Sunday Bloody Sunday

Well the weekend came and went seemed like a blur because it truly was. The weekend consisted of a rip to Riverside and a housewarming party for my Buddy Steve, kind of miss the dude since he moved away and always good to reconnect when we can. The Riverside drive sucked ass as it always does but nothing sucks that bad when I have good music and a sing along session all the way, maybe not too cool for the wife but shes used to my bellowing out to hits of the 80's 90's and new millenium,or so i think??? whatever the case went to the gig with the intensions of drinking water and soda but Nooooooo, Mexicans don't allow you not to drink in their presence and apparently its a felony here in the Nard to...shit! So I drank about 6 brews and felt really stupid, lazy and hazy and kinda fucked up  but was able to sober up on the drive home as the passenger. The usual suspect showed up the same 2 coworkers Amber and Sabrina and their kids and significant others, or some would say insignificants and that's probably closer to the truth but whose judging...I am...whatever!

So move to today and the morning was lazy and hazy and thankfully I was able to sleep until 8:30 and assumed that the day would be more productive physically anyway. So lounging around we decided to go to breakfast in Ojai, good ol Bonnie Lu's , the 35 minute drive was cool and we had a to wait a few minutes but well worth the wait for sure, we ate and headed back for more lounging, Watched a little motorcycle racing and then decided I'd better get my lazy ass to the gym and do a pool workout, done and done and had a motorcycle ride on the agenda which never happened...lack of interest or more laziness ,either way a real lapse in motivation on my part. I gues it prepares me for another non productive workday and Monday, Oh monday ,the crap shoot as to who shows up on time and who shows up period so I will prepare myself for no shows and plenty of GOVT. employee bullshit so I am ready!!!! Nearing midnight and I am writing, why ???? who knows I just am  and watching the Professional with T and loving this movie for the 100th time but still entertaining nonetheless. Well all is well in Saurusland and looking forward to a short workweek, Terria's surgery on her knee on Tuesday and then the recovery stage begins.Good Times and today nears its end and prepares me for another tomorrow!

Peacefully Angry!

There are days in my world where the sun shines perfectly, the wind blows quietly and the world is seemingly at peace, yet the silent wars rage between my ears and I try to negotiate and to conquer without battles or fights ,just reason! Today is like most everyday, my exterior shows the goodness of a loving person who loves all and cares for all , but deep inside there is a hurricane of thoughts and mind provocing inactiviities lingering in the backgrounds of tomorrow. I could run away or stay to play in the battlefield of today, the days are perfect for the perfect storm and yet i stay and clamly convince myself ,It will be alright. It will be alright, sounds like the cheesy songs from the 70's where dylan-esque prose is taking a holiday away from the world. today is another day in the rest of my being ,I can only pretend to mount my offensive from the bowels deep within. My mind is a dry twig waiting to  snap if stepped upon. i'm angry yet tranquil, I'm loving yet hate filled, I love my life, yet I despise my life for all the things I should have been. appreciation have a deferred meaning because todays gold could be tomorrow's manure for me. I create my own complexities because i can , i fix my own spokes because i intentionally break them, my mind my heart are in a constant state of regeneration because standing still just doesnt cut it anymore. So say Hello to the funny man, the happy man the man who had a plan and got distracted alond the way , the man who hates haters and yet hates who he can be, the man who loves to love so much yet loves being alone when he is alone. My minds canvas is a blank slate full of evil turns and deceitful crashes of reality. I anger myself for feeling this way , i catch myself because I always do and after i have heard my last goddamn pity partty story about some bullshit on the Lake and some fucked up decisions i have made in my days i forge, I am forging towards whatever it takes to make today better, a make tomorrow less ambiguous and add color to the grey skies over head. I make no promises other than the borrowed time i now live upon and live within is a loan i cannot pay back or a debt that i refuse to pay if I could. i've touched, felt, heard, held ,cried,empathized all while fantacizing about hitting a curveball 500 feet, hitting a chicane leading to the straightaway on my motorcycle at 185 and crossing the finish line period, no order or place , just in my own race and speed where nothing matters but the participation of good things, people and places. Yes it does pay to be the happiest man on the planet at 530am each and every morning and wake up means eyes open and ready, it also helps to be the most compassionate person on the planet even with a bowed back and an aching knee to remind me of my mileage meter running much to fast. I woud love to sleep through the night, hear no Dogs and cars drive by to snap my lids open, but it doesnt work that way, the realities are what they have become, are what i have placed myself into, and when the rains come down and cleanse my hands from the dirty fields i play on, there will be a clean man ready to play another day of life tomorrow and beyond!

Deceive To Believe, Pain Is Real

A new day comes and goes
the weather and the tides
hardened hearts and broken promises
each day looks like the rest

New players same games
deceitful dishonest and disheartening
everyday is a holiday
like the 5th of july

more pain less gain
bright hope and cloudy days
perpetual dreams unlit corridors
our realities heed no warnings

Feeling what you cannot see
knowing that you are oblivious
hurting and watching the bleeding
helpless to the worlds cruel joke

mending is living
bending is breaking
trying is lying
puppeteers rule the roost

I cry to try to smile
emotional voids and runaway thoughts
Captive dreams  in the Hole
tomorrow brings a visit to the yard

So you say it is so precious
it might be, but not today
Pain isn't joy, hate is not Love
So what is that you say so high above???????