Quick Flash

If i haven't Made a positive impact today, i have wasted another day and failed as a man to be a better man that shares goodness by being a living example of what i feel is my purpose for being!  

A Few More

"A Clique is a lazy man's way of stealing a thought"


" Faith is giving something , or some one  the power to ruin and destroy you , knowing that they won't"

Thought Of The Day!

Everyday I wake up to a new sense of purpose, not knowing what that is but I do know there is something in this day that will create an idea, a thought , a memory a spiritual  or physical sensation. As I go through my days I'm in constant thought and mind numbing meandering with myself. I will have a thought and forget to about it, or forget to write it down. SO I just got a new phone, has a stylus and am able to jot down random thoughts as they occur to me. So instead of waiting until I have something to say, I will write them down as they occur to me. Was having a conversation with co-workers this morning in office, nonsensical gibberish as usual, me included! And thoughts ran through my mind as we were talking. So these Thoughts ran through my mind


"Courage is the strength to know it's ok to fail"


"The exception should be the rule"


"Anything worth having must be shared"

Open

Reflection can be a tonic or a curse
I never know what the peek over my shoulder will bring
a happy thought , a dreadful occurrence ?
Although I've lived a pretty charmed life, It can't be that bad


To bury the pains is to kill the reality
Stunting the growth of evolving to greater heights
The many mentors that I look up to
Mr.Schaeffer and Mr. Morales remind me all too often


Can it be Mrs.Duran has nailed it once again
Suppression can be my only friend
When the friends I have don't exist
Go to what you know, and who knows you well


I don't hurt anymore, I'm pain free
Questions arise and answers follow
but the inquisitive side of me still questions it all
wondering if it meets my criteria's


So when I open the window to yesterday
Walk thru the path of tomorrow's impending questions
can the open mind I call my own
Be open to ask for help?

A look Back

I was listening to a song the other day
a Flashback to another time in my life
It brought about joy and pain
And wonder why I went back to that again?


Sometimes I wonder if I want to feel
And wonder if  suppression is my friend
I'm confused at times and cannot hide
the confusion that makes me stop, ponder and question


I go way back to the Boy on the Can
that little boy on the Folgers can
Care free, worry free and so full of questions
What was my life going to bring to this world


My ambitions were never set in stone
Nor were there any desires of fame or fortunes
Reality took a front seat where I sat that day
A coffee can of simplicity and youthful energy


I look back to where I have been
Childhood, puberty and parenthood
The steps in between are foggy now
But I recall enough to shake my head!


I wonder what I saw or what I heard
as a boy whose only thought was to try be happy
Yet the storms and words were thrown about
and the bottles of courage that made us weak


Do I resent the world from which I rose?
I grew up normal I suppose
But my normal seems so strange to me
Everything I know is an anomaly.


I'm not complaining or crying out
I question the things we talk about
I'm married now and all grown up
why do I feel like a newborn pup


Evolving into a better man
trying to grow in ways the best I can
The enemy my mirrored reflection
Self imposed pressures from all directions.


My trigger points are far too many
Not good or bad just thought provoking
I think too much and that's my crutch
I wish I wouldn't feel so much.


A certain song or a particular building
reminds me of an awkward ending
pointing fingers and pulling those triggers
I take ownership and try to be bigger


I wear the armor ,I build the walls
One man job that life is not
I sing a song that brings me peace
A Tumultuous world where drama won't cease


I read and Pray and come to grips
With this powerless feeling at my finger tips
I hold the things that mean so much
And discard away this negative crutch!

Another Tomorrow

Not sure why this time feels different, I feel no sense of worry, or fears at all. just a notable difference in my mindset and attitude towards it all. 3rd operation in 8 months and am totally over the idea of aging and getting run down, breaking down and feeling old some days where it hurts to be me. I do realize that father time is no kind father at all, the only lessons taught are the pains felt and the agonies of cracking knees and aching feet. I work so hard to stay ahead of it all but time , gravity and genetics are not kind at all. Reminded Terria the other day how hard I work to be healthy and how hard it is , especially at this stage in our middle years and life and the world sometimes takes a front seat to it all. I also remember telling her that I haven't had a guilt free meal since I was 12 years old and always fighting a weight issue has been a fight, albeit and unpleasant one but a challenge I do look forward to sometimes! How sad that is to me, to hear myself say, since I was 12 years old I haven't enjoyed an Ice Cream or a piece of Pie, cake or nice rich Pasta meal without fearing how tight my clothes would be If I continued to do more of the same. Odd how as a 12 year old athletic boy who played all day and had no computer games or cell phone to teach me ant-social behaviors like that of today.  Busy kids riding bikes and playing football and Baseball, always had a Hoop to shoot Baskets and we did, still have the hoop in front of the house. That his since been replaced with Bicycles and Gym memberships and the fight continues on.


Not sure why I am reflecting back on my childhood and wondering why this operation is different than any other I have had, I feel good and positive that it will relieve the pains and discomfort of what I deal with and have been dealing with for the past 5 years , only  recently diagnosed and "this is the reason why I have not been able to feel well after meals." I always wonder if I have shown my family my love and care for them? or been the parent , the Husband that I should have been, hate to think that I would go out and leave those thoughts and words unspoken or not shown on a daily basis to the ones that really matter to me. So many good things in my world and in my every day life that it seems unfair to be so blessed and yet sometimes so unappreciative of it all. I hate to be a worry or a bother to anyone and truly hate to be at somebody else's mercy while my loved wait for my safe returns. I have my strong beliefs and my strong faith and know that things are what they are meant to be. I don't pray for myself , but pray for others in times of  worry to be at peace and give me to the power that be! Don't write much anymore and do realize that It's a certain place or mindset that draws me to write, either angry, or afraid, happy or sad I've been all over the charts with emotions when I choose to write and share a thought with myself. Self talk just makes me sound like a street person who has lost his mind, I'm not there yet but close enough to give it a shot at times just to break up the puzzle a bit. So I write and try to communicate some lost or hidden feelings about where I am today, I'm sure this time tomorrow It will be a different thought and no real desire to write about it , but today I feel it so I write about it. Come soon tomorrow and let it be another rivers flow under the bridge of the world as we know and the life that we live, G

Where Am I now

It seems like years have passed me by
Love and life wrestle for position
I've lost a step, or lost my swagger altogether
I don't do much very well anymore
But what I do well, I do very well indeed!
Maybe it's the realization of aging
Could be I'm not the spry runner or cyclist I once was
Determined to go that extra distance for fitness sake
Today, My hip, my back and my knee are barking at me to slow down
I have no choice but to listen and ready an MRI
I have the strength to make it to the gym
I have the desire to jump on my bike
Each endeavor pushes at my will and character
Sometimes I want to give it all up!
I always think I could never give up
But age and reality tells me otherwise
So I fight the fight that we all must endure
I will be reminded of my bumps, scars and aches daily
Not an old man, just getting there
Youth all around to remind me what I used to be
today is a reality that I sometimes struggle to compete with.
Pity party notwithstanding, I'm a blessed soul with so many gifts given to me
It's a holiday everyday, a picnic ongoing and a world of love and life abounding!
So today I reflect on the past, look forward to the future and just try so hard!
Try hard to enjoy the moment , and the goodness in our world regardless of the bad around us
Cannot penetrate the walls of where I sit, where I live and breathe today.
I am very sore, very tired and very upset at myself for feeling all of these things
Yet my biggest dilemma today is what's for dinner
and do I ride the bike or go to the gym...tough life indeed!!!