Flawed

 I can look in the mirror and easily see the truths

So many years of looking the other way

So many times I would wipe that very mirror

And leave so much dirt behind

Recognition and consequence

Reminders of what I'm capable of

I can set the world on fire

I can burn my own house down

Playing with fragile pieces of artwork

The heart does what it can do

The mind presses forward for resolution

The acts of betrayal never to be forgotten

I remind myself that right and wrong are in my hands

I know I'm a better man than I was able to become

Raised with love and awareness and the wherewithal

To be that better man that I never became

Today I live in remorse for many things

The things I've given away

The things I took from others

The love that will never return from the Abyss

Always tried to be spiritually stable

Knowing the difference between heaven and hell

Putting myself on the dark side of town

My dark side has won and I'm still lost

I'm not a diamond in the rough

I'm not a turd sprinkled with hope

I'm flawed and repentant

And ashamed of the person I've become

I live in a minefield of missteps

Each flawed characteristic waiting to blow me away

I know where my danger lies

Unfortunately I realize my flawed capabilities

Today is a new day

Rebuild this broken fortress

Relinquish the guilt of ruining lives

Make a difference asshole or go away 

I Miss

 I miss the morning noises

I hear our puppy getting ready for his day

His tiny paws running out to play

I miss the warmth of a loving heart

I miss the anticipation of her arrival

I do miss my journey home to the happy place

I try to relate to all thats lost

I miss being Mr. Duran

I miss the long drives

I take these drives solo now

I do miss the great conversations

Singing and swaying to the music

I miss the thoughts of love

The feelings of being loved

I miss saying I love you

I created my own demise

I miss being cared for

I miss being adored and loved so much

I've missed out on so many things

I get my love from foreign places

I miss being the funny man

Getting you to laugh was never easy

You wouldn't give me the satisfaction

So I laughed at myself instead

I miss my kids so much

I miss the warmth of that big hug and kiss

I know I'll never get that feeling back

Just an afterthought of a man's mistakes

I've terrorized myself for being me

I don't miss the constant ass whipping

Self-inflicted pains from missing so much

I miss my Ms. Duran

I am missing out on her best life

Because I'm the reason she now lives it

Free of headaches and worry

She won't feel my pains its not her responsibility

I miss the levels of love I was adorned with

I miss the love I returned in kind

I miss my cupcake I didn't bake

My misbehaving I could not shake

I'm not happy and I'm not sad

I've lived my best life already

I missed out on so much more

I have to accept that living my fun life will suffice

I miss being the focal point of your day

Some days you are still mine to keep

Mine to lose and not my choice anymore

So I miss out but do know why