A very dreary and wet Saturday today
Very odd for Southern California
But it is wet and ugly out
But it's the mood I'm holding onto today
I usually enjoy the rains
But I know too much ruins homes and lives
I was headed for a picture taking trip northward today
But I'm stuck here at the beach people watching
Surfers are out waves are good
Looks like a lot of fun
Sitting in my car now no music just thoughts
Where my head is going and why
I really need to start looking forward
Looking back brings me sadness and shame
Things could be different if not better
But I won't ever know what could have been
On one hand I'm apologetic and remorseful
On my other I try not to give 2 shits
There is pain still floating in the air
In my mind I want to talk about and share this pain
I can't change the way people feel
There nothing I do that will make them care
I realize most aren't as forgiving as me
Most aren't nearly as strong
It takes a lot to forgive someone
You swallow pride, ego of yourself
It was easy for me to forgive my past
It's impossible to forgive myself
Why should I care about those who don't care about me
Why put forth efforts that are wasted energy
Because I'm bigger than the pettiness they hold onto
I've had to let it go to continue to move on in this life
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