Another quick fly by and a buzzing of the tower around here, Been a bit since I last posted and figured it was time to open the door and walk on through. So here i sit at work not much going on here....again, sitting here doing very little but thinking like only I can about anything and everything, past ,present and future. I await the arrival of our Granddaughter and son in a couple of weeks and get to see little Aubrey Sue for myself after seeing Terria visit here and get first squeeze of her tiny little body. So much love and admiration for a doting to be Grandfather who will give this baby all of my love and all that she need sin life which is love, the things are a given and Love is so precious and priceless that I just won't be able to give enough and want to give more and more, but rest assured that baby will be loved in all of the always that we weren't as children. So we must wait and enjoy the time we have her because they will be gone again in months as Ty ventures off to his new military life with his girl and his baby!
As for the impending week ahead of us, the anticipation of Spring training is bright and new for us, Terria ,Brandon and I leave Sunday for a six game 5 day trek to Arizona for a quick boatload of ballgames in Glendale, Surprise, Goodyear and Talking Stick, not to mention Scottsdale so the trip will be a busy one filled with so much baseball and so many new memories to bring back with us. This will become a yearly trip if we can work it out logistically, time and Terria's School schedule will always be the determining factor here but we will make do with whatever opportunities we have , I for one have no restrictions and can and do leave work whenever i need to and have use or lose hours on the books for vacations and days off. So we wait patiently for the weekend to come and enjoy the company of my amazing wife and Boy!
Been too long since we last visited Michael, been thinking about him allot lately, in the good sense where he takes me and makes me feel and realize what and how I've progressed as a man , a person, husband and partner to Terria. I'm the same person I've always been just a more aware soul of the needs of others and less in tuned with the "there's my way and no other way" mentality,I've opened up my mind more so to allow differing views and opinions and accept the differences as growth and acceptance of many things in my life that would have otherwise been strewn away to the back burners of not only acceptance but the belief that everything has a good side to it. So a trip to Michael is planned, he's booked and busy so I hope he can fit us in somewhere soon. I never thought I would be as receptive to the idea of the powers of therapy, to build and help a person better understand what they have taught and how to enhance that which is good and re-learn that which is wrong. So much of what we are is what we've been taught and how we have perceived as right and proper. My old adage of trying to fix a broken watch with broken parts applies in most life situations. I was a broken man and had no idea of how to fix myself for the tools were missing, all i knew how to do was reach into the tool box and fix myself with pre conceived ways of coping and dealing with my issues which were all counter productive.
Move to today and the healing continues, every now and then i have a relapse of guilt and hard feeling towards myself for what i put my family through 2 years ago, the pains of that time are sometimes very hard to forget and I still have a hard time understanding the why and how i put myself in that position and consequently allowed myself to be taken away from the goodness that I knew had never left me. I left the unfaltering goodness for reasons that I still don't quite get, yes therapy has allowed me look back and see where the suppression of feelings and the ownership of the given goodness is at times hard for me to understand and accept as being deserving but still find myself a bit empty when it comes to totally understanding the dynamics of Greg as they relate to my decision making and thought process. Yeah the guilt will be with me for a long time and seeing certain things around the house take me back to that time and sting a bit. While watching the break up the other night With Terria and Brandon and the crying scene when Jennifer Anniston is on her bed crying as Vince Vaughn comes in and wants to talk to her and she asks him to leave, he reluctantly does after attempts to talk with her. That scene took me back to when Terria was crying on our bed and I remember going in trying to comfort her and her telling me to go away and asking me why???? It still hurts to this day to relive that scene with her and that scene in that movie tears me apart as I immediately go back to that very moment of horror and pains that i put my wife through.
Yes things are amazing today and feeling that the entire ordeal was going to happen, it had to happen in order for today to exist the way it does. No smoke screens or thoughts of impenetrable bullet proof facades of toughness or goodness that one mistake cannot erase. Yes there have been hiccups in my relationship and healing process and the one thing I gather from this is that there is no regard to anybody's feelings other than those that mater the most, being a nice guy and caring about others emotions and life is not part of my job description anymore, i love my life the way it is, had always been and will continue to be ,growing upward in a positive manner with the love and admiration of an incredible wife and family support unparalleled anywhere else in the world. The joys of love and happiness are held up with the pillars of Reality and positivity, surrounding ourselves with the best ingredients to make the best of an already incredible life of Love and Happiness. Thanking my incredible wife Terria for just being her, no flaws, no bad dispositions of greed, arrogance or negativity, so blessed to have you in my life and look to the future to grow older and better each and every day .Love from the G-Man!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
So much , So Good!
Time away from here seems lie an eternity, so much going on in a a positive way and still trying to come to grips with being a grandfather to a precious little girl Aubrey! Terria back from Missouri on Tuesday with stories and so many great pictures of the baby, Ty and Mandy adjusting to the newness of parenthood and kissing their carefree youth goodbye forever, life is different from here on and the changes they will make over the years will become twofold as the baby gets older and in need of so much more. I truly feel that they will be up to the challenge of being parents, they have to ths baby depends upon them to be that, to be the parents that were afforded Ty, at least from his mothers side and what little I could do as his step father along the way, we shall see but choices and many decisions will either make them or break them. Seems like forever since I've written here and feels like talking to an old friend or putting on an old pair of shoes, the familiarity is there and miss this place but have been emotionally busy with life and the goodness of some really cool things going on in my life, the new baby, the same wonderful wife and home life and really trying to stop and enjoy it all each and everyday, slowing things down a bit , a break from motorcycles and less Golf these day, better gym workouts and eating habits and some good old fashioned heart to heart conversations with Terria about this and everything in between. Things are really as they should be in my life, more awareness of not only spirituality but a newness of understanding the importance of the little things that had gone unnoticed before, the weather, the trees, a good book, or an article online or in the paper that makes me think more than I usually do, sometimes too much but nonetheless and never stagnant mind is a good thing for me. Keep using it or lose it I have grown to understand, the life we have is so short and so fleeting that I try to enjoy the goodness in everything and stay away from the things that are a detraction from this very goodness. The old cliche of stopping to smell the Roses every now and then truly applies here, so I will continue to slow it down and speed it up when necessary, I love my life and want to continue to embrace it for what it truly is, a life I wouldn't change one bit
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Another Gift From The Top
Been on a real high with the baby , the Grand baby I should say with all of her cuteness and adorability? A word? I don't know or maybe even care too much but it really feels odd in a great way to call myself a grand parent these days, yet to hit 50 and feeling younger as a result. Trying real hard to be patient for this baby to move back to the area. Ty will be gone and his baby and the momma will be trying to find their way while Ty is doing his Army indoctrination and his eventual departure to his new duty station. Following his brother's footsteps and joining the ranks of the military, with jobs being difficult to come by and moving off to the sticks of Missouri with Mandy he has essentially put himself in a precarious position, with a baby in this world he must provide for his child and be the best father he can be. Asking a young boy to become a man before he is actually ready to do so is a tall order but I feel he has it in him, he has to for crissakes! As a new grand parent we look forward to the good times with lil Aubrey and cannot wait for our turn to hug and to hold this precious little baby girl. So we try to be patient and wait our turn with great anticipation and high hopes of the goodness that new life has brought us! A very good time for us all! At the Risk of going all Tebow on everybody, I thank God for a healthy baby girl, proud Grand parents are we ,Terria and I have been beside ourselves the past 5 days with joy and great happiness in our hearts with the little baby girl and our love that has grown exponentially over the past 2 years! Good Times for sure
Our Precious Little Aubrey
I can't even describe what it feels like to see this little girl in her infancy, what a beautiful child Ty and Mandy have brought into this world. REally looking forward to holding this baby and giving her the grandpa love and grandma love that Terria and I will surely give unconditionally. Welcome to the world little girl, you will be loved and adored and taught the right way to live if we have anything to contribute to your upbringing. So much love to be given to this little girl, it may have changed our lives forever! THe man upstairs has blessed us with a beautiful little grand baby girl.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Welcome Aubrey Simon, February 11,2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
My Temporary Apprehension
Tomorrow morning Terria will go in for knee surgery, bright and early Dr. O will have her as hos first patient and thats always a good thing in my eyes. A very simple procedure and aI assume he will find more debris in there than he bargained for and I truly hope he does to justify the reasons for the traumatic responses in her knee at times. As I always feel for any type of surgery , either for myself or a loved one or friend, I feel the apprehension and sense of helplessness of worry and of doubts at times. Then I reach out to know that family will be there for me and yes, the man upstairs has his plans for us all , I just can't imagine that Terria Isn't a big part of many people's future and she will do really well tomorrow. Yet I think of the worst case scenarios and how I would I feel and react to the loss of my wonderful wife when we have fought so hard to get where we are and the future that we have planned together. Yeas, it is these doubts that let me know at times how far My faith an trust in both man and God to feel these doubts, is it normal thought processes or is it a sense of panic for the sake of panic and the worry wart in us all comes out. I know one thing for sure, that the pains that she feels in her knee will be gone tomorrow and she will then be able to get back to the gym with me, and back to the golf course and finish up her Golf endeavors with me so we can continue to grow together in many new and exciting areas in our lives. Just wanted to share my concerns and have my little pity party for myself and have a bigger faith in God and in my Honey o get through tomorrow all well and on the mend in a quick hurry. I will be there with her to rehab and get back to normal, even better and stronger than before. So here's to faith in God, Dr O and my wonderful wife...Good times
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