the same time! That ride around the lake on Nov 22 ,2009 definitely changed my life and the lives of those around me but that was one bad ride amongst probably over 1500 rides in 12 years and well over 125,000 motorcycle miles if not more, and the greatest pleasure was having Terria riding along side of me when we rode together and enjoyed each others company for the ride and a good lunch or coffee somewhere along the route, those were the days but they are gone and I am good with it as we move onto another passion besides each other, Golf, Cars, something will crop up that will catch our fancy! I do bid a farewell to The great sport of motorcycling, i went out at the top of my game and was one of the best in the area for sport riders who didn't race at the track, and for that I  am proud that I taught myself to ride and get better and get really really fast! So I, we move on to something new and something fun, what that will be is the greatest question. Goodbye 98 , all my Gixxers, my busas, my R1 the 3 TLR's and the 2 Ducatis that were so damn beautiful, the KTM duke and any other bike I may have forgotten, I have ridden and owned over 20 motorcycles in my day, so much time effort and money spent on what was a passion, that is now an after thought of good times and thrills! Very lucky and Blessed to walk away intact and happy to be here...Goodnight!

Motorcycle Goodbye

Seems like a year since I last posted on here but here I go again with  a day, a week and a month of surreal events thay only enhance with each passing day.  So happy to have both boys back home temporarily but they are back home for the time being. Braz and Nikki are home for 2 weeks of R and R from the desert and Ty is home to take care of some shit unsettled! The days are scattered and we share the time with our boys with their family and friends and that is ok with us as it gives them a sense of freedom and no obligation to do what they want on their freedom from the war zone . Terria and I have told them that this is their time to relax and enjoy and feel no need to be at our beck and call. Since [picking them up from LAX on Sunday we have gome through a whirlwind of emotions and a sense of relief at the same time knowing that they are safe here in their home and with the people they want to be with.

Today was a strange day in a way, I sold my Ducati this morning and have finally put the motorcycle to rest, or at least in my mind I have, in my heart there will always be a ride left in me here or there on somebody's extra bike whenever I can steal ,beg or borrow one. But driving down to Huntington Beach this morning, feeling no regrets or remorse at all and ready to empty the garage of the reminders of not riding the damn bike that sat in front of me as I unloaded the washer and dryer during the week. Went through about the most tedious process I have ever been with the guy buying the bikem calling in VIN#'s and checking service records on a pristine bike with very little milage on it , and then claimed that it rode rough and vibrated, lets see , wet road, older tires and a tall first gear , the guy stalled the bike twice taking it out for the test run and was so damn anal I wanted to hit him but I waited it out in the hopes he would just give me the check and I could get out of there with my sanity and not kicking the living shit out of the OCD freak of nature, nice enough guy but have never in all my years met anybody so ridiculously disturbed by the OCD disease. So we got out of there and went for a great lunch in Anaheim Hills at Slaters 50/50  where the tastiest burgers ever and a long trip home afterwards with weekend traffic a real bear.we eventually got home and the dilemma of whether or not to get a new car or keep the truck is wearing on my mind, don't need the truck but don't want a payment either so leaning towards the truck and staying on top of things til next years when I will buy myself something new and nice. Looking forward to a Sunday breakfast with family tomorrow with the boys and all the cousins at the local stop here in town. Feeling litle tired right now and should head into bed and ready for another end to a busy weekend!Goodnight

Status Quo!

Another great day in the Nard and at work not much going on in regards to work but we are preparing for a long weekend and trying to get together an Agenda of some sort. Been Golfing a little and Bowling a little and doing whatever i can to stay busy these days. The gym is my constant companion and is my destination either at lunch time or after work but it a done deal either way.  Staying busy is a good thing and it's all things that are fun and good for me as well!

Speaking of things that i love doing I am putting my Ducati on the selling blocks and have decided to get rid of my prized possession motorcycle.  It was a tough decision but the fact that I'm only riding the bike once or twice every 2 weeks is not a justifiable possession on my part, so i listed it and will try to get rid of it as soon as i can. I Will miss the world of fast motorcycles and the open Canyons in the area but I have so many other things to look to for entertainment and good times with Family and friends. the fear factor never did come into play , even after my crash a few years back I never looked back and thought about getting hurt, I did find my self riding at 90% of what I once did and for no other reason than being practical and wiser!

Again i look back on where the spring of 2010 had taken me, dealt so much hurt and pain to my wife and family and in retrospect I can see what a confused person that i was and had become. the reasons and attractions away from my home are not important but the reasons and means of staying grounded are, i make mistakes, do stupid things to this day but they are easy fix, low stressers of everyday variety. Sometimes in looking back I see things that I hate about me, things that remind me of how far I had fallen internally and spiritually. But odd how taking backwards step have given me a sense of perspective, to realize that my selfish ways needed to be dealt with and taking into consideration that my thoughts and actions affect so much more than the sphere that I'm in, I'm learning!!!!!

Well I've stopped visiting my therapist Michael Morales and don't know when i will see him again, I learned allot of things from him but didn't agree with all of the things that he had to say and the route of the therapy was trying to take a semi flawed man and turn me into something that I'm not, a timid ,meek , overly in touch with my feeling type of person which will never be me and i have too many things that were trying to be taken away from me that had nothing to do with my departures from the truth, just things that i like, which seemed to be the central theme of my therapy which I do not agree with. So i move on and take the things that i believe in that I learned and move forward. My stupid ass may make mistakes and say stupid shit but i am a good man who loves and gives of himself more so now that ever, my feelings of empathy and understanding are better than they have ever been and for that i feel Good about Me and the gift of love that i can now give Terria!

To answer you question which i know i will get from you Terria , I am writing after my long absence for a number of reasons, i miss it, I love to write and I feel like I'm losing a friend with the motorcycle going away for the last time. It pains me in the aspect that  we shared the same passion together, we rode and went to races together and now that part of our lives is going away and know that there are many other things that replace that bond, more importantly the time we spend together which i love and adore you to death, trust me I am never going anywhere unless you kick my ass to the curb but knowing that you always incorporate my interests with your own and make them all your own to share tells me how much you love me and love spending time with me, i only hope that i project the same to you with my actions and reaction to what you love and adore in your life as we walk it together

Back for More

So many times I have thought that the last post here would be my final post here but that never seems to happen. regardless of where I'm at emotionally , spiritually or just physically at odds with whatever the day ha s brought me,I'm still here kicking and screaming through the day. I have tried to wash my hands of the negativity that floated around me, be it work, friends or life itself and have done a really good job in doing so I think. Trying to focus on family and the few Friends that I do have  has made things easier, and the few really fun and exciting interests that I do have I have tried to envelope myself into those whenever i can and usually  am able to do so at will. The fact that there are no more kids to raise and take care of is really nice in that the work is done and the time for fun is ours to enjoy.

Working today, Monday morning, very slow but a good start to the week and a new outlook so to speak, the weekend went well and seemingly slower than normal for me. Was able to get in a bucket of balls and a roll of 3 games testing the new Bowling ball , a motorcycle ride and watched some football and Baseball on the tube, PGA golf was exciting as well with a playoff between 2 relative unknowns so it was nice to see some newer blood reap the spoils of a major tourney win this weekend. Still have not gotten into the new Schaeffer book  and don't know why I can't , he's my favorite writer now and am in some type of reading slump or something. It will hopefully pass and get back into reading, i have 5 or 6 books that I need to read and are just collecting dust on the bookshelf, so that will be a goal of mine.

I will no longer write my political beliefs or angers here anymore ,I now know why i don't vote and have never been a part of this process that infuriates me so much, so from here on out that will be a no no around these parts. I will just focus on the things that i ca control and the idiots in political arenas will do their thing and we will adjust, as we always have and always will be the puppets to the system that was created to help us all, just seems to help the affluent and that's another story altogether that I will waste not one minute on. so heres' to the positive outlook that I seek out and try to involve my everyday ...very Good Times

Quiet Times

Trying not to follow the daily news too much these days but the realities of it all make the news that much more stunning to me. The stock market and the previous few weeks of political uncertainty, now the new GOP scary candidates of far  right religious nut jobs that I am so fearful of and see them gaining a bit of ground n terms of people actually taking them seriously in the fact that more than 2 people are listening, prayer meetings and debates on all sides make this a very tumultuous time for the 2012 campaign.  But other than that , the debt deal is signed, I have a job and wife has a job and the new school year is ready to get us back into the daily routine of both of us going to work every morning.

The weekend is almost over, golf, motorcycle and bowling tomorrow if all goes well, giving the gym a rest tomorrow and need to justify having a motorcycle in the garage so I will ride it tomorrow and make good use of a free day.  Not much to write about here lately , lot going on but feeling like dealing with things  differently and keeping my thoughts more to myself and not be so generous with the thoughts that do come to mind. But either way things are well and life is a good as it has ever been, missing the Braz and Ty and hoping for a return visit from Braz on liberty from the desert. So Saturday nights coming to a close here soon, rst and relax and rejuvenate for a hopefully eventful Sunday afternoon. Good Night and Good Times ahead

Nothing To say

I really thought I had something to write and it all went away in a second, don't know how or why it just vanished before my eyes and now I sit here dribbling my thoughts and my words with really nothing to say or describe, can't even make anything up at this point so it might be better to shut up and go away til the memory serves me better and i do have something somewhat significant to spew about.  Oh yeah, Thanks Terria for always being the stone of love and reason and know it is to be assumed that I speak for us when i describe something that we did together ,even if your name is excluded,so sorry about that and the trip to Big bear would have been meaningless without you there. More later when i have an idea of what the hell I'm trying to say on this first day back to work!

Back To Work

Seems like I've been on vacation all summer long, as If I'm the teacher in the family which I am definitely not!  Back to the grind tomorrow after being off 2 of the last 3 weeks for various vacations of some sort. Just got back from a really relaxing 4 days in Big Bear ski resort town! A very quiet and relaxing place to hang out and chill on the water front of Big Bear lake.We ate well and had some good times with Tim and April and hope to go back again in the future. Haven't been back to Morales in about a month and don't know if I will go back anymore, It's run it's course for me at this point  and I can look in the mirror and realistically move forward and look to the future for better results under similar situations, been there done that mentality I suppose. Either way I will forge ahead and take what I've learned through the therapy I've had over the past year and hope that I continue to make good decisions and become better at everything I do, to include being a husband and a father, and friend to those few I call a friend! Very much like the old song from Big Country" I'm just a shadow of the man I should be,, like a garden through the forest that the world will never see"  love that song but hate the premise of that statement, so sad but yet too true in my case at times. I know my friend Scott and I have equated phrases like this and others from songs such as Circlesquared from the Wonderstuff.We laugh at times yet have the same blank stare at each other thinking.....what if???