Thursday, November 30, 2017

Can I make a difference?


I woke up today tired, sore and weary
Feeling a bit out of sorts
so I tried to change my personal culture
and opted to seek out solace.


Simple things and simple pleasures
A courtyard Busker with a beautiful voice
A dad sings to his daughter while driving her to school
A daughter asks her stepfather to be her dad


Life captured on a YouTube video
Happiness is easy to be found
so too is misery and pains all around us
The daily news and Racist in chief


I live my days to make a difference
to the ones' I know and to those I have yet to meet
What difference can I make?
what powers do I have?


I listen to a young girls dilemma
fatherly advice for one not my own
did it make a difference in her day?
I truly doubt a word was absorbed!


Yes the simple things I adore and admire
the things that make a cruel world tolerable to me
the obvious family and friends are ever-present
My music on a ride or in the car


I sing aloud and dream so real
my stage is a day like today and tomorrow
my picture book of my little ones
reminders that life so young and so very innocent


I see the same homeless gals at the corner of Ventura road
one at Channel Islands and the other at the Wagon wheel rd.
On occasion I give them what I have to make it through the day
did I give for them or for the fact that it's not me ?


guilt is a cruel relentless monster
plans and actions gone wrong and knowing that they did
creating doubts of who I am and who we are
As another hypocrite walks across my door


My mother always told me ,"be nice to everyone"
I never understood it until adulthood
See, not everybody has been kind or nice to me
rude belligerent and cruel at times.


I wondered why be nice to assholes and pricks
I hear my mothers voice in my ears
why must I be kind to hurtful people?
because that's somebody else's kid who was raised so wrong


Don't repeat that which I hate
It's always easy to denigrate
With a sharp tongue and a brighter wit
I grown up now and have learned when to quit


my aching shoulder is better now
I unload the burdens that I try to carry
the world is, what it is truly capable of being
a treasure chest of God Help us all!


My simple pleasures in that catchy song
I sing along and feel the warmth
The sad cruel world around me now
Can never diminish the small world where I live


Not much matters in the end
we hold on tight to what we can
so much is beyond our scope and reach
but our faith ,our love and our souls to keep!


Make a difference if you can
care for something or somebody other than yourself
The golden rule of living life
don't expect what you're not willing to give!











Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Quick Flash

If i haven't Made a positive impact today, i have wasted another day and failed as a man to be a better man that shares goodness by being a living example of what i feel is my purpose for being!  


Friday, September 15, 2017

A Few More

"A Clique is a lazy man's way of stealing a thought"


" Faith is giving something , or some one  the power to ruin and destroy you , knowing that they won't"



Thursday, September 14, 2017

Thought Of The Day!

Everyday I wake up to a new sense of purpose, not knowing what that is but I do know there is something in this day that will create an idea, a thought , a memory a spiritual  or physical sensation. As I go through my days I'm in constant thought and mind numbing meandering with myself. I will have a thought and forget to about it, or forget to write it down. SO I just got a new phone, has a stylus and am able to jot down random thoughts as they occur to me. So instead of waiting until I have something to say, I will write them down as they occur to me. Was having a conversation with co-workers this morning in office, nonsensical gibberish as usual, me included! And thoughts ran through my mind as we were talking. So these Thoughts ran through my mind


"Courage is the strength to know it's ok to fail"


"The exception should be the rule"


"Anything worth having must be shared"

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Open

Reflection can be a tonic or a curse
I never know what the peek over my shoulder will bring
a happy thought , a dreadful occurrence ?
Although I've lived a pretty charmed life, It can't be that bad


To bury the pains is to kill the reality
Stunting the growth of evolving to greater heights
The many mentors that I look up to
Mr.Schaeffer and Mr. Morales remind me all too often


Can it be Mrs.Duran has nailed it once again
Suppression can be my only friend
When the friends I have don't exist
Go to what you know, and who knows you well


I don't hurt anymore, I'm pain free
Questions arise and answers follow
but the inquisitive side of me still questions it all
wondering if it meets my criteria's


So when I open the window to yesterday
Walk thru the path of tomorrow's impending questions
can the open mind I call my own
Be open to ask for help?















Monday, September 11, 2017

A look Back

I was listening to a song the other day
a Flashback to another time in my life
It brought about joy and pain
And wonder why I went back to that again?


Sometimes I wonder if I want to feel
And wonder if  suppression is my friend
I'm confused at times and cannot hide
the confusion that makes me stop, ponder and question


I go way back to the Boy on the Can
that little boy on the Folgers can
Care free, worry free and so full of questions
What was my life going to bring to this world


My ambitions were never set in stone
Nor were there any desires of fame or fortunes
Reality took a front seat where I sat that day
A coffee can of simplicity and youthful energy


I look back to where I have been
Childhood, puberty and parenthood
The steps in between are foggy now
But I recall enough to shake my head!


I wonder what I saw or what I heard
as a boy whose only thought was to try be happy
Yet the storms and words were thrown about
and the bottles of courage that made us weak


Do I resent the world from which I rose?
I grew up normal I suppose
But my normal seems so strange to me
Everything I know is an anomaly.


I'm not complaining or crying out
I question the things we talk about
I'm married now and all grown up
why do I feel like a newborn pup


Evolving into a better man
trying to grow in ways the best I can
The enemy my mirrored reflection
Self imposed pressures from all directions.


My trigger points are far too many
Not good or bad just thought provoking
I think too much and that's my crutch
I wish I wouldn't feel so much.


A certain song or a particular building
reminds me of an awkward ending
pointing fingers and pulling those triggers
I take ownership and try to be bigger


I wear the armor ,I build the walls
One man job that life is not
I sing a song that brings me peace
A Tumultuous world where drama won't cease


I read and Pray and come to grips
With this powerless feeling at my finger tips
I hold the things that mean so much
And discard away this negative crutch!





Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Another Tomorrow

Not sure why this time feels different, I feel no sense of worry, or fears at all. just a notable difference in my mindset and attitude towards it all. 3rd operation in 8 months and am totally over the idea of aging and getting run down, breaking down and feeling old some days where it hurts to be me. I do realize that father time is no kind father at all, the only lessons taught are the pains felt and the agonies of cracking knees and aching feet. I work so hard to stay ahead of it all but time , gravity and genetics are not kind at all. Reminded Terria the other day how hard I work to be healthy and how hard it is , especially at this stage in our middle years and life and the world sometimes takes a front seat to it all. I also remember telling her that I haven't had a guilt free meal since I was 12 years old and always fighting a weight issue has been a fight, albeit and unpleasant one but a challenge I do look forward to sometimes! How sad that is to me, to hear myself say, since I was 12 years old I haven't enjoyed an Ice Cream or a piece of Pie, cake or nice rich Pasta meal without fearing how tight my clothes would be If I continued to do more of the same. Odd how as a 12 year old athletic boy who played all day and had no computer games or cell phone to teach me ant-social behaviors like that of today.  Busy kids riding bikes and playing football and Baseball, always had a Hoop to shoot Baskets and we did, still have the hoop in front of the house. That his since been replaced with Bicycles and Gym memberships and the fight continues on.


Not sure why I am reflecting back on my childhood and wondering why this operation is different than any other I have had, I feel good and positive that it will relieve the pains and discomfort of what I deal with and have been dealing with for the past 5 years , only  recently diagnosed and "this is the reason why I have not been able to feel well after meals." I always wonder if I have shown my family my love and care for them? or been the parent , the Husband that I should have been, hate to think that I would go out and leave those thoughts and words unspoken or not shown on a daily basis to the ones that really matter to me. So many good things in my world and in my every day life that it seems unfair to be so blessed and yet sometimes so unappreciative of it all. I hate to be a worry or a bother to anyone and truly hate to be at somebody else's mercy while my loved wait for my safe returns. I have my strong beliefs and my strong faith and know that things are what they are meant to be. I don't pray for myself , but pray for others in times of  worry to be at peace and give me to the power that be! Don't write much anymore and do realize that It's a certain place or mindset that draws me to write, either angry, or afraid, happy or sad I've been all over the charts with emotions when I choose to write and share a thought with myself. Self talk just makes me sound like a street person who has lost his mind, I'm not there yet but close enough to give it a shot at times just to break up the puzzle a bit. So I write and try to communicate some lost or hidden feelings about where I am today, I'm sure this time tomorrow It will be a different thought and no real desire to write about it , but today I feel it so I write about it. Come soon tomorrow and let it be another rivers flow under the bridge of the world as we know and the life that we live, G