Prisoner to the ritual

Always been the chubby kid on the block

Loved my food , my sweets and PB&J sandwiches

Self control was never my best attribute

So I ate beyond being satiated

Fighting this issue for most of my life

I worked real hard to be better 

Always succumbed to my bad temptations

Like a an addict strung out on Heroin

One day I realized that I was killing myself

I never drank, smoked or did drugs

But food was the enemy and was winning the battles

So I fought and crawled and struggled towards better health

I ran 8 miles a day to for 3 straight years

The damage to my knees , back and entire body would eventually surface

But I was thin, looked good and felt ok

I was transformed and still unhappy

As an adult I carried my bad ways and would gain more weight

I am a good baker and a damn good cook

So sampling the goods was there to battle

So my efforts fell victim to to my biggest weaknesses, ME

I never stopped trying to stay actively cognizant

Of finding my health and joined the gym

I would go to the gym and ride my bike on the road

Forever guilty when I took a day off

For ten years now I have been addicted to exercise

Lost 100 plus lbs. and supposedly healthier

Yet my previous life has ask for it's payment

My heart is ill and my body hurts

Taking my medicine like an older man 

Staying healthy was always my master plan 

Hopefully without a medicine cabinet full of pills

The body has asked for it's past due bills

Everyday I think of what I will do

A bicycle ride through town or an in home workout

Days off are a rarity

I will kill myself I I ever stop trying

I am a prisoner to this ritual in which I engage

I do what I must to stick around for another day

These prison cells are not as bad as they may sound

It's an opportunity that a cancer patient may not have

 

I fear not death or sickly days

I fear leaving life unlived and unfulfilled

Taking chances and taking risks

Motorcycles and bicycles on the road are not always safe

Life is love and passionate embracing

Holding onto to life with a unrelenting grip

I'm blessed and express my gratitude 

I'm a prisoner to a ritualistic life of goodness

  

Blink Of An Eye

Childhood came and went so quickly

The blink of an eye and Baseball games were over

Bicycle rides with my best friends

Replaced by my solo rides to stay healthy and fit

I won't look back and say "what if"

I am happy with my life the way it is

A better time may not have been had

But I'm where I need to be and where I'm needed

Growing up and growing older

Decisions made  and taking full ownership

Life as I knew it was suddenly changed

Fatherhood at a very young age

My girlfriend and future wife was not what she claimed

She lied and deceived and is now deranged

Clinically psychotic or so it was named

I gave it all and was left with no change

If I could change my world from yesterday

I would have tried to be healthier at a younger age

Years of abuse have caught up to me

My body hurts but I still push through

Looking over the hill I see 

So much ground to cover and things to do

Working until retirement dates

Freedom to climb that hill with ease and grace

I see today as a payment towards tomorrow

Being in good standing the rewards shall too follow

Giving back what has been given to me

Appreciative for my family

Love and support at every turn

We never burn bridges for our returns

I seek out that tranquility that comes from inside

This mind of mine that tries to confide

Allowing loved ones to get in close

Being a burden when it's just showing love

I let you in my kitchen door

Where the flames have erupted and I'm out of water

Inclement

I don't scream anymore

I don't fight anymore

You can't fight City Hall

For it is what we have allowed it to become

Shock treatment and Shock value

Medications to assure we are ok

Co-pays and traffic delays

It's what we are expected to call normalcy

Shadow boxing out of paper bags

The shadows win again and the bag it much too tough

We can fight the fight and seek revenge

For what we seek it makes me cringe

That anger lives around the bend

We can hope and pray and try to pretend

That goodness comes in many forms

Clouds are forming and bringing the storms

We can go to work and pay our bills

Bitch about taxes and cold meals

Yell at our neighbors about barking dogs

The homeless pay no taxes and have nothing

Perspective is my very best friend

Giving me a conscience and ability to comprehend

That next time I complain about a trivial event

Punch me in the throat and show me the door 

Flawed

If I looked at my own reflection

Wading pools or medicine cabinets

Would I smile or would I look away?

Tested each and every day

My Flaws are plentiful

My acceptance and accountability very high

To know I'm not hiding behind my weakest features

It's ok to say I'm imperfect

The results don't lie 

Even if others can't see 

I know, I will always know

The path of least resistance

Is the road I have never chosen

I'm the first to point out your flaws

I'm even quicker to point out my own

Too many times we try to suppress the truth

But the camera is always rolling

I can ask for forgiveness and know it will be given

The powers of prayer and belief are unrelenting

As are the mistake ridden lives that we continually live

I am flawed and that's ok for now

I don't want you to be like me

I don't care if you think like I do

Don't believe in the same things that I do

Vote for the same things that I would If I did vote

Just be you and I will fight with myself

Change the things that I know I can

And continue to realize that I'm a work in progress

Not pointing fingers at the rest

I can only pass my own test

I write my book and tear my own pages

Build my walls in many stages

This show is not appropriate for all ages

For my filters are not always turned on

Faults and all I see some goodness

I stay up up nights and feel I've dismissed

The gifts of life and the things I've been blessed

I'm loved and admired when I fail the tests

Blow it Up

Trivial worries and Stevia lies

Falsified efforts And Mobster ties

Drilling oil to feed the rich

Those Mexican men who dig the ditch

Careers veering of their paths

Too many diplomas and not enough work

Student debt and paying back loans

How will they ever buy that home?

Shooting for the stars ,shooting another black man

Those nationalist surely have a plan

They wrap the bodies in their flags 

Don't be a lesbian or be called a fag

Worldly gains and lifelong loss

The games we play of win at all cost

Clashing heads and crushing cultures

The corpses lined up for the vulture

Narrow minds and closed off tolerance

We seize their pains with uncaring indifference

That what we once were in no longer true

We've changed the narratives to be like you

Shaking heads and not shaking hands

Ridiculous thoughts and ungodly demands

If tomorrow comes and the sun Shines bright

The pieces are missing and it can't be right

So pull back and finish digging your holes

The answers aren't at the voting polls

We see how wrong we got it last time

Don't mail it in , Wait in a long line

Weak Foundations

A barrage of instability envelopes the mind

A deluge of thunder clouds building up their momentum  

Inclement mindsets wreaking of insecurity

Why doesn't anybody like me?

Troubled people in troubled times

Too afraid to cross any lines

They hear the voices,  are they talking about me?

I wonder what it takes to be in good graces

The news reports another celebrity death

Abuse?  or refuse to seek out needed help

The children are hungry with no place to sleep

Perspective is reflective of self absorption

Shaking our heads while shaking their hands

Self-sabotage and disappointments not taking a stand

Stand up for something that matters today

Lost morals and ethics ,hidden in plain sight

Where do they run to and where can they hide

When exposure is the enemy and you cannot confide

Truths are freedom , suppression is death

The world keeps whispering under their breath

When does it mend its' wounds and stop the bloods flow

Where do they seek the truth and how will they know

Why is there so much pain with no cure in place

The man in the alley with tears down his face

Are we closer to the beginning or nearer the end

We fight for a dollar and try to pretend

They act Like Christians who deceive their spouses

Throwing stones again inside their glass houses

When tomorrow comes!

Do we dare to stare into the mirrors of our consciousness

Do we accept the ways of the world as they are?

Do we go out swinging and raise the bar

 

Broken Standards

I never wanted to be that guy

Who looks you in the eye before the lie

Be the person who makes you cry

Another opportunity and another try

Giving back my heart and soul

The golden rule to make it whole

Seeing clearly through the dirty glass

Always somebody's pain in the ass

I never wanted to be someone's worry

Here I stand in my personal flurry

Raining inside inclement weather

The bonds that seal my thoughts together

Falling down and stumbling in

worried seclusion and where to begin

Carry the burdens and shelter the pains

My past is checkered and littered with stains

Not seeking perfection or mediocrity

Not seeking approval from society

If life is precious why can't it be

A life of love and levity

I cannot hate those who hate

I can only hope to have a debate

That being that guy who has a place

To make a difference in this small space

Laughing instead of wailing aloud

Hugging instead of fighting the crowd

Verbal judo instead of throwing my hands

Fetal position on my commands

I've given up on high expectations

The bar is set low for this wounded nation

I remember when we all had hope

That memory crashes on a slippery slope

This place is on fire and burning too hot

We are what we are and lost the plot

I've given my life to see some hope

But we drink, self medicate and try to cope

So much water flows beneath our feet

Lost opportunities and so much deceit

Holding ourselves towards a higher ground

Will tranquility ever be found?

The End Is Now

Trying to comprehend the madness

Separating the good and bad

Never really understand which it is

Can't change the world's revolving turns

Is it political, hypocritical or hypothetical

We willl never know

I can't wrap my head around it

I'm nobody and not supposed to understand

The world is a lie

People will die 

For all the wrong reasons 

But the economy matters

I've never walked in their shoes

Will never understand their plight

Lived a life of total privilege

Yet so many people think they know

I defer to my higher source 

Strength in faith and not in humanity

Given up on expectations of goodness

Each person for themselves 

Let's buy more fucking guns

Too much time on our clocks

Sunset comes as the days are shorter

My world is shrinking and all that matters

Protect myself from myself today

Tomorrow is today and I lose the plot

Refusing to give in the the incompetence

Driving the road clearly defined

My lights are on as I follow the lines

Can't change a persons ideology

Can't change my own physiology

Can't change the hate and disrespect

Can't fight the world of neglect

Can't pray for things to change

Can't fix the minds of the deranged

Can't relate to those who hate

Can't love those who purposely devastate

I wash my hands of believing in People

I see no goodness beyond my small world

There is no beginning ,only the end

The end is now and we cannot stop it