A look Back

I was listening to a song the other day
a Flashback to another time in my life
It brought about joy and pain
And wonder why I went back to that again?


Sometimes I wonder if I want to feel
And wonder if  suppression is my friend
I'm confused at times and cannot hide
the confusion that makes me stop, ponder and question


I go way back to the Boy on the Can
that little boy on the Folgers can
Care free, worry free and so full of questions
What was my life going to bring to this world


My ambitions were never set in stone
Nor were there any desires of fame or fortunes
Reality took a front seat where I sat that day
A coffee can of simplicity and youthful energy


I look back to where I have been
Childhood, puberty and parenthood
The steps in between are foggy now
But I recall enough to shake my head!


I wonder what I saw or what I heard
as a boy whose only thought was to try be happy
Yet the storms and words were thrown about
and the bottles of courage that made us weak


Do I resent the world from which I rose?
I grew up normal I suppose
But my normal seems so strange to me
Everything I know is an anomaly.


I'm not complaining or crying out
I question the things we talk about
I'm married now and all grown up
why do I feel like a newborn pup


Evolving into a better man
trying to grow in ways the best I can
The enemy my mirrored reflection
Self imposed pressures from all directions.


My trigger points are far too many
Not good or bad just thought provoking
I think too much and that's my crutch
I wish I wouldn't feel so much.


A certain song or a particular building
reminds me of an awkward ending
pointing fingers and pulling those triggers
I take ownership and try to be bigger


I wear the armor ,I build the walls
One man job that life is not
I sing a song that brings me peace
A Tumultuous world where drama won't cease


I read and Pray and come to grips
With this powerless feeling at my finger tips
I hold the things that mean so much
And discard away this negative crutch!