Run To This Page!

Seems so odd to me to think, the one place I run and hide, or run and cry is here, the daily toils of life ,family and work all come to fruition  here for some reason. During the days of normal conversations with my wife, my coworkers or my boys I always have that meter running in my head, when does the thik tank become to full to operate as normal and be good for the next conversation that will come up? The tank is full today and I unleash my fury upon this page this morning! So here i am a day or so away from a disturbing phone call from my boy Ty in Kuwait, a very sad broken down, scared 20 year old voice of his proclaiming he is on alert for the Syrian crisis that is current to our world and in a tearful voice, says his premature Goodbyes to me! I say Son, thats not necessary, you have a job to do and you will do it, with a positive demaeanor and a can do attitide you will use your training and get back to where you belong...home with your daughter and wife...soon enough! Well that voice of his echoed in my brain for a day or so and here I am today writing about how it bothers me still to think that he feels alone and vulnerable and is truly earning his money today, his new home and his new truck are coming at a price today  and he is too young to realize that nothing comes for free, to include the freedoms that we as Americans are blessed with. So I finisged up with Ty and told him that we are proud of him and all that he has accomplished in his young life and should God take him away from us then that is a plan that we can never over ride and that your baby will always kw who you are and what you were about! The mere fact that being a parent never goes away , it never stops or takes vacations it can come in the misddle of the night or like last night a 1:38 am phone call missed to the evenings sleep.  My thoughts go out to all of the families that are feeling the pinch right now with their loved ones possibly going to battle, or the future battle that will ensue because of this one. Today being 9-11-13 brings about a heightened sense of vulnerability. moreso since George W. not terrorost brought down the planes and buildings and sold it to justify their own wars that followed. money making machines of contracted work and Halliburtons abounding we are the puppets of their strings and can do nothing about them, they are too many to vote out, the minions are all over ,right and left special interest politics are the rules of the day pasyt and present..see JFK, Pearl Harbor,9-11 and the next created atrocity that our Govt. tries to package as reality.

So with all of the weirdness, with all of the uncertainty in the world today I can only hope that my tank is emtied so that i can make room for another thought, another dream and another conversation that doesn't overwhelm my thought process. Here I sit coming to my wailing wall of thoughts and personal issues that essentially are life and daily occurences but being the life police that i have taken on for myself, I listen , i hear I try to help even if at the risk of filling up the tolerance tanks of my mind in the process I over load and burden myself at times and can only hope to self govern a bit better these days and put into perspective the idea that I can't change the world or even make a dent in the can, i can n't reconstruct the broken towers of life skills and understanding, i can't always hear the words and act upon with proper behavior or advise..for i am as flawed as the next guy and have nowhere to run, and no place to hide so i climb atop the The Saurus express and spew my spirits and unload my dirty laundry in the hopes of finding a clearer path the the impending uncertainties! Good Days, Good times and Good Luck!  

Furlough!

Today is the third non pay furlough day that the feds have imposed us us federal workers, I don't mind paying my taxes or even not getting cost of living increases for the past 5 years, I do mind that not one politician or supposed peoples servants are not missing out on a days pay and have  received self imposed cost of living increases across the board. This may explain why I have never registered to vote or care to for that matter, the privilege is no longer that ,its an albatross across the necks of taxpayers who are burdened with corruption and deceit and must take the blame for this  as they put these assholes in office and are as accountable for them as they are their own kids...fuck the system and those who say non voters have no say, well believe that if you may but I can honestly say I had nothing to do with this. Oh and if I hear but your vote can change this...REALLY!!!!  It s the perception that makes us believe we can make a difference, with a government that had Pearl Harbor, 9-11 and the JFK assassination under their belts of corruption and can convince me that a congressman or even the President shouldn't be held accountable as the people who voted them in...Really???? I don't trust and thankfully this furlough doesn't cripple my household as it has done to many thousands of federal workers, yeah the house and senate want to save the millionaires from paying their taxes and allows over seas accounts to launder that money for tax purposes yet we, johnny lunch pale middle class are asked to foot the fucking bill by paying28-32% taxes while Warren Buffet and Trump Cock sucker pay 15%  yeah real equity there ball washers! Warren Buffet even went on record as saying he is all for higher taxes on the rich, it ain't going to kill the the rich, but greed and special interests win out as always and that's what we are supposed to accept as an OK thing... Fuck the people who think this is acceptable and Republicans and Democrats look out ,a third more progressive party is on the way trust me, people might actually get it right, the Republicans can put down their bibles and their anti abortion cries and the Dems can stop giving shit away and saving all mankind . Ok ,I totally done with this Rant thing and off to the movies to settle down.Can Rev it up later with a mach 2 moto ride ...jk So off today helping to pay off another Govt Halliburtenesque contractor.Good Times!

Yeah It's Like That

Where do I begin when I try to talk about work and all that goes on there, or all that doesn't go on during a given day. It is a joke and my coworkers are all comical save for the few that i actually can have a conversation with and are coherent in which to do so. Working for the Government for 24 years now has proven to be the best and biggest joke in my life, thankfully the Govt overpays and allows me to do my thing, the comedy, the world class customer service and giving my military servants the best that i have, but while doing so I can laugh and make people laugh and make the days tolerable even while some of my co-workers are less than stellar ,when they show up and are not intoxicated or pepped up on Oxy!!!! Nonetheless its a good living with great benefits but I have to stop at times and try to find something productive to do in between customers,phone calls and any incidentals that pass my way.

The rest of my life is status quo, very good, the gym is amazingly still there, my friend Dexter is healing nicely from his his twin surgeries on his knees and all is getting better for him. The motorcycle is shaping up nicely and loving the great weather and riding is amazing right now, new tires around the corner and looking forward to the days ahead, great weather, clear roads and high speeds. All things considered the life of Riley whatever the hell that means. Been doing quite allot of baking lately, 3 cakes last weekend and one more tonight for a going away for a Good co-worker of mine who i will actually miss, wish others would take his place and fly the fuck away but thats wishful unrealistic thinking on my part. Terria ready for school to start again and ready for year 26 or 27 lost count , i'm looking at making it through the next Govt sequester ,assholes are taking 11 days away from us and its whatever  but one less vacation won't kills us and there are so many that are so much worse off than we ever will be so i count the blessings and take what the man has given us and be thankful for all of it. So tomorrow is the end of another work week and look forward to another 3 day weekend and more rides and more gym more home cooked meals and more bullshit and laughs abounding! Life is grand ,The Boys are well the grandaughter  is amazing and we miss her after just seeing her 2-3 weeks ago. Oh well ,we are looking forward to a great weeknd with family and my best friend Scott on Sunday, good times and good night!

County General Hospital

It was a very surreal experience on Saturday, my trip to the general Hospital i  Ventura to take my Friend Dexter to the emergency room for his matching set of blown out patella both right and left leg, how this happened is anotehr story, but for now we will agree it happened at the gym where we work out! Upon arriving and doing check in and paperwork, we sit, and we wait,and wait and wait. Ok he finally gets the nod and goes on back and not to soon as a restless crowd of patients and derilects waited amongst us side by side.  To include the crack ladies and guys, the bra-less -toothless wonders waiting for their turn  and the guy we almost who disagreed with us about our football conversation, uninvited mind you but he had his opinions, apparently went to high school with John Elway and was full of useless almost facts. DExter gets called in ad Terria goes in with him as she knows all of the right questions to ask for our friend Dexter who may have taken a few many blows to the crainium during his 4 years in the NFL some nearly 30 years ago. He goes in and 5 hours later he comes out with a diagnosis of "FUCK" your knees are fucked up dude and need surgery Monday morning at a neighboring hospital in the County system. But while he was in there I got to view 2 near fights about music being played too loudly on one persons phone and a total lack of respect for people privacy , then you had the unruly kids running through a full waiting room as if it were a playground of some sort, funny but sad a shit to me. People who shouldn't have kids raising them as pets and not kids. The 60 year old homeboy playing his itunes from his phone at 10 level, rocking out to old school supremes and diana ross as if he were at home and the 40 people in the waiting room weren't there, the toothless lady formed a few choice words for him and all he said was"louder you want it,Louder" Off  she cried Off , well this went on for 30 minutes then security shows up and tell Pablo the Paisa to chill on the tunes or his sick ass would be kicked out of the E.R, he complied and the room ful of apparently sick people kept going back, yet I heard no coughs or groans , saw no limps just a bunch of people with spring in their step going back for some sort of reason that didnt appear E.R worthy to me ,even has a 7 year old girl come in for a tetenus shot for slicing or shucking oysters with a knife was apparently a good idea to her...ooops she missed  and her mom and over stuffed ,over done aunt were there to comfort her, all was well til she realized that she was there to get a shot and the waterworks began, she was still waiting when we left.

Dexter was released and we had to load his hulking body into our flex somehow while his legs were stabilized and stiff.Sliding him onto the back seat took 3 dudes and a  little ingenuity to accomplish but it was done, then we get him to his home where the 4 steps on the wheel chair were fun and jarring for poor dexter ,we made it to his room,offloaded him and gave him his piss jar and told him we will see you at 530a.m Monday for  a trip to Santa Paula general for an early morning surgery which I imagine should take 4-5 hours and Terria will wait while i go to work at 730 after a drop off of Dexter, thankfully his mother and brother will be there in the morning as well for support and thanking Terria for being such a great human bing to my friend, our friend and realizing that Dexter has few friends and many pains in his life, now he must confront this long road to recover for a 56 year old ex athlete who must confront his mortality and the long arduous road of rehab towards recovery, he may or may not be able to walk normally again and he won't know until they humpty dumpty his knee caps back together again, parts of which are floating in his thigh and not looking good. Sad to think that this man who once ran a 4.35 40 yard dash and bench pressed 450 lbs as a running back will now have trouble walking normally as a 56 year old man. See you in the morning Dexter, much love and many good thoughts go out to you my man, to the man who calls me Chief... Goodnight  

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well the weekend came and went seemed like a blur because it truly was. The weekend consisted of a rip to Riverside and a housewarming party for my Buddy Steve, kind of miss the dude since he moved away and always good to reconnect when we can. The Riverside drive sucked ass as it always does but nothing sucks that bad when I have good music and a sing along session all the way, maybe not too cool for the wife but shes used to my bellowing out to hits of the 80's 90's and new millenium,or so i think??? whatever the case went to the gig with the intensions of drinking water and soda but Nooooooo, Mexicans don't allow you not to drink in their presence and apparently its a felony here in the Nard to...shit! So I drank about 6 brews and felt really stupid, lazy and hazy and kinda fucked up  but was able to sober up on the drive home as the passenger. The usual suspect showed up the same 2 coworkers Amber and Sabrina and their kids and significant others, or some would say insignificants and that's probably closer to the truth but whose judging...I am...whatever!

So move to today and the morning was lazy and hazy and thankfully I was able to sleep until 8:30 and assumed that the day would be more productive physically anyway. So lounging around we decided to go to breakfast in Ojai, good ol Bonnie Lu's , the 35 minute drive was cool and we had a to wait a few minutes but well worth the wait for sure, we ate and headed back for more lounging, Watched a little motorcycle racing and then decided I'd better get my lazy ass to the gym and do a pool workout, done and done and had a motorcycle ride on the agenda which never happened...lack of interest or more laziness ,either way a real lapse in motivation on my part. I gues it prepares me for another non productive workday and Monday, Oh monday ,the crap shoot as to who shows up on time and who shows up period so I will prepare myself for no shows and plenty of GOVT. employee bullshit so I am ready!!!! Nearing midnight and I am writing, why ???? who knows I just am  and watching the Professional with T and loving this movie for the 100th time but still entertaining nonetheless. Well all is well in Saurusland and looking forward to a short workweek, Terria's surgery on her knee on Tuesday and then the recovery stage begins.Good Times and today nears its end and prepares me for another tomorrow!

Peacefully Angry!

There are days in my world where the sun shines perfectly, the wind blows quietly and the world is seemingly at peace, yet the silent wars rage between my ears and I try to negotiate and to conquer without battles or fights ,just reason! Today is like most everyday, my exterior shows the goodness of a loving person who loves all and cares for all , but deep inside there is a hurricane of thoughts and mind provocing inactiviities lingering in the backgrounds of tomorrow. I could run away or stay to play in the battlefield of today, the days are perfect for the perfect storm and yet i stay and clamly convince myself ,It will be alright. It will be alright, sounds like the cheesy songs from the 70's where dylan-esque prose is taking a holiday away from the world. today is another day in the rest of my being ,I can only pretend to mount my offensive from the bowels deep within. My mind is a dry twig waiting to  snap if stepped upon. i'm angry yet tranquil, I'm loving yet hate filled, I love my life, yet I despise my life for all the things I should have been. appreciation have a deferred meaning because todays gold could be tomorrow's manure for me. I create my own complexities because i can , i fix my own spokes because i intentionally break them, my mind my heart are in a constant state of regeneration because standing still just doesnt cut it anymore. So say Hello to the funny man, the happy man the man who had a plan and got distracted alond the way , the man who hates haters and yet hates who he can be, the man who loves to love so much yet loves being alone when he is alone. My minds canvas is a blank slate full of evil turns and deceitful crashes of reality. I anger myself for feeling this way , i catch myself because I always do and after i have heard my last goddamn pity partty story about some bullshit on the Lake and some fucked up decisions i have made in my days i forge, I am forging towards whatever it takes to make today better, a make tomorrow less ambiguous and add color to the grey skies over head. I make no promises other than the borrowed time i now live upon and live within is a loan i cannot pay back or a debt that i refuse to pay if I could. i've touched, felt, heard, held ,cried,empathized all while fantacizing about hitting a curveball 500 feet, hitting a chicane leading to the straightaway on my motorcycle at 185 and crossing the finish line period, no order or place , just in my own race and speed where nothing matters but the participation of good things, people and places. Yes it does pay to be the happiest man on the planet at 530am each and every morning and wake up means eyes open and ready, it also helps to be the most compassionate person on the planet even with a bowed back and an aching knee to remind me of my mileage meter running much to fast. I woud love to sleep through the night, hear no Dogs and cars drive by to snap my lids open, but it doesnt work that way, the realities are what they have become, are what i have placed myself into, and when the rains come down and cleanse my hands from the dirty fields i play on, there will be a clean man ready to play another day of life tomorrow and beyond!

Deceive To Believe, Pain Is Real

A new day comes and goes
the weather and the tides
hardened hearts and broken promises
each day looks like the rest

New players same games
deceitful dishonest and disheartening
everyday is a holiday
like the 5th of july

more pain less gain
bright hope and cloudy days
perpetual dreams unlit corridors
our realities heed no warnings

Feeling what you cannot see
knowing that you are oblivious
hurting and watching the bleeding
helpless to the worlds cruel joke

mending is living
bending is breaking
trying is lying
puppeteers rule the roost

I cry to try to smile
emotional voids and runaway thoughts
Captive dreams  in the Hole
tomorrow brings a visit to the yard

So you say it is so precious
it might be, but not today
Pain isn't joy, hate is not Love
So what is that you say so high above???????