The Fight

I have been all over the place lately

Mentally and physically checked out from reality

It's so easy for me to throw a pity party

It's so easy to rebound and say WTF

What happens to the strong man

Once called the rock and pillar of security

I was helping others fight their battles

Here at home I'm losing my own

It is very true my body hurts 

My mind is wounded beyond recognition

In my mind I have ended my life

In my reality I'm not made like that

Nobody truly knows the pains I feel

To get up it takes a momentous effort

It hurts like hell to get out of bed

But It's surprisingly better than it was

I'm never complained about my pains and ills

Always taught myself to fix shit and forget it

Sometimes being the badass doesn't get it done

But being a Pussy is never going to be an option here

This past 12 months has taught me many things

I've learned I'm not the man I thought I was

People cannot be trusted and can be full of shit!

I lost my wife but never my amazing family

The days move forward along with my fight

To fix what's broken both Mind and body

There are no guarantees but the fight I'm in

A challenge is in front of me and I'm walking towards it

So I make my Appointments and take my meds

Go do my workouts and get stronger each day

My nerves aren't firing, and my muscles don't fully function

But I'm doing things I couldn't do 12 months ago

As I said goodbye to Terria and my home

My beautiful Puppy Drew and my kids

So much loss almost broke me forever

I thought of my heroic dad and his 3 1/2 years as a POW

There are days when I stand still

Frozen by the hurt and what I called life

It was wonderful and so full of goodness

I don't ask for anything but the ability to continue this fight

I must say goodbye to my broken past

Looking forward to an unknown future

I can't look to my God we have both failed each other

I don't need any help, just somebody who says I can't or won't