Afraid To Live

 So afraid to break something

A person, an object anything and everything

I don't want to get too close

Very afraid I'll knock something over

My emotions run alongside of my mind and body

So afraid to fail again

Too afraid to fall on my face

My daily routine has become very routine

The fears I feel are like never before

I don't want to meet people, I don't like them

Assuming they are all horrible people like Me

I stay away from most old and anything new

My knowledge of firsthand pain

Makes me gun shy and very timid

This side of me is so foreign to me

I walk away from opportunities to hurt anymore

My plans to get out and take a trip

To the beach and mountains to take some pictures

A trip to see Brandon and my grandsons 

I miss my boys even if I wasn't a good father

My thoughts take me to a better time

When I was loved, admired and taken care of

When I lost all of that I now realized

I was never deserving and I'm better off without it all

In being honest with myself I could never go back

So afraid to break it all again

I'm weak, I'm broken and don't care about shit

I just want to go away!